Heather I

Beautiful dress, beautiful lady! Great job!

I have to say, I think a little patience is in order. Leaving your husband when you were recently in his place, I think, is kinda heartless (not that you suggested doing it, it was suggested to you by others). I think Alex had a valid point; perhaps he is afraid of not being as successful as you have been. I'm sure he can't conceive of eating the small portions that he sees you eating and thinking he can be satisfied off that amount. He's in denial, sure, but I have to think he's massively embarrassed breaking furniture and lying about weak furniture is his coverup. IDK. I'm not great on tact, so I think I'd talk to a counselor first solo and explain MY feelings, then go together and see if the therapist can couch the dialogue in a non confrontational way. Sometimes things just "click" when you hear them in a different way, from a different person. IDK if you just are "ready to hear" something sometimes or it just rings true and you adopt the suggestion, but it's happened to me several times in my life with "aha" moments. Lastly, this works with MY husband, don't know about anyone else, but I tend to be pretty stoic, so when I cry (not as a tactic, just happens when I'm overwrought,) he really listens to me because it is unusual and genuine for me to be crying. Maybe if you get to that point you can tell him how worried you are to lose your best friend, lover, partner, and you don't want him to leave YOU and be left alone as a young widow. You know, death knocks on many people's doors. My husband lost his first wife at age 39. My good friend died at 42 from cancer. I know several people in my social circle who died in their early 40s, and in my high school graduating class, we have already lost eight people out of a class of 77! That's a big percentage! It's not unrealistic to think that you COULD be widowed. Maybe him seeing you really worried and upset would be a breakthrough moment for him to realize he may be leaving you. You haven't mentioned kids, if you have any or want any. If you do want children . . . God, that's such a loaded situation with his current health, let alone the lack of sex. IDK. Good luck. I'm sure you're totally frustrated and upset. I hope you can at least talk to a counselor to vent your point of view and maybe find a workable solution.

Are you enjoying him, or is he the "good on paper" guy who ticks off all the correct boxes (stable, job, nice, responsible, calls when says he will, etc.,) but there is no spark on your end? I had to let go a couple guys who were "good on paper" and it killed me. I knew they were great, awesome guys -- just not quite right for me. I was either not attracted enough physically or a little bored. I moved on, and I think it was the better option. But I think you're right to do soul-searching. If you like this person a lot but are worried you haven't gotten a chance to date around and find something maybe better? That's kind of a slippery slope. I'd really think hard and long about cutting a great person loose for fear of missing out. I dated a lot of toads to find my (mostly) prince, LOL. My aunt met her second husband after a long period of being a single mom with no prospects. He was maybe the 2nd or 3rd guy she had a date with and clicked, and that was the one she ended up marrying. Seven years later, they're doing great. Good men are hard to find. If you're just scared you like him so much very quickly, and he's good to you -- I'd maybe take a breath and continue seeing him. Sounds like he could be a keeper! How long have you been dating? I actually think 3 months is long enough to kind of "know" if the person is right for you, just my two cents. Feel free to disagree:-)

I got mine a couple weeks ago and love it! I haven't had surgery yet but am trying to instill all good habits for post-op. Re: @@Margie122, it will record you doing things as a baseline, but it has 10 (?) basic workouts preloaded you can tap on to select what you are doing; run, walk, bike, cardio, weights, and a generic "workout," and you can add/delete other activities like yoga, stair climbing, etc. I "think" it's good to actually tell it you are doing a dedicated class/workout and hit the start/stop function, because from what I read, it doesn't record your activity (warmup) for like the first 11 minutes as working out, just the movement (to count the heightened calories you'd want it to record it as part of the workout.) I'm guessing it counts your starting height/weight/BMI and factors a 300-lb person exercising at X intensity for this known sport (spinning burns 1000 calories an hour, say,) that gets you Y calories burned in a 45-minute class. Whereas if you just wear it as working out without specifying, yes, it will record exercise/steps, but maybe not as many calories of, say, your feet spinning the pedals? I may be explaining it wrong, but there is a stop/start with specific workouts listed for a reason, LOL. Having said that, before I knew to do it, I wore it walking about 17,000 steps one day and it recorded it, and MAN, was that cool to see it sync to MFP and tell me I "earned" like an additional 800 calories I could eat! Wahoo! I love the Fitbit! My husband was put out when I wanted to wear it fooling around to see how many calories I burned. Guess I was taking my new tracking obsession a little too far, LOL. And, no, they don't have "fooling around" as a chosen activity to track;-)

