Butterfly07

Thanks again to everyone for all of the support and hugs, they are appreciated more than I can say. I want to make sure however, that I am not communicating my feelings badly. If I was seriously considering this the breaking point to my marriage, I wouldn't have posted at at all, but instead consulted an attorney. In posting I am looking for people who are in or have been in this rather unique situtation and how it affected their marriages/relationships and if their feedback could help me to understand and resolve this issue. I do believe 21 years of marriage and 26 years together and wedding vows mean a great deal. What I am trying to get help with is understanding my husband's reactions and anger about my transformation inside as well as out. I hope what I stated was that the emotional emptiness that he has admitted to that has been a huge problem for our entire time together, is becoming a glaring problem that I feel I can no longer ignore, now that I am finally someone who believes that I am - dare I say - entitled to emotional as well as other kinds of support. Hubby has admitted quite recently that he believes himself incapable of meeting anyone's emotional needs, including his own, and doesn't feel comfortable trying to do so. This also applies to his interactions with the children. He again refuses counseling. So, please don't look at this thread as a plea for agreement that I should divorce, but as a plea to people who have "walked in my shoes" and can give me advice and support. My friends are the best support I have, but none of them have ever had this WLS piece to deal with. That is why I am reaching out here. Thanks again.

He is definetly a "foul weather friend". When the chips are down, there are none who step up to the plate better. To me, the trouble is the chips are (thankfully) not always down, and it's the day to day times that he doesn't get into the game, let alone up to the plate. You are also correct that these have been issues for me our entire marriage, and I am such a new person inside as well as outside, that I finally feel as if I deserve a little more of the day to day stuff. I just wish I knew what to do. Part of me is tired of being the one who does all of the trying all of the time. It's too bad that when they addressed these internal changes briefly in pre-op counseling, I never really believed that I would succeed at losing the weight, so I guess I couldn't imagine being in this place and didn't take it seriously. Maybe it's a case of being careful what you wish for.

Thanks to everyone for their encouragement. I do really need a hug!! We have had a few knock down drag out fights and I have pleaded for counseling but he refuses. I think this has shed light for me on the same issues we have had for 21 years but I was so busy feeling lucky to have someone care about me (it sure wasn't me), that now that I do feel I deserve more, I am not sure he is willing/capable of giving me the emotional things I want. I have talked to some male friends about this too and they agree with you that he may be very threatned, and now it is my feeling that he should be. Deep down I am not sure I want to settle for another 20+ years of no emotional support. He is also probably sick of hearing about the weight loss, but I guess I thought this life was a jouney we were on together. Would it make me a bad person to say that I am not sure I want this anymore, that I deserve better? ps - I did give up about 3 weeks ago asking him if he noticed anything, and about 2 weeks ago telling him about compliments, but he has been with me sometimes when I recieve them, so he hears it them. Also, twice I have had to go buy new smaller clothes, and still nothing. Even my teenage kids say they can see it now.

I am a lifelong stomach sleeper and was banded 9/19. It took a good month at least for me to be able to sleep on my stomach. I did find propping lots of pillows helped, and I was able to gradually increase from a few seconds, to a few minutes, etc until I could sleep for long periods of time. Try not to rush things, you will eventually sleep on your stomach again soon. Congratulations on your decision to a healthier you!

I haven't had any weight gain at all since the surgery, but this specific issue was not a problem pre-op for me either. I am wondering about this though, I am 5 1/2 months out from surgery and have not had my period in 2 months, the doctor can't really answer why and doesn't seem concerned, I thnk it might be the surgery/body changes combined with stress. Menopause (I am 40) Has anyone else experienced this?

I was 332 pre-band. I am now 275. We decided on the band together, my surgeon and I. At no time was there any pressure, just the comment that it was my life, my body, my decision. The doctor totally supported me. Maybe you should check into another doctor? Good Luck

I live in Phoenix, AZ and its about 70 degrees here! Beautiful sunny days and cool (barely need a light sweater) at night. Spring training for San Diego Padres, Seattle Mariners are also a great, affordable way to catch a major league game if you like baseball. Sending you warm thoughts!

Mine took about 3 weeks to get all shrivelled up and more than 3/4 of the way off. I was very curious to see the healing as well. Be sure to watch for signs of infection, but it is important to leave them on until they are almost falling off (I did help one or two along the last wee bit). Having them on will protect them from infection. I am a firm believer in Vitamin E Oil helping reduce scars when rubbed on the skin (after thoroughly healed) daily. I was banded in late september and have begun this process recently. The scars are looking better every day. I tried this when my daughter was an infant with a 3rd degree burn from wrist to forearm, did it 2x a day for 12 months, and now at the age of 13 there is no scar at all. Good luck not picking them off!

