judy1234

I have been thinking about this since I read the other thread. I not exactly excited to be thin. I like to shop so I am excited about clothes shopping, but I have not been a miserable fat person. Being fat is part of my persona and I will be losing it. I'm comfortable with how people treat me. I am overall treated very well by people, the people that treat me bad will still treat me the same when I am thin, because their actions towards me aren't due to my weight but other factors.
I never viewed being overweight as a handicap. I thought of it the same as hair or eye color, it is just a difference. I have other issues as a minority that are more important than being fat, it is pretty low on my list of concerns.
I don't think I have compensated and I don't see myself changing much. I will probably be more daring in fashion choices, but I have never been subtle in that department either. I might do crazy colors with my hair instead of just red or blond. I'm just me and I have been this person a long time I don't really see changing much.

Have you tried plain Greek yogurt sweetened with Spenda? Tons of protein!

You're all so correct. After my note above re Inner Surfer Girl and Bella Bloom's notes, I read what's been entered since my last drop-in. Lots of interesting, valuable messages.
@@AvaFern Your comments on Mystery the Player (glad to say I've never heard of it) recalls something I saw in a men's magazine many years ago. It may have been Esquire or GQ. The advice was intended in a positive vein to give a woman what her soul might need at the moment: Also to make a positive rather than crass, bad-boy (â la Mystery Player) impression: Compliment a beautiful woman on her intelligence; compliment an intelligent woman on her beauty.
@@Babbs Did you really say "fuckin' weird?" This is so exciting. We can really say what we mean? I signed up at SparkPeople when I had surgery and still take part. What irks me is that the tech system has an autocensor. When I try to use certain mild words I'm stopped. It's a pain in the ass (which I think is one of the censored words). Omitting the words waters down the meaning and impact.

Very interesting dialogue in this thread. Thanks to all. Makes me think I have some issues with "skinny" I haven't begun to examine. Hmmm.
Let's face it, folks. It's just fuckin' weird to lose this much weight in such a short period of time after (for most of us) a lifetime of obesity. And we're undergoing this enormous physical and psychological transformation in an era when people of all ages are obsessed with physical appearance.
WLS in the selfie era -- it definitely has some challenges.
Right on! (I sound like a child of the 70's, don't I?) I have to admit, I went into this thread reading one thing, and came out understanding another.
That's why I love these forums. Well, it's kind of a love/hate. LOL.

Good gosh this is a long thread, lol.
I can understand how you feel in a sense. Men tell me I am small all the time. My last boyfriend would tease me about how little I am, pick me up and toss me over his shoulder, and make me laugh until my face hurt because he teased me that I was tiny. I average about 129-131 pounds...good days I'm smaller, bad days or weeks I'm about 2 pounds bigger, but I am by no means a small girl. I don't mind when men tell me I am small...it makes me feel good. My last boyfriend also used to tell me how smart I was, how good of a cook I was, how funny I was, and a lot of other things, all of which also made me feel good.
In the end, each man is attacted to different things. I don't feel like I'm being offensive when I tell a man how his big shoulders are sexy, how his butt looks fabulous, or how I like how thick his wrists are, so when a man tells me I'm little and teases me that he can toss me around, I take it as what it is...a compliment. Men are conditioned to think women like to be told they are small because all we do is complain about how we are fat. We can't complain that they might not like us because we are too big but then in the same sentence turn around and complain that they tell us we are small.
The overwhelming majority of people in the world, including men much as I hate to say it, are good people, who when they say something about our appearance are trying to be kind and make us feel good about ourselves. Smile, accept the compliment, and move on...no one is trying to be offensive, shallow, or hurtful.

