notateechanow

My appointment went well. Got my first fill since my re-clamping. Gained like 13 pounds. I told him that I had an appointment scheduled with the Dietician and that I've got a lot going on. This isn't a time when I've been able to focus on myself, and he seemed to get it. Gave me the fill and told me he'd see me in a few weeks. Moving right along... If you'll go in August, I'll go. Just remember to remind me!

Can't imagine the group over at the Brigham/Faulkner would be happy to read that they're not on that list....or that you'e posted it here. I expect they KNOW already.....

Changed my appointment for this afternoon. I'm in for tonight. See you then!

It depends on who attends....they're run by the dieticians. Typically they have some topic or another, relating to "banded life" and how to deal with frustrations, issues, concerns, etc. After that it has always been a free for all. However, I've not attended since Monica started working with the program, so they may be very different. Attendees range from pre-op, people considering LB and post-op. Didn't you have to attend one of the meetings before they allowed you to be banded?

Sorry I missed you guys tonight. I had to make the decision before lunch today, so I went to meet with the Dept. of Ed since no one responded earlier.

Wow---I was you a few months ago. After nearly 3 years of working with my band to lose 120 pounds and keeping it off for over a year, I finally scheduled plastic surgery--completely self-paid. I don't make a ton of money, but it was so worth the investment to me to be able to live my life as a "normal" person would. Unfortunately, that all came crashing down on me a week before my PS. My band slipped. Yep, 3 years and the damned thing gave up on me. for those 3 years, I LOVED my band. I loved how I felt (not the daily puking part....) but I loved feeling comfortable in my own skin, even the extra parts!! So here I am, able to eat bread, pasta, rice, pizza---all those foods I couldn't eat for 3 years. And in just 8 short months, I managed to gain back about 40 pounds before having my band replaced. I saved myself 12K for plastic surgery. Couldn't go forward with it. I've learned a very valuable lesson in all of this. I gave my band credit. I took away the true essence of what work I put into this process. The band certainly helped me get control of my eating, but it didn't change my life. I DID. And now, I'm working to get it back. As much as I will miss those foods I can't tolerate, nothing compares to the pain of having been a comfortable size and knowing that freedom, only to have it taken away by my lack of self control. Years ago I managed to gain weight without noticing the difference. This time is very different. I know my post-band life. I loved my body. I loved myself, and I loved how happy I was......You're not alone in feeling the hate for the band. Realize that the band doesn't give you a self control that never previously existed. It merely helped you exercise what you already had but didn't use.....good luck. I hope for better days ahead for you. We all have that band-regret from time to time, but I absolutely wouldn't give my band back!!!

Anyone headed to the meeting next week @ the Faulkner? I'd like to go, but if most of you aren't going.....I'll head to the DESE forum on teacher evaluation instead! Keep me posted!

Stan, It wasn't until seeing pictures of myself from a 'landmark' birthday a few years ago that I realized how large I really was. A few things I've learned about myself through my 3+ year banding journey--- 1) I rarely allowed myself to be photographed at my heavier size, and definitely not at my biggest unless drunk. 2) I always hid behind structures and other people in photos. 3) Larger sized clothing (for me it was sizes 20 and far beyond...) has far more stretch than smaller sizes. I wore the same clothes for my first 40 or 50 pounds lost, yet at my current size, every 10-12 pounds makes a tremendous difference. 4) I rarely looked at myself in mirrors. If I was using a mirror to check out my hair, that's all I looked at....avoiding the parts I couldn't bear to see. This journey has had a lot of ups and downs for me. Acknowledging my size was only one of many of the surprises. I couldn't believe how much my family and friends supported my fat "me". They never said anything about my size, fearful they'd upset and offend me. Evidently I was very irritable and easily upset when I was huge... I never realized how many ways I enabled myself to be large, even when I was wearing the largest sizes available in retail stores and needed larger clothes. From only going to stores and restaurants that had plenty of close or valet parking to going places with wide aisles and roomy tables. It's hard to be honest with yourself and recognize the truth you've created. This journey can be an amazing one, but it's important the very first step you make is to find something to appreciate about yourself and your efforts every day. Do not demean yourself---rather count the steps you make in the right direction! Good luck.

