Onion

Heyo folks. I've been obese my whole life (40 years now), and finally made the decision to really do something about it this past spring. The funny thing is, I was scheduled to have the surgery on May 7th of 2001. I backed out because I was 25, arrogant and a know-it-all. I thought I could beat this thing myself. Well...I did beat it, and it beat me back 10 times since. This has been a decision I have been struggling with for the past 15 years. Now...I am well on my way to surgery. I'm a couple of weeks away from my final appointment and meeting my surgeon. Looks like my surgery is going to be the week of Christmas. I'm scared of a few things: Death due to anesthesia. Death due to blood clotting. Death due to complications. Thing is...I don't want to die, and that is why I am having this surgery. I want to extend what's left of my life. Would be nice to have grandchildren one day, watch my kids get married, grow old with the woman I love. Just scared of not even getting out of the gate. It's keeping me up nights. I wake up and can't get back to sleep. It's a veritable hell I am going through on this. It's started to depress me and make me irritable. It's overwhelming fear sometimes. I've almost talked myself out of it. Sometimes I think the lengthy process makes you process too much at times. The time drawn out from classes, appointments and insurance approval almost makes you wait too long, and sit with your thoughts and anxieties. If it were August or September and you told me I was having my surgery tomorrow, I would jump with joy. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with it? Any pointers or suggestions? Thanks O

Wow guys.... Thanks for all the replies! It's nice to know that I'm not alone in these feelings. After a long holiday weekend, I am feeling a lot better about getting the surgery. It seems that I might be actually boring myself with these thoughts, as I am feeling more relaxed the closer I get to it. Fact of the matter is that I am in dire need of getting rid of this weight. I have to take this opportunity to better my life, and the life of those that love me and want my presence on this earth. After doing a bit more research, I realized that a lot of these complications that happen and result in death, is the patient themselves not following Doctor's orders post-op. This will not be a problem for me. Thanks again.