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I hope she does too cause that is really uncool and unprofessional. Is she making the comments directly to you or behind your back? Either way, I wonder if you could try talking to her. Maybe say you value your relationship as professionals or the professional, supportive atmosphere of your workplace and would appreciate if she'd not give unsolicited advice or discuss your personal health with other coworkers? If it gets really bad, maybe reach out to your manager or HR? My sister is like this and I've definitely wished explosive diarrhea and more on her, so I get it. Hang in there!

This is why I wouldn't even consider WLS for years. That and the closest center performing bariatric surgery in the place I lived years ago had bad outcomes. Things changed when I took a job in marketing at an academic medical center a little over a year ago. I was asked to work on several pieces to market our bariatric clinic and I learned how far WLS had come over the years and also what great outcomes our center has. I even got a chance to interview my surgeon for a piece. I did this over the phone so he wouldn't be biased by knowing he was talking to someone eligible for surgery. I was struck by how knowledgable he is, how safe the procedure has become and how well our center is performing. A couple things he said really slashed through my guilt. First, he said people eligible for surgery who do not have surgery have a 2 percent chance of losing their excess weight and keeping it off. With surgery, those odds move to 50 percent or more. I also asked what his response is to people who say this is taking the easy way out. He said if you think undergoing surgery is taking the easy way out, you need to have your head examined. Hearing that helped me tremendously. Learning not to think of obesity as a moral failing helped too. I do my absolute best not to say things like "I'm cheating today" or "I'm being bad" if I have something off my diet. I know now that I don't need to justify my surgery to anyone. I'm keeping things fairly quiet to avoid negativity. For those I am telling, I'm happy to hear their genuine concerns and answer questions. But inappropriate comments and unsolicited advice I just won't tolerate. It's none of their business and I don't have to justify my decision to people who don't understand what I'm going through. So far I've only had one family member who has gone there and I shut it down pretty quickly. I'm also surrounding myself with those who support me unconditionally. That helps me keep in my head in the game.

Congratulations! I just got my insurance authorization and am looking at a September surgery date. Definitely talk with your surgeon about your health history and concerns. That will help a lot in choosing a surgery. I'm still deciding between RNY and the sleeve. My surgeon is also no longer performing lap bands. We're going to talk about my options more at my next appointment and make a decision together. Doing a lot of research and talking to people here will help too. If you're using insurance, have you called your insurance company to ask about requirements for surgery? My surgeon stays pretty booked up, so it actually took a couple months to get in for an appointment. I'm glad I started on my surgery requirements before that cause the process is taking FOREVER as it is! It'll be worth it though. Good luck and let us know how we can help!

You hit the nail on the head. I couldn't appreciate more those who share their personal experiences without being condescending or assuming they know what will work for you. It just sucks when people make assumptions or insist their way is the only way. I get enough of that from people who don't know anything about obesity or bariatric surgery.

Thank you. And you as well.

This isn't particularly newsworthy to me, as I hadn't made those assumptions to begin with. Not sure where that idea came from? I view WLS as a tool that can help one lose weight and tackle some of the unhealthy behaviors that lead to obesity. I posted so I could hear from others who had a sweet tooth and used WLS as a tool and learn how things are going for them post-surgery.

Imma say something blunt: If alcoholics can kick alcohol and diabetics can kick sugar, you can kick sugar, too. I don't know everything you'll need to do, but here are some obvious changes to make: * Don't buy it. * Don't let anyone else in your house buy it and bring it home where you could eat it. * Become more personally accountable and become more accountable to others, e.g., tell those you spend time with that you're not going to eat any more sugar. * Invite the support of those who love you (see above) and ask them to support your new sugar-free lifestyle. * If you really think you're an addict (you used that word, I think), then treat it like an addiction and get yourself into an addiction program, either out- or in-residence. * Stop regarding and using sugar like a treat. If you're an addict, it's dangerous to you. Treat it like poison. * Figure out what other activities or things you can use as rewards instead of sugar. * Don't hang out with people who eat a lot of sugar. * Identify all the hidden sugar in foods you are now eating that you think are sugar-free. I'll guarantee you there are some sugar-laden foods somewhere in your diet right now that you don't know about yet. * ... and other things. I know you know this, but the longer you go without eating any sugar, the less you will crave it. Good luck! I appreciate that you replied to my post and offered some tips. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but some of what you said reminds me of people who say no one really needs bariatric surgery. We just need to be more personally accountable and diet and exercise. Do you not see bariatric surgery as a tool for dealing with obesity and kicking the things that made people obese in the first place?

That's why I posted. I've been trying for years, with some successes and some failures, but I've not been able to kick it for good. That's why I wanted to hear how those who were in my boat used WLS as a tool and combined it with other tools to beat the sugar monster.

Totally agree with @@SlimJill ! What you guys have all accomplished, however you've had to do it, is inspiring and gives me hope.

