MamaJava

Here is a response I posted today in the forum regarding a fellow bandsters question about emotional changes encountered after banding. I think what I wrote makes a lot of sense and I'm really proud of this post. Plus, it just kinda came out. I didn't even know what I was writing as I was typing it. I got done and got a little teary-eyed over it. I think I've finally had my revelation and I put it into words for the world to see. Enjoy...

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Of course that makes sense! For many of us, we are overweight because food is an addiction. Much like a heroine addict or someone addicted to cigarettes. It's in the same class of addictions. One is not better than another...they are all the same in that they all engross a person physically AND emotionally. We become addicts for mental reasons, not physical ones.

I've been rather emotional since getting my band. I am entering an epiphany of sorts, where I can clearly see now where I went wrong in the past. I immediately turned to food (I always denied that I was an emotionally addicted eater). The reason I can see it so clearly now is that the first thing I do when I'm upset or confused or angry...is walk to the kitchen and begin pacing because there isn't much I can have anymore. Before, I would walk in there and build a huge pile of nachos, toss them in the oven and then soak my sorrows in glory as I ate the whole thing. Now that I'm medically and physically unable to do those things, I find myself almost lost...but please note that I said almost.

I'm only 2 weeks post-op and this is by far the greatest and most severe life-changing event I've ever gone through. Even more so than having my children! That's saying a lot. That proves to me and shows me that having this surgery was THE RIGHT decision for me. Otherwise, I would have eaten myself into an early grave.

Now I must find other things to turn to during moments of my emotional roller coaster. This is a long road for so many reasons. I have to change my whole way of thinking. I have to now learn to love myself more than food. I have to figure out another way to channel my emotional energy when the going gets tough. I can do it. I'd be so proud if I could one day call myself an exercise addict!

It's true. Find a counselor or therapist to help you get through it. I don't have one right now, because I really feel like I have a handle on things. I even stopped taking my antidepressants before my surgery. I wanted to feel every emotional moment of this journey and maybe there are days when I really should be taking my Zoloft still...but I'm glad I decided to drop them the way that I did. Not everybody is the same and not everybody is as nuts as I am to be able to say that they are GLAD they are riding this emotional roller coaster. I really am happy about it. It means things are on the move...things are changing...I'm changing inside and outside...even when the scale doesn't say so, it's okay, because I know better.

Best of luck...you are not alone.

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Of course I also must track my food for today:

BREAKFAST:

1 cup Weight Control banana bread oatmeal (made w/ water) = (320 calories, 14 g. protein)

SNACK:

Grrr...still haven't lost anymore weight. Staying stuck @ -13. I guess I should just pat myself on the back for not gaining anything, eh? Not much happening today. Making homemade bean & ham soup and it smells so good. I hope it's 1/2-way decent after I throw it in the blender.

Today's food:

BREAKFAST:

1/2 cup Cream of Wheat made w/ 1% milk

1 peach 'n passion fruit Dannon Fusion smoothie (too much sugar & calories, but good)

SNACK:

1.5 cups won ton soup broth

LUNCH:

1 butterscotch pudding

1 sf/ff chocolate pudding

SNACK:

nothing - still full from earlier

DINNER:

1 cup pureed bean & ham soup

Yeah I just don't really get it. I'm drinking only about 1/2 of what I should be, so I'm gonna step that up a notch to try to get more weight off. I'm getting irritated and frustrated about it...also time to hit the treadmill now that I'm feeling back to normal. Doc cleared me for exercise on Wednesday...so why isn't my fat ass gettin' it done??? I did this for a REASON...time to make it happen.

Til tomorrow

~Krista

Still staying the same in my weight. I can't seem to drop anything more! Getting frustrated, so I'm gonna really do better. I'm doing well...don't get me wrong...but I can't be too careful. I'm really interested in how many calories I'm taking in each day as well so perhaps I'll begin keeping track of that.

