Riotgrrl

I have been considering and researching the gastric band for just over a year. I kicked the idea around a little before then but thought it was cheating. I read a lot of personal stories about people claiming to have tried everything before concluding that surgery was their last best hope but I couldn't really relate. I have never tried diet pills or amphetamines, fad diets, or weight watchers. I mainly have just struggled with balancing eating with exercise and so far have failed repeatedly. I was one confirmation phone call away from starting down the lap band path, but at the last minute I had some doubts. 1) If I can't manage eating and exercising now, what will make me all of a sudden be able to do it after surgery? And 2) When normal people eat only a few ounces of food per sitting we call them anorexic and throw them into rehab. The solution is simple; eat less and move more. Until last winter I honestly had never tried doing both at the same time before so I thought I'd give it one good shot before committing. I did great for about 4 months. I stuck to my 1400 calorie worksheet from mypyramid.gov and exercised 30-45 minutes a day doing cardio and strength training. I lost 25 pounds! I was ecstatic, and thought, surely I had solved this problem. But then, I lost my motivation... I was sick of feeling insanely hungry all the time. I was tired of having one nasty cold sore after the other. I worked out less and less, I got nutritionally permissive, and I went off the birth control pill. I gained about 10 pounds through the summer, and thought ok, time to get back on the wagon so I started working out again though less frequently. Then my job stress went through the roof this fall and I had to move out of my awesome apartment to a smaller, crappier one. At the same time my insurance switched my thyroid medication to generic and it doesn't work worth a shit. Even though my eating is not nearly as terrible as it used to be and I make an effort to get off the couch, I've gained almost all of it back and I feel my weight creeping up further by the minute. I've been on the exercise hobby horse for 17 years and I can stick to it for a few months, but then I just get tired of having that consume all of my waking, non-work hours and I need a break to do social of creative stuff. I always get back to it, but the problem is that it doesn't stay off. The amount of effort required to even maintain my weight is like running up an icy hill, so I need a lot of momentum. I'm not so conflicted anymore about the eating since my body very clearly does not need as much food as I give it--and I eat similar to my thin friends, sometimes less! So now I'm reconsidering the band as a little helper to keep my momentum. I am having enough health consequences that they overbalance the uncomfortable side effects noted with the band. I would rather have up-chucking problems than chronic lower back problems; I would rather have heartburn than the burn in my knees if I sit with my feet under my chair; I have dents in my shoulders from the straps weighing down into the fatty tissue. I get depressed every few months which lands me on the couch, I get a rash on the back of my neck, sitting in a chair I feel all the fat in my middle pushing up around my neck and choking me, I snore and wake up frequently so I bet I have sleep apnea. I'm frustrated and I'm scared. I'm worried I will be trading in one set of health problems for another. I am terrified of surgery and I am even afraid of success! But when it comes down to it, I am not comfortable in my own skin. It hurts to look in the mirror. I am embarrassed everywhere I go. And my body weighs on my mind EVERY single day.

I was convinced for a while that I really wanted and needed to get a band. I thought to myself that since there seems to be such a long wait in my area for this procedure I should really start doing the deal while I wait. I knew if I didn't I would just keep gaining, that's just what I do. I read up on the procedure, started exercising, and resuscitated my eating plan that I'd abandoned of late. I was surprised to find that I was losing weight steadily. Then I read up on the possible drawbacks of the band, and the risks seemed a little scarier than what I was willing to deal with, so I dropped the idea for the time being and kept on working. The hardest part has been dealing with my food issues, but my little bit of progress has really bolstered my courage and my ability to fight that small convincing voice that nags at the back of my mind telling me to EAT... EAT! I've lost 21 pounds all on my own, doesn't sound like much but it's the most I've EVER lost. I'm putting the band on the back burner, it will be there if I absolutely cannot do it without help.

I want what you guys have and I'm willing to go to any length to get it, as they say!

Hey! I'm relieved to find this discussion!! I just celebrated 8 years sobriety yesterday and I'm 32. I don't go to too many meetings for various reasons (none of them good) but I'm still open to the miracle and I love reaching out to the newly sober. Though I've decided to do this weight loss journey commando (sin bando), I've found this site to be invaluable as a source of inspiration and support. I love seeing all these folks out here who have gone through it and come out the other side successful. I've been unable to find anything else comparable for major weight loss commitment. What I'm doing basically is just copying the banders; eating fuel food, small portions, listening to my body to figure out if I'm hungry or if I just want to eat, keeping a diet diary, and exercising 30 minutes a day. I'm a tag-along, a poseur. I'm ok with that because it's working for me too. I got hooked on food as a kid as something to make me feel good, and as I got older I turned more to alcohol, drugs, sex. Then when I quit those, guess what I picked up again? So now it's been eight years, and until last year, I never stopped gaining weight since puberty. I had enough. As is usually the case with me, when it hurts bad enough I finally start to look for a spiritual solution. Now along with my above listed regimen I rely on maintaining a spiritual connection to myself as well as a higher power, begging and pleading as much as praying for the powers of the universe to keep me inspired and give me strength for the certain tough times ahead. And part of that strength comes from reading you guys' posts!

