daveintx

Could it be that you are getting more attention from the opposite sex and you may be considering that the grass may be more greener on the other side? If so, whose to say that you will keep off the 100 pounds? Do you have children? I would be very careful, this could be a very dangerous path to go down. Give her time, she may have an epiphany and may get on board. If I get attention, I don't realize it. I don't care because I am married. Grass might be greener but you still have to cut it! I will keep the weight off. I did this for one reason, for my health. No I don't have children with her. After reading some of these posts and thinking about things, I will be giving her more time as I already have. I owe it to her, I want her to get healthy and enjoy life with me and not in and out of clinics with chronic illnesses due to obesity and nutrition. I didn't realize how life changing this would be and how mentally prepared I needed to be. I have seen a psychologist for 3 years and prepped for a year before the surgery about how this surgery would change me physically and mentally. He brought up the fact about making sure my marriage was solid, I didn't. I was "comfortable". It's something I didn't prepare for. I do know now, and know I need to focus on certain things beyond the given. As for the earlier comment from another poster about being selfish. It made me laugh. Reality is we are all selfish in our own ways. Think about it seriously. We are. You have one life, live it. When we become cats and have 9 lives...I'll change my whole thought process.

Then I shall try and prove it!!

Great response and believe me, I am giving it my all. Just seem to doubt myself at times as everything takes work...including relationships! Just hard when it seems the work is not "working". Probably a phase...most likely will pass.

To be CLEAR...wanting the same is wanting a healthier lifestyle...not the surgery..lol

Marriage is a sacrifice, but not a total concession of your own individual life. The stories of the unsupportive spouse are plentiful on this site, but I think this is pretty novel. So, all I'll ask is, would you be okay if she had had surgery and you continued to have reservations and she started to have doubts about you because you were not running for the surgery? If there is a backstory to this, such as that you are interested in somebody else or that you are simply no longer in love, I understand that as well as the fact that you'd rather not talk about it here. I hesitate to think that following somebody down the same medical path is part of any tacit or openly acknowledged agreement within the marriage contract. You don't want to cajole her down this path without examining whether it is even the right thing for her. You are an item, but you may be two very different people. It was clearly a great move for you (I am looking at your numbers), but it could be a physical and mental disaster for her, not to mention a huge emotional investment into something that will not benefit her because of her mindset. Not asking for to run and get surgery. It is an individuals own decision to do so and I do not personally think she should get surgery. I know I took a drastic measure to obtain a healthier lifestyle due to my morbid obesity, but I just think support by wanting the same, as we have always spoke of and acknowledged each other on, would be greatness.

I'm curious-- what was this mutual agreement that you made before surgery?? My spouses habits didn't cause me to maintain a weight of over 300#'s for years... my own habits, or lack thereof did. I would never ever put any amount of this on my spouses shoulders. I control every bite that I take and move that I make. We agreed to get healthy together and support one another. Maybe my post is a bit vague but I do love my wife. I do not however feel the same love coming in return as I am seeing her harm herself, I can however take accountability for what I do but if I am not getting her support and her taking accountability for her actions, how am I supposed to enjoy a healthy lifestyle with my spouse?

It's not about "falling in line". We made a mutual agreement before I had surgery. Why did I get married. Love of course. Love can be tested and when you've had surgery and your spouse is still eating the junk and has the habits that got you to where you made the decision for surgery, it's hard. Very hard. The talks, discussions and even pleading does no good.

I have...it creates a negative argument and such

I have lost over 100lbs and now questioning my marriage due to her weight and her not trying to go down the same path.

I'm technically on soft foods now, which I was not left with the most descriptive list by my NUT, but I can consume about half a cup of re-fried Beans or potato salad. I know it's normal, but a little frustrating as I would rather get majority of my nutrients and such from real food. It all takes time, and I guess I have plenty of it.

Thanks...I was just worried I had messed something up! Reassurance is sometimes the best medicine!

I am 16 days post op and I am able to consume a 14oz Protein drink in about 10 minutes...maybe a little less. Drink about 20 ounces of liquid in about 20 minutes. I am currently eating creamed Soups (not totally thick but really creamy) and can polish off a 2 cup portion size in less than 10 minutes and not feel full and then start drinking liquids again soon after. I probably consume on average about 60-80 ounces of liquids a day EASILY. Granted they are mostly non-caloric aside from the Protein shakes. I am mindful about how I drink as I used to be a "chugger", I started sipping at first but now I can swallow pretty fast and not feel discomfort or restriction. Is this normal? I asked my doctor in pre-op on surgery day how big my "pouch" would be again and he said 2 ounces. I looked at him and was like " really?" and he walked away smiling. << I'm a constant joker and he knows it>> I start soft foods next week, maybe I will feel restriction then? Thanks in advance for any insight...

You see!! LOL..craziness..surgeon in the same practice has different plan..just gives me the giggles. Thank you for this, it made me smile even bigger. Now I know I am not crazy from my overdose of liquidness!

I do agree that it is more of having someone learn to control themselves. I am sticking to mine from FEAR of complications and such, but it has become mind numbing!!! LOL. I'll survive, I just look at all these different "phases" and the time lines from various nutritionists and surgeons and I am like, " Is their scientific data behind this?" lol Seems to me mine is a CYA ( cover your ass) plan so I don't end up with complications and my surgeon has a better success rate short term and long term without me coming in with a leak or something. Can't blame him..I am not a risk taker myself. It's not a bad strategy. I'm just in the mood for something REAL.

Put it this way...I want to be healthier...and I want to feel good EVERYDAY. I also have future career plans that being overweight would work so much against me ( as we all know the stereotype you get as an obese person in the workplace). So yes..a right of passage. Spot on!