Thank you everyone for your input, especially you VIPs! It's really helpful to hear other people's perspectives. I've been trying to battle the sugar monster for a long time, with successes and failures. Sometimes I've been afraid I'll never come out on top. I am really hoping that WLS can be a tool for me to use to win the battle and get to a healthy weight. I don't expect it to be easy, but I really hope it will be doable for me now. @@James Marusek It's really cool to hear about your diet now and how you're able to incorporate fats. My body seems to do well on whole foods diet with plenty of healthy fats. For me, that ends of being naturally low in sugar. However, it's been a struggle because I have so much excess weight to get off. Your plan sounds like something that could work well for me over the long-term to main after I've lost the weight. Your story gives me hope!

@@SlimJill That's really encouraging to hear! Was your sugar addiction a big factor in which surgery you chose? Thank you for sharing!

When I visited my surgeon, he said I am a great candidate for either surgery. He said my medical history doesn't sway things one way or the other. I don't have diabetes or any other comorbidities. Even after researching both to death, I can't seem to make my mind. I like that the bypass has been around longer and is well-studied. I like that the sleeve requires less realignment and seems to carry a little less risk. I've wondered if having the bypass and risk of dumping syndrome would help because I have a real sweet tooth. I understand both induce important hormonal changes, but I can't judge from the information I've gathered which set of hormonal changes will benefit me the most. Anyone else have this much trouble choosing? What factors swayed you one way or the other?

I'm also trying to keep things mostly quiet for the same reason. Only three people really close to me are getting the full scoop. My boss is getting a slightly filtered version. With people at work, who will naturally be curious, wondering if I'm okay and such, I'm kind of keeping things an open secret. I'm basically trying to put out the vibe that if you want to come up and say good luck and not pry or something like that, it's okay. But I have a zero tolerance policy for negative/inappropriate comments or questions. So far I've really only had one person I've had to shut down, my sister, who has expressed bigoted views toward overweight people for years. I basically told her thanks but no thanks for the unsolicited advice.

@ Thank you for the info. Wishing you the best of luck with your bypass! I know that must be really tough, so I'm rooting for you!

Thank you everyone for your comments! It helps to hear different perspectives. @@MichiganChic Congratulations on your success with the sleeve! I don't know if you felt this way in your pre-surgery days, but I feel like I'm addicted to sweets. Would you mind sharing how you got over your sweet tooth? Did the intense cravings ever come back? If they did, how did you deal? Do you ever eat sweets in moderation or have you just never picked it up again? @ I'm planning on getting pregnant maybe two years or more out from my surgery. May I ask if your post-pregnancy complications were something common in sleeve patients? I'm wondering if there's something here I should consider?

Oops! Had trouble posting and accidentally posted three times! Forgive me, I'm new to the forum.

I'm really sorry to hear about this! When I began considering surgery, I was concerned about telling my family cause a lot of them are kind of nutty and not very supportive generally. My mom is an alcoholic, my sister has expressed bigoted views toward overweight people for years, etc. The person I'm closed to and really trust is my dad. He also happens to be a surgeon. I value his opinion on medical topics, so I talked to him first and asked him to keep things between us at first. He totally gets the whole WLS thing and told me he's behind me 100 percent. Months later, he actually agreed to mention it to my other family members first. I asked him to let them know if they made negative comments that they will not sway my decision one bit and I don't want to hear them. I have a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate negative comments. So my dad told them and I haven't heard anything negative from anyone but my sister and I shut that down so fast. I'm not walking around with a chip on my shoulder and I'm more than happy to answer questions or field genuine, politely expressed concerns from important people in my life. But with inappropriate comments from anyone, I politely tell them I'm not interested in talking and exit the conversation. I've only had to do this twice. Most people have been great! I'm lucky to have my dad, my best friend and my boyfriend as my greatest cheerleaders in this. I'm really sorry to hear about this! When I began considering surgery, I was concerned about telling my family cause a lot of them are kind of nutty and not very supportive generally. My mom is an alcoholic, my sister has expressed bigoted views toward overweight people for years, etc. The person I'm closed to and really trust is my dad. He also happens to be a surgeon. I value his opinion on medical topics, so I talked to him first and asked him to keep things between us at first. He totally gets the whole WLS thing and told me he's behind me 100 percent. Months later, he actually agreed to mention it to my other family members first. I asked him to let them know if they made negative comments that they will not sway my decision one bit and I don't want to hear them. I have a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate negative comments. So my dad told them and I haven't heard anything negative from anyone but my sister and I shut that down so fast. I'm not walking around with a chip on my shoulder and I'm more than happy to answer questions or field genuine, politely expressed concerns from important people in my life. But with inappropriate comments from anyone, I politely tell them I'm not interested in talking and exit the conversation. I've only had to do this twice. Most people have been great! I'm lucky to have my dad, my best friend and my boyfriend as my greatest cheerleaders in this. I'm really sorry to hear about this! When I began considering surgery, I was concerned about telling my family cause a lot of them are kind of nutty and not very supportive generally. My mom is an alcoholic, my sister has expressed bigoted views toward overweight people for years, etc. The person I'm closed to and really trust is my dad. He also happens to be a surgeon. I value his opinion on medical topics, so I talked to him first and asked him to keep things between us at first. He totally gets the whole WLS thing and told me he's behind me 100 percent. Months later, he actually agreed to mention it to my other family members first. I asked him to let them know if they made negative comments that they will not sway my decision one bit and I don't want to hear them. I have a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate negative comments. So my dad told them and I haven't heard anything negative from anyone but my sister and I shut that down so fast. I'm not walking around with a chip on my shoulder and I'm more than happy to answer questions or field genuine, politely expressed concerns from important people in my life. But with inappropriate comments from anyone, I politely tell them I'm not interested in talking and exit the conversation. I've only had to do this twice. Most people have been great! I'm lucky to have my dad, my best friend and my boyfriend as my greatest cheerleaders in this.

