Mom26

I had my sleeve surgery on 11/9. Went back to work on the 23rd - tired, a bit sore, but back in to the swing of things. I did pretty good with logging my meals into My Fitness Pal, was walking, etc. Perfect. On the road to recovery. Even the issue with my lung not fully inflating was resolving itself. Life was great. My husband and I sat at the dinner table the night I went back to work and reflected on just how wonderful life was for us. Six happy, healthy kids ranging from 18-28. A beautiful home. Stable careers. And a wonderful family. Who could want more?? The very next day -- last Tuesday -- my oldest son asked me to make a trip up to Connecticut (he lives there with his girlfriend). He had not been feeling well and went for a colonoscopy to potentially diagnose colitis. That was what they expected to find. That's not what they found. Instead, they found a very large tumor in his rectum and were unable to continue the colonoscopy because it was nearly completely blocked. They set him up for a CT Scan for Wednesday and he asked that we come up there because the doctor didn't like what he found. I found out on Wednesday when we got there that he didn't want to tell me they already knew it was a cancerous tumor. I grabbed Protein shakes, a few waters, and we headed up to CT to be with him for his scan. What we didn't realize was the day before, the doctor already put an entire team in place to meet with us -- including a surgical oncologist, a medical oncologist, and had quite a few tests set up as emergencies. By 1pm, our world had shattered. My seemingly healthy 28 year old son was told that not only was the tumor cancerous, it was already invasive and had progressed to Stage 4 - with lesions on his liver. Five in total. And they're a decent size. His tumor is inoperable right now - as it's too large and invasive and needs to shrink. He's at a high risk for a blockage and that would be devastating. Every ounce of focus has been on him since Wednesday. Back in the hospital on Friday for a chemo port and PET scan. Back to CT yesterday for the PET scan results and his first chemo treatment. Reaching out to other cancer centers for input/validation/etc. Throughout this ordeal, I crumbled. I think I had 10 calories that day of diagnosis. Thanksgiving was a blur. Then Friday to Monday, I tried. I really tried. But I certainly didn't get anywhere near my protein or liquids in. This morning, I realized I am no good to anyone if I can't get my shit together. I took out my scale and weighed what I thought would be 4oz of my Ricotta Bake (which is heavenly). I was shocked to see it was under an ounce. I've been starving myself this past week with what I thought were "full meals". No wonder I haven't lost any more weight in a week. I'm in starvation mode. So I'm logging stuff back in My Fitness Pal starting today. I've got 2 bottles of Water on my desk. I added Protein powder to my egg this morning. I have to fix myself so I can help fix my son. But how do I keep myself out of this funk? Before surgery, I would have eaten 100 ice cream sundaes in the past week (not really 100, but you get what I'm saying). There is no food therapy anymore. And that's such a strange concept. Funny how just a week ago, my entire focus was on me, my sleeve, healing, getting healthier. And then we get smacked in the face hard. HARD. Sure makes you realize what matters in life. <3

Oh jeez Jane... how horrible. I hope you find relief quickly!!!

Some of you may remember that just 2 weeks after my sleeve surgery, my son was shockingly diagnosed with Stage IV Rectal Cancer with metastasis to his liver (5 liver tumors). My world shattered. I didn't eat. Didn't drink. Barely got out of bed and wasn't functioning in any normal capacity. I was just at the point where I was trying to learn how to be healthy with my new body and failed every single day. I received so many words of encouragement from this community, so much support and so many helpful suggestions/tips. And even when I'd sink in my chair, something someone said would remind me of what I needed to do - because I was no help to him if I couldn't help myself. Jason's first liver surgery was last Monday. They removed 2 very invasive tumors from one lobe that were much deeper than the scans portrayed. Next month, three more liver tumors will be removed. The chemo has caused abscesses that resulted in his hospitalization for days at a time. It's caused mouth sores that make it impossible for him to eat. It's caused intolerability to the cold. And we're in the Northeast - where we've had a blizzard and too many other storms. Yet he continues to smile every day and encourage others who are fighting this awful battle to never give up. Last week, while I stayed at the hospital with him, I brought my Protein shakes. I reminded him to drink his Water and I did the same. I walked with him around the unit. I ordered eggs for Breakfast and chicken for lunch/dinner. I had chili for a snack. I felt like I was finally getting it. And was able to share my recovery and food tips with him. And today, this happened, and the sparkle in my eye that has been absent and the smile on my face that left in November reappeared. (sorry the pic is upside down... )

I can believe it. Even just from my smile after stepping on the scale, it totally dictated the rest of my day so far. Even the things at work that would normally bother me popped up, they didn't seem that bad today.