BREAKFAST:

1 cup .5% milk w/ 1 scoop (30 g.) protein powder

1/2 cup Cream of Wheat made w/ .5% milk

LUNCH:

2 scrambled eggs (chewed to puree)

1 pancake w/ 2 pats of Promise margarine (chewed to puree)

1 cup decaf coffee w/ nondairy creamer

SNACK:

1 Dannon Light & Fit strawberry smoothie

DINNER:

1/2 cup mashed potatoes

1/2 cup cube steak mushroom gravy (made from cream soup, pureed in blender)

So I had my 2-week post-op appt. today. Saw Dr. Schram only briefly...he had more surgeries to get to and since I'm doing well, he didn't linger with me. He did say my incisions look great (still have most of the steri strips attached), my daily food intake sounds spot-on, and since I've lost 13 lbs., I'm considered to be doing excellent. Nutritionist came in and gave me the okay to begin purees. I spoke to her about my enormous hunger right now. She said it sounds like I healed uber-fast and although she would like me to stick to purees for at least 1 week, she said my 2nd week of purees I can begin soft foods...but not too many each day. After that I'm on softs and easing back into normal life. I'm okay with that. I did ask what the difference was between pureeing food before it goes in my mouth versus eating soft foods and pureeing them by chewing them down to nothing before swallowing. She kinda didn't have anything to say about that, which leads me to believe they are just worried that people won't chew well enough. So, I'll puree when I can, but if I'm in a place where I can't, then I'll chew down to puree. I think I've got this all figured out.

Today's food:

BREAKFAST:

1 peach Light & Fit yogurt smoothie

SNACK:

1 large decaf coffee w/ cream

LUNCH:

1 cup Cream of Wheat made with 1% milk

No snack

DINNER:

1 burger patty chewed to puree (no bun) w/ mustard & ketchup

1 TBSP baked beans

3 pretzels chewed to puree

1/2 cup milk

SNACK:

1 chocolate-coffee ice cream bar

1 cup milk w/ 1 scoop protein

Eh. I gotta do a little better tomorrow I think. For some reason, today's foods don't seem quite healthy enough. Getting used to all this is gonna take some time so I'm not aiming for perfection quite yet.

I'm also worried because I have not lost any weight since last Sunday. Weird. On a diet like this I should be dropping like mad. Hopefully (maybe) it's because I'm still on my period?? Could be a bit bloated, although I don't really feel it. I'm going to begin working out 30-40 minutes each day. I'll probably just start with treadmill since I have my baby and getting time away from him to go to a gym is virtually impossible right now. He'll be 6 months old in a couple weeks! My daughter just turned 10 in October, so doing this all over again is wild. It's amazing how much you forget about the baby stage after your kids are older.

As a new band patient, I'm struggling with the full liquid phase of post-op life. My 2-week follow-up appt. is tomorrow (01/16) and I'm going to hopefully be cleared for purees and/or soft foods. Otherwise, I may lean over and chew Dr. Schram's arm off...

I am beginning this journal to track my daily food. If I don't do it, I know I won't be as successful as I could be. Here goes nothin'!

TODAY'S FOOD ~ January 15, 2008 (-12 lbs. so far)

BREAKFAST:

1 cup 1% milk w/ 1 scoop chocolate protein powder (30 g.)

1/2 cup cream of wheat

SNACK:

1 vanilla pudding

LUNCH:

1/2 cup beefy mushroom soup (blended down to liquid)

1/2 cup Activia vanilla yogurt

SNACK:

1 grande decaf skinny mocha

DINNER:

1 sf/ff chocolate pudding + 1 scoop protein powder (30 g.)

1/2 cup beefy mushroom soup (blended down to liquid)

5 Hershey kisses (didn't swallow each until melted)

liquids today were 3 bottled waters, 2 cups Orangeade, some apple juice

Feelings: I have high energy, but I feel very hungry. Maybe it is more a feeling of wanting to CHEW. I'm sure it's mental. I'm trying my best to stay busy. The busier I am, the less I think about what I'm missing out on. Plugging away! I feel great other than that, so I'm not gonna complain.