Operagal

Thank you. You are absolutely right. I was hoping that I simply wouldn't be hungry. So many people write that that's what happened to them and I was hoping for the same. I really appreciate your response, it gave me both hope and much needed direction.

Hello, I was banded on April 30, 2008 and just had my first fill on June 21st. I have had no restriction. I think I had been trying to outsmart my band - thinking that once I got restriction, I would be limited in what I ate - so I'd better 'go for it' until then (ice cream etc). Well, after my first fill, I still feel nothing and realize I'd better shake the 'last meal' attitude and get a grip before I sabotage myself right back into my old habits. I've had no pain, no p'bing, nothing getting stuck, nothing to remind me that I've had anything done other than my empty pockets. Hopefully the second fill, and better self control will do the trick. I'm a bit disappointed by still hopefull - but not 'full'.

Yeah! Thanks again.

Exactly! Best wishes.

Yes, I hear you. Loudly and clearly. I wish I had the right thing to say to make that darned hunger - real or imagined- go away. I feel it too. But eating too much and too soon can really comprimise your band. I could eat everything and anything put in front of my face. I feel nothing - no pain, no restriction. I'm on track now but it's been hell. Some of my thinking has been: If I could have gone on liquids or any other diet for this long, I wouldn't have needed the band. I couldn't manage to control my portions prior to the band, so how am I expected to do it now without restriction? Magic? Wishful thinking? Unfortunately, I think it's just pure grit and determination that will get us through. And a little help from supportive people. Yes, it's hell - and we're not good at staying away from food. But give the band and yourself a fighting chance -and pray for restriction. Otherwise, what are we going to do? Give up and go back to our old ways - both defeated and with smaller bank accounts to boot? I too am so worried about not getting restriction after my first fill. If only there was a procedure for the head hunger. I'd pay double for that. I'm with you honey - but we can do if others can. I'm probably way to long winded but writing keeps me from eating! HA HA My best to all. Keep up the good fight.

Absolutely. But screwing up feels - and is - much much worse - I know. Keep on track and don't lose sight of your reasons for doing this. You can find your strength. It's there.

Thank you so much Ready and so many others for your kind words. I am sorry to have opened a can of worms. (Yes, it was me who had the MAJOR post-op screw up). Please know I wasn't looking for approval for my actions but a way to confess and move on - after all it was a thread for confessons, no? I absolutely was aware of the stupidity and self destructiveness of my actions but also knew that a lifetime of hiding had not served me well either. While I DID NOT continue to eat and hide over the "stupid" response (as would be my normal course of action), it played on my brain as a contination of the same old record. The cycle of beating myself up and self abuse comes easily enough after years of practice. Sometimes this kind of thinking makes me feel like a freak and alone - but realistically I know this is not true. I no longer want to wallow in my errors. Perhaps I sounded non-chalant in my confession? If I did, it was the modus operandi of a fat-jolly person dusguising their pain and shame. I'm working on that too. Ironically and stupidly, I often found myself angry at fat people - especially if I happened to be on my latest weight loss roll: HOW COULD THEY? CAN'T THEY SEE WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO THEMSELVES? GROSS. WHY DON'T THEY JUST STOP? I GUESS THEY JUST DON'T CARE. etc etc. Of course, at my first screw up, all my comments boomeranged right back to myself. But until then, I was cured, converted, no longer a member of their fat club. Ha Ha. Ready/ Barbara, I wanted you to know that I have placed your message on "stinky thinking" on my desk top so that I could read it every day. Here it is: That's what I call "stinky thinking" because the truth is that we are NOT deprived. We are finally learning to eat healthy. Part of the recovery is the liquid diet and then the mushies. This is something you signed up for when you got the band. Yes, it's hard and feels like s**t sometimes, but then you have to decide whether or not you're doing this to become healthy and strong. The band is a tool. If a tool isn't used right it can hurt you. You have to go into this knowing that you WILL NOT CHEAT... cheating and self abuse is how we all got fat in the first place. I'm having a hard time of it too, but I'm going to my support meetings, I'm going inside myself to review my reasons for having this surgery, I'm calling friends on the phone. For me, it's really easy... my body is hungry, but my body is not my friend right now... my brain and my heart are my friends - I love myself enough - finally and for the first time in my life - to do exactly what my doc says to do. If you ate a little bit off your list, or choose high-cal vs. low cal, you must forgive yourself for that and move on, determined to do better next time. All in all, I'm back on track and recommitted to a healthy lifestyle and "head" style. So as they say, "It's all good." THANK YOU!

Yeah pretty awful no? It's bad stuff and I'm not proud of it. Living in denial doesn't make for great decisions. I'm back on track - now that I GET IT. I've often wondered how "other" addicts can mistreat themselves with such abandon. Well, I get it now. Thanks for the straight talk. I wish I had gotten it prior to banding.

Thank you. After a long night of panicking (yeah - stupidly after the fact) I came to the same conclusion. Apparently a lifetime of pushing limits didn't magically end at the conclusion of surgery. Talk about rebellious-self-destructive attitudes. Heck man, it took this to see my self as I truly am. Delusionally thought I was getting away with something because I felt perfectly fine. Me -wonder woman - I'm not.

Okay, if somebody has REALLY screwed up....what's the next step beyond going back to liquids and praying? Is there any test to determine whether the band has not "seated" correctly or whether it is seated in a weakened state? Is there a general time/window of opportunity when the setting of the scars seats the band? At what point does the opportunity for a good setting/seating no longer exist? In other words, if you've really #&*(&& - up how can you improve your lot?

Thanks coolcrystal. I really appreciate your help. Funny the only thing I'm EVER rebellious about seems to be food. Big surprise. Who knows, if I ever channel my rebellious nature into more meaningful areas, perhaps I'll really be someone to recon with! Best wishes and thanks again.

Geez I've been up half the night looking for information on post op screwups. I've not been good at all and need a real kick in the pants. I can't believe - well actually I can - that I've been so intent on challenging the band. I'm only 12 days post op and the story ain't pretty. I stayed on liquids for the first 4-5 days because I felt very full and/or gassy. By day 6, I felt nothing, no limits, and by day 8 then all hell broke loose. Tonight was the worst of all - day 12. Damn holiday - it's all my mother's fault. Just kidding. 2 Chile Rellenos, fajitas, beans, rice, salad, desert, and 3 fiber cookies (just to be healthy) ha ha. I topped it all off by taking a laxative. Yeah, that'll solve the problem! I know I've got to get control of myself. Got to stop bucking the rules. I've been worried sick - only after the fact, of course - that I've stretched my pouch or worse. At least if I'd had some problem getting the food down, or a tummy ache. But no, nothing. Easy as pie. I started hiking again 4 days post op and even went back to the gym today for some upper body work. I guess I thought that gave me license to stray from my 21 day liquid/mushy diet. I really scare myself with the realization that I'm already playing this game with myself. I mean, I'm really serious about losing weight - aren't I? I'm so pissed with myself. *%%##!!! I vow to get back on the wagon tomorrow. Sometimes I really hate myself.

Awful story. Best wishes. I really hate insurance companies. I owned a prosthetic company and you wouldn't believe the problems we had authorizing prosthetics for missing limbs! Geez. I didn't even bother with my Kaiser insurance for my banding - I knew it would be hell and I'd probably gain even more weight in the process. I know that's not always an option but I'm glad it's over and done with. I wish you the best and hope that authorization comes soon.