WLSResources/ClothingExch

I referred to personal property and to those who leave of their own accord. I'm well aware of terms of service, as any internet site in which I've participated includes a standard provision that applies to me with about 5% exception. The provision is one that I favor because it protects me. Employment contracts and agreements at resignation cover enough of the same ground and more as terms of service. I appreciate a sense of duty to protect life, limb and sanity of users. What you write now is not quite the same as your earlier versions. You left room earlier to question your standards for accessing what users believe is private. A big hole remains in that area. I would be interested to know when the the "terms of service" available tonight was last amended.

Hey, I never said I'm perfect. I leave that to others.

If you're among those waiting to move along, you have the ability to extricate yourself from the thread and the vitriol. If you're lingering because, like those who materialize out of the ether to stare at traffic accidents, you're transfixed. You're on the horns of a dilemma. The good part is that choice is inherent.

I've had to go back only once that I can recall to have some of a fill removed. Getting it just right can be tricky. It doesn't help that a band that's just right for long time can go either too loose or too tight on a whim. Lots of people choose to do liquids now and then. It's not my way. It would feel like punishment which is the last thing I want to feel. Just so you know, I wrote the first note the way I did because I don't have it all together. I lost 115 after surgery, but then a life event started me regaining about 80. Then twice i lost 25, but regained. Last July I went in for a check up and to reconnect with my surgery practice. So far I've lost about 35 (?) I think -- I'm not an avid or compulsive-crazed weigher because I know that, if I eat properly, I'll lose weight. Seeing any gain on the scale will not spur me to renewing or increasing my effort. Some days are difficult and when I do overeat or eat poor choices, I've been managing to rein myself back in soon enough. I'm not even sure whether, if I were stricter with myself, my rate of loss would increase. I'm at a point where, as long as I'm losing, the rate isn't all thta important. There are limits, though -- if it were just a few pounds a month, for example, I'd be hopping up and down and plotting to speed it up.

There, you've said it yourself. Many people don't understand their practices' instructions in the early days because so much new material is thrown at them. It didn't occur to them to get clarification from truly appropriate sources. Others don't understand because the didn't pay attention. Yet others are short on adult capability of requesting or demanding the assistance they need. There are plenty of other reasons for getting lost along the way. These are the people who need straightforward replies because sweet talk and coddling is where they'll stop -- too many are too confused or unrealistic to stay with it until the solid info. You haven't been here long or often enough, perhaps, to have seen how often new people come along with the same bewilderment and misunderstandings or adamant insistence on hearing only what they want to hear. If you want perfect little ladies and gentlemen to respond to those wandering in the dark, it won't happen. Those who do respond have good intentions. Those of dubious intentions are unavoidable. That's how it works when you have a barrel of humans The balance is the frequency with which most members point to a sound direction and, in return, receive everything from pouts to screaming tantrums because their input isn't what was wanted. And then there are the confused newcomers who are grateful and appreciative of direct, clear response aimed between their eyes. How nice it is to know that help isn't always wasted. Anyway, that's my little rant and I don't care a fig about its being so disorganized. A well-organized rant isn't authentic. Well, okay, the truth is that I"m not paid enough here to edit myself.

In my previous note, I wrote that some conspiracies such as you're describing as nauseating would not be a surprise. I've not been privy to backroom messages, but have no doubt that I've seen a few results in the forums. I respect that BP is a business and that you want and intend to continue to run it as a business to realize financial growth and a livelihood. In the process you've provided a service that clearly, given the numbers, is in demand. That said, it is insulting for you to say that you will not delete accounts and go on to say that your decisions are not about money. Advertising revenue depends on the number of subscribers/users/members. The greater the enrollment, the greater the income. That's all well and good. If it really weren't about money, I think you'd be happy to close accounts, as doing so wouldn't cost you anything. I repeat: I have no problem with the business practice, but I do with subterfuge.

Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was fiction. The idea for BP was excellent. That it's grown and is still operating is excellent and surprising; many home-grown sites last a while and disappear long before the 13-year mark. The rub is the naivete or disingenuousness -- I don't know which and prefer not to speculate -- that speaks of any place where everyone will feel safe. The world doesn't work that way least of all because there will always be those who will feel safe only if they crawl back into the womb. I do not doubt that newcomers and the seasoned have expressed dismay. The truth, nevertheless, is that "you can't please all of the people all of the time." If it were possible, the phrase would not be enclosed by quotation marks. Unsubstantiated second- and third-hand reports from ASMBS members or other non-participants have no place in the discussion. Have you really received reports of conspiracies conjured in private? I think it's likely because anyone can sign up for BP, including those with middle-school mentalities. How many take part in such cartels? You wrote twice (one fell out of the quotation here) that a "tiny minority" of members have menaced more tender members and once that most members are supportive, sweet, helpful -- good scouts, shall we say. That's a most impressive record. It seems that there's nothing to complain about. You've described a website that mirrors the larger world. Not bad at all.