Yes, this thread has been an enlightening read.
This topic of how our obesity shaped the way we view the world--even for those who are no longer obese--is a topic meriting its own thread. I know for a fact that everything I do in life, every single choice I've ever made, is done from the lens of a fat person. When you are fat from childhood (I tipped over into the "fat" category in third grade, and it was all downhill from there), especially in a time when few kids were fat (unlike today, where it is more normalized), it is rare that you grow up relating to the world in a way that a slender person would. This is of course my perception, and there are certainly people out there whose experience differs, but I know that my personality was vastly shaped by growing up fat and therefore different from my classmates.
So when we shed that fat, after years of moving through the world dodging society's slights and insults, we don't really have any kind of touchpoint for knowing how to relate to potential love interests.
It is so very normal that newly-thin people are confused in the dating world. I don't have any solution but I suppose it is like being a teenager again, with all the passion and heartbreak that accompanies that stage of life. You just have to walk through it, learn your lessons, and hopefully come out of it with a great and worthy mate.

Very interesting dialogue in this thread. Thanks to all. Makes me think I have some issues with "skinny" I haven't begun to examine. Hmmm.
Let's face it, folks. It's just fuckin' weird to lose this much weight in such a short period of time after (for most of us) a lifetime of obesity. And we're undergoing this enormous physical and psychological transformation in an era when people of all ages are obsessed with physical appearance.
WLS in the selfie era -- it definitely has some challenges.

This is a tangent.
I remember many year's ago hearing a matchmaker tell a story about one of her clients.
She said she took him to a local upscale mall. To get an idea of what "type" of woman he found attractive she asked him to point out anyone he saw that he found attractive. It turns out the only "women" he noticed were the mannequins in the department store displays.
Some guys just don't like or know how to deal with real, live human women.

Not me. I'm one ugly mofo. But I am pretty damn charming.
Sent from my phone, please forgive brevity and misspelling

I'm 2 years out maintaining for a year and 1/2 now. I jumped back into my social life after losing about half my weight. Probably too early in hindsight. As I approached a healthy BMI, I attracted more attention, (not always the kind I wanted), but looking back, my accomplishment was always present in the front of my mind then. I thought about it a lot. Every time I passed a window or mirror I was astounded by the reflection I saw. I worried about when I would tell a potential boyfriend and how. Was in a 10 month relationship that recently ended and recently jumped back in the pool.
It's different now. I'm not complacent. I still work out 5 days per week, weigh several time per week, eat small meals, (like I have a choice), :-) but I think about all of that A LOT less than I used to. I've met the "fat shamer", but they are few and are between and never get a second date. I'm choosier about who I'll go out with now. I'm looking for someone who is ACTIVE, because I need that influence in my life, but not someone who's more in love with his pecs\abs\whatever that he will be with me!
Where I used to obsess over my progress and maintaining it, I just don't so much anymore. Where I used to obsess about telling a potential partner I'd had bariatric surgery and why I eat so little, I don't anymore because all of that feels really normal to me now. I'm just more relaxed about it all which I think comes with time.

That's an awfully broad stroke to paint men with. I have never liked skinny women personally. Atheletic maybe, but I like thicker or dare I say plump women. Most of my friends do as well, but not all. And those that do not like fuller figure women have something that they themselves are insecure about. So I believe they are using the "hot" woman as a way to hide their perceived shortcomings. Same thing with guys and sport cars. They assume that others will see him with a beautiful woman and think to themselves, "Man, that guy must really have his sh_t together to get a woman like that!"
I find that I have almost always wanted someone that I enjoyed their company first, the looks second. So that is the type of woman I set out to attract. bellanloom stated that she is doing the online dating thing. If so, then that means that she has a profile on a service. The men that are reading it and contacting her must have something in common with her profile. Not saying her personally, but the persona she is projecting on a service.
So I guess my advice to bella would be to change your profile to reflect the part of you that you want people to notice and attract the type of man you want. In a state as big as California, there must be someone who isn't "crazy" like your other thread nor a skinny chaser.

I don't think so you feel what you feel. Men are visual a holes lol and guess the majority like skinny minnies. It sucks how superficial they are and seeing how many more men are available to us now. What can we do...enjoyyyy : ))

Hahahha. Nope I'm not one to walk quietly through the world with my head down. Thank god!!
I have as many flaws and insecurities as anyone else. But what I have learned in life is no one else will be your advocate- you have to be your own.
My insecurities in my youth led me into an abusive marriage for 8 years that almost killed me. I had to decide every day whether or not I believed the things he said to me. I was called a fat pig every day for years and I had children with him so I felt very trapped. It's was so hard to leave.
I've come out of that strong and full of love for myself and appreciation of my worth. No one will do that for us. And hating on other people- that's a sign of insecurity if I've ever seen one!!
I have no problem sitting with my flaws and shouting out my good qualities. Life is hard enough and if your not going to be your own best friend, who will?????