Thanks so much for the great tips, you guys! I'm really glad I found this online community for support!

Good for you! That's great! I'm Megan, btw. I found out on Thursday that my insurance company approved my surgery. Most likely having the RNY bypass, though the gastric sleeve is still in the back of my mind as an option. I'm meeting with my surgeon soon to set a date. Have you found much support in the Richmond area?

@@Daveo Woohoo! Congratulations! Looking forward to joining you.

I'm in Charlottesville and having my surgery at UVA. Anyone else?

Hi there! I'm in Charlottesville, so not too far away.

You've touched on a definite worry I have about surgery too! I do already have a boyfriend who loves me no matter what my weight is and trust me, I don't take that for granted. I have a sister who has made some pretty awful bigoted comments to me in the past. Several years ago when I was job hunting, she told me no one would hire me because I was overweight (I've made four vertical moves in my career since then). She's also tried to have a few "interventions" with and given me all kinds of unsolicited advice. I worry a little about what she and people in my life who are like her will say after I lose weight. I'm still going to be the same person! I think you coworker's comment was pretty rude, btw, though I know I'm hearing it out of context. Unless I could tell the comment was harmless, I'd want to say yeah, but you'll still be an asshole so it won't work.

Catwoman7 just helped me remember something! My surgeon also said that bariatric surgery is about as safe as many other types of surgeries that are comparable in scope. That actually says a lot because the patient population having other surgeries is on average much healthier than the patient populations for bariatric surgery. We're the high risk "outliers" among patients having other surgeries. Still, talk with your surgeon about his or her program's outcomes if that will help you feel more at ease!

Other commenters are definitely right that this is a decision you have to make for yourself. Only you can know what's really right for you! I have a few ideas that I hope might help you. But if they don't, just ignore them! It sounds like your weight is affecting your quality of life in a serious way (something I absolutely understand!). Be kind to yourself and remember you're a worthy individual with or without excess weight! Also remember, that if this is a tool you think can help you, you should allow yourself to pursue it. You deserve it! As you decide, information will definitely be your friend. Talk to your doctor about your health concerns and how losing weight will affect your individual health (considering your personal medical conditions and such). Also talk to a bariatric surgeon about how surgery works, the risks, the benefits, etc. I remember something my surgeon said that really helped me. He said research shows that people who quality for surgery (based on BMI) have a 2 percent chance of losing the weight and keeping it off long-term without surgery. With surgery, those same people have a 50 percent chance or higher. That really opened my eyes. It helped quiet my inner critic (This "I'm a failure because I can't do it without surgery" thinking is total crap.) and also really showed me the benefit of surgery for someone in my situation. The surgeon also said being young (32) and relatively healthy otherwise is in my favor. Maybe you can talk to your doctor and potential surgeon about whether that's the case for you too. Additionally, I feel really good at the clinic and surgeon doing my surgery. I'm going to an academic medical center whose program and surgeon have outcomes above the national average and are well-respected. I say that to say that researching the clinic/surgeon where you're thinking of having your surgery might help. Also, I have a friend who had a gastric bypass about 10 years ago. She helped me realize I'm not never going to be able to enjoy food again. Things will be different 2 years out than they are a month out and so forth. Re: your daughter, I was overweight as a child just like her. I was picked on and it was hard. However, I can tell you from personal experience that the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do for her is make sure she doesn't get the message that she's only a worthy individual if she's not overweight. Do whatever you can to help her build a healthy self-esteem. That will do a lot to set her up for a healthy life. Pair that with the basics, like we eat these kinds of foods because they provide really good nourishment for our bodies and look, they taste so good! And we enjoy physical activity because it's good for our hearts and lungs, it helps us build strong muscles and bones, and it relieves stress and releases good hormones. NOT because we have to look a certain way or we're not worthy. Good luck!