IBelieve, so good to see you today!! It's the unexpected meetings that mean the most. I hope your appointment went well today! So I saw Dr. R today for the first time since my re-buckling. Technically, I've gained weight since he weighed me in 2 weeks prior to the surgery. However, I gained about 10 pounds between that day and when I actually had the band re-buckled. So....I'm 2.5 weeks post-op and am about 5 pounds down since my surgery, but 5 pounds up since my pre-op over a month ago. SHOCKINGLY, Dr. R said very little about it. In fact, he spent more time talking about my hurrying to get discharged after my surgery than anything else. He pointed to my weight on the chart and said, "This is going in the wrong direction." I told him very honestly that I'm struggling. (I'm entirely overwhelmed with work right now---and let's be honest---it drives me immediate to the stuff we shouldn't eat. I'm human. This is temporary, but right now, I'm over my head.) I also followed that with, "I've been talking with Monica." which is also true. I'm up a few pounds today, expecting it's actually PMS. So...that was it. He looked at my sutures to be sure they're healing. Asked if I have any restriction. Wondered if I'm feeling ok....and never lectured. Never gave me a hard time. So.....I was ready for a lecture and nearly called last Friday to cancel today's appointment. I'm really glad I didn't. I go back in 4 weeks (assuming I EVER get through to make an appointment. Does anyone else struggle with this "new" woman in making appointments???? I know the voicemail says she'll return your call in 24 hours, but that has NEVER happened for me. In fact, it typically takes 3-4 calls for me to make a simple appointment. She doesn't return my calls. EVER) for my first fill. I'm feeling huge. Overwhelmed with work, but so relieved I'm headed back in the right direction. I'm still down 65 pounds since my original surgery, but I don't have any clothes that fit and am scheduled for a vacation in 12 days. Not how I wanted to look or feel, but I so desperately need it. I'm just relieved to be back on my journey. Will absolutely be at the meeting @ the Faulkner this month. Hope to see you guys there, too!!

Faulkner is this coming Monday. I won't be there, but hope to make it in June! Lapband Support meetings: 6-7:30pm May 2011: Faulkner Monday May 9th!!

Carol, Remember that the initial purpose of the band isn't to FEEL restriction, but to make you less hungry---not head hungry, but physical hunger. When you constantly seek to have restriction from that outside source, you could jeopardize yourself and your band. (as I undoubtedly did....) Jennifer, I went through a really difficult time about a year and a half post banding. I completely relate to what you are going through. I'm sorry you're dealing with a break up---I know how disappointing it can be---and daunting to consider dating with this band, too! Just remember how much BETTER dating will be at -70 pounds..... The best part of the band is that it is keeping you from gaining the weight you likely would have if not for having it. It's a tool that will be there when you're ready to get back on track. Stop putting pressure on yourself. Realize that some days are better than others and there are bound to be set backs. Anyone who tells you that this is about losing constantly is not being honest. We're human and we have life issues. We wouldn't be in this predicament if eating didn't provide us comfort. Think about getting back on track one behavior at a time---portion size, diet, water, and exercise. To make all changes at once and expect perfection is not only setting you for failure, but you're more likely to resent it. Ladies, if nothing else, I've come to re-appreciate how much I need you all!!! Thank you for being here for me and for helping me through this seemingly impossible rough patch. I'm still in PT for my healing foot surgery so I can't make it next week. I hope to be at the meeting in June, when life becomes routine once again. Be well. Have a good week, and thanks again!!!

While I understand his frustration, this isn't about Dr. R. This is about you. If you need support, ask for it and get it. Please don't let this be yet another place where you feel that people are justified in putting you down. We teach people how to treat us. Teach him better. Tell him you understand his frustration, but that you feel and live it every day. No one went through this extensive process of having something surgically implanted to gain weight or be unsuccessful. If they need to redesign their program to include a behavioral component, then so be it....but please don't let him deter you from being where you want to be.