Thank you all. It felt really good to smile today.

My goal was 199.8. I weighed my damn self on every single tile square in my bathroom. EVERY ONE. I took off my watch my bracelets, my earrings, my rings, etc. 200.0. Soooo close.

202.2. I can't lose these 2 damn pounds

That is absolutely fantastic!! Congrats.

202.4. So damn close. UGHHHHH

This is me EXACTLY. Every word of that.

Thanks Jane! And thanks so much for asking about Jason. He has an endoscopic ultrasound next Friday to determine the exact location of his rectal tumor. If it's 1cm higher than the first test, he may only require 2 surgeries. 1cm lower, he'll require 4 plus radiation. Crazy how such a small unit of measure means such a big difference. His first surgery is scheduled for Monday, Feb 8th. They'll be removing 2 tumors from the left lobe of his liver. Then 6 weeks later, they'll go in and remove three from the right lobe of his liver. The doctor said he may find others while he's in there, so he'll get those too. If the rectal tumor is higher and near his colon, they'll remove that when they do the 2nd liver surgery in March. Otherwise, he'll just have both liver surgeries, heal, more chemo, daily radiation, then the rectal surgery/ileostomy bag surgery, heal, make sure there are no leaks, then surgery to remove the ileostomy bag. Fingers crossed they can do it in 2 surgeries and not require an ileostomy bag. He's feeling ok. Still very upbeat positive. It breaks my soul my child is this ill.

I'm also very lucky that my coworkers are so supportive. I'm told daily that I'm looking great and to keep up the good work. It's such a confidence boost to hear such positive comments.

love them both - but I think I'd go with the black & white one

@ You don't even look like the same person! Great transformation!!

203.8.... Just 4 pounds to my Valentine's Day goal. And 50 to my actual goal.

This. And another bad: Tell me your secret to how you lost so much weight. Um, NO.

I'm sure she's just trying to be helpful. Obviously at 50lb loss, your clothes must be baggy. Why not take her up on a few `16's. if you don't wear them, pay it forward. If you end up liking how they look, even better. I've found that wearing pants that actually fit make me feel better. My tops can be baggy, but baggy pants looked awful on me.

@Sharon1964 I laughed when you said eHarmony had no matches. That's the biggest laugh between my husband and me. We met 10+ years ago on eHarmony. I "lied" on my profile to say I was already divorced because I knew I wasn't getting back with my ex. That was the only false bit of info in my profile - and I was totally upfront immediately when matched. My husband is another story. He filled out his profile and waited patiently for a match. Only to be told there wasn't one. So he didn't check back for weeks. Nothing. A few weeks after that, one match. Me. We are absolutely 100% compatible. I could NOT imagine my life without him in it and he says the same of me. There is a science to it -- so don't let it get you down. I found it a much better site than any others at the time. Maybe the one match you get in the future is the one you've been dreaming about. Now for the other stories, how crazy. I can't believe some people fall for some of those profiles. Jeez.

After a week in Cabo.... I'm down to 207.2. Woohoo. I said to my husband that I'll be fine as long as I didn't gain - because we walked MILES every day -- difficult, exhausting miles through the sand and surf. So glad to continue to go down - no matter how slowly it falls off - it's falling off!!

Thanks Jane!!

I love NY&Co. - and what about Express? Wet Seal may be too trendy - but you can find some stuff there.

Keep in mind people track their numbers differently. Maybe the 30 or 50 lbs lost included pre-op weight loss? You're doing great. My sleeve was 11/9 - and I can promise you -- stick to your plan and make sure you get your Protein powder and Water in and the weight will come off!! If you don't get your water in or enough protein, your body will try to protect itself.

Jenn -- that's great motivation! And she'd immediately be unfriended on FB. I just don't get why people spend their energy being bitchy.