SuperSecretIdentity

I'm in the early stages of my surgery journey. I have: - Met with my PCP and been referred to a surgeon - Attended my surgeon's seminar - Filled out the referral paperwork for insurance coverage and returned it to my surgeon's office - Scheduled my two required nutritionist appointments, health history appointment and psychological evaluation (all in September - October) After my appointments are complete, I'll be meeting with the surgeon again, submitting final paperwork to insurance, awaiting approval and then setting my surgery date (I'm hoping for early January 2016, when I'm on semester break from Grad School) Now I'm wondering, who exactly should I fill in about this process, and when? So far, only my boyfriend knows. I figure I should tell his parents, as we currently live in the apartment over their garage and I may need extra help from them post-surgery, and because BF's father has also had a weight-loss surgery (Gastric Bypass) and he would be a tremendous personal resource. I also need to tell my co-workers, since I'll likely need two to three weeks off from work for surgery and recovery. I'd prefer to keep the list short, strictly a "need to know" basis only. Not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed of what I'm doing, but because I'm a private person and it's a medical procedure- it's not like I announce every time I have a pap smear, right? So other than those folks I've mentioned, who else really needs to know, and when do I tell them? Wait until after insurance approval? After the surgery date is set? Will that be enough time for any preparation that needs to be done? Thanks everyone!

I'm not afraid of dying in surgery; instead, I'm afraid of something going wrong with the surgery and leaving me with some sort of lifelong disability or major problem that will never go away. Yes! I thought of this too! I also worry, "What if it turns out there's something in your stomach that you need to live a long time, and we're all getting surgery that still makes us die at 70 instead of 90?"

I don't know what Versed is, but it sounds delightful! I think the "going under" is the thing I'm scared of most of all. I don't have a surgery date set yet, as I'm still in the early stages of this whole process... but honestly, sometimes I think the fear of the anesthesia might be enough to make me back out. I don't want to do that, because I know it's the right thing for me, but damn it's scary!

Just to prove to you all how neurotic I am, I thought of another fear: waking up during surgery. I've read this happens in less than 1 in every 100 cases, but when I received IV anesthesia for an oral surgery several years ago, I was able to hear the surgeon and nurse talking for several minutes --- while they started operating on my mouth.

I'm very glad I found this topic, though I'm not glad for what some of you are going through. So, firstly, let me extend my good wishes to those of you who are struggling to find support from your significant others. I'm actually worried about myself, not my boyfriend. I'm incredibly lucky that he has been supportive of this process- he came with me to my surgeon's seminar, he'll be at my appointments (where a support person is welcome), he helps me with all the little stuff that comes up like running out for Vitamins, finding the myriad of different protein/meal replacement shakes at the store (trying to test flavors early so when it's time for the liquid diet I'm not scrambling to find something that doesn't taste like garbage. yuck.) All around, he's a great man and I'm lucky to have him. But, he's also the only boyfriend I've ever had. I'm in my mid-twenties and no other man has shown a romantic interest in me (if you don't count devastating moments in middle school in which I was informed that boys did have crushes on me but not my body- in other words, "I like you, but I'm too embarrassed to date you or ask you to dance because you're fat!) Anyway, I'm afraid that with the sudden influx of attention I'll turn into someone I don't like and it'll be the demise of what I have with my SO. We've talked about it before, several times actually, but he doesn't seem to understand that this is a real phenomena for women who undergo this kind of procedure. He seems totally secure, and he's probably completely right to be, but what if I become someone I don't like? Memories like the one I described above can do a lot a damage to your psyche with this kind of thing, especially paired with a lack of love/attention from my parents as a kid. As a "fat person" I made up for the lack of love/attention by desperately trying to be perfect- super smart! super friendly! super nice! never, ever get in trouble! super dependable!- what if I find myself (subconsciously) trying this new outlet? That was long, sorry guys!

My fears: 1. Never waking up from anesthesia/other surgery complications that kill me 2. The surgery not working- specifically, that I'll still always be hungry. 3. So much loose skin in hard-to-cover areas that I'm even more self-conscious about than my excess fat 4. Developing some nasty infection after surgery and dying 5. The changes in my body causing changes in my relationship with my boyfriend. I've seen about a million episodes of Dr. Phil where the wife loses a ton of weight/gets a dramatic makeover and she leaves her husband to go out and party because it's the first time anyone has ever really given her attention/flirted with her. As I have never gotten romantic attention or been flirted (well, to my knowledge at least) I worry that the sudden shift might make me go a little 'crazy'. This is especially worrisome because growing up I didn't get much love/attention from my parents either, so I worry it'll ignite some part of me that I won't like. 6. Judgement. From friends, from strangers, whatever- about why I "couldn't just lose weight the right/normal way" 7. Going through surgery in the hope of nipping in the bud the Type II diabetes, congestive heart failure, stroke, heart attack etc. only to get it all anyway Yeah, so I have a lot of fears...

This was so helpful!