fairee

Wow, this is a hard topic for me! I didn't think it would be. I was always thin also until I was around 40 when psych meds, a hysterectomy, chronic pain and menopause hit. I gained rapidly and it seems like it never stopped. My brain sometimes still imagines the me before when I was a size 5 or 7 and not 20. I think more than anything, I want to be able to wear clothes that I like and not be self conscious in them, I don't want to walk past a mirror and cringe. I can't wait until the day I walk past a mirror and I see me again. I love clothing that the only term for it would be flower child or hippie I would love to be able to pull off the soft romantic looks of the gypsy skirts, little tops and bangles.

I got my date yesterday........ January 18th! I'm ready!

Thanks to the kick in the butt that all of you gave me and that I needed, I had a productive talk with my son. I laid it out for him using the notes I wrote down (so I wouldn't forget) He said he'd be out of here by the end of the month and he apologized for taking advantage. He's going to pay for some maintenance on my car and he is arranging for rides to work and to rehab. I pointed out that once upon a time he was my Bud and we had a great relationship. I told him that I don't want to lose what we are building now. It was the first time I've seen him cry in a long time. Now to make sure he does what he says he's going to do

Thank you every one who has responded/ I appreciate your concern and comments. I did want to clarify a few things, first of all my "ex" doesn't stay here, he did for a week after the ER and then I stayed with him for a week after the hospital. He is still my best friend and probably always will be. I just can't live with him as husband and wife. My choice. He is there for me in financially and many other ways and I have tried to be there for him as well. We don't have public transportation in my city, too small. As for my son, he does contribute, not as much as I would like, but I know he's saving up for a place. His girlfriend doesn't live here but has been here most of the weekend. I am weak when it comes to setting boundaries, I know this. I am trying to get stronger and I am slowly gaining strength in this, setting rules for my son. The holidays also make it more difficult. Day by day I will remember that I do come first and I have to get these two out of my brain, they are men and don't have control over me. I haven't had my surgery, as far as I know it'll be in January. I had to wait until after my 3 mo. quit date 12/16..... and then I have to finish my procedures on my back. Also for the person who suggested counseling, I have been seeing my shrink for over 5 years.

Thank you for your concern mrs kaje. Yes I know, if he ever is in an accident or stopped, it will create major problems. However this is something we have decided to take a chance on. Not the smartest move I know, but it's been this way for many years. And honestly, something I dealt with 9 years ago. I am more stressed by my son and the loss of my freedom in my own home.

I don't even know where to begin. Since I began my journey, there have been way too many negative changes in my life. I'm having so much trouble keeping positive! It started this summer, July, when my adult son (32 yr old) was picked up during a heroin bust. I was glad that he was busted, not dead. I knew he was an addict, I had applied my tough love to him for the past 4 years. We would go months and months without any contact. It broke my heart, but I couldn't condone what he was doing. Well, after he was busted, I was the only one who had any contact with him. I was the only one who visited, wrote him and put money on so he could have money on his acct and so he could call. I talked to his lawyer and was there for every court date. I don't pay his bail cause I couldn't. He was busted with a group of 35 others in what was the largest bust in this area. They were making examples of all of them. He got lucky and only had a possession charge. Anyway, his jail time was very expensive for me, I live on my SS disability only. Anyway, he was released OR and ordered to outpatient rehab. What this meant to me, is a 32 year old roommate in a 1 bedroom apt! I took him in because he had no where else to go.He found a job about 3 weeks after moving in. He doesn't have a license so now in addition to having to drive him to his NA meetings, his outpatient rehab, and any other court mandated events, I also have the pleasure of driving him back and forth to work (4:30 AM-4:30 PM) Son is issue #one for me. Number 2 is my semi ex hubby. We have been separated for over a year now, but we are friends. Before son moved in, he pretty much had the car most of the time. (I don't like driving or going out too much) This way he was able to run his errands and mine too. It was working great for us. Now he never gets the car and it's frustrating for him. He can't get his own cause he too doesn't have a license. Last month he was in the ER 3 times before finally being admitted to the hospital because he was having problems breathing. He ended up staying here also because he was afraid to be on his own b/c of his breathing. Well.................. now fast forward to this week. I have finally hit my breaking point with these two! Ex wants me to move back in, he thinks since I've been there for him for all of this, then I must be ready to move back in. Uh, NO! And my "wonderful" son has now fallen in love. She is a sweetie yes, but she lives with her mom and dad so all of their time together is now here at my place . She spends the night, both sleeping on the living room floor.............. oh yeah, did I forget to mention her 2 yr old daughter who also comes with them?? I like this girl and I think her daughter is cute but I need my place back! I have been mentally getting ready for this big lifestyle change and have been trying to be more positive. That is all going out the window right now. I quit smoking (3 months yay me!) and I have had the worst cravings in the past week. But I'm staying strong! I am proud of what my son is doing to turn his life around but geez! I thought it was my time now!! I can't wait until he moves out! And I will be staying here not at ex's, this is my home and I love living here. Thanks for listening to me, I don't have anywhere else I can put this out there!

Me too! Funny story... when I moved into my apartment 2 years ago, I was thrilled to have a bathtub! I hadn't had one for almost 10 years, So after a long day of moving boxes in, I ran the Water and put in some pretty bath salts annnnndddd I got in. Well, that wasn't a problem but I was wedged in and I couldn't get move! It took awhile, but I was finally able to roll around on hands and knees and got out of the tub! I'm like you, I want to take a bath in my tub!

Great poem........ This is awesome. Read the poem from top to bottom then from bottom to top. This was written by a 14 year old!

I apologize in advance if this has been addressed, but I couldn't find it. I am currently on Medicare for disability and have qualified for WLS because of co-morbidities and BMI.I am in the process of completing my surgeon's requirements; the last one I need before my scheduling appt is the full 3 months smoke free (Dec. 16th is 3 months! Go me!!! ) I have done labs, mammo, shrink, cardio, endo, support group etc. My question is: if I were to choose to get a Medicare Adv Plan that starts January 1, does anyone know how that would affect my WLS that is scheduled In January? That is going to be a huge factor in my decision as to whether I add one or not and which one I choose. TIA!

I just saw this on my Facebook page and thought I'd share it. It is beautiful and would be a great appetizer to take to any kind of party! Sorry there isn't a recipe. Enjoy!

@@anna9/15 I'm pre-op so I can't really help with some of the feelings you are having, but I did notice that you are also concerned about going back to work at a call center. Now that I can relate to. I know the amount of stress that you experience. I also understand limits on food and drinks at your station,. as well as breaks and meal times not always on time or shortened. I'm sure this is also adding to your anxiety. Working in a call center is one of the most stressful positions there are. But the good news is, if you speak to a sympathetic supervisor, manager or HR person... they can help you get back in the swing of things. They can help support you. I have had mental issues while working at call centers (2). I was super anxious to go back to work knowing that I had to place myself first in order to stay healthy. I received help from my supervisor and manager and I never expected it. They explained it top me this way....... the company had already spent a lot of money in my training and they knew it was a solid investment that has paid off. They felt that support would help me I hope this makes sense to you too.