I like these pictures of the bike and @@Dub's dog food thing. Sometimes you have to have that physical object to wrap your head around. I still remember being blown away by Oprah's 89 lbs of lard in a wheelbarrow a million years ago. Heck, even at Bjs, the bulk 20 lb bag of flour is killer to wrestle! Five of those added to our bodies, if not more? Amazing. I can't wait. I need to lose 100-140, and 140 would be exactly half of my current weight. Seems inconceivable to me, too!

Phew! It has taken me DAYS to read this entire thread. Very helpful, sobering insight from all the veterans. Thank you all for keeping it real. I have to say, I was hoping after surgery to lose my obsession with food, tracking, etc., and just "be," but it IS good to know that I'll have to make peace with being accountable forever. I'm going to suck it up, buttercup. Thank you for sharing your very real struggles, everyone. I hope you all find answers and hope for a new start. @@reallyrosy, good luck on all that you are working on. I get you are disgruntled, but you're still slogging through the mud to find an answer and try to overcome. You may be bitching and crying your way to redemption, but you seem to have the gumption to go the distance. Keep going! I hope things turn around soon for you with the injuries and semi crackpot therapist suggestions. I'm going to have to hit Dr. Google for that cranium thingy. Just when you think you've heard it all . . .

True dat! I'm glad you mentioned it. I love Pho. Even just the broth is a treat.

Are you having just the Pho broth or the fixings added in it, like the meat and noodles and veggies?

There was a previous thread about coffee, and one poster said cold-pressed coffee has something like 67% less acidity. I decided to try it, because I drink my coffee black, and even pre surgery it's making my stomach turn if I don't eat Breakfast soon enough. Plus, my bariatric group recommends giving up coffee before AND after surgery forever! I cut down to one cup pre surgery (no date yet, but hoping April/May,) and I wanted to try the cold-pressed for afterwards. It is delicious! Strong, but not acidic. I had a cup of regular joe hot, and I'm already not used to the acidity anymore. Maybe give cold-pressed a try? I microwave it to make it hot.

I'm so happy for you! Congratulations! Honestly, I feel the joy in your post and am just so excited for you. Great job! Keep going!

Holy crap! Amazing! Awesome!

I meet with the surgeon 3/29 and am supposed to book a surgery date 6 weeks out from there, so mid April/May for me! I'm nervous about all the insurance hoopla and hope it goes smooth. So excited for surgery! I started the process back in November and thought I'd be done by now. This takes FOREVER!

@@RedJoy86, how is it going? Have you gotten out and about at the bars? Tweaked your profile? Meeting anyone fun?

Yes, yes, yes! I didn't have "drama" in my life, so I had no need to write about it. I agree though -- it's a negative red flag that the person has a very messy life. My now-husband had a crazy family, was widowed, raising a stepson, and never once mentioned "drama," but he was honest about being a widower. That's it. The rest of the profile was about him as a person and interests.

I'm thinking don't tell. I am a blabber of my business normally and mentioned to three friends I am trying to get the surgery, and they have been nothing but supportive (or quiet,) but I'm keeping my lips uncharacteristically zipped while I try to work through the labyrinth of insurance requirements and wait for a surgery date. IDK. I'm thinking when I start losing -- I've lost weight before and regained, obviously, but this time I'll keep it off. After I'm successful and stabilized I probably will tell, but until I am there (which seems like a distant fantasy right now,) I'm keeping quiet about it. Honestly, people are so busy leading their own lives, unless they are horrible gossips with no life (and I have some of those as in-laws,) I don't think they'll notice until it's substantial. I had lost 40 lbs a decade ago (when my starting weight was 50 lbs less than now!) and people didn't notice until I hit 30 lbs! We, as really heavy people, know our total lbs needed to be lost, and it's big. Unless you clue people in to your starting/end weight/total lbs lost, they will just see you lost "a lot" -- but it's still going to take months to be really noticeable, you know? My evil SIL lost at LEAST 40 lbs on WW and looks great, but she's such an oppressive bitch, I didn't say boo about it at Christmas. Partly because she IS a bitch who never has anything nice to say to me, and partly because I felt like she'd chew my head off if I complimented her on it and twist it into some sort of insult about her former size. No winning, so I kept my mouth shut. On the other hand, my aunt, who has been a massive smoker and morbidly obese my entire life, recently decided the past year to get healthy -- and she HAS!!!!! Quit smoking 3 packs a day and has lost at least 120 lbs, eating healthy and sensibly, introducing exercise, eating low carb, etc., etc. She looks AMAZING, and I couldn't wait to compliment her and praise her for quitting smoking and losing weight! I'm so happy for her! She looks so happy and content now.

