glocaves

Hi. I'm Gloria. I am 50 years old. I have been overweight since puberty. My entire family (6 siblings) is overweight. Each of them has been thin at points in their lives. I have not. I have never been thin. I have always been healthy and active.
I also have rheumatoid arthritis. I was diagnosed at age 21. The last couple of years have been very difficult physically. Having no cartilage left in my knees, i ended up having total knee replacement. I was off work and most activity for three months. I still have a lot of pain in it, and need the replacement in the other knee. I have done very little physical activity and gained 50 lbs. my joints are worse. My orthopedist won't consider the second knee replacement until I am at a bmi of 35 or less. I have no comorbidilties.
So, that brings me to gastric sleeve. I want to get back to my old, active lifestyle. I am terrified of dealing with the world as a thin person. Idk who that person is. I know as a fat person, I don't have to deal with certain things, I have softness to me physically due to my weight, I am the "big white girl". I have always been. That's my descriptor. I am the duff. Easy to approach. I make eye contact and say hi to everyone I come across, and no one thinks I'm hitting on them or hits on me. These things create fear and block my weight loss.
Anyone identify?