kbugmom

Hey Juney, When I made my first post about my mom I was angry. I felt like it was the surgerys fault that my mom passed away. As my seasons of grief come and go I have become a little less angry with the "Surgery" I know this surgery is what my mom wanted. She was tired just like you. She was miserable. She hated going in public. She hated being the way she was. My mom was at the point of where you are now. She was at her last chances. She had stayed inside b/c she was so miserable with herself and she began to eat even more. Thats all she did b/c she hated being around people b/c of the points and stares. I know my mom did what she thought was the only option she had left. I know if she had not had the surgery I would have lost her anyway. She would have become even more miserable. My moms dad is still alive and he's 74 and he's 350lbs. His quality of life is nothing. He can not drive b/c he's too big to get behind the steering wheel of a truck or vehicle. He is in a power chair b/c his legs are so tired of all the weight that he can't even walk far. He's on lasik meds to help flush off the Fluid and he can't walk fast enough to make it to the potty sometimes. He swells really bad and he's a miracle that he's alive. He can't go places b/c he's on the lasik meds and he can't get in to public restrooms fast enough to use the potty so he won't go out of the house in fear he'll have an accident. He's in a retirement community not in assisted living b/c he's stubborn and refuses to be in assisted living but he is supposed to get one meal a day that is included in his montly fees and he is too big to go up to the dining hall to eat b/c he can not get in the bathrooms on his power chair and he can't walk with out a walker and so he wouldn't be able to go up and eat and not have to potty so he just doesn't go. There is no quality of life. He has not been out of his apartment since January except to go to the doctor which I used to take him but its gotton so hard that I've had to hire help to get him to appointments. SO, I do know how hard life is when you are over weight. I have lived with my mom and my grandfather both going through this. The only thing I have not gone through is having the weight physically on me. However its hurt me so bad as a child, teen, and now an adult to see what my mom and papa have gone through. I can't imagine being them. So I can not really feel your pain but I do see your pain b/c I saw it in my mom and now in my papa and its miserable and I don't even live with the weight they had and have on their bodies. Please forgive me for being angry at the surgery. I was just so angry b/c I lost my mom that I wanted to blame it on the surgery. it was fear and all I wanted to do is tell others of my moms story. I was so angry that I had not heard about the complications that can occur but my mom did know. She just didn't want to tell me b/c she didn't want to worry me. She knew the risks and she still made the decision to go ahead. She did what she though she knew best to do it just was her time and nothing, no one, and no surgery will stop your last days on this earth. It was just her time and now as I have gone through my journey of grief and still continue to go through it every single day, I realize that my anger took over and I hope you all understand that my reactions were a part of my grief process. For all of you have have chosen to do this or are thinking of doing it I wish you all the best of luck and know that you are the only one who can make that decision. Just trust your heart and you will be ok. Good luck to you and all of you who are considering this. Kbugs mom won't be posting much anymore. I appreciate all of you allowing me to vent my anger and tell my story of my mom. I had wanted to find a way to tell people about my moms story and this forum alloud me to do that. I felt like there was something I Had to do. You hear about all these people trying to raise money for cancer, disease, and there are people out there raising money for research why can't there be something about raising money for research for obesity and if there is why can't there be money raised for the safer methods of lap band and gastric bypass? Thank you all and Good luck to all of you. Kbugmom

I will say a prayer for this family. I am definately understanding what they are going through. So sorry for their loss. There will be mixed emotions and as I have learned with the grief process there are stages of grief and sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks. So I definately will be praying for this family. Take care Kbug

Hey Robin, Thank you for the kind words. Iam just a girl who dearly loved her mom. Kbug

