My1way

I decided to do this surgery when I was ashamed to tell my husband that I weighed more than he did and he was overweight. Someone close to me had just had the surgery and seemed to be doing well. I made the decision to do this without telling anyone other than my husband. I was dealing with a few other health problems, nothing serious, but that would give me an excuse for the weeks that I didn't feel well. 
My journey started in February with the surgeon's visit. She gave me a page of "must do's" and I left the office. I made appointments and worked hard to get everything done. I didn't like the nutritionist visits, but I did learn a lot. I also needed the information after the surgery was over. What can I eat, what was the name of the protein drinks, what about vitamins, I don't feel good, and on and on. I don't have the requirement to continue seeing a nutritionist, but I could tell her that her information was important.
In the beginning, just after the surgery, I wrote a few things that would remind me later about the struggle. 
 
I made a homemade chicken soup I know is perfectly delicious. Put ¼ cup into a rocket blender and heat it up.
Make a fruity yogurt dessert with protein powder, ¼ cup.
As I start to eat with my tiny baby spoon; a couple spoons of soup, a couple spoons of fruity dessert, on and on. Then I get that feeling. Mine is a tightness just above my heart up to my throat. I have to stop, but it is so good, just a couple more spoons won’t hurt, there isn’t that much left.
Now I am sitting up straight, like a dictionary is on my head, hoping the extra will go away, maybe I can burp. I realize there is not enough room in my tummy to burp. Now comes the painful hiccups. Not the gentle burp. I have to get up and walk around, maybe it will go down. Much later, relief. There is a little dessert in the dish. It is go good. The tight feeling is still there but bearable. Before I rinse in down the drain, I decide it is so light and good. Now comes that pain again, sit up straight, walk around, hiccups, pain. You will never eat that much again (1/2 cup) 
 
I remember that volunteer fire department yearly barbeque fund raiser. They sell delicious smoked meat and sausages with homemade beans and potato salad. There are also homemade desserts if you come early enough. Of course my husband wants one, and so does my family, so off I go to bring them home. On the way my hand reaches in and pulls on a tender piece of meat and it pops it in my mouth. I remember to chew thoroughly! So good, so juicy, no pain, maybe, maybe. Several pulls later, I forget to chew so thoroughly and down it goes. That forbidden meal. The pain, the hiccups, the tightness. I am driving. Sit up straight, breathe. At home, I walk around and finally relief! What about that amazing looking peach cobbler with extra sugar on the thick crust? NO
 
Those vitamins! Ick and so many every dat. Skip just a few. Only one or two. Then, I feel I have burned my tongue. What? I no longer drink coffee and tea. My soup is mush. Outside temp is in the 90s, no hot chocolate, why is my tongue acting like this. I look at it. Deep craters, white patches, the tip is bright red. Could it be bleeding, too? NEVER DO THIS AT HOME, but it has worked for me in real tongue burns. Dry your tongue, use a tiny amount of antibiotic ointment all over, let it stay dry as long as you can. I can make it 10 or 15 minutes before I close my mouth. In the morning it feels somewhat better and internet research says vitamin deficiency can cause symptoms including a sore tongue.  
 
Another bit of  “What?” Everyone says you have pain. Lower, left, chest; just give me a tummy transplant! Several times I have felt pain around my heart. I say “around” because I don’t know how to explain it. My heart does not hurt, just nearby, really nearby. I get the hiccups. Reading the internet says hiccups are telling you that you have eaten too much. What? I haven’t even swallowed my first baby spoon taste! I will read more. Even swallowing slimy saliva too often or too much. What? How can I stop that? Must read more. Drink a few sips of coke? What? I was told never, never drink carbonated drinks again. I am desperate. Pull out a can of root beer, pour in a few ounces and drink. OMG, I am having a heart attack!!! It hurts, lean over sink and hope to vomit. OK. I didn’t eat that much, but a total of about ½ cup of today’s menu comes up. The pain is gone. Something was stuck. What? I don’t eat things that get stuck! But I can’t deny that my heart is okay again. Will these mysteries never cease?
 
Will it really matter? I don’t want to taste another crushed tablet of medicine that didn’t go down the first time! So I thought I am far enough away from surgery maybe if I am careful. Get chilled water, take a few sips to relax, then gently swallow the pill. Think, feel, is anything different? Am I out of the – hic- woods? Oh, no, here goes again. The heart throat pain. The hic-ups pain. Wait, wait. Nothing is moving. Slime, bubbles, nothing is moving. Hours later no water, no food, no desire to eat, uncomfortable, could I actually die? This time I am in trouble and I don’t want to tell anyone I was so stupid. After the day is gone, I decide to make myself throw up – a lot. I have to get the pill out. When even my toes feel inside out, the crumbles of a nasty taste are up. Finally, I sleep. Don’t take a chance, it really does matter.