Um? Yeah, you kind of did. Perhaps you had not intended to insult, but it most certainly could have been phrased in a less insulting manner.

@@bellabloom someday you will find someone who appreciates the full you - I agree!
I also know you feel great about yourself and your looks and there is nothing wrong with that. I think self love is very important.
I also know that a big part of the online dating pool sucks. Hey, I entered into a somewhat serious beginning of a relationship last winter with someone who I am now convinced is mentally ill. My friends all thought he was da bomb and were totally taken in by his "false front" as well. It's discouraging.
I am not sure if I believe in the MeyersBriggs personality thing - but i test as an ENFP. I was researching that a little bit and what struck me is people often feel that since that "type" tends to be so friendly and even flirtatious to everyone, they don't know how to trust it. It has given me alot to think about... that self confident, outgoing, empathetic, etc personality is often perceived COMPLETELY wrong in the dating world. hmmm
Example, I have repeatedly had men who I did NOT want a second date with me shocked and kinda... disappointed... that I didn't want a second date. From their perspective - we really hit it off. Well, from my perspective, I was polite and friendly and all that like I am to EVERYONE.
Flip side, I can also be overly business like/put up defenses. It is an artform I have perfected from my years of obesity and the way of dealing with unwanted attention too. I think this is a reason I don't meet people more naturally, organically. I am trying to practice making eye contact, smiling if I see someone that interests me. Who knows, he might be married, or not be interested in me, but a smile is hardly like I am throwing myself at him - so why not try it?
Anyway, I know I have taken this a different tangent, but the point I am trying to make is that while the comments come across as a bit harsh and judgmental, I think we all need to ask ourselves what we are doing to contribute to "the problem". But yes, a lot of it is that the online dating pool is full of messed up people - one of the key reasons I am just not doing it right now.

Thank you for understanding my post. It is totally offensive to me to hear people put others down on their looks. My being thin has seemed to give these guys a license to criticize other women! Seriously, the guy I went out with last night insulted his own daughter to me!!!
I am a professional photographer for a living. I've worked with a lot of models over the years. And it's interesting to me how SO many of them can't seem to find a relationship. One would think it would be easy being blessed with incredible beauty as they are.
I suspect the issue is that they do attract shallow men obsessed with looks and perfection. They have to weed through that and find Someone who enjoys their beauty but looks past it and sees their personality as well.
I have met several men obsessed with looks and they come right out and say it. It's not in my head.

I used vaping to quit smoking. I smoked for more then 30 years. I only used the juice with 0 nicotine. My juice is 80% VG and 20% PG. I took this to my surgeon and he approved it to use during my surgery. Ds is what I am supposed to get. But he did say that in the end he would like to see me off of the vape also. I vape more in the vehicle. But other then that I can go hours without it now. The first 4 days with no nicotine was the worst. I have had to do it with a selfish husband smoking in front of me and family stressing me out about the surgery. So if I can overcome that with no nicotine anyone can do it. Once u get past the 4 th day with no cig you will realize it's the hand to mouth habit that you miss vaping 0 nicotine juice will take care of that habit. Former smoker about a month out. ????

I'm flabbergasted at this treatment! I would be tempted to file a former complaint with the hospital regarding all comments made. Thanks to technology, it wouldn't be difficult to find the names of those involved in your care as long as the facility used an EMR.
Luckily, the surgeon I am using and the hospital he performs all procedures at have a bariatric floor. He's personally trained ALL staff on how to take care of patients like us. I certainly hope I don't receive any comments such as these. My mom will be with me as my husband just began a new job and I don't want him to ask off. So if they cross the line, Mama Bear will be quick to my rescue and they will certainly see her wrath.

