mngreeneyes

You can't solve her problems with respect to guilt, sexual issues with her fiance, etc. Your interaction with her doesn't sound like it is making you happy. If I were you, I would dial the contact way back. If she can't respect any boundaries you might implement (don't talk to me about your love life, don't text me sexy pictures, let's only chat once a week, whatever you choose) . . . honestly I would block her from your contacts list and go about trying to find a good woman who is not engaged to someone else and in turmoil about her romantic life. I promise you there are better, healthier relationships waiting out there for you.

Just wanted to chime in that I got a two-fer when I went to my doctor light headed this week
He stopped one of my blood pressure meds... hence the lightheadedness. Then he went on to remove Diabetes from my chart! I nearly cried.

Afternoon all.
I wasn't quite sure where to put this post, but it seems here is the best place, as what I'm going to be talking about today is a huge part of the wls journey and I'm betting everyone here can either relate because they have experienced it, may experience it in the future, or can sympathize because, honestly, I don't know a single overweight person who has not had to deal with the pile of bullsh*t that I've been dealing with lately at some point in their lives.
Last night, I posted a new selfie to Facebook. I've been updating them right along because my face is still changing so much, and I really like being able to see my progress and to quietly share it with my friends and family. I guess this particular selfie made my weight loss especially noticeable, because I woke up this morning to a message from a "friend" on Facebook that essentially said "wow! I'm so happy to see you're getting so healthy! It's so bad that you let yourself get that fat though."
Upon reading this horribly cruel message, I was shocked, humiliated, and for a moment I felt myself blown right back to the place I was two years ago, a place I've worked tirelessly in therapy to climb out of: I felt that I was a worthless, hopeless human being who deserved to be treated this way. When people were cruel to me before, it devastated me because deep down, wayyyy deep down in the darkest and most painful parts of me, I agreed with the horrible things they said to and about me. I must be disgusting, gluttonous, lazy, pathetic, not even worthy of any kind of basic human kindness. After all, I led myself here, right? It's my fault that I'm super-morbidly-obese. I deserve this treatment.
Now, two years later, I more or less look like a normal person. I wear a size 12/14 jeans, a large or medium shirt. I've even gotten to the point where I can sometimes look in a mirror and think "hmm. I think I may feel beautiful today." But messages like the one I got today derail me in a fantastic way, and remind me of that raw, horrible feeling that I'm still struggling with every single day to overcome. His message was almost conspiratorial; like, oh, you're not fat anymore, so we can ridicule and shame your former self together. Like I would agree with him and say "OMG you're right! Fat Me was f*cking disgusting and pathetic. I totally agree with you." Like I was not a person before and now that I am "normal", I am. I hate it more than I can even begin to describe.
I hate that to many people, fat people not only deserve to be treated this way, but also need to be treated this way. There are whole (densely populated, I might add) forums scattered around the internet dedicated to posting pictures and videos of fat people for the sole purpose of shaming and hating them, and the excuse is to somehow motivate fat people into not being fat anymore. That's ludicrous, of course. The real reason is simple. It's pure hate, ignorance, and insecurity on their part. I know this. I believe this. But there is still a little part of me that feels nothing but shame and humiliation in situations like this. Will I always just be "Fat Abby" to the people around me? Am I ever going to escape her? And why should I even hate her in the first place? "Fat Abby" was incredibly sick with a severe hormone disorder, so poor I starved just as often as I gorged on cheap white Pasta and bread, and suicidally depressed. "Fat Abby" had no hope and so did the only logical thing in her mind: she tried to speed up the process of dying young by eating more. That doesn't sound like a lazy, gluttonous piece of crap to me. That sounds like a person who was suffering intensely, every moment of every day. I want to be kind and loving to that hurt former self, not look back and think "man, you were gross. Good thing you're skinny now!"
I've said it before and I'll say it again many times, I'm sure, but I love where I am now. I am so, SO happy that I've made it here, and grateful to everyone and everything the led me here, including my own strong self. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But it's also important for me now to express these things here, to people who have or will experience them. Losing hundreds of pounds is a completely incredible feat! But it's just the tiny tip of the iceberg compared to the changes your life will go through after surgery. Do these experiences somehow negate my progress or my pride and joy? Absolutely not. They are just part of the story, and part of the journey.
I am not who I was. I will never be that person again. HOWEVER, being happy that I am not there anymore does not mean that I hate "Fat Abby", nor does it mean that I should be ashamed of her. Nor does it mean I deserve to be treated like an object that everyone gets to stare at and judge. Old Me, and I suspect all the Old Yous who are reading this, were just people who were doing the best they could and were suffering, and so we sought weight loss surgery to heal ourselves. We've done amazing things and changed in ways most other people have not even fathomed.
Remember the Old You without the hate and stigma attached to him/her, and the shame and pain that surrounded living as an obese person in a world that absolutely despises and dehumanizes obese people. Love the Old You just as much as you love the New You, and maybe someday you'll reach a point when you see the entire You with the kind of hope, love, and clarity that will keep you healthy and happy forever.
Attached is the selfie that started this. I love you all.
Cervidae

