Sara51692

This is hard for me to say, especially at only five months out, but I feel like putting this into writing might help me make changes and really think about my actions. It'll feel more "real" if it's not just in my head. I'm a bad sleever. I (and probably others) hear all the time that the sleeve works when the patient works. There are "good" patients who follow all the rules and do what they're supposed to, and then there are the "bad" patients. Let's start off on a positive note: I just hit my 50-pound mark from my surgery weight. Seventy pounds overall. My surgeon seems thrilled with this and I've thought I was doing good as well. Then I came back on here and read some posts. I feel like I'm being surpassed by many people who were sleeved at the same time as me. It's not a competition, but that made me take a long look at myself. I was doing good for a long time and now I feel like I'm doing not as good. I was eating small amounts, taking (most) my Vitamins and pills, separating my food and beverages, and started exercising to my tolerance as soon as I was able to. I had some moments where I gave in or did "bad" things, but I knew I was doing well overall. Lately, it seems like I'm doing less good. After being hit big time with the flu, I stopped going to the gym while I was sick and then continued not going.... I've loosened the reigns on the eating and drinking separation, and while I'm still not feeling that hunger feeling too often, it seems I'm feeling it more often than before. I've found myself overeating more and pushing myself past that "full" feeling more and more for no good reasons (it's compulsive and a need to keep eating or "finish" my food). I feel like I can take more food in now, as evidenced on my vacation last week (I was on a cruise and was able to eat some food from THREE courses for dinner each night and decent amounts for Breakfast and lunch.) and there was no throwing up. To be fair, I only gained 2 pounds on the vacation, was doing tons of walking, and did lose that weight quickly when I got back, but still. Still. Then that's got me paranoid: what if I've hurt my sleeve or incisions or just stretched it? Sometimes I feel small pains or pressure in my abdomen/stomach after/during eating and though they're very small, it makes me think of some of the horror stories I've read about on here. It's not intense pain or lasting pain or anything, so I'm not worried, just being my general, anxious self. I actually had such bad anxiety for a month before surgery that I was having near-constant chest pain (which I'd freak out about to my PCP, surgeon, and a cardiologist), who all assured me it was nothing because I'm 23, female, and had fine test results for my heart. Basically, my anxiety caused real chest pain, which is scary. I ate a whole bagel today. WITH cream cheese. Doesn't that seem excessive? Many on here say the sleeve can't stretch (depending on how much of the 'stretchy' part of the stomach is left), but how could this not be an indication of stretching or worse? I see a therapist and go occasionally to my surgeon-run support groups, but my therapist does not specialize in this stuff and while she helps me deal with my other issues and more daily stress, I've not been getting much help coping with overeating and my unhealthy relationship with food. I found a place nearby which specializes in nutrition counseling and things like that, so I'm going to call them later and see what I'd have to do to see someone there... I'd just love some advice, feedback, shared experiences, or coping mechanism suggestions from others who struggle with overeating even with the sleeve.

I'm from Boston but don't know of any! Is your surgeon local? Maybe they would have a suggestion? Also, maybe the hospital you got your surgery at could recommend someone if you were happy with them?

Tomorrow I'll be four months out from surgery, going from 326 sw to 278 cw (my hw was 340). I was squeezing/just fitting into size 28 pants then and now my size 26s and 28s are definitely too big. I can make them work with pulling them up really high and using belts. My new yoga pants are the only ones that fit me right and my size 26 Torrid skinny jeans still fit okay (loose in thighs and butt and waist, but they stay up mostly); however, they're starting to get worn in the inner thigh area so I'm afraid they'll rip soon if I wear them too much.... So basically, my question is -- should I buy some new pants now? I've already bought some new tops (sizes 18/20 and 22/24 ish), because I picked ones out that would last me a long time even when they get looser. BUT pants are harder because once they don't fit, they just don't fit. Debating on buying some Old Navy skinny pants on sale now, but I have NO idea what size I am and their plus size section is online only....HELP! I'm also thinking I should find a used clothing/Goodwill type store, but their plus size clothing sections are usually lackluster, at best. I'm only 23 and everybody dresses fairly nicely at my work, so I really needs pants/jeans that are nice looking/skinny jeans. Worried I won't be able to find them there. Any advice would be appreciated!