I was very lucky and hit the lottery with my wife, I always dated and never had real problems except for the occasional "I think we should be friends" but even thin people encounter this, I was at 360lbs when we met and had been divorced for 4 yrs swearing off marriage, she had a slight accent since she was from South Africa, blue eyes, blonde hair, and a size 6 the day I said "in case it doesn't work out, you are the most amazingly strong woman I have ever met, and you got smarts!" On the third time we met she said she was gonna marry me, we have never looked back, 8yrs, 2 step boys, she gave me a daughter, and my twin boys, she is now working on her Masters after completing her Bachelors in April, and midway next year will start on her PhD, she also advocated for me through this process to get some of the costs down, now she asks me sometimes if I'm gonna leave her when I get thinner, I tell her no, I would be very stupid and shallow, and I know what I married, my only problem is that as I'm getting in shape and losing weight I am finding girls staring at me more, and people that never talked to me wanting to be friends, it is very hard to be humble when your raging inside, I'm very polite, but I'm yelling internally " hey I'm the same guy you used to avoid, what the hell is wrong with you!" I guess if I was single I would hope that I'd meet someone with enough integrity that I could tell right off the bat," hey I used to weigh 388lbs at one point what do you think about that?" Lol good luck sincerely

I don't think her husband and her want anyone watching.

You can certainly enjoy being thin and not have to be in any fetishist's club. One does not imply the other, so don't worry about that.
I find what you are describing to be as offensive as homophobia or racism. You wouldn't give a guy a second date if he said on the first date how much he hated blacks or asians, or how much he despised gay people, right?
So just use these very disrespectful, but informative,l comments as a way to sort out men you would never be compatible with, and keep sifting through the crap until you find your gold.
I remember years ago having a first date with a man who, over coffee, began to diss on his employers. "They are Jewish, so of course they are stingy and my salary isn't what it should be."
"Oh really?" I said. "I know a lot of Jewish people who aren't like that."
"Who?" he asked.
"Well," I began, "my parents, for instance."
There was never a second date, of course, but what a great insight into who this man was.

I have been on several dates lately and it's amazing me how often the subject of my weight is coming up.
These men seemed intrigued and extremely attracted to and mesmerized by my thinness. They talk about my weight and how little I eat as such a plus and make sure they let me know how they don't like overweight women and they talk about their own weight a lot to the negative even if they are thin.
Is there a breed of men especially attracted to underweight women? Because I seem to be attracting them in droves and it's a very weird feeling to me.
I feel like for one I could never let these guys know I used to be overweight. They are so fixated on my shape and I feel totally uncomfortable thinking of what their reaction might be to know my history. I'm sitting their wondering how far their desire for perfection goes. I find the attitude pretty repulsive and walk away knowing I could not date these guys.
In fact it's gotten so bad I'm finding myself seeking out and wanting to date an overweight man because I find his attitude about his body more attractive and it comforting to be with someone that is overweight. It's more familiar to me and I feel like they would be less likely to judge my history.
The attention I'm getting from men seems so biased towards my looks. It's making me feel really weird. I'd hate to have to burst their bubble with the truth and I also hate the idea of only being seen for my physical self.
I'm not saying it's all the guys I've gone out with, but I am definitely running into it. Like these guys are groupies for modelesque type women and I'm suddenly in that status.
It bothers me to hear them put down overweight women. I happen to find overweight men and women attractive and I make sure and tell them that.
I went to dinner with a guy tonight and both him and the waiter teased me about how little I ate and he even told me how his daughter is overweight and her thighs are big and how him and his ex wife tried to intervene and help her by sending her into counseling. Poor girl.
I want to be skinny but I don't want to be in this kind of club.

Made a video about you ?
F*%K that B!#*h. No way, shape, or form that can be legal.
Sorry, I have no advice, but that blows. You should get a free pass on pimp-slapping that worthless piece of crap for as many times as you'd like.
Manipulative, petty, low-class heifer. I'm very sorry you had to be subjected to such a spineless piece of garbage.

If that was my boss, I would turn her ass in to HR and get an attorney.

Just got the call that my surgery was approved by insurance!!! Tuesday can't get here fast enough, so excited