Hey Kat, Thank you for your reply to me. I know you are right about everything you said. I just am not a fan of this type of surgery and to me its been tramatic. I guess I was not aware of all the things that my mom was aware of and I think she didn't want to scare me. I only wish that I would have realized that this surgery is more than just a "Quick fix" You hear about all these people doing it, see the results, but very rarely do you hear the stories that things didn't turn out right. I appreciate your kind words and thoughts and I pray that as time heals that my anger heals too. I just am so used to seeing people who are big. I want to hug them each one and say I love you for who you are and not what you look like. I remember my mom getting stares, laughs, and comments. It would hurt me so bad as a child. I hated it and when they would stare or say things I was the one who would stare back and look at them funny or say stuff like "What are you looking at" it hurt me so bad for my mom however she never acted like it bothered her. So when I see someone who is big I wish I could hug each one of them b/c they remind me of my mom and I know they don't get a good response when they are in public. My papa is also about 400lbs. He can't walk hardly b/c he's been so big for so long. He's 74 and I have to do all his groceries and laundry. I think back knowing that my mom knew that eventually that she would become dependant on me (since Iam an only child) and I think she didn't want to live that way however I'd loved her the same and would taken care of her but I can see how frustrating it is and hard life is for my papa and how things are with him. Anyway, I've just lived my whole life around big people and seeing my grandfather live to be 74 makes me just think that things would have been the same with my mom. I know no difference except that she died trying to better her life and help herself. So please forgive me all for the negative side of my feelings towards this surgery but there are also other sides of stories. Its just very bitter for me right now and I hope that is understandable to those of you who have done well with this procedure. Since we are human I am sure its normal for me to feel bitterness for my hurt that I've experienced and I feel human nature would be to feel exactly what I feel now. Thank you all for your posts and comments and I appreciate you all letting me vent on my expeience that I've had with this surgery. My moms not here to stand up for herself and we have alot of resentment towards this procedure. Thank you, kbug

Thank you for responding to my post. I know you are right. I know my mom was ready to do this and she was miserable. She had lived with being overweight all of my 31 years. Thats just what I knew and loved her unconditionally. However I do remember her getting looks, laughs, points. I remember how it hurt her feelings and made her not want to go out into public. I remember her being out of breath from walking from a parking lot and into a store and having to sit down. I am sorry I posted here. Iam just angry b/c she's not here and blame the surgery. I guess I have not comprehended 31 years of her being overweight and then the time that she's finally ready to do this and trying to help herself we end up loosing her. So sometimes my mind doesnt' comprehend that but you are right about how miserable my mom was being overweight and I remember seeing her struggle. I guess Iam just a little selfish and wish she was here. Thats all. So I am sorry if I was out of line with my post. I just don't understand why at times and if it wasn't for this surgery she would still be here. Thats what Iam blaming it on. I wish all of you the best of luck! I hope everything goes well for those of you who choose to do it. Thank you, Kbug

Hello, Just found this site by doing research b/c my mom had this same thing happen to her with the surgery and the sepsis set in and my mom passed away 3 days later. I wish my mom was still here and big than not here at all. I am so angry and want to tell everyone I know to never do this surgery. Its the popular thing. Quick fix (so it seems) and most people like my mom were told this was her last option. Well, my mom has been a large lady since I was born and she lived 31 years until she passed away trying to become small. I hate this surgery. I feel there are more people out there who have had problems and I wish they would speak up and tell more about the problems. I see totally what the person who was saying they feel like they did something wrong and its there fault there were complications. Iam sorry you feel that way and its not your fault. I know what its like to see my mom struggle with her weight, breathing, and the general public. I just wish she was here. She was 53 years old. Please if you are considering this surgery. Make sure you know that there are more issues out there than you realize and its not your last option. I guarantee my mom would still be here today if she would not have had that surgery. I see overweight people and I wonder if they've thought about having the surgery and I just wish I could tell them all "If you've thought about it don't do it b/c someone loves you very much no matter how much you weight and they would be so sad to not have you with them" I know its a struggle for people with weight. I loved my mom for who she was. I know its hard being overweight and miserable but I'am miserable with out her. sorry! I just hate this surgery and Iam mad at the whole idea of it and I just wish more people knew the other side of those who don't do good with it.