I'm BAAAAACCCCCKKKKK. Yep. Re-buckled. Re-banded. OH, and in pain. Totally forgot about this part. Had my surgery on Wednesday. Because last fall went so easily (surgery to unbuckle) I went ahead and planned to be at work on Thursday night, knowing I bounce back from anesthesia pretty well.... So.....had a nightmare roommate and once again remember why I prefer the Faulkner over the Brigham. Private rooms. That's all anyone needs to know. There's nothing more challenging than "rooming" with someone who orders up a storm of food or whose bells and whistles go off all night long to make a hospital stay miserable. I gained over 8 pounds of what I can only assume is fluids while in the hospital. It's been 3 days since surgery and I still feel as though I've swallowed a martian. I'm excited and relieved to be headed back down the scale. I took for granted how easy this was the first time---but it could have been my level of commitment or my complete ignorance, too. I never anticipated the intolerances and things I could never eat again. This time around I had a lot of "last meals" and things I knew I could never have again. It's been a huge emotional struggle this time because I'm trying to keep it all together while thinking about planning a wedding. I've finally decided to start dress shopping in the beginning of June. I know I'll never "just do it" if I don't commit to it. I never considered 6 months ago that I'd be worried about losing weight again, rather than recuperating from the long planned tummy tuck and Lipo I paid for last fall...and never had. I'm no where I planned to be right now and trying to appreciate this journey for what it is intended to be. This last surgery has absolutely reminded me of the parts of the journey I managed to block out of my memory. YET I'd still do it all over again...and again...and again. I want my life back. With every mile I log on the treadmill, I'm one step closer. Hope you've all had a good spring holiday season. I'm hoping to make it to the next meeting. I know I need to be with all of you if I'm going to make this work. Hope to see you soon!

"conservative"?! That's putting it lightly. I think he's on the spectrum. Don't get me wrong--he's a very skilled surgeon. He's operated on me twice in 3 years. This will be my 3rd surgery with him. I wouldn't be going back if I didn't trust his ability. HOWEVER, I didn't choose him based on personality.

I think he was dumbfounded when I accidentally dropped the "f" bomb. Not nearly as bad as when I cried that time, though! I finally told him that if he wasn't going to be supportive, I'd find another surgeon who could/would be. I pay for his service. I should get the service I want, unless it's medically unsafe. I assure you that I'm far healthier now than I was at over 300 pounds. Enough is enough. I'm done with feeling like a failure.

Today I stood up for myself. I explained that I chose this route and that I'm looking for support not sh/t. Enough is enough. I need this...and you likely do, too. Do what's best for you. The lecture is only as effective as you let it be.

Jay, My band was 'unclamped' after a horrific slip on Thanksgiving. Emergency surgery 3 days later. 6 days of no eating, drinking, or even ice chips. They used my feet for iv's because I was so dehydrated. Was @ Faulkner for just under a week. Been a living hell since then. Dr. R told me it would be "quick" to fix...which I thought meant it would be repaired at Christmas or January at latest, but he kept putting me off because I gained weight. Duh. So I have all of the hardware still in place, but I have to have it re-clamped in 2 weeks. He may replace the band, too. We'll see.

Just walked in from what I "think" is my last pre-surgical meeting....but with the way things have gone for me since Thanksgiving with Dr. R, I never know.....I'm scheduled for the anesthesiologist next week and surgery on the 27th. I'm hoping this time things go as I've planned. I noticed the posting about last night's meeting after it happened. I'll go when you guys go!! I miss seeing all of you and I want control over my eating and my life back. After living for 3 years with my band, the past 5 months have been absolute hell. I now understand why the people who need to be unbanded are bitter. I recognize that the underlying reasons for my obesity are still there, though latent for a few years. Hidden well by my working out incessantly and eating very little, but nonetheless, still all there! Jay, you'll appreciate that I've been on the pre-op diet for 4 weeks now. Dr. R kept sending me home to lose weight.....thought I was gonna die. Seriously, I wouldn't have this band if not for needing it. I assure you, if I could lose weight without it, I would. I didn't think surgery was just something fun to try! Even WITH my weight gain, I've still maintained 55% of my excess body weight lost.....so I wasn't very nice the last few times he gave me a hard time. This time I even accidently swore when defending myself. With as far as I've come in the past few years, I'll be damned if some man with a few degrees more than me is gonna make me think I'm a complete effing failure. So....I miss you guys. Need my old life back and need to drop a few so I can go wedding dress shopping. My life has been on hold for 5 months and I want it back.....