Well, I would say you had a great night out! Congratulations on your weight loss and your Cougar Status.
I do find it shocking the attention one gets from the opposite sex after losing all our weight! Apparently I look great in clothes.
It can be a little scary and after being married for 29 years, I have NO idea how to handle it when it happens.
I usually sit there with my mouth dropped open not knowing what to say.
Apparently no one looked at me when i was fat.

Great post. They need to make this sticky so its at the top for newbies to read!
pam

Great post. They need to make this sticky so its at the top for newbies to read!
pam

Yay! Mine hugged me at my medical clearance appointment week before last. (And she isn't a hugger.)
Congratulations!!

I had a check-up with my PCP today. What is awesome is that I no longer dread getting on the scale and no longer get the "you need to lose weight" lecture. My PCP is thrilled with my progress!

Finally. Finally. Finally. I've been teetering. For a week. Hovering. (Squints eyes) almost, almost... There.
Got it.
170's
Yes.
Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I had mine at St. Joseph's on last Wednesday. Everyone was awesome. The rooms look a little older but everyone treated me really well.

So glad to see all of these Minnesotans on the board!! I'm currently in the process with fairview south dale. Likely surgery date in January 17.
Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I am a huge fan of powders?utm_source=BariatricPal&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=CommentLink" target="_ad" data-id="1" >unjury with Fairlife Milk. It tastes like chocolate milk, but much better for you. You can also order single serving packets so you don't have to buy a canister before you know if you like it.
pam

I am finally getting too small for my smallest size that I had pre surgery. I had several sizes saved for "someday". 16s are starting to get to big, especially in the legs. (I started at a 22/24). All summer I have worn skirts and sandals for work because I have no work pants that fit anymore, not to mention what were my "work shoes" (think black Danskos) are too big as my feet have gotten thinner too. I am both looking forward to and dreading shopping for fall clothing. I love that I should be able to fit into 14s, but I am dreading the fact that I dont' have much $$ to buy a completely new wardrobe -- even shoes. I love to shop, but this is overwhelming. I guess I start with the basics and just add individual pieces periodically.
I hoping to have sold a bunch of clothes at the consignment store and to find some really good deals to buy. I am also hoping for some good deals at Goodwill. Fortunately, when you donate at our Goodwill you get a 25% off coupon for your next purchase! Every little bit helps.
Good luck on your shopping adventures.
pam

I was where you are a year ago. It will both drag and fly by at the same time. I had less than 2 weeks from the day we scheduled my surgery to surgery day. I'm a planner and had many things all set by the time we set the date so I was completely ready when surgery day actually came. BUt let me tell you, those two weeks FLEW!
Keep me posted on how you are doing and if I can answer any questions.
pam

So excited for you to start the journey. I had my surgery at Fairview Southdale but I also go to support group at U of M. I have been really impressed with both programs. I can't say anything about Abbott. If you have another option, perhaps it might be good to look into it. Make sure that wherever you go it is a Center of Excellence. I think Unity is.
What part of MN are you from?
pam

