Heather I

I loved this! Great job! I think you have a great, balanced perspective and have approached this as a journey to commit to. There's no shame in your game! Slow and stead wins the race -- and you haven't really been that slow at losing! You look beautiful, and I am very encouraged to hear that food is just food now. I'm hoping that is my experience, too. I'm so sick of thinking about food and having it control my life.

Anyway, you have done wonderfully, and thank you for sharing the good, the bad, and the not-so-ugly, really. Sounds like you didn't have complications from surgery, just other things that interfered. I hope your other health issues resolve sooner than later.

Good job!

Hi! I'm from Western MA. I rushed like a maniac in November, 2015, when we finally got good insurance, to get all the prerequisites done (blood work, Dr. appointments, sleep apnea study, support group meetings,) and did all but the NUT, psych, and meeting with the surgeon before 12/31/15 -- only to lose bariatric coverage in insurance starting 2016.

Aghhh!!!

I will not be deterred. I'm buying a supplemental BCBS policy (I'm self-employed, so can buy it outside the 1/31 deadline,) and will have the surgery through this policy.

I've done 2 NUT appointments, one left (I think,) psych eval was supposed to be this week but was postponed until March (!), and I'm hoping/praying by then I can meet the surgeon and schedule the surgery so I know what timetable I'm looking at for taking time off from work. I *thought* I'd be looking at March, but now I'm guessing April or May may be more realistic.

Until I get a surgery date, it doesn't seem quite real. I'm logging faithfully in MFP, meal planning, weighing food, working out 2-3x a week, doing pretty good re-learning how to chew and eat/drink in shifts, but that's definitely the hardest thing to work on, I think.

I haven't given up coffee yet. I think that's going to be the last thing to tweak. No sense torturing myself and everyone around me as an uncaffeinated mess yet!

My eye is on the new Fitbit coming out in March; have the Aria scale and love it. I'm so excited to make a change and finally become the best version of me I possibly can be. I have two young children I had late in life and a loving husband who likes me any way I am, but I'd like to keep buzzing around for decades to come as a busy and productive partner and parent.

Saying a prayer I get sleeved by May!

I met my husband on Match at pretty close to my heaviest, too. (Up 20 lbs after 2 babies in 2 years.) He loves me for me and is fine if I have surgery for myself, and fine if I don't do it. Neither of us is perfect, but he's a great person and we love each other. Dating sucks and is hard, but when you find the right person, it really is worth it, IMHO.

I am so very sorry for your loss and trauma. God bless you. I have no words for what you've been through, but I hope you can take care of yourself now and find peace.

I used them a couple years ago and really liked it! Everything came freshly packed, and returns were brainlessly easy with their self-addressed bags with prepaid postage. My only recommendation is to get the maximum subscription. On the smaller plans, they staggered what they sent until you sent back the original items. If you had the bigger plan, you can get more than one thing at a time. They seemed back-ordered on a lot of stuff, but I heard they addressed that issue.

It's cool though -- they put stuff on sale to buy, and it's nice to get to try before you buy.

Sorry, duh! LOL. (Head cold fog over here.)

This is all good to know. Thank you.

Can you make your own? Vitamix/Bullet/blender fruit ahead of time and put them in the freezer molds?

I'm very worried for you, Blue Sky. After surgery, can you maybe pilfer some grocery/errand money aside and start saving for the "rainy day" where you can move out? You can apply for housing since you are accepted on disability and will get Medicaid and heating/fuel assistance. I'd research your options while you are recovering and get a plan in place.

And this is the petty jerk in me that probably would inflame the situation, but can you record him berating you and play it back to "embarrass" him the next time he gets on his high horse? Maybe some members of the congregation need to hear how he treats his flock.

Grrrrrrr.

WOW, MichiganChic, I'm fascinated by this thread. I'm thinking some form of PS/lipo will be needed a couple years down the line, and I, too, am a mega sweller (was up 10+lbs Water weight after each uneventful delivery of kids.) This is all good information to know but a major bummer about the swelling. Yikes!

