Connor Martin Lidell

Hi!
 
I'm a 22 year old opera singer just about to graduate college. I spent most of my life overweight, really starting to gain around 10 years old. I was fairly athletic though, and kept it under control until I stopped dancing at around age 17. Then, I ballooned and gained over 100 pounds in 5 years. Across those 5 years, I've been fighting as hard as I can, but my impulsive eating habits were not curbed until recently. And, even now... it's difficult controlling impulse.
 
I have two wonderful godparents who spent a decade trying to deal with gastric bands. It was not a success for them. They struggled a lot with them. But, then, my godfather tried the gastric sleeve surgery and he lost over 100 lbs. And, he's kept it off for a year now. He's also had cancer during that time, and I am so proud of his strength. 
 
I learned from them that the struggle continues even after surgery. BUT, the surgical benefits are enormous. He tells me that he felt like he had a fighting chance. His morale was higher. His energy was higher. His depression was lessened... and, these are the tools I need to overcome my weaknesses. 
 
I feel like, with the maturity I have now that I didn't when I was a teenager, I could fight the good fight from ground zero. But, with all these cards stacked against me... limited mobility, hurting knees, constant hunger, emotional distress from my weight... It's too much for me to even take a small bite out at a time.
 
I haven't given up. But, at this point... I NEED some help. I have to learn to let go of my pride and use the tools available to me.
 
I am just in the research process right now. I hope that this community will help me supplement information I get from well-meaning family (you know what I mean...) and possibly greedy doctors (I just don't want to be taken advantage of!). And, I'm also hoping for people to help support me in this journey... It's so hard for me to share with words out loud. I'm hoping I can publish a blog and people can support me through that. 
 
As for personal info, I'm a musician! I am a singer, baritone. I love to listen to all kinds of music. I'm a Sufjan Stevens fan. Bon Iver. Thank You Scientist. Progressive Rock and Bluegrass mostly. Punch Brothers. 
 
I have ADHD, untreated. But, I'm in counseling. 
 
I'm considered to be very intellectual, but supplemented with a high spiritual presence. I am loud, fast talking, and sometimes speak before I think. That's something I'm working on. 
 
Hooray! Let's get started.