Hi Lisa! Welcome. Making the decision to have the band was the best gift I have ever given myself. I did a TON of research on the band and my doctor is very very thorough, I had to go to all day informational classes before they would go any further. They also required a psych eval and a visit with the psychologist as well as nutritional counseling and working with fitness/exercise professionals. These things are vital I believe to making sure you feel comfortable with your decision. I was banded in september and have lost 44lbs. It IS a lot of work and EVERYONE tests their band's limits sometimes (we're still human after all), but the key is if you are willing to make the lifelong changes to your actions and thinking that you will need to be sucessful. The drawbacks for the surgery to me were mostly things I could control (i.e., if I eat around the band or too fast, I will pay the consequences) and the ability to be in control - really be in control - was a true first for me and the key to my sucess. Good luck with your decision. I have found the people on this board to be a fantastic source of smiles, support, accurate information and frank talk, use them anytime,

Banded 9/19/05 - down 40lbs, exercising and drinking that h2o. Loving the band! Good luck to all and HAPPY NEW YEAR!! May 2006 see less of us.

My sincere sympathies are with you. I had to let my beautiful beagle buddy go in august, it was the second hardest decision of my life. I am sending you hugs and a tear or two. Hold memories of Astro close to your heart, he will live there forever.

My doc just does it in the office and feels around. The first fill it was difficult and took two doc to find the port, but they wrote down the location and drew a picture, then each time (3) afterwards it has been easier. They will only do up to 1cc at a time which I like, and as I have lost more weight they have an easier time locating it. Last month no trouble at all Good luck!

Road Queen, My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I had to let my beloved beagle Buddy go in August and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to decide after allowing them to turn off the machines for my mother 2 years ago. Have you ever heard of the rainbow bridge? There is a beautiful poem, it helps me, I pray it helps you. I have pasted it below: Hugs! Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, Water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... Author unknown...

Let me be the first to offer my condolences on the loss of your addiction! I too was a MAJOR coke(soda!) addict, up to 4 per day. I don't smoke or drink so it was my "release". I knew I could follow the rules when I made myself quit. By the way, I refused to drink anything diet and nothing but full calorie coke or Mtn Dew would pass my lips. What I did to quit was start drinking only 1 a day for a week, then 1/2 a glass. When that just became too tempting, I started buying those mini bottles or cans that look like someone stole half of it. Then I would drink half of that, then I went to a shot glass full and then nothing. I hate warm, flat soda so I kept either throwing every oz away that wasn't in my drink or I let it get flat and warm. I had my list bit of soda on my 40th birthday, August 5th - and in my pre op visit (I was banded 9/19/05), I had lost 8 lbs and the only thing I did was stop the coke! My family has been good about keeping it out of the house, and sometimes I miss it terribly but now that I am having success, I am not willing to risk that by having soda. (secret - I do sometimes stroke the bottle and have a "moment" with it - how crazy am I?) Good luck!!

Welcome! I was banded 9/19/05 by Dr. Blackstone @ Scottsdale Bariatrics. Started process in May, the whole staff is wonderful! Keep up a positive spirit and your approval will hopefully come through before you know it. Good luck!

I usually go for an egg w/cheese and a small piece of sausage or 1 piece bacon. I generally can eat 3/4 of it. When I get bored with this, (I HATE eggs) I will eat oatmeal or even cream of wheat for one day. Has anyone tried fruit yet? I was banded 9/19 and am still afraid of things like oranges and apples.

yes! I am now always cold, in fact freezing! I didn't even take my jacket off at work today and I am sitting in here (NW phoenix) in the living room shivering up a storm. I asked the nurse at work (a school) and she said that the body's metabolitism (sp?) has changed with the weight loss. Does anyone know if this is temporary or permanent? We just moved into a new house with a fire pit in the backyard and we had planned to roast marshmellows this weekend, but it's too cold to go outside to the fire! Stay warm my fellow desert dwellers.

I live in the northwest valley, Welcome to bandland. I was banded 9/19/05 and am down about 36lbs so far! Feel good!!!

I am rooting for suzy too, and watching the promos for the finale, it seems that even though they blur the image of the "winner", I have seen clearly female legs in high heels. Hmmmmm....