Its funny you posted this. I spent my lunch today cutting out a new dress, which will be the first thing I have sewn since surgery. I chose a very basic sheath dress as I need interview/work clothes for fall. I am excited to be able to cut a pattern that I 1. haven't had to add to the pattern so it will be big enough and 2. don't have to cut the largest size on the multisize pattern.
I have been sewing since I was about 7 years old so its not new to me. I have taken in a few things this summer. Mostly things that were simple and just required following the seams to take them in. Sadly, several things that I made in the past years and didn't fit right now are too big so I lost out on ever wearing them! I also have a HUGE stash of fabric that I bought for projects that never got made so I've been saving it for when I am closer to my goal. My office mate just asked me if I would make her a dress for an upcoming event. I might get to sew my first Vogue pattern! I have never really fit into Vogue, but she definitely does!
I am always willing to chat about sewing, etc.
pam

Add the fun . . . along with your pop rocks, get some cool whip, bungee cord and throw some condoms into the mix and then stand at the check out with a big ole smile on your face!

"That is all?" Does this mean your explorations are done?
I love the chocolate shell idea. The promising experiment flopped, but at least the reason is cute enough that it's its own reward.
Anything minty or with similar burning capacity -- external use only and only in places that will remain external. The same applies to Tiger Balm, which has its charms.
One caveat, Pirate. Just as you're to say nothing to the 24-year old about surgery, you're to say nothing to her about your sexual capers. It's the rare person who truly wants to know that the parental figures are doing.

Umm, major fails on my part on this topic:
Mint tooth paste before moving South -- VERY bad idea (both sexes). It was a night of horror we refer to as "The Pepsident Insodent"
Pop Rocks (Both sexes)
Trying to use hard chocolate shell recipe on male (http://allrecipes.com/recipe/244438/instant-chocolate-hard-shell/) (Turns out it only works on things that are 40 degrees or colder).
And never use anything like Ben Gay down there.
That is all.

@Highfunctioningfatman OMG! This is why I love it here! There are healthy alternatives for everything, even pop rocks! We've got tons of frozen fruit prepped for smoothies. Hubby is going to be so happy when he gets back from his run this morning. Smuckers makes a sugar-free caramel sauce. I'm pretty sure they sell it on Amazon.

From a man's perspective, crushed ice or course chopped frozen fruit is a wonderful close 2nd to pop rocks. When it is my wife's turn she concurs. Now I need to find a healthy caramel sauce for her. Or perhaps yogurt. I bet my crystal light lemonade ice cubes would be amazballs while on liquids. Or maybe... Oh, sorry, forgot that you were still here. Time to wake up my sweetie!

LMBO! This sound like my hubby-literally! I'll have to read this thread to him. Of course I'm sure that will start the whole conversation of whether I ate all of my Protein today & his offering of a high Protein snack

You look fantastic. And I k now from reading your posts feel pretty good too! Keep it up. You are an inspiration!
pam

September 18. Less than three weeks to go!

Its funny you posted this. I spent my lunch today cutting out a new dress, which will be the first thing I have sewn since surgery. I chose a very basic sheath dress as I need interview/work clothes for fall. I am excited to be able to cut a pattern that I 1. haven't had to add to the pattern so it will be big enough and 2. don't have to cut the largest size on the multisize pattern.
I have been sewing since I was about 7 years old so its not new to me. I have taken in a few things this summer. Mostly things that were simple and just required following the seams to take them in. Sadly, several things that I made in the past years and didn't fit right now are too big so I lost out on ever wearing them! I also have a HUGE stash of fabric that I bought for projects that never got made so I've been saving it for when I am closer to my goal. My office mate just asked me if I would make her a dress for an upcoming event. I might get to sew my first Vogue pattern! I have never really fit into Vogue, but she definitely does!
I am always willing to chat about sewing, etc.
pam