The reason they don't want you to smoke is because it hinders your body's ability to heal. It won't kill you, but try to get back on track. Keep your hands busy doing other things---reading, washing dishes, etc. I remember vividly how difficult the liquid diet is. It gets easier, but it is definitely a challenge for the next few weeks. Good news is that this isn't forever....it gets easier. Good luck!

And now........ So much has happened since August!!! I had emergency surgery right before my scheduled TT. My band was "unclamped" due to slipping. It's been hell since then. I've gained about 35 pounds since the day of surgery, though I was down 20 on the day of surgery because I wasn't able to keep anything down for about 2 weeks. (One of those weeks spent in the hospital with no food, water, ice--anything!) I had my 2nd foot surgery as planned, but never did have my TT. I got ENGAGED earlier this week. We're moving forward with wedding plans, but I'm petrified about my weight. My surgeon has been a complete jerk. He hasn't re-clamped my band because I gained weight. After 3 successful years of being banded, this has been a tremendous loss. I'm working on re-gaining control. I have 6 more weeks before I can even start walking on a treadmill because of my foot. Not working out has been hard, and not having my band to restrict portions has been hell. So.....while my band situation really sucks, the rest of my life is moving forward. I'm hoping to have surgery to repair the band in the next few months. I'm also hoping to get pregnant as soon as I'm married, so maybe it's all for the best......I knew leaving my ex would be the best thing for me and I am pleased to say......I was right. Life is good. Hope you're all well!

I know during my pre-op meetings that someone, somewhere along the line talked about how our relationships change after banding. I didn't listen (though clearly I should have!) because I denied that it could ever apply to me. My boyfriend of nearly 3 years has been so utterly supportive of me in this venture. He is a great man and I love him with all of my heart. The problem? He's not looking to get married. I'm not getting any younger, and at some point I realized that I need to move on. It's something I've tossed around in my mind (and yes, discussed with him, too!) for almost a year now. I'm not a neophyte with relationships. I've had a lot of long term boyfriends, but have thus far never been married. I am not sure I want to have children, but at 36 and moving toward 37 soon, I realize my time to have kids is nearing an end. I don't want to ever resent being in a relationship with my boyfriend. So...we've decided it's time for me to start the process of moving out. It's over a month away--November 1st. We're still going on our scheduled trip to Aruba for Columbus Day weekend. Crazy? I suppose, but I'm not angry or bitter. He's looking as forward to this trip as I and I don't want to take that away from him. I know I'm not ready to date yet, but I feel this bipolar thing going on. (Not to diminish the actual disorder.....) I am so excited by the prospect of moving out and eventually dating again. I haven't dated at this size since highschool. BUT, every so often I get that deep sadness.....I'm definitely not an outwardly emotional person, but I find myself tearing up at things I'll miss most about being with him. In some strange way, I feel like the band is somewhat to blame for this. My self-confidence has grown immensely since being banded and losing weight. If I didn't have the surgery, I may very well have stayed until it was too late to move on. I do truly love him, but I need to finally put my own aspirations for a husband and family first. Has anyone else ended a relationship after banding? I don't feel comfortable talking about this with my close friends because none know I've been banded. My boyfriend is one of the only people I confided in.......Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by moving on. I've never felt so full of doubts in my life!!!:thumbup:

