RedJoy86

Hi there, So a few months back I started online dating and I haven't really connected with anyone yet. I know that these things take time and that I just need to be patient but I'm pretty sure that women just aren't interested with my profile. However, I've been toying with the idea of exploring the bar scene or just going out on Friday and Saturday nights more often to try to meet people. Many have said that the likelihood of meeting someone truly substantive with this would be less than online dating, but frankly I'd like to explore it now that I've lost close to 150 lbs (almost... there!) and I'd like to try talking with people. Maybe to get further contacts? Maybe just to get experience? Does anyone have any stories with this method after losing a significant amount of weight? I'd love to read good stories but I'll take bad ones too (for the examples of what not to do). I'm not looking for too much advice on this one but I'd just like to see peoples' experiences.

Sorry for the delay! I haven't been on in a while. To be honest, I haven't actually gone out much and I've mostly stuck to online dating. The big speedbump that I run into is that I can't drink anything except for Water when I'm out at bars. While I don't really have any craving to drink in excess, being unable to drink socially is a bit of a hindrance when trying to meet people. That being said, I'm still being very successful with the weight loss, even if I haven't been so successful at meeting someone special.

I know! Clever me! To answer your first question, I'm not sure why specifically I haven't gotten that much success. I've been using eHarmony mostly and I've dabbled with POF and Match (neither of which are really good). I did put the fact that fitness and diet are very important to me as I have lost a ton of weight over the past year but nothing specific about the WLS. It is a numbers game with online dating so I can't say that I'm super surprised. I've been on dates so I'm not completely unsuccessful, I just haven't gotten into any sort of relationship yet. I had figured that if I am single, why not hit up bars and play around since I'm at a point in my life when I'd be free to do so.

In going through this procedure, I've been very pleased with the weight loss that I've had (lost more than 100 lbs in less than 4 months) and the lifestyle changes that came with it (working out every day, less laziness, changing my wardrobe, eating less so spending less money, etc.). I've felt my confidence growing and I've been told all about how much better I look (even though some days I don't feel it...) and my life is all around better. I have quite a bit more to go before reaching my ultimate weight loss goal but I admire the path that I've walked so far and I hope to keep it up! Ever since I've been a kid, I've never been able to be with anyone in regards to a relationship for any longer than one or two dates (which doesn't really count, does it?), this has been pretty much due to always being fat and never really having the confidence level to accept rejection. Now-a-days, I'm not so concerned with the rejection or confidence bits because I know that those will change to improve as I lose weight and become more physically fit. However, I'm concerned of a few things: First, when and how do I really start putting myself out there? I have some ideas of what I'd like to do (online dating once I hit 220 lbs or so, maybe going out with friends more often, etc.) but I'm afraid that I won't actually have the confidence once I'm out there. I'm afraid that I'll crack under the pressure of rejection and I don't want to shut down just because I'm not right for someone for any number of reasons. Plus, there are specific questions that I have, like "What sort of online dating should I do?" or "What sort of places should I go to meet people?" My main question with this is: what sorts of ways have you folks gotten back into dating? Second, and this is a bit more basic, what suggestions do you folks have for dating after the first date? I'm pretty good at figuring out the first date, keep it simple and learn about the other person while giving them info, that's not so bad. However, are there any creative ideas for the second date, besides the usual "dinner" or "movie" options? I've tried doing mini-golf and bowling, but those things didn't seem right for the person who I tried to date and they ended up being my last dates with those people. Have you guys tried anything unique that's worked? Finally, I'd love to hear stories, both successful and unsuccessful. They're inspirational and they give me a feeling of "I can do this!" or "Now I know what not to do!" If you have any cool experiences or things to pass on, I'd love to read about them! As a (truly) last bit, please do NOT just post up here "Just be more confident!" I KNOW! We ALL Know that confidence is huge and we ALL know that losing weight is a big confidence booster. I'm looking for specific ideas, suggestions, or stories; not vague advice that will be followed naturally. Thanks!

From what I hear, eharmony is for the most long-term success, match is next best, while tinder and PoF are for short-term. I could be wrong as I've only really tried Match.com and PoF (both unsuccessfully but also significantly heavier than I am now). Am I correct in this? I know that when I begin online dating, I'll probably try eharmony first as a lot of my friends have used it very successfully.

@BigViffer @@OKCPirate You guys definitely have a good point. I do plan on taking it slow when I get back into it. I hope to have a little bit of fun but nothing too crazy. I will say that I've already experienced a massive change in the hormones so we'll see how that changes in the next few weeks and months. I want to be as perfect as I can be when I start dating again, so I've still got about 25-30 pounds to go before truly getting there. I really do like the idea of trying out a new club or interest, I've always wanted to get back into some form of martial arts (I already do a lot of music stuff and I've already noticed a huge difference in my fitness level so it makes sense to do something athletic). I like the idea of doing that. For the confidence bit, I don't really have anything against hearing it (or in this case, reading it) but it's simply information that I already know. I am looking for more specifics, which you guys provided. As the side note, I am noticing the change in confidence, just with work interactions alone! As for @CowgirlJane and other ladies who'd like to read and comment, they know far more about women than I could in a lifetime! I'm more than happy for their advice!

@@bellabloom That sucks! I'm sorry to hear that! I know that there are several places for "specific types" and I think we all kinda wish that folks with limits to dating (such as "I won't date you if you're not Christian") would go there... I haven't started online dating again, I think that I'm going to wait a little bit until I'm a bit skinnier and currently I still have a bit to go, but I am planning on approaching it like this: it will be a litmus test for how I am at conversation, one-on-one confidence, activities, and impressing others. Don't get me wrong, I really hope to meet someone who I can settle down with, but I know that I'm going to be shot down several times before I get picked up. Each time I hope to learn a little more about myself.

Eh, women reply on our room all of the time. I'll take whatever advice I can get.