daveintx

I have lost over 100lbs and now questioning my marriage due to her weight and her not trying to go down the same path.

Could it be that you are getting more attention from the opposite sex and you may be considering that the grass may be more greener on the other side? If so, whose to say that you will keep off the 100 pounds? Do you have children? I would be very careful, this could be a very dangerous path to go down. Give her time, she may have an epiphany and may get on board. If I get attention, I don't realize it. I don't care because I am married. Grass might be greener but you still have to cut it! I will keep the weight off. I did this for one reason, for my health. No I don't have children with her. After reading some of these posts and thinking about things, I will be giving her more time as I already have. I owe it to her, I want her to get healthy and enjoy life with me and not in and out of clinics with chronic illnesses due to obesity and nutrition. I didn't realize how life changing this would be and how mentally prepared I needed to be. I have seen a psychologist for 3 years and prepped for a year before the surgery about how this surgery would change me physically and mentally. He brought up the fact about making sure my marriage was solid, I didn't. I was "comfortable". It's something I didn't prepare for. I do know now, and know I need to focus on certain things beyond the given. As for the earlier comment from another poster about being selfish. It made me laugh. Reality is we are all selfish in our own ways. Think about it seriously. We are. You have one life, live it. When we become cats and have 9 lives...I'll change my whole thought process.

Then I shall try and prove it!!

Great response and believe me, I am giving it my all. Just seem to doubt myself at times as everything takes work...including relationships! Just hard when it seems the work is not "working". Probably a phase...most likely will pass.

To be CLEAR...wanting the same is wanting a healthier lifestyle...not the surgery..lol

Marriage is a sacrifice, but not a total concession of your own individual life. The stories of the unsupportive spouse are plentiful on this site, but I think this is pretty novel. So, all I'll ask is, would you be okay if she had had surgery and you continued to have reservations and she started to have doubts about you because you were not running for the surgery? If there is a backstory to this, such as that you are interested in somebody else or that you are simply no longer in love, I understand that as well as the fact that you'd rather not talk about it here. I hesitate to think that following somebody down the same medical path is part of any tacit or openly acknowledged agreement within the marriage contract. You don't want to cajole her down this path without examining whether it is even the right thing for her. You are an item, but you may be two very different people. It was clearly a great move for you (I am looking at your numbers), but it could be a physical and mental disaster for her, not to mention a huge emotional investment into something that will not benefit her because of her mindset. Not asking for to run and get surgery. It is an individuals own decision to do so and I do not personally think she should get surgery. I know I took a drastic measure to obtain a healthier lifestyle due to my morbid obesity, but I just think support by wanting the same, as we have always spoke of and acknowledged each other on, would be greatness.

I'm curious-- what was this mutual agreement that you made before surgery?? My spouses habits didn't cause me to maintain a weight of over 300#'s for years... my own habits, or lack thereof did. I would never ever put any amount of this on my spouses shoulders. I control every bite that I take and move that I make. We agreed to get healthy together and support one another. Maybe my post is a bit vague but I do love my wife. I do not however feel the same love coming in return as I am seeing her harm herself, I can however take accountability for what I do but if I am not getting her support and her taking accountability for her actions, how am I supposed to enjoy a healthy lifestyle with my spouse?

It's not about "falling in line". We made a mutual agreement before I had surgery. Why did I get married. Love of course. Love can be tested and when you've had surgery and your spouse is still eating the junk and has the habits that got you to where you made the decision for surgery, it's hard. Very hard. The talks, discussions and even pleading does no good.

