VLime

Honestly, for all my self-esteem and self-hatred i have, i never developed anorexia or bulimia, but my sister did. We are both over 30 now and i know she still has some issues with it, and being in the army and constantly exercising, has both helped and hindered her. I still think she's in the denial phase. I say all this to tell you i do understand the thought process. I have been a self-mutilator since my late teens, and it's been several months since i've had a problem controlling the urge, but i know there are many things i need to work on. I say this because i know the surgery isn't going to make me happy or love myself. It might help me because i'll feel better and be able to do more of what i want, but it's the headgame that is the real obstacle. You may not believe, but I will think of you when i'm praying. We all have struggles and that in no way makes us bad people and in your case, a bad mother. It's just something we are going through. And with a little encouragement, we can take another step towards healthy lives and minds.

I've got RLS, so i COMPLETELY understand how you feel. It's horrible to be laying in bed, wanting to sleep, exhausted, and your legs just need to move, twitch, stretch, move, tingle, tighten, and everything else but calm the F down! I find that even my muscle relaxant isn't helping much anymore...and i know it's not a vitamin/mineral deficiency, it's something i've had that just got worse over time...especially after some traumatic leg surgery i've needed for other problems. So what helps me: Elevation, sometimes just throwing a pillow under my legs and feet to get them above the heart helps. Warmth: this is tricky, especially in the summer. But i have a small lap blanket whose fibers kinda make it stick to my comforter and i lay it over my legs from the knees down. If it's hot, i uncover my feet to help regulate temp. I am going to knit some leg warmers this fall so I can have that nice warmth a little more controlled in the cold weather. honestly though, when all else fails, i put on my compression socks. for some reason that constriction envelopes the crazy and most times works to help me finally sleep. I have 20-30 mmHG compression stockings that i had to wear every day after my leg surgeries to keep the swelling down...they are a b!tch to get on, but once they are on, totally worth it! If you do buy some, make sure to buy at least the knee-highs, and have them cover the foot (open toe style) or get the whole sock-type. Anything that cuts off at the ankle is bad because it retains swelling in the foot.

These are my concerns i've been dealing with lately, and privately. I haven't spoken to my husband too much about some of these concerns because I need to work out where this fear is coming from to some degree or else i'll ramble. I met my husband just over 4 1/2 years ago through friends, and our 4th wedding anniversary is September 3rd...it was a whirlwind, but we were truly transparent with each other from the beginning. It helped that i met him while visiting the friends in another state, so i went home after meeting him for 3 months before i moved back to New Mexico, where he was. I had lived there for years and spent a year home with family because of family problems, but i had always planned on returning to NM before he even came into the picture. After we met we spent 1.5 months across the country from each other only able to talk on the phone. We worked through it and i'm sure it gave us a strong foundation. Like some others have stated, he married me at a size 22, 280lbs. He's always dated bigger women, but his exwife fluctuated dramatically from thin to over 300 lbs. I am honestly not concerned about our relationship, we just spent the past 2 years dealing with serious PCOS issues, cancer scare and ultimately a hysterectomy in November. If our relationship easily made it through that, i'm actually not worried about us. but the hair, and other cosmetic things...that's my fright. I really am no thinking about this vainly, but i do think that being smaller in general will help my self-esteem issues. Hair is a REAL concern because when i hit puberty, almost all my hair fell out...it came back, but much thinner than it was before. I've learned to be ok with it actually, but i also know that it's fragile after a major event. I lost a lot of hair after the hysterectomy, and again, it came back, but silver this time. Sex...well, i'm just hoping that my sex drive will increase again once the weight comes down. Just over 2 years ago I was playing roller derby, which is incredibly intense exercise when you are my size. I put on LOTS more muscle than i ever did before, and managed to get down to 260, and despite the bleeding issues listed above, we were still in the honeymoon phase. I had to have leg surgery a not long after i hit my peak in derby, and what was supposed to be simple surgery almost maimed me, like a freak string on complications hit and i was getting prepped for an amputation...Since then i've had sever mobility issues, my legs are heavily scarred, and though i still have hope i'll be able to play again, it's been a rough journey and that stole what little self-esteem i gained. So, we'll see how that goes when the time comes

I'm pre-op, and that is the question i've been running over and over lately. What if i'll actually can be below 200 lbs, will i be happy finally? What if my husband doesn't like me smaller (he's always been with bigger women)? What if i actually can run/walk/hike/bike/swim again, will i do it like i keep saying i will? What if I might actually be able to go into any store to shop, not just "plus-size" stores? I've been dealing with depression most of my life actually, and even though i tend to always have a dark cloud on my shoulder, since starting this surgery process, I actually feel a ray of sunshine and a smidge of hope. Most of my questions are not a fear point now, just an inner dialogue about dealing with my changes needed regarding my thought process. I know i have some serious self-hatred issues i'm still working on. But actually I feel like I will be more ok with my imperfections if I am smaller sized. I am ok with certain things now, and that's been a process, so i hope I can get even further before the surgery date actually hits.

i am hoping for some relief in this. I've never shaved my face (but i do shave my mustache, it's faint, but it's bugg, and it's covered in fuzz, partially cuz i was a premie and that can be a side-effect, the rest from PCOS. I have noticed an increase in the darker, more stubborn hairs over the past few years, and i just pluck. My husband doesn't seem to care about the fuzz, I'm sure all the freakout about these hairs is me, but i really do hate them. Ive never let my husband see me pluck them. Also, i'm a skin-picker, it's my nervous outlet, so having those hairs is like fuel to the fire. I hope it slows maybe... And the hair on the head...It almost all fell out not long after i went through puberty. It came back, but never like it was prior...i don't seem to be losing anymore since, except after my hysterectomy last winter. I lost a lot after that, and it all came back silver.