Ok---I hate the new format of this website. I couldn't find this thread to save my life and wonder if that's why no one (Other than me!) seems to come on here any more! I'm 3.5 weeks post op for my foot. I can't believe how much faster/better I've healed this time around---and can't help but think about the nutritional implications of having a band. Mine still hasn't been "re-clamped". Went to see Dr. R again yesterday. Finally made wait. I finally have come to realize that EVERY visit I have with him, I'm more confused by what he says....and it's no longer my fault. He initially arrived and asked if I had come for a fill. Maybe he should start working to read a patient's file before entering the exam room?! It was just odd---so I made weight. I lost enough for them to re-submit to my insurance company. Mind you--I have all of the hardware still in me. Seems simple enough. He made a comment about how I "already was assigned a surgery date" but must have forgotten he told me I had to lose weight or he wouldn't do it. I was scheduled to go in 2 weeks ago and canceled when I thought I might not make weight. Was scheduled for surgery tomorrow, but was canceled when I canceled weigh in. This whole experience has me shaking my head---and I don't know if I have even explained it clearly because I don't understand any of it. Here's my one big question---I'm waiting for them to submit for insurance and for my new surgery date. Do any of you remember if I have to see HIM again before surgery? GOD, I hope not---but not just because talking with him is exasperating, but because I can't possibly not gain weight if I'm a few months out from surgery again. If I was honest with all of you and told you what I had to do to make weight this time, you'd be horrified.....but you've gotta do what you've gotta do. If he didn't hold me to this odd standard, I wouldn't have been forced to do it. Sad thing is, I'm still well within their "40 to 60% of excess body weight lost" category yet nearly couldn't have surgery again if I couldn't drop at least 5 pounds. Yep. 3+ years out. Even with my weight gain, I'm at 58% excess body weight lost. AND yet Dr. R wasn't sure I'd be able to have the stupid thing re-clamped if I couldn't drop 5-10 pounds to SHRINK my effing liver. I'm guessing my liver is far smaller NOW than it was when he did the original surgery and I weighed over 300 pounds. So....I'm confused. I'm annoyed that my life has been on hold since Thanksgiving. I don't want to have to agonize that I'll be weighed in again before I finally have surgery. I'm waiting for my phone to ring. Let's hope they're prompt!!! How are the rest of you? When is the next meeting????

I'm more than 3 years out and I still struggle. (I had a major slip at Thanksgiving so I'm technically "unclamped" right now) My nutritionist used to refer to this as head hunger. No surgery will ever fix the emotional eating. I have spent a lot of time going to counseling and found it to be tremendously helpful. You've really got to figure out what's eating YOU, since you say that the food you eat really doesn't provide any relief. You need replacement behaviors---alternatives to eating when you're feeling that compulsion. I've stopped buying the foods I shouldn't eat, but I live alone---so it's that much easier for me. This battle never ends, but it can be easier. Many years ago, in one weight loss program or another that I did, my group leader encouraged me to think before eating anything---am I eating because I'm hungry? bored? tired? stressed? happy? sad? I also had to learn that smaller people eat to live, not live to eat as I always have. People without weight issues eat only until they're no longer hungry. The rest of us eat until the food is gone. I think it's important that you recognize this relatively early in your journey. That's the first step to finding a way to make it easier for you. If you have access to a counselor who specializes in eating disorders, that is the first place to start. Does your surgeon off a support group? Mine saved my life. Knowing I am not alone has made it so much more bearable, but also having the chance to talk with other "bandsters" about their experiences and behaviors they've created to avoid over eating. I wish you luck in this journey. Success starts with a single step.....and you've taken that by having surgery---but now it's time to move forward and figure out how to use this tool in a way that makes you happy. Finding a way to end your compulsion will bring you the success you need/want. Good luck!

OMG---No Phyllis??!! Just wanted to tell you all---even though I'm in band hell (my band was NOT re-clamped and because I've gained weight since Dr. R Un-clamped it in November [not shocking!] and I can't get a date til I've lost weight...) I had foot surgery again today. Totally different experience from the last time. I had it done at the Faulkner again. This time my post-op care nurse HAS a band!! He was awesome. Granted, no bad side effects from any of the drugs this time. I was so sick last time. I tried to convince the nurse to come to the group because I think it's great to have a medical perspective, but also because he's more than a year out and has never attended. To say the very least, I'm happy with my foot, but discouraged by this band. Trying my best to make this go in the right direction. Hoping to make it to the March meeting. If nothing else, I do have a schedule. Hope you all had a good Valentine's Day! I miss all of you. Been forever!!!!