My May 26th (and nearby dates) Sleevefriends, how are you doing?? I had my 2 week follow-up appointment yesterday, got my sutures out (yay), and moved on to the pureed diet! I move to soft foods on 6/23, but I'm already excited to try new, pureed things. It's fueling my culinary-creativity. I'm about to be under 300 lb. again, which I haven't been since my senior year of high school! (About 4-5 years ago!) So what are you loving and what are you struggling with? Here's mine! I'm loving: Not feeling hungry Low-carb Walking easier/with less pain Parking further away in parking lots Having TONS of leftovers I'm struggling with: Finding sources of Protein Drinking enough water! Pooping (just being honest here!) Low-carb (I love it because it's effective but I do miss bread!) Scheduling my meals (I find myself forgetting now) Paying attention to portions (My eyes are bigger than my stomach - thankfully - now)

Wow those payouts look horrible! Have you tried PoshMark? Prices looked better than ThredUp and the sellers seemed to have more autonomy, but I've never bought or sold there. Those clothes look really nice! You should definitely get more than that for them!

UPDATE! I started at a size 28, squeezing into at, at that, and I just bought jeans in a size....wait for it..... EIGHTEEN! Okay, technically I bought jeggings in size 18, can squeeze into a size 20, and am wearing a size 22 that is loose, BUT a size 18!? That's insane, even if they are jeggings. I spent $13 on the jeans and $24 on the jeggings at Forever 21....the 24 is more than I wanted to spend per pair BUT since they're a size 18 and stretchy, I'm hoping they'll last a while. I also bought the size 22 pair at Kohl's (only after a huge discount). I had to go into stores to figure out what size I was, and when I did, the prices were pretty comparable to online sites, so I just did it in-person. Huge NSV to not have to buy my jeans online and to be able to try them on in a dressing room, shop with my best friend, and get excited about that PERFECT fit. Plus, now that I can fit into Forever 21's plus size jeans, I'm just going to keep buying those $13 pairs until I don't have to anymore....you can't really beat $13 for jeans.

Thanks! I'm glad to hear somebody else is seeing two people...makes me feel better about trying to find one. I found a place near where I live called Behavioral Nutrition which specializes in eating disorders and the like, and I'm hoping to get an initial evaluation there and see what they recommend. I'm on prozac and wellbutrin for my depression, but I've only been taking them sporadically (NOT good), but I'm wondering if something else would help me with my other issues.

@@vgsmommy @@jordantaylor @@mtraverse - Congrats to you all! Jordan - I'm in a similar situation -- I've definitely realized how easy it still is to overeat or eat unhealthy foods still....This is all way easier than times I've tried before, but it is - by no means - easy. When I had a really big stall, I started going to the gym a few days a week and it really helped kick my weight loss back into action. I see a therapist twice a month who I've seen since I was 13, and I absolutely love talking to her (and it helps with dealing with my depression and anxiety on a daily level), but I've started to think some of my problems are above her head....I'm thinking about trying to find a psychiatrist/therapist who specializes in disordered eating to help me work through my problems. Better to do it now than later, right? I just don't know how to approach the issue with my main therapist! My "stats" HW: 340 SW: 320 (326 after getting out of hospital...) CW: 277 So that's a little over 40 pounds lost in 4 months....not too bad, right? Wish it was more, but the scale is still moving down, so I'm happy! Plus I haven't been this weight in forever! My hair's started coming out like CRAZY the last couple of weeks. I have to clean my shower and hairbrushes constantly...And I wear yoga pants almost every day (or dresses/skirts) because none of my jeans/regular pants really fit anymore....super frustrating!

Looking at ThredUp right now and it actually seems pretty promising!

Thanks everyone!! Such good advice from everyone! I think my first step will definitely be to try on clothes somewhere to figure out my general size. I know I tried on a pair of 18s a friend gave me the other day and they didn't fit (but they were flare, and flares do not look good on short people), so I know I'm at least a 20, but I'm guessing 22-24 will be my range. Goodwill is always hit or miss. My best friend worked there years ago and got me a really cute black lace top in a plus size, but I find that for pants, there's almost never anything nice looking for plus sizes, just frumpy, ill-fitting ones with wide calf areas - plus they're usually too long for me! I just need a good pair of jeans or something...I'm in Boston and it's freezing and snowy here. @Mrswrath -- Never heard of them but I'm in MA. I think there's an Avenue store somewhere near my work (I really like them too @@Miss Mac ) so maybe that'd be better than online...