I researched everything I could find for a couple months, weeding out all the propaganda. I learned that the band is absolutely stellar for the short term, lots of weight loss success, but I was dismayed by the long-term results. The turnoffs for me were the reflux, vomiting, port issues, hair loss, and the high percentage of "reoperation" including removals and opting for a more drastic surgery. Not an option for me if the band didn't work. When I got the bad news I was really disappointed because I was totally about to go through with this process. I had tried everything short of pills to lose this extra 115 pounds! BUT I only tried each thing one at a time.... When I exercised, I was more hungry, I ate more, I gained muscle wieght, got frustrated, quit, and kept the new weight which turned into fat. When I ate less and kept a nutrition diary, I had some success losing about 15 pounds but I didn't exercise. So when "life" happened I had no backup plan other than to resume comfort eating and I gained back 7 pounds. That's the point where I was pro-banding, but once I realized all the long-term complications I decided to make one final push to do it on my own. So now I'm controlling portions, keeping a diet diary, and exercising 30 minutes per day. Ironically enough, it was visiting this site that gave me the courage and the tools to lose weight even though I decided not to get a band right now. I've found tons of inspiration and great tips so I'm totally still lurking even if I am a poseur!! A poseur who's losing 2# per week!!!

I've found that most of the negative results are outdated, are used as propaganda for the mini-bypass surgeons, and are often not even properly cited, they just pick and choose which part of the report to use. Not to mention that they don't adequately define the "long term complications" or even what they mean by "long term." I'm suspicious of them, just as I am critical of all the raves over the band.

I know what you mean! I'm always watching these weight loss miracle shows looking for inspiration and just end up feeling defeated. Consider this: it's TV...all about sensationalism, commercialism, MONEY. The whole industry is designed around making people FEEL something, anything to buy some thing, or buy INto something. With that said, how many guests were featured?..... EXACTLY. The thing that makes me feel better about pursuing the band (I don't even have one--Yet!) is that I am here right now eating less and moving more...and guess what...I am @#$%^&* STARVING MY @#$ OFF. Maybe these folks just weren't hungry. Maybe they had friends and neighbors who would come over and monitor them or push the out of bed to go work out. Who knows?--certainly not me. I am glad that some people have been able to do it, but the stark reality is that without some kind of help and support, we're just as likely to successfully lose weight as we are to win Publisher's Clearinghouse. Call me crass.:guess

I've been throwing the idea around in the back of my mind about getting a gastric band and doing research since last year when I saw some bio on the Osborne fam and learned that Sharon had a lap band and lost over 100 pounds. Just in the last week I've been dedicating a lot of time to the idea because I gained back like 7 of the 16 pounds I lost last year that I had been doing SO good at keeping off. DAMN IT! It was like whaaaah, WHY do I even bother? I started just bawling with big crocodile tears and blaming my husband because he doesn't help me! Well, he DOESN"T, but it's not his fault I ate of course. Luckily he realized that I was clearly out of my mind and just tried to comfort me. I think because the seed was already planted about this procedure a while back, I didn't sink into too deep a depression over it, and instead of sitting wrapped in a blanket in front of the TV I started reading. Yesterday I called my insurance company--twice--and found out that gastric banding is covered. So since this IS a real option for me, I decided just to go with it and started acting "as if," like I learned in AA once upon a time (in a land three blocks away). I decided in my mind, "I AM going to do this" and read up on pre-op fasting and post-op baby food and regurgitating and protein supplements. My mind started racing--just like it did right as I was deciding to get sober--and flashing all the things I won't be able to do anymore in front of my mind's eye. I prayed about it, and I think I'll be able to let most of it go. I was really having a case of the ass about no more popcorn earlier today so I made a bowl. Just as I suspected, not nearly as yummy as I had imagined. I didn't even eat the whole thing like I normally do. Guess what else I did......I EXERCISED. No way? Way! I totally danced around my apartment for a half hour. I realize, and I understand that to lose weight one must eat less, exercise more, and I've been on and off that bandwagon for 15 years. I wasn't ever interested in weight loss pills, speed, fad diets or eating disorders, and I really tried to do it right. My problem is that I get HUNGRY, or I lose motivation before I get results, primarily because up until last year, I refused to believe I was eating too much until I started a 1400 calorie per day food diary out of worksheets from mypyramid.gov and saw a steady weight loss without exercising. What happened? I plateaued, I stopped keeping track, I had stressful family issues, started leaning on food more and more, and I didn't pick up exercising. I think I'm over the surgery=cop-out issue, at least for this particular procedure. I think this will work for me because it will nail down the thing that keeps defeating me, hunger. All the band does is restrict calorie intake, the rest would be up to me. No one is removing my stomach and small intestine. I will still get the credit if I succeed. And I REALLY want to succeed. I never thought I would be 120 pounds overweight, not even in a million years! Believe it or not, it snuck up on me... 140 at age 15, not bad, but I thought I was fat in a size 10. 150 at 16, 185 at high school graduation... Then I started working full time at a bakery/sandwich/ice cream place, and four years later, surprise, 200. Then my metabolism started slowing down, I fell in love, got some weird inner ear malfunction where I had vertigo for two months, and once I got over it I sprained my left ankle twice in two months, then a long Minnesota winter: 215...225...228. Then I moved in with my man, we fought a lot, we got over it, we got married...232...236...240! Five feet two inches tall and 246??! One hundred and twenty pounds overweight. Now 110 over, not much better.