Wow, I just saw this thread and cannot imagine how terrifying this is. I'm very impressed your son went back to work after all that chemo! Holy smokes. I hope it's a good distraction for him, and it's wonderful his girlfriend and friends are reaching out to support him and keep him busy. You're doing great, under the circumstances, and yes, as the mom, you do need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your son. If nothing else, getting healthy will give you more energy to run around and help out. Thinking of your son, you, and your family. Praying the chemo is successful, and please keep us posted as time permits. Prayers, prayers, prayers, well wishes, and (((((hugs))))) galore to you and your son. Cancer is so unfair.

I went on ONE date with a guy and he was all over me, making me nervous. I told him over the phone the NEXT DAY I didn't think we were a good fit. He then stalked me, blew up my cell and land line, and hurled obscenities and insults at me for DAYS, saying I wasn't that hot, he'd had hotter girls, strippers even (!) and I wasn't "all that." I told him to go date his thinner, hotter, stripper girls and leave me the F alone if I was so hideous and he's such a catch (overweight chef.) OMG, crazy! I actually called the cops because the calls were relentless. He seriously would call one phone and tie it up, and then immediately call the other phone. Very scary, but it shows how crazy and petty guys can be when faced with rejection. @@Lauren23, sounds like your girdle geeks are relatives of the turd I encountered.

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. That's terrible to have to go through all of that. I'm very sorry for your loss.

One of my support group meetings, a former sleever posted her sandwich before/after eating portion -- and this was like two years out -- and it was TINY! Very helpful to see she could still only eat m-a-y-b-e quarter of HALF of a sandwich. She talked about eating a third of one hard boiled egg post-op and was so full she felt ready to burst. Honestly, this stuff was really interesting and helpful. I'm a foodie and do the meal prep/grocery shopping for the family and am used to shopping at a wholesale club. My desire to save money by buying in bulk may need to be offset by buying in MUCH smaller quantities for the family (my kids are toddlers so don't eat much, just hubby and I.) Anyway, yes, please, if others can post pics, it really is helpful to wrap your head around what to expect, say, 3 months out, 6 months out, and a year or two out on maintenance.

Dumb question, but why does hot/cold make a difference after the sleeve surgery? I'm a coffee lover extraordinary, not looking forward to giving it up.

Have you taken a home pregnancy test? They are very accurate nowadays.

Siggis is awesome, low sugar, high protein.

I think it can happen quickly, too. My husband and I had our first date Christmas Eve, and by St. Patrick's Day he told me he loved me and was talking about how cute our kids would be in Aran sweaters at the local Patty's parade we attended, LOL. Five years, two kids, and two Aran sweaters later, we do, indeed, have what he described. Initially, it's that infatuation/chemistry where you overlook everything and you're in the idyllic bubble where everything is perfect, and then you settle into the relationship and realize you both aren't perfect, but your love, hopefully, gets more fully realized and fleshed out after you've been through some stuff and come out the better for it. I would say the initial euphoria fades a bit, but the love is still there and grows in more mature ways with time. It's all good. Enjoy the ride! There's nothing better than that initial crazy love/lust/excitement you feel:-)

Cool!

I just reintroduced exercise and light weight training, and it's frustrating because I'm eating really well to get ready for surgery later this spring. I'm up 5 lbs after eating right and exercising this week, but it's happened to me before EVERY TIME I start something new physically. I've always retained a lot of Water for surgery, pregnancy, childbirth, periods, and this just goes with it. Annoying, but I'm hoping for the best in a couple days and my usual 5 lb loss.