emorymemories

I know that many people attribute, or partially attribute, being obese to things like emotional eating, establishing unhealthy eating habits, disordered eating behaviors and a busy lifestyle, but I honestly can't do that. I've never been able to put my finger on what exactly caused me to reach a weight of 236 lbs--I can, however, explain that I never feel as good as I do when I am full. It's comforting, safe, and familiar. Besides that, I'm hard-pressed to call upon some type of correlation between my highest weight and any specific habits or behaviors.
 
I'm 24 years old, and so I still have a lot to learn about myself and my own psychology. Introspection is the hardest thing we can do in our lives, but I feel that without it, I will most likely fail in my bariatric weight loss journey. I'm excited, but more than that, I'm terrified of the unknown and what the future holds with regard to such rapid physical and mental change. I must remember, above all, that I am wholly, irrevocably and one hundred percent responsible for my own choices from this point on. With that said, I must also remember (and I think everyone must remember) to be kind to themselves, especially when we are at our lowest points and we think that we're just messing everything up.
 
As Gloria Anzaldua observes: "Rigidity means death. Only by remaining flexible [are we] able to stretch the psyche horizontally and vertically...the new mestiza copes by developing a tolerance for contradiction, a tolerance for ambiguity."