I have...it creates a negative argument and such

Since I was sleeved on June 29th, I am still a "newborn" I guess. Here is my rant ( take this as aggravated humor please): After reading a load of threads on here. Post OP diets on here are about as consistent as Congress. It seems some start "soft pureed" foods sooner than others and some don't. It obviously differs from doctor to doctor, the phase the moon is in and maybe where the NUT and Surgeon feel they want to really stretch someone out. It's crazy! WE ALL HAVE HAD THE SAME SURGERY. We have our stomachs "trimmed up" with staples in them . I started my official diet journey 32 days before my surgery date. I was 409. I did the phase 1 pre op diet for a week and a half and the rest did the liquid diet (jumped on it half a week early to be safe) up until surgery. I lost 45 pounds doing that and some short walk around the block. I did it out of fear that if I didn't, I would be sliced open and then stamped " REJECTED" and/or complications might arise. Did it for fear of my life basically! Could I have introduced foods back in and not done the surgery and hit my goal weight? Probably not due to the fact that I emotionally ate at times due to stress, issues and just addiction to the "CARB" load. Anyways, my point is....I have probably paid for some executives car payment that is over the Protein drink companies I buy from. My local grocery store is about to ban me from Crystal Light and broth. My body wants REAL nutrition and not a freaking synthetic load of ________. I do realize I will still have to supplement one a day, but I want some real protein and food with real Vitamins. I don't even crave junk, sugar or lard. I crave fruits, veggies, lean Proteins, etc. Which is not weird for me because I actually use to eat somewhat clean until I felt I had to have a "fix", then go eat a dozen tacos and wash it down with a Mountain Dew ( and that was a light fix). I chose surgery due to my health (blood pressure pills and hiatal hernia) and a TOOL to remind me if I want a fix...it's going to hurt..bad..which will make me say "Nope"! Ughh...the variances in these "stages". It's like a bunch of chimpanzees ( nutritionist teamed with docs) having a go at operating traffic lights in rush hour traffic. Sporadic and not making much sense. I said my peace to the world (forum of WLS people..lol).. Have a great day!

I am 16 days post op and I am able to consume a 14oz Protein drink in about 10 minutes...maybe a little less. Drink about 20 ounces of liquid in about 20 minutes. I am currently eating creamed Soups (not totally thick but really creamy) and can polish off a 2 cup portion size in less than 10 minutes and not feel full and then start drinking liquids again soon after. I probably consume on average about 60-80 ounces of liquids a day EASILY. Granted they are mostly non-caloric aside from the Protein shakes. I am mindful about how I drink as I used to be a "chugger", I started sipping at first but now I can swallow pretty fast and not feel discomfort or restriction. Is this normal? I asked my doctor in pre-op on surgery day how big my "pouch" would be again and he said 2 ounces. I looked at him and was like " really?" and he walked away smiling. << I'm a constant joker and he knows it>> I start soft foods next week, maybe I will feel restriction then? Thanks in advance for any insight...

I'm technically on soft foods now, which I was not left with the most descriptive list by my NUT, but I can consume about half a cup of re-fried Beans or potato salad. I know it's normal, but a little frustrating as I would rather get majority of my nutrients and such from real food. It all takes time, and I guess I have plenty of it.

Thanks...I was just worried I had messed something up! Reassurance is sometimes the best medicine!

You see!! LOL..craziness..surgeon in the same practice has different plan..just gives me the giggles. Thank you for this, it made me smile even bigger. Now I know I am not crazy from my overdose of liquidness!

I do agree that it is more of having someone learn to control themselves. I am sticking to mine from FEAR of complications and such, but it has become mind numbing!!! LOL. I'll survive, I just look at all these different "phases" and the time lines from various nutritionists and surgeons and I am like, " Is their scientific data behind this?" lol Seems to me mine is a CYA ( cover your ass) plan so I don't end up with complications and my surgeon has a better success rate short term and long term without me coming in with a leak or something. Can't blame him..I am not a risk taker myself. It's not a bad strategy. I'm just in the mood for something REAL.

Put it this way...I want to be healthier...and I want to feel good EVERYDAY. I also have future career plans that being overweight would work so much against me ( as we all know the stereotype you get as an obese person in the workplace). So yes..a right of passage. Spot on!