Please keep updating, because your legs really do look good, even so soon after surgery and swollen.

Keep it coming, guys! This is amazing! You all look wonderful!

My mom had the band and chose it because it had the shortest recovery time after surgery and couldn't afford to be out of work up to a month with gastric bypass (sleeve wasn't out at the time, I don't think.)

FWIW, she lost weight with it but has regained almost all of it and has tons of vomiting issues, but I honestly think that's more due to her refusal to make any lifestyle changes/healthy food choices. I don't think the band failed her, I think she was also looking for a quick, magic bullet. It was all sunshine and roses the first year when she physically COULDN'T eat anything, but then, when they adjusted it so she could maintain, she went nuts and hasn't looked back.

Ugh! This site keeps crashing, deleting my response.

Long and short of it; I, for one, wasn't offended by anything you said. Seems like your tastes have evolved/changed (or are just being realized later in the game) that you are attracted to outside your normal available dating pool. I don't get the big deal that people criticized you for realizing you want something other than what's in your area that seems a little homogenous.

Viva la difference!

Or that he's got electrical tape and a large trunk to throw you into after meeting you in a dark alley . . . yikes!

Just my two cents, but I had zero luck with E-Harmony when I was on it years ago. I was pissed, too, because they market it (to me, anyway,) as the more "sensitive, evolved" kind of site -- not focusing on looks but more on compatibility/values, yada, yada, yada.

Well, I spent FOREVER filling out that ridiculous (and very personal) questionnaire in good faith, hoping to find a like-minded soul. HA! The only jerks who responded had obviously never read my profile, and somehow they managed to avoid filling out any of THEIR profiles, aside from some loser screen name like "JohnYankeesFan 2008989," and were duds.

POF, my friends have tried, and all the guys seem unemployed or creeps! I'm kinda thinking if you can't afford $20-$30 a month to find a soul mate/spouse/hit it partner worth screwing, I don't want to know you -- and I don't want you hitting on my friends.

Match was my go-to, and at least for me and my husband, it worked out good. I think they have the widest pool of people, and it's the right mix of information on the profile, without writing a novella to bore people before they get to know you in person. (Assuming someone took the time to read your profile in the first place and didn't just go off your picture.)

My husband met his first (late) wife on Match, and after much dating, I met my husband on Match. We were both honest and to-the-point in our profiles though. (On our first date I asked him -- kidding -- if he was looking for a one-night-stand -- to which he replied, "fuck no, I'm too old for that shit." I loved it! LOL)

We both were serious about finding someone and met and were married within 10 months.

This October is our 5th anniversary -- two kids later, job changes, injury, life changes, and going strong. There are good people out there, but finding the rose among the dandelions is quite the chore;-/

I'm very glad I'm not out there any more. Dating is nothing like what you see in the movies. 99% is a crappy time waster -- until you find that 1% that makes you turn to mush.

I read a bunch of reviews on the Aria v. Withings, and the tipping point for me was hearing about the new Fitbit featured at the CES show last week that has an improved heart rate monitor, large screen, and adjustable band for the wrist.

I'm hoping to be sleeved in April/May (almost done with all the pre-op requirements,) and I am going to ask for the new Fitbit for Mother's Day. I'm already loving that the scale sends my weight to the app on my phone and lets me challenge other friends who have Fitbits, etc. It also works with MFP -- but I haven't had a ton of time to see how they interact, but that's next week's project.

Anyway, love it, seems accurate, and I love it gives weight in tenths of a pound for encouragement for those days when you bust ass and only lose 0.2 lbs, etc. Better than nothing!

Anyone remember the time/weight restrictions? I have two toddlers about 35 lbs apiece.

I get what you are saying totally. It's not 9 lbs . . . it's the slippery slope of falling back into bad behaviors and going back to 289.

Get 'er done!

Just my two cents, but I hated hearing that, too (stop looking and it'll happen.)

No, nothing in life happens by being a passive slug, LOL. Not weight loss, not finding a good person, not professional success, etc.

If you're online dating, I'd recommend staying away from never-been-married and look for recently divorced (like within a year or two.)

