OnMyWayCO

I am so confused. I didn't realize how much of an emotional roller coaster this whole weight loss thing was going to be. I'll try to keep this short. But I would love to hear from anyone else who has had similar emotions and is willing to share. I feel like a freak. I am 8 months post-op and have lost about 80 pounds. I've been hovering around 160 for the last two weeks and I am pretty sure I am self-sabotaging at this point. After months and months of excitement and enthusiasm over my success, I have suddenly begun to feel sad and scared over my weight loss. I am about 15-20 pounds from my ultimate goal (although my nutritionist would say I've reached goal) and I am scared. And sad. About losing weight. What is that all about? About two weeks ago I weighed myself and had dipped down below 160 to 159. And for some reason that number terrified me and depressed me. That same weekend I discovered I am now in a size 10. Which should be cause for celebration but it makes me very sad. I've never in my adult life been below a size 14. And I feel like I am mourning those lost years. My youth, my 20s, it was wasted as a fat girl! And it is almost as though I don't WANT to lose anymore weight. As punishment for wasting my years? There are some issues of not feeling worthy of this new body, for sure. But also longing to re-experience my youth in this new body. So my eating habits tanked. I knew I was making bad choices but didn't seem to care. I started saying things like, "I'm happy at this weight. If I don't lose anymore I'm fine." Which is partially true. But mostly not. I DO want to get down to 140 if I can. So then I battled myself and tried to make better choices, determined to see the scale move again. This morning, after going up to 160-161 over the last couple weeks, I was down again to 159 and all of a sudden I'm feeling sad and depressed again! Oddly enough I also look in the mirror and don't think I look that different than I did 8 months ago. I am appalled at my old photos but for some reason I don't really see much difference in the mirror. I am emotionally a mess. And I don't feel like any of my support system (which has been awesome and extensive) understands what I'm going through. I've been so fortunate to have friends and family rally behind me in this journey. But this odd emotional trip I'm on right now baffles them (and me). Has anyone else been here? Or am I truly just a little crazy?

No, I've never been the victim of any sort of abuse. That is an interesting theory though. I think many of us (meaning obese and overweight individuals) use our weight as a sort of guard though. I'm not sure what I have been guarding myself from, but I have no doubt that my weight shielded me from something.

Thank you all for the support. I think talking with a bariatric therapist is probably a good idea. I'm just not sure how to find one. I am planning to attend a support group (hosted by my nutritionist) later this month. I will ask her if she can recommend anyone. It's good to know I'm not alone. I still feel a little crazy though.

Surgery Date 01/04/2016 (almost 7 months out) High Weight - 242 Surgery Day Weight - 236 Current Weight - 165 Goal Weight - 145

I am down 45 pounds from my surgery weight (52 from my high weight) and can still wear a lot of my old clothes. However I've also been able to go out and buy new clothes that are 2 sizes down and fit me perfectly. I would honestly recommend you head to your local thrift shop and pick up a pair of jeans in a smaller size. Even though the old ones fit, I bet the new ones will too. And that will make you feel awesome! (at least it did for me!) I really like having "goal" clothing too. When you fit into a goal shirt and it looks good on you, it's an amazing feeling! Good luck!

In a week or so you will be longing for the days of diarrhea. Soon you won't be able to poop but maybe twice a week. :-(

It depends on your surgeon/nutritionist. You are actually the first person I've seen that the puree and the soft food stage are the same stage. There was a definite difference between the two stages for me. pureed was literally things the consistency of baby food. While I did not think I would, I did blend some meals (chicken, gravy, and mashed potatoes) and I blended my Soups and chili to get rid of the chunks. I'm soft foods now and now I'm able to eat things with soft chunks like chicken salad, scrambled eggs, etc. I do think that the further along you get and the more options you have for eating the easier this gets. Good luck!

My surgeon sent me home with a drain for ten days with no instructions on changing the dressing or anything. Is this normal? I have six days to go and don't see how these bandages are going to last that long. The drain is my foe. I hate it!

That is what i thought. The nursing staff at my hospital was inept. So frustrating.

I was sleeved on 1/4, so I am only a few days out from surgery. I had plans to use this time to do things I used to enjoy like reading for pleasure or working on a puzzle. Just relaxing things that I never seem to have time for normally. But I just don't feel like I have the "mental capacity" for reading or puzzles right now. It's like, of course, I'm here and can think and everything. But focusing for any period of time is exhausting. Even conversations are exhausting. Reading my Facebook feed gets tiring. I feel like my mind is cloudy. Has anyone else experienced this? When will my brain be back to normal?

Just got insurance approval today. Surgery scheduled for January 4. I can't decide if I am thrilled or terrified.

Thank you for posting this! I just had my second appt with my PCP during my six month monitored weight loss. My starting BMI was 41 and after only five pounds of weight loss I'm at 40.5 and I'm so stressed about this six month period! I hate playing this stupid "game" where I have to lose some weight but not too much weight. It's actually really difficult. I will be calling my surgeon's office tomorrow as well to verify. But seeing so many people say that insurance approval is based on the first weigh in is incredibly comforting!