Yeah, he's getting there ever so slowly. I am going to an info class on Thurs on WLS, which I guess is the 1st step to getting a consult...but unfortunately hubby is working his 2nd job that night. So I keep talking like I AM going to do it, and he's not so static-y about it. But he keeps pushing back about, "Let's just get a treadmill and wait six months." Why?? DO I really need to go through another hopelessly defeated stage after I lose my motivation from no results--again? Let's just get this show on the road.

I've been reading up on the gastric banding procedure for about a year and really thinking hard about it. I just discovered today that my insurance will actually cover it, so now I'm kind of sweating bullets that it's a real option... I put it like that because I think I really am a food addict. Every time I think of what my life could maybe be like, instead of thinking about shopping for clothes in any and every store I want, I immediately think of what I'd have to give up. My brain starts panicking and making up excuses for why I can't live without 20 oz tea lattes with tapioca pearls, and thinking about not being able to fully participate in family functions. Luckily, I've been through this exact experience before when I quit drinking 8 years ago so I know it means I'm probably close to the point of no return on this. I don't drink, I don't smoke, so food has been my "thing." What am I going to do if I can't eat for comfort? Also, I know this is a weird question, but happens when you get the stomach flu?? Is there enough room for the emergency exit? And also, with eating so much less, do you all even poop regularly? Sorry if I'm vulgar, but I'm dreadfully curious.

He's warming up to the idea, and he wants to go with me for the consult, which I've not made an appointment for yet. I think he was thinking it would be like a total bypass, very high risk. That makes the decision easier if I don't have to fight against my spouse. I think he'd prefer that I develop super human will and do it on my own, but he wants me to be healthy so there's a good chance he'll go along with it.

That's great input. I know I must find a new coping strategy. When I was young I used to take long walks to get away from my houseful of family stress--until I started drinking anyway. I've already been trying new things at work: to keep me from nodding off at my computer I've been drinking hot tea instead of eating, granted I'm still putting honey in it. I'm still going over all the angles in my mind of what I know I won't be able to do anymore. I woke up this morning thinking "no more Werther's, damn!" I realize at least that I have to do all the work and a band is just a tool. I used to thing surgery was cheating because in the end, you have to eat less and exercise, so why don't people just do that in the first place, and that was my plan. When I tried for the very first time to restrict my food intake to 1400 calories a day, I thought I was going to go INSANE from hunger, so now I get it. I've had some success with just restricting calories, I lost 16 pounds and kept it off for about 10 months, but then my Grandma got sick and it was an emotional roller coaster because she nearly died a few times and I was getting a lot of heat from my mom to go to the hospital EVERY day. So I just stopped keeping track, and gained back 7 pounds. When I saw it on the scale I started bawling, I felt like a big fat failure. I have had ENOUGH of this. And I think having a little help will make losing weight less like trying to climb a greased pole.

That's reassuring. I do need some counseling on this, my husband is NO help--in fact we've been arguing all night since I brought it up. I tried to get him to understand how I feel by asking him to imagine being just HUNGRY ALL the damn TIME, and trying to fight against being hungry every day for 15 years (since I was 18 and started really gaining weight). I told him that every time I give in and eat until I'm satisfied I gain weight. Instead of trying to put himself in my place, he told me to DRINK WATER. And then he told me to get outside and run (currently below zero wind chill and icy walkways). OHHHHH, dang, why didn't I think of that?! I believe myself to be on the right track here since I've been trying to lose weight the healthy way all this time, but I always lose my motivation and I gain back what little I did lose plus another five/ten/fifteen due in part to my baked goods habit. Or is it my cheezy poof addiction?

I want to be able to bend over to clip my toenails and still be able to breathe I want to be able to sit in plastic lawn chairs I want to ovulate with some regularity I want little kids to stop saying "you're fat" when they meet me I want to be able to cross my legs even a little bit I want the rashes I get under my knockers to go away for good I want to be able to exercise without feeling faint I want to be as active as my friends and not feel left behind I want to be able sit on things that have a 200# limit I want my socks to stop cutting into my ankles I want to have armPITS I want my rings to fit without finger fat pouching out