An egg hopefully will be my first...in another week. I have been on liquids religiously for a total of four and a half weeks now, I am 2 weeks post op. I watch my family eat eggs every morning. I feel like a National Geographic camera man watching.

What? We were sleeved on the same day and I have to wait till July 21st to start soft foods! Ugh. Wonder if you can switch doctors for their meal plans? Lol.. Congrats on the progress!

I am 12 days post op and had to get away from work for a bit today so I went to lunch with a Vietnamese employee of mine. He took me to this upscale Vietnamese pho place and I ordered straight chicken broth. Nothing in it, no sprouts, cilantro, noodles, NOTHING. Had a small small bowl and about the time we finished and I had gotten back to work, maybe 20 minutes elapsed, I was in a sweat and panic to get to the toilet. It was terrible. Pure bowel cleansing hell! I know their broth has a little fat in it, but so does homemade bone broth. Was this dumping? I am kind of shocked. I have had nothing but Protein shakes, Protein drinks ( fake crap)and Water since surgery and am not allowed to start "soft mushy foods" for another 10 days. I am a little uneasy by this reaction. Any advice, clues or pointers? Thanks...

Same here... and it has me nervous. BTW...sorry for TMI on my part..but it is what it is. Lol

Well, I am at 12 days out now and I have good and bad days energy wise. I about ready to punt a Protein shake to the moon!!! I bought a variety of flavors, Ispure, Syntrax nectar, etc...I started liquids 2 weeks pre-op and I am SICK of liquids. lol. SICK OF THEM!!! I can't start "soft foods" until week 3( day 22, which is July 22). 12 more days of liquid...my eyeballs are floating from all the Water, protein and liquid I drink. Sorry...starting to lose my mind.

Surgery was June 29,2015. I know this doesn't sound like an an "issue" but after the first three days, where getting 20 ounces of Water down was a chore, I have been able to drink a lot more and especially my Meal Replacement shakes. For example: Breakfast: 15 ounces of Thorne Research Meal Replacement shake Lunch: 20 ounces of Isopure Punch flavored crap ( I have grown to tolerate the aftertaste ) Dinner: 15 Ounces of BSN Protein shake with a scoop of Thorne Meal replacement. Probably drank another 20-25 ounces water throughout the day, did all my melt away Vitamins and drank 4oz of amino acids mix. To me, seems like a lot being that I was struggling a few days ago and what I have read on here on what people can handle in the first week or two. I am SUPER cautious and sip and such, but find myself devouring drinks faster than I should which scares me. Maybe my "pouch" is tolerating fast, healing fast??? Spent most of the evening last night on my feet keeping small children from blowing their hands off with fireworks at a buddies house. ***My pre op was 2 weeks lean Proteins, veggies and low low carb and then 2 weeks liquid. I survived it all with NO cheating. I wish I would have, I find myself dreaming of pizza, burgers, steaks, tacos, burritos and my biggest demon...cigarettes. This is not an "easy" fix like some people jabbed at me when they found out, this is rough...but keeping my mind at bay is the hardest!

Thank you, sir...you do the same!

People aren't afraid to help and answer questions. Seems to be that all of us are humbled due to our struggles to this point and beyond so there is a lot of help. I also love this place mainly due to the sense of humors and just plain funny things. If you have been obese like I have most of my life, we learn to laugh and be funny. To the point that it's funny and not really gouging at someone real hard. Really makes me smile reading some stuff. I love the light heartedness of a lot of the contributors! I also love the fact that if you ask...most likely. You are going to get told like it is. No candy coating, cotton candy wrapped or bacon infused BS. Greatness!!! I am new here and hope to be here during and AFTER my initial journey. My sleeve was done June 29, 2015...gotta a long road ahead of me but with these forums, it will probably be like cruising down to the coast with good conversation from great people. Ok...that's all the raving I will do right now, I usually won't type stuff like this and I've been a moderator for several business and automotive forums....just nice to see a definite change in personalities! (for the better!) So anyways...Hello!

EXACTLY