TaRena

Three weeks post op. Down 18lbs as of this morning.

I am looking forward to the cooler weather the Fall will bring. I say this as I am sitting here cooling down from my run. The humidity really kills me, but I hate treadmills so I will continue to endure.
 This morning I found the pace that feels like you could run forever and I started going over how my life has improved since last year at this same time. I weighed in the 250's with my highest known weight 255. I wasn't weighing much then because I was disgusted with myself. I had let carbs back into my diet and my weight and blood sugars were out of control. I couldn't understand why I could go 4-6 weeks and then I would just give up. I now know why. My body was fighting me every step of the way. I kept fighting though, and found a new endocrinologist who agreed to change my thyroid medication and help get my diabetes under control. I had to wait 6 months to get an appointment with him, but it was worth it. I saw him in Nov. 2016 and he was the first doctor to suggest WLS. He put the idea in my head and I told him I would think about it. He saved my life that day by having the courage to be honest with me about my weight without judging me or making me feel like the failure I thought I was. The truth hurts sometimes, but it also motivates us, or at least it did me. I was going to be put on insulin if my A1C did not come down to below 7 on my next test in April. 
Having WLS surgery gave me the metabolism reset I needed. My body is no loner fighting me every step of the way. I realized this morning that I am 74 pounds lighter than I was last summer and this is a miracle. I am on my way to being healthier, stronger, fitter, and happier in my 50's than I ever was in my 40's. 
I won't go back to last year ever. I know I can't see the future and what it holds. I know my journey won't be easy and I will stumble and fall, but I am certain with all of my being that I am moving forward and never back. As long as I keep getting up I am strong.
Have a great Monday everyone!

Its weird how your body image changes over time. I was fit in my youth (up to senior year in high school),  i had a very softball playerlike/borderline hardbody and i loved my body. After gaining weight, my confidence plummeted. For most of my adult life, I tried hard to lose weight, always imagining myself as thin with not much muscle. I'll never forget my father (love him to death btw) telling me at 18 to stop lifting weights because I (meaning me specifically, not females in general) can bulk up a bit from it.  He had always treated me like i was his 2nd son, but as i got older he started pushing me to be "girlier". I guess he realized as puberty set in, that despite all my feminine attributes my body liked being muscular. And it kind of stuck with me for a long time. I was terrified of weights after that. I wanted a flat stomach and a thigh gap and thin arms, but no six pack, no definition. Now, as i watch myself shrink down, I'm embracing how my body is truly designed. I build muscle (much easier than a lot of females), and I'm finally ok with that. I care more about what this body can do than what it looks like. And a lot of the things I enjoy require muscle....so......