BEAGLES! I grew up with a beagle who lived to be 16. I adopted a beagle (Buddy) when he was 1 year old who had been severly abused by previous owners (they wanted him to be "agressive" - so NOT beagle behavior), then another (Zoe) and then another (Maggie)! I gave the middle one (Zoe) to my mother-in-law just after getting her so that MIL wouldn't be alone, and I just lost my precious Buddy in August to Valley Fever (common in Arizona) that attacked his brain after 10 fantastic years with him. Maggie is Fat, Dumb and Happy. I can't bear the thought of losing another pet (I also had 2 cats along the way) so as of now she is the only pet. I also foster beagles and find them a loving forever home. I can't figure out how to attach pics of Buddy and Maggie but they are both tri color, classic looking (georgous!) dogs. ps - I am down 35 pounds now since being banded 9/19/05 and down 7% body fat (2 fills)! Happy thanksgiving everyone!

Hello All! I haven't been on lately due to a big problem that according to my surgeon is not a well known side effect of the band. This may or may not apply to many bandsters but I wanted to post anyway... On Sunday morning I was awakened by a SEVERE pounding of my heart, like it was going to beat right out of my chest. AFter chalking it up to severe work and personal stress, serious exercise and lack of sleep and hoping it would go away for 9 hrs, I finally decided to go to the ER. It turned out I had a heart rate of 179 (should be about a hundred or so beats less) and was in Atrial Fibulation (or A-Fib) where the top chamber of my heart beat erractically. After medicine did slow the beat but did not regulate the rythym, I was admitted and after about 50 hrs of no change they decided to perform a "Cardioversion" which is where they use the paddles they use to try and bring back someone who has just died to shock my heart back into a regular rythm. I was scared! anyway, thankfully it worked after 2 shocks - they do sedate you heavily so you feel it but don't care - and they kept me for another 24 hrs to make sure it didn't change back, and now I am home. The reason they believe this occured is twofold. The post-op (I am 6 weeks out) diet of high Protein, no carbs also means little to no potassium and maginesium rich foods, and with low doses of those you heart can go into a-fib or worse, and the fact that I have Ulcerative Colitis, which causes mal-absorbtion of nutrients are the culprits. They believe that those two factors caused my potassium and magnesium levels to be almost non-existent and sent me down this path. My surgeon has said that there is little to no data on band patients with Colitis, and my doctors in the hospital felt that I need to be on a more bypass-like Vitamin regime as a result of the mal-absorbiton. So please, if you have colitis, check IMMEDIATELY with your surgeon, and even if you don't have colitis, make sure to get your blood drawn and your levels checked on a regular basis! It is a potentially life-threatening condition.

I have been taking a Flinstones chewable multi-Vitamin post op. The doctor said I could start back on regular grown up Vitamins if I wanted, but to be honest I read the packages and there isn't much more of any ingredient in the adult ones so I will probably finish the bottle. Today is a good day, I woke up feeling fine, which is more than I can say for last sunday! They said if I converted back into a-fib it's likley to happen within 2 weeks after the cardioversion so tuesday will be week one down. Wish me luck! I am curious, why do they want to prevent a-fib for you? Have you had a problem before? I had never heard of this before it happened to me.

I only weigh in the doc's office each visit untill my weight goes down enough for a home scale to display (ha ha) so...without shoes but fully clothed! Their scale does callibrate water weight, muscle mass and body fat percentage also. Just had my 2nd fill yesterday and I was down 7.2 lbs from last fill 2 1/2 weeks ago! I also am down 7% body fat. I was soooo happy!

My doc had me wait 4 weeks and then only treadmill slowly and as tolerated, I can't lift weights or take aerobics classes until 8 weeks out (I am 6 weeks out now). The first time I got on the treadmill I walked at almost no incline and a comfortable walking pace for about 15 min, then built it up gradually over the next few weeks. Remember that your stamina is lower after surgery and it will rebuild as you continue each day but be careful not to over-do. I now can do exactly as I did pre-op as far as incline, speed and duration. Good luck and remember that WATER!

I was banded 9/19 and had my first fill on 10/24 (2cc in 5cc band) and feel no additional restriction and no weight loss since fill, I have however had a 7% body fat reduction and the office says to focus on that. I am having another fill on 11/28. The office also said it's very common to need another fill (or more). Don't be discouraged, you've only just started on the road, and it's a long one, just try and stick to the diet and keep exercising! Good luck!