Recently divorced and looking, so long as they aren't bitter pillpots looking for revenge sex, these guys liked being in a stable relationship and know what they want and don't want. They were able to have serious conversations and kind of cut to the chase quicker about if we were a fit or not, which I liked. I'm not out to waste anyone's time, and I cannot stand a grown man who has no life plan.

I'd be blown away by guys 30-40+age who would have NO IDEA where they wanted to be in five years; kids, married, traveling, single with a companion, whatever. Even with their jobs -- clueless. So annoying and unappealing.

There are a LOT of duds out there, sorry to say.

There's a lot of frogs (and frog-ettes) that need to be kissed before the right one comes along.

For a while, I felt like I dated everyone in the tricounty area. It is a little discouraging, but it really does all fall into place at the right time.

Keep up the good fight dating and getting out of the house. If nothing else, when you DO find Mr. Right, you won't feel like you missed out on dating!

P.s. for me, not being involved in kids' after two marriages IS a huge red flag. My husband was a widower when we met, and he continued to support and care for his moody, grieving stepson after his wife passed. I thought that was a huge sign of his character and loved that about him.

Exciting? Not necessarily; but honorable and committed? Yes. THAT excited me:-) There are good men out there, but they aren't flashy.

"Only in this day and age is being 5'2 and 215 not a "huge issue". We are so used to seeing so many obese people, we've lost perspective. I used to say the same thing at 5'5" and 235 with a BMI of 39. There was no getting around it, I was fat and unhealthy. Just like being pregnant, there's no such thing as being "a little obese"."

I completely agree. I think we are surrounded by an obese population and don't realize we "blend" because everyone is so overweight!

I've done some traveling overseas, and I'm ALWAYS struck by how lean everyone else is, and when I come back to the U.S. at the airports and see the super-heavy general population -- MAN, it's a culture shock, for sure!

Our local 6 Flags adjusted all the seats on the coasters to only fit "normal" BMI riders, and whoa, what a change in park population! Now the only place for anyone heavy to go is walking as a spectator or in the Water park. It really is a difference in the people you see walking around in terms of size.

IDK how or why our country is growing so big, but it's not good:-(

Following!

I thought I read on here from others in your position that you can do psych evals online with insurance-approved people because of this issue? I'd look into it. Can't hurt!

My in-laws are overbearing, bossy assholes. My husband warned me about them when we started dating, but seeing is believing. We have two young children that they are very loving towards, so we maintain contact at major holidays and parental surgeries (MIL/FIL in 80s,) but my husband told me when his folks pass, we will have nothing to do with the SILs.

It DOES suck. I grew up with extended family and had all sorts of idealistic dreams of big family vacations and holiday gatherings, having fun -- and the reality is we limit our time to a few hours at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I'm not telling my in-laws anything about the surgery because I'm sure they'll say I took the easy way out and have only negative comments.

Honestly, I don't think there is any point having "one last conversation" with your MIL and SIL. They're brazen jerks and bullies, and they're never going to have an "aha" moment that they are assholes and apologize or change their ways.

I'd reconcile myself to limited contact, which I know stinks because you crave a family. I do, too, but I'm focusing how fortunate I am to creating my own family with my husband and our kids. At the end of the day, THESE are the people I live with and love.

Sounds like your husband is a great guy, and your stepchildren must be good, too, for you to be so invested in their activities and milestones.

((hugs)) and know they suck, it's not you, and next holiday/birthday season, you WILL get to just show up looking stunning -- and I bet you they say nothing to acknowledge how good you look (because that exposes them for the hypocrites they are, ) or they continue to badger you -- which makes them look pathetic.

Good luck. It stinks family isn't the Normal Rockwell picture we'd all like around the holidays, but you do you and you'll be fine.

Thank you for the honesty and pics! I know the skin is a problem, but you really do look fantastic. And your arms and back/flank rebounded good! You remind me of the actress Piper Perabo.

Good luck on your continued journey, and congratulations on all you have accomplished. It's a big deal!