There is hope for an abuser if the abuser stops abusing. From your telling, I think you abused yourself more than you did the band by not seizing the opportunity it offered. Whether you can form a partnership now remains to be seen. No way is my intention to make you feel bad, but I'd waste both our time if I coddle you and pat your head. First, though, is that you pick yourself up while never beating yourself up -- beating yourself up is a great way to gain weight. All things are possible and therefore, your surgery practice may not have given you all the guidance and instructions that should be given. In my experience, it's usually the bandee who doesn't want to hear the drill because it's not what she wants to hear. I've come across this countless on this and other sites. To those who say the info was withheld, the obvious question is "Why didn't you ask questions?" The worst scenario is where the band owner exclaims, "You mean I'm supposed to do something? The band isn't magic?" Does saying "I have plans to get to the LB doctor" mean that you've made an appointment? The only plan that matters is the one that's been set in motion. You won't know much about the viability of your band now until you go in, have an esophagram and whatever else the surgeon finds useful. If all is promising, it's up to you get learn to tell when the band is adjusted optimally and how to make the best food choices. The band is an aid. It doesn't lose weight. You're in charge of your own weight-loss with aid of the band. While you're making appts, also see the practice RD. Start keeping a detailed food tracker -- every morsel. Lots of people use My Fitness Pal. There are other free options, too. The written/electronic record does more than tell you what you can still do later in the day. It helps you determine where there's room for improvement should your diligent efforts be awry. Try the practice's support group two or three times to determine how it can help. If it's too loosey-goosey or some such for your personality and the way you operate, check with other nearby hospitals. It's rare that they don't welcome outside patients to their groups. At the very least, a monthly meeting puts another couple of hours of structure into your schedule. Structure through the day helps most people. Until your band is adjusted to work with you well, it's up to you to eat properly. It'll be up to you, too, later on. Always up to you.

@@Babbs -- I just happen to be listening to a few YouTube videos of reggae versions of "A Groovy Kind of Love (there's a reason, don't laugh at me)" and, somehow, in the mix in the column of offerings down the right side of the youtube screen, was this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrdReoHAi6M What got me is this Conway's comment early in the video about wishing Meryl Streep would calm down and realize that "this is our president...." As the stars are my witnesses, I shall never use the word "president" or the title with its initial cap. in conjunction with the trump name. It's a physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, anti-intellectual (that one's a gift to you, P), ethical, humanitarian, American impossibility. To be respected, one must be respectable. He falls short.

As a lifelong New Yorker, I've been aware of certain conduct and speech through the years that are widely known here. None of it bodes well. If he has policies and proposals, they have begun to form only in about the past six weeks, less so then than now. He has no thought process. I can't accept any individual in a position of power who has no means of expression. His two multi-syllabic words are "Beautiful" and "Wonderful," which, when applied to important matters, say nothing. How can I take seriously someone who came to national attention as the host of an extended television game show? How can I take seriously someone of 70 who has achieved the emotional maturity of a mewling, tantrum-throwing two-year old? Mostly he opens his mouth and waits to hear what spills out. There was little or no consistency through the endless campaign. I've marveled all along at the working class and blue-collar people who supported him. What's been the attraction? Does the lack of intellect and intelligence make them think he's one of them (and I do know that being a working-class person does not mean that one is unintelligent or not intellectual)? Well, guess again. He's unconcerned with them. What was that you were saying about "anti-intellectual?" Then there are the matters of ethics and decency. Need I say more? I'm glad you went into more about the Facebook person. There is shadow over her now.

@@OKCPirate, you "liked" that. What happened to the more piratical version of yourself? I expected a walk-the-plank message. You're softening. I have hope for you yet despite the first glimpse at your political views. Ay ay ay. P.S. Just got your note immediately above. I'll take my pablum with a spoon, thank you.

I think yYour use is the first I've come across the term "social justice warrior." If I have heard it, it was swept up in a barrage of rhetoric and imagesi So that I wouldn't misunderstand, I googled for the meaning, read it and thought "Nice, that's derogatory." I clicked out and went back to find the origin, but clicked out again when I saw the notation, "derogatory." The source became moot. I had to read "anti-intellectual left" a few times and wondered at the juxtaposition of words. We don't know the same people. I think of the "redneck right" (not my usual expression, but it fits here) as anti-intellectual. Let's just say that we come from different neighborhoods. It also took a couple of looks for me to see that you hadn't been defriended. It seems to me that, if one chooses derogatory terms, one shouldn't be surprised by landing in an echo chamber. Basing the topic on internet associations, however, makes the topic shaky to my way of thinking. Would you knowingly have as a real-world friend someone you would consider a bigot? Would that person be welcomed at your dinner table? Sometimes discourse is not meant to be. It can go in circles and around the block for days and then everyone goes back to their houses, forgets the discussion, maybe gets huffy and everything stays the same. P.S. re your title: The political certainly does become personal. They're inextricably linked.

@@Coachthex32 P.S. If the friend to whom I am not speaking does not overeat or scarf his food, his band may be too tight and need adjusting.

Since you'd like to know in advance, put the question -- and others you ma have -- to your surgery practice now?

Sheesh, at first glance I knew that you and your non-stoopid questions were going to be trouble. You have answered your own question. You reached the point when you thought, "I can eat another bite or three, but I don't need them. I am satiated now." You will most often, if not always, recognize the moment if you eat slowly, chew thoroughly and pause between bites. Let your system have time to feel that you've arrived. Pay attention so that you don't miss the moment. It will take extra mindfulness early in your surgery career and become more second nature in time -- but never stop paying attention, as there are no guarantees. Eating alone makes it easier to be aware, for example, than having company at the table. Pay no attention to your friend. He's doing things all wrong. I have no way of knowing if it's emotional appetite that makes him overeat or that he just never figured it out. His spitting up may be a result not of overeating, but of eating too quickly, taking too-large bites, eating foods that are especially fibrous. Also, squishy things may not sit well for him. Band people are generally told not to eat bread, Pasta, rice or other things that, when cooked, can be squished by hand into a ball -- they can get stuck on the way down with only one way out. If he doesn't