yoyolifechange11

Consult coming up on April 2 & finally had breakthrough and told the hubs about my plans. He's on board with it and even told me he will pay whatever necessary for me to be happy. Now I'm worried I won't be approved or something. I hope I'm just worrying unnecessarily. My bmi is 37.5 and I'm 221 lbs with no real medical problems. I'm just praying I get approved on Thursday so I can move forward. This hanging in limbo and not having a real direction is so hard.

I am literally at the end of my rope here and don't know what to do. I've gone to the seminars and scheduled my consultation appt in 2 weeks for sleeve surgery. I've not told anyone about this because "my weight" has become such a huge issue within my marriage and family. My husband views weight gain as a result of being weak and "giving up fighting for life". I've been my heaviest the past 2 years and they have been absolute misery. I've tried every diet known to man, only to plateau or loose so slowly that I end up giving up. I don't work outside the home so hubby thinks I should be "fighting for my family" everyday by going to the gym for 6 hours. Every morning I'm met with the "so whats your plan for exercise today?" instead of good morning or i love you. His nagging and negative comments about my weight have led to most of my unhappiness, which I counter balance by eating. I've tried and tried to talk to him about how he makes me feel, but he feels this is a black and white situation....I either want to loose the weight and will go full force with an exercise plan or I don't. Simple as that. If only, right? So secretly I've been going through the steps and researching the sleeve surgery, getting my thoughts together on when and how I can make it work and as usual, he asks me first thing this morning what my plan of attack was with exercise today. I reply "eliptical" to which he starts the normal lecture about how that's not enough, its not gonna give me the results I need, I've gotta go hard, he thinks I would've had more results by now......so I decide to broach the subject of "getting some drastic done" to which he boldly tells me gastric bypass is nothing but giving up, taking the easy way out, how will the kids react knowing their mother wouldn't fight for her family, fight for her marriage. I said I wasn't doing bypass and he asks "what then"? and I refused to tell him. I said I didn't trust him, obviously I don't have his support, and there was no reason for him to know. He asks "well than why are we together" and I'm left thinking I really don't know. I refuse to let him see me naked, we haven't made love in over a year because he makes me feel like a fat slob, so theres no way I'm down for giving myself to him in that way. I don't work, so I have no income of my own. Insurance won't pay for this, so I'm left wondering how I will pay for this without having to go to him and ask for the money. I was finally proud of myself for being selfish for once and I do view this as a total fight for my family and children. Im trying to think big picture and make a true lifestyle change and because it's not a "6hr in the gym" change HE wants, it's not worthwhile..... what to do? What to do?

Does anyone know the cost of sleeve surgery if you end up paying out of pocket? Obviously, I'm looking for just a ballpark figure. Consultation in 2 weeks and I'm looking to avoid the 6 month wait time

Thank you everyone for the advice and tough messages. I guess I never really realized how alone I have allowed myself to become over the years. I appreciate the insight and will be thinking about it a lot. Still moving forward with my consult on April 2, although I'm so on board with doing this I don't see how I can wait 6 months!! Insurance will pay but it seems like 6 months of hoop jumping to get there. I'm ready now....

Canyonbaby, you have just reiterated all of the "muck" that has come out of all our marriage counseling. Hubby has always maintained that my well being is what's most important to him. He feels like a "failure" as a husband because he's been "successful" in every area of his life except w me (he's a successful owner of 5 businesses who decided to quit drinking 17 years ago due to problems with alcohol). He's got a fighter mindset and is able to make a decision and just do it, no turning back. So he doesn't understand how I've gained so much weight over the years as when he gains a few pounds, he exercises and eats right and looses them. He admits his way of motivating me doesn't work. I've do the "get up and out" thing to avoid when I can and he knows it. He claims his morning nagging sessions are coming from a place of love and all he wants to do is reach me. Ok fine, so I don't understand why he just won't let me do it? I mean I'm going to do it. It's just whether I have his blessing or not. I just pray he loves me enough to keep his opinions to himself and keep my business private. When weight starts rapidly coming off, I don't trust he won't tell people when they make comments to him. Thank you, everyone so much! I have felt so alone for so long...having this forum has literally saved my life.

Thank you rogofulm!! I printed it off and I'm ready to have a open discussion. One of the things I am going to ask for is counseling again. But in the end, I don't see him stopping me. I've got a 17 yo daughter and 12yo son and a lot of living to do. I am contacting insurance as well but absolutely hate the thought of waiting. I want to get the ball rolling. I've lost myself for far too long

He has been the ideal husband in every area of our life except my weight. It is literally the only thing he has ever nagged me about. He just sent me a text saying he loves me and will support any decision I make and whatever course I choose to do...thank you everyone for the support. We've done counseling on and off and I end up leaving because all that comes out of it is that "he wants me to be happy & healthy" lol

And yes, I'm 230 and 5'5

Yes, that's exactly what he thinks. He thinks he's given me all the necessary time to devote to getting myself in shape, so he doesn't understand why it's not my #1 priority in life. Getting in shape and looking good so I don't want to hide in the house all the time is "putting my marriage and him first". He views my whole weight gain as me not loving him enough to want to look good for him, to put us back on the path of an intimate relationship, etc. I understand that, but I've resisted doing anything "for him" because of the tough love approach he has taken as his way of "encouraging me". I would get a job, but I want the weight gone first. We have enough money that I can have the surgery, and I even have my own money with an advisor, I just hate doing this behind his back. And once I do it, I doubt he will respect me not wanting the world to know. He's all about having integrity and being honest. Ugh I can't stop crying about all this

I, too, fall into this category. Although I am just starting this journey and am going to my first free seminar tonight to get information on which route is my best option. I'm pretty sure I'm going to do the sleeve and have no intention on telling my husband or anyone else for that matter. I've learned the hard way that loosing weight on someone else's terms or for someone else will only keep me in a dark mindset that obviously hasn't worked before. This is for me. I want to do this for me. I want long term happiness and I will obtain that with or without spousal support. I applaud you & support you all the way!!