Steph0625

So I'm 22 and have never been on a date before. I decided to try POF (online dating) and have guys messaging me now. I've been interested in a few and they always ask why I'm single. I like to be honest so I tell the ones I'm really interested in that I was shy and overweight most of my life (or something like that) and that I recently had VSG. Some take it well, others don't ( I don't really care lol) My problem is that this is completely uncharted territory for me, and I'm just not sure how to act. I don't really want it to be obvious that I've never dated when we go out. Because I have no idea how to be with someone as more than friends. It's bad enough to deal with that, but I'm also hesitant because I have quite a bit of loose skin. Most guys in their 20s aren't used to this being an issue. It has become my biggest insecurity now. But I don't want that to hold me back either... Any advice for me? Anyone else experience this?

So I've been overweight since I was a child, and lets just say I'm not used to guys looking at me - at least without thinking that it was just because I was overweight or they were disgusted. But now I feel like a lot of guys are looking at me in the gym and I have no clue if its because I'm attractive, I have sweat marks on my clothes (gross but it is the gym... lol), or whatever reason I come up with (such as my butt is too big) . I get that a lot of my problem is with my self image, but how do I know if its because they find me attractive, or for a whole other reason. I'm just very inexperienced with male attention and how to react to it Guys, what is your input on this? Ladies, have you dealt with this before? Any advice is appreciated! And its not like I'm wearing anything revealing, at least not in my opinion.

Thanks @@jenn1 I'm seeing some progress in my muscle definition finally! I definitely use that eye candy as motivation ???? I'm just working on the flirting part haha

Thank you! And I'm working on it lol

Also, in that last picture, I was told I look angry lol I guess that's just my "resting gym face" Really I was just trying not to be obvious about taking a picture lol

I wanted to do some progress pic updates if anyone is interested! Also, I've definitely gained a lot of confidence about working out at the gym since I last posted! I've actually been hit on there too lol unless I'm reading too much into guys "helping" me take the 45 lbs plates off the bench press ???? But there is something wrong with me! I had a very attractive guy offer to spot me if I needed it and my reply?! Okay, thanks... ???? and I went on to say I just needed lighter weights. Smh In my defense, I was struggling with my military presses because all of the lighter weights were being used, so I looked (and felt) ridiculous trying to do so much weight lol But it made me realize I have no game. And now I'm wondering if I'll ever work up the confidence to talk to him again (he usually works out with another guy so it's a little more intimidating to approach him)

Thanks everyone for the advice! Of course you have to be careful when meeting people you've spoken to online. I was skeptical because of that. For those that say to just do things I enjoy, I do try to meet people that way. But when the only thing you do is go to the gym after work, and occasionally go out to the bars (country dancehall) it's kinda hard to find people to connect with. I just don't have a lot of people that have time to go do things with me, or our schedules don't match up very well. I'm also very shy when it comes to flirting and getting to know a guy that I might be interested in. Idk if thats from lack of practice, being overweight/unnoticed my whole life, or just a quirk of mine. So I have a hard time meeting guys when I am doing the things I enjoy. I'm pretty sure I have resting b*tch face when I'm at the gym lol

Thanks! I'm not ashamed or hiding any aspect of my journey. I believe in honesty and would rather they know and still go forward with it than have to explain why I eat so little later (or why I need to eat so often). But I don't tell every single guy that messages me either. Just the ones I think might become something more. I just feel like it's really rare nowadays to be 22 and never have dated before. It makes the idea of a first date even more nerve wracking.

Haha good to know about the yoga pants! The mystery is solved!

Well I've always had a large butt and it used to be not very attractive (to me at least) lol and it seems so disproportionate to the rest of me now. I'm not a guy so I don't know what they find attractive or not. I'd rather have a big butt than none at all so I guess I consider it a positive thing!

@@KindaFamiliar I haven't actually been hit on, unless you count the weird guy acting creepy lol You may be getting looks and just not notice it

@@jenn1 Your post wins the award for most awesome reply! That was fantastic and I especially loved the "wrestle a grizzly bear" part! I laughed way too hard while reading this.