I have recently been thinking about this stuff. I was diagnosed with PCOS like two months after i started menstruating...12 years old. Most of my hair fell out, and it came back, but very thin. I have a lot of fuzz on my face, but darker hairs under my chin down my neck. I keep wondering if this actually would decrease after my sleeve. I had a hysterectomy last November as a result of the PCOS, and i am not in menopause yet, but everyone keeps saying weightloss will alleviate some of the symptoms i have: facial hair, darkend skin in folds, depression, acne and oily skin. I had a totaly hysterectomy last year, only leaving ovaries, but i was infertile before that so at least some problems are solved.

I am glad this is here, but i understand it's pretty small. I'm in Los Alamos, and hope to go into surgery in October. I'm pre-op with ABQ Health Partners right now, and plan on the surgery with Dr. Tyner.

you guys really look amazing!!! I think this is the first time i've been able to look at the future and see hope!!! I am hoping to have surgery in October, and i'll post a before picture soon. I can't quite do that yet...

I feel ya on the large calves, i last measured at 18" and there is almost no fat on them. I inherited them from my mother. It's one thing i actually not expecting to change much, but if they did, it would be nice to fit into normal knee-high boots for once.

I'm pre-op, and i've been this size since i was like 15 (34 now). weight: 272. height: 5'8" size: 22/24 depending I'm an "apple", I'm native and recently diabetic. My lowest in my adult life was 244, and that was training for a marathon. That was a size 16/18, and i was pretty happy then! But i naturally hit about 275 normally, highest was after college, 289.

what is "comorbities"? And wow, 40 is a high BMI, for the insurance to require you be at...IMO. I am currently at 41.5 BMI, but i'm 135 lbs. over what i should be, so that is more where the insurance requires. But, i'm also diabetic, have hypertension (controlled), and because of some fluke issues with leg surgery i have mobility issues...so, doc thinks right now i'm a good candidate. As for the losing weight, i'd add some protien shakes (low-sugar or sugar free) to your daily diet, or every other day. I have Vega Greens and Vitamins, it's vegan, but for me more importantly, it's sweetened with Stevia only. I mix it with my breakfast smoothie.

Just with the diet changes i'm making pre-op, i understand. I am recently diagnosed diabetic, and i hope to have surgery in early October, and it's that goal that is keeping that crankiness in check for now. But sometimes, yeah, the "hangry" cant be contained. I had a hysterectomy last November, but prior to that i was on hormonal treatment primarily used with cancer patients. It's high dose progesterone, and for cancer patients, it's supposed to make them feel "happier". NOPE, NOT ME! I wanted to rip my husband's head off one second and go bawl in the corner the next. We'd fight, and i'd be yelling or crying, trying to explain i KNEW it was the hormones but i just can't control it...I was a rollercoaster. For him, being the one with the shorter fuse normally, he handled it as graciously as he could. I'm hoping to not have that same fluctuation after surgery this time.

I understand the frustration with family. Like those here who talk about toxic relationships and who to tell, I am excluding most of my family. My parents passed away in 2009, so that's a non-issue, but i'm pretty sure i'd get that "you're not that big, blah, blah, blah" from them. My sister is a no at the moment because she has had serious food issues most of her life, she's bulimic and over exercises, and being currently in the military, she has it under control, but yeah, don't think that would be supportive. My brother, he was the baby of the family, and his ideas on life and such are pretty narrow minded right now, and since my medical problems started amping up a couple years ago, he doesn't even call me to talk, so again, no support. They both live on the east coast and I'm in the southwest, so, again...not really part of my support system, so not telling them. My husband was actually my first barrier in this because he was scared when i talked to him about it. I had just had a hysterectomy because of a pre-cancerous condition, and my asthma has me on oxygen, and in the past two years, i nearly had my leg amputated from freak complications of a simple surgery. I started the process of WLS before i spoke to him about it because i knew he'd be hesitant. Once I got him to actually meet with the surgeon and we were able to bring up any and everything we could think about the options, my hubby finally came to the conclusion that this is really in my best interest. As for my in-laws, they are supportive so once I was able to get my husband on board, we've talked with them about it, and we are good.

This has bubbled up, but the "last straw" is definitely when my docs are like "well, we don't know what to do anymore". Two years ago I was playing roller derby, working 40+ hours a week, volunteering full-time at my church and carting around my teen to all her school events. I had to have leg surgery, and that's when it began. The surgery is 4-part, and the first surgeon did the 2 outsides of my legs and nearly maimed me...once i finally healed from that I found another doctor and we got going on the next step, after his surgery, i got a freak blood clot between the muscle and skin and almost got my leg amputated. So here i am from moving to nearly homebound, and then in that process my asthma took a turn for the worst, and then I had a cancer scare. Long story short, I'm 34, I can barely walk or move, my asthma has caused me to be on oxygen 24/7 and I've had a hysterectomy because of PCOS. I've always been big, but I've always been active, I got to my lowest in my adult life at 250 lbs. when I trained for a century and marathon over two years. I tend to naturally sit around 275, and that was never an issue until my freak medical problems over the last two years and now suddenly I cannot do anything and we are not sure how to fix things anymore except that weight loss might relieve some of the problems...not cure, but help me maybe get back into some sort of normal life.