True! I haven't invested in one of those yet....I've always felt too short and too fat for them. Plus winter in New England is NOT a good time for them. =(

I got asked out while buying a cake for a coworker at BJs. It was shocking! I thought he was talking to my coworker who was with me, A stranger has never asked me out before! And yesterday at the gym, I ran into a friend from high school and she said I looked great! Neither knew about the surgery, so it was a great feeling and didn't make me doubt them since friends/family were probably looking more closely at me for changes because they knew.

I'm on the south shore but I work on the north shore....I need some smaller size pants or jeans! It's starting to get awkward wearing only dresses, skirts, and yoga pants to work (even though they aren't strict with dress code). I started at a 28 and am not sure what I am right now...I've only bought tops, dresses, and yogas since surgery. I'm thinking I'm around a 22 or 24 now.

I think it's good positive thinking to tell yourself that. I have to do the same thing a lot when I'm beating myself up and getting depressed and feeling guilty for going over my self-imposed caloric limit. I just try to breath and say the same thing, that before the surgery, I would have had triple the amount of calories while bingeing.

The EXACT same thing happened to me, and every time I went to a follow-up with my surgeon (and in emails and phone calls in between), I told him how I was still in pain near my main incision and it was worrying me and everything, and every time, he told me I was fine and not to worry. The first time had happened a day or so after going seaglassing (basically tons of bending over and climbing on large rocks), and I would have swore up and down I tore open my sleeve or an incision or something, but eventually (after many, many weeks of taking it fairly easy), I felt better. Now I exercise almost every day without a problem (I'm 3.5 months out) and can handle most physical activity without that pain.

Ugh, my stomach is SO loud! It's very embarrassing at work. Only happens while I'm eating/for a while afterward. It doesn't hurt or anything, but it's very loud. I'm about three and a half months out.

@@gabito Thanks for bringing up this topic...it's a hard thing to talk about...EDs in general or overeating in general. I think the hardest part of the surgery was coming to terms with the fact that my problems with food still exist and still have to be dealt with. I've been talking to my therapist for weeks now about how it's so hard for me to control myself sometimes. There's something in my brain sometimes, when bingeing, that somehows thinks "OMG. Eat this now! Finish it! What if you NEVER eat this again? What if you never eat ANYTHING again? GO!" And the rational part of myself looks back at these thoughts and knows they're insane, because while I'm not rich or anything, I'm not struggling for food. I can pay for food, I can even pay for good food, and I'm the one in my house who grocery shops and cooks, so I also choose the food. I just can't get it through to my brain that it's fine, I can leave that cheese stick in the fridge, because no, I'm not hungry, or that it's okay to not finish my food, because I will eat again, and if I'm hungry again, even in 5 minutes, I have food to eat. The guilt afterwards is horrible. I log all my food and sometimes I just scroll back to days I was dealing with this and hate myself. That's where my emotional state is at during those times -- it's been hard to find other people to relate to. I'm thinking of joining an Overeater's Anonymous group in addition to my WLS support group, just for this reason...I had problems with other EDs when I was younger, and I've been trying very hard not to fall into old habits because this sleeve is too valuable to throw away on stupid behavior.

Every time I've expressed this same thought to my surgeon, the "I feel like I'm losing slowly" or I express concerns about how easy it still is to graze/snack, my surgeon stops me and says, "You've lost xx amount of weight. You're still winning." And he's right, even if we have an off day, week, or even month, we're winning more battles than we're losing. hw: 340 sw: 320 before, 326 after (I get so confused with which I should use, because I gained 6 pounds in the hospital??) cw: 284 36 pounds doesn't seem like much to me since surgery, but I'm slowly getting there. I try to remind myself that I haven't been this weight in forever, so it's still a great feeling. I had a couple of rough weeks where I even gained a pound or so, and I was so upset and defeated. I ended up doing a "step battle" with someone from work who had gastric bypass 11 years ago with our fitness trackers and it kicked me in the ass and got me back to the gym (for the first time since last October). The weight started coming off again -- it was great!

Actually, I had the flu a week or so before my surgery and I felt the same way - I was so scared he'd postpone it, but my surgeon kept checking in on me in the days beforehand and asking me how I felt. I ended up feeling a lot better within a few days or surgery (my fever was gone), but I still had a stuffy, runny nose. None of the nurses seemed concerned and my surgeon said I would be fine. I had to blow my nose a bit before and after surgery, but it didn't affect me much. My advice would be to not worry about it too much but make sure to let your surgeon know.

I had mine done at Norwood Hospital with Doctor Adam Glasgow. He's been great and his whole team is amazing. I go to the support groups there but I'm thinking about joing an OA somewhere around here. Anybody ever been to a meeting or know of one?