So maybe that's why I haven't had anyone approach me and talk with me, I always have my headphones in. I can't stand to workout without music. As far as the creepers at the gym, I have dealt with one before. It makes it worse that I workout at night after I get off work, but I went and bought pepper spray. He was just being weird by walking too close behind me when I was using the cable weights, and then just staring at me while I was doing my seated rows. I was like why can't you just stare using the mirror like everyone else?!?! Or from farther away? lol

@M!@ Haha yeah it can ruin a good set for sure! Its especially bad when I'm trying something I've never attempted before or something that is awkward feeling to me (like reverse or side lunges). But since I'm guilty of people watching too I guess I can't complain lol

@@BarrySue I understand that, except for the guys approaching me part lol Obviously that comes along with the whole eye contact thing I'm not used to the flirting either. I never know what to say in reply

Well hell yeah I'm checking them out! lol It's sad, but thats somewhat of a motivator to go as often as I do. I'm also loving the results that I'm getting, but a little eye candy never hurts @@Pillar2butterfly Haha I'm not confident enough yet to ask for a spotter. Maybe I'll get to that eventually! And I hope you're right about the sweat because I had an "incident" the other day. I usually work out at night so the gym isn't so hot. I wore under armor compression shorts under my maurices brand yoga pants. The UA wicks the sweat away, but when I was sitting or kneeling on the bench, my yoga pants just soaked it all up lol It was a bit embarrassing because I do workout in the free weight section and there was a lot of people there that day. I kinda just said F-it, but thats why I mentioned the staring. I'm just going to embrace it from now on lol Thank you! @@KristenLe @@BigViffer @@jane13

@@Blondie 6388 haha thank you! My butt (and thighs) was always the biggest part of me! My mom keeps saying I'm gonna lose it all, but I hope not. Thats why I squat now

@@jenn1 @@WLSResources/ClothingExch Thank you for your advice and kind words! Yes the attention is weird, and I'm always wondering if its because something is wrong lol It's all a journey and I'll just have to work on that part I guess. I'm still super shy too so I have a hard time making eye contact with guys

I know that I've gained a lot of confidence in the saddle since losing weight. I'm not as worried I'm going to fall off as easily, I can mount her better, and I've even gotten on her bareback (which I never would have been able to do 130+ lbs ago)

I'm 22 years old and have some of the same concerns as you. It's a little scary thinking about dating in the future and someone eventually seeing the problem areas you try to hide with clothes. I wish I could tell you that I don't have loose skin, but I'm just starting my weight loss journey and have no idea how much I'll end up with. Everyone's different though, so nobody can really give you a good answer. I decided that my health was more important to me than my concerns over loose skin. I'd rather be healthy and do more stuff that I'm unable to do now because I'm overweight. I also had the surgery because of the type of career I wanted. Not many people want to hire someone who is overweight for a job that demands you to be physically active. What it comes down to is, are you willing to overlook the loose skin in order to become a healthier you?

Can anyone tell me if it's possible to work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week so soon after surgery? Here's a little background for y'all. I'm currently a little over 2 weeks post-op and still on my soft food diet. The timing for my surgery was bad all around because I just graduated college this past May and was waiting until after my surgery to start an internship. Due to issues with the doctor's office not actually submitting the case to my insurance, my expected date kept getting pushed back. I'm lucky the person planning to hire me was able to work with me. I'm now scheduled to start working on August 10th at a job that is physically demanding, which means I would be on my feet a lot working in the Texas heat. I just wanted to know if anyone has experience working a physically demanding job after surgery, and how you handled getting enough Water and food throughout the day. I explained some of this to my employer, and she said Snacks and water breaks would be fine. I'm worried about keeping my energy levels up at only a month and a half after surgery. Any advice is appreciated even if you haven't been in the same situation. The internship is supposed to last for 3 months. On the bright side, I shouldn't need to go to the gym!

Thanks @@no onions and @@Kindle! It looks like I'll have to make sure to have plenty of snack foods on hand. My doctor said I'm on a lifting restriction for 3 weeks (which is almost up) so I plan on getting to the gym for the next 3 weeks to work on my strength and to test how I feel. Hopefully I won't have any problems when I start lifting weight again. I already know that being on my feet that long is going to be a problem for the first week, but that would have happened before the surgery too. I'll just have to work through it.