TorontoMommy

Hi Everyone (I hope I have made my first post appropriately...I am Very longwinded, so please be forwarned! lol) I have been reading the boards for about a week now, and the before/after pictures have me bawling - it's absolutely AMAZING how well most of you have done!! My story: I've always been overweight, but didn't grow up obese. In the past 7 or so years, I have been responsible for going completely off the deep end, and have let myself go - to the tune of now weighing somewhere around 300 pounds. I hate myself. I can't believe I did this to myself, and to my family. I have a wonderful 3 year old and desperately want a second child, yet I still don't make the health changes I need to make in order to conceive again!? This is my biggest failure. I don't understand how I can want something SO badly, yet not do anything to get it. My hubby is supportive, but is totally along for the ride (usually leading the snack/junk food wagon). He's gained about 100 pounds, and I've gained about 140 pounds since we've been together. My patterns: I eat non-stop throughout the evening. Supper, then snack, then sandwich, etc. Sometimes I'll eat a sandwhich at 2 am right before going to bed! I've become completely lazy and inactive. I work in an office. I eat fast food several times a week, and snackfood (chips or something) several times a week. I have not been on a ton of diets, but have succeeded in the past at Weight Watchers a couple of times. My dilemma: I want to have a baby, but am unsure of what my body is currently capable of. We tried to conceive for well over a year, and just stopped a few months ago. I will be going to a fertility centre in about the next 4 weeks to 3 months, depending on when an appointment comes up. I presume they are going to tell me that I am too unhealthy and obese to conceive. I am soon to be 39 years old, and my biological clock is ticking away here. I am wondering if I should go ahead and get banded first, to help lose the weight, but then I am 40 before I can even start trying to conceive!? My Q's: Will the lapband likely be successful in someone like me? (compulsive overeater with ZERO self control). I see from posts that it's not an easy way out, and takes much determination. I'm not sure if i've got what it takes. What financial routes did those of you in Canada take? Was anyone in the same/similar boat as I am in? Did anyone do this secretly? If so, how did it go? (how did you hide it from coworkers during lunch hours etc). I am not at this point prepared to tell anyone except my hubby. I'm so sorry this turned into such a long-winded post... I guess I am looking for answers or inspiration anywhere I can find it. Like I said, I've been reading for days, and finally decided to take a step here towards something.. anything. Thank you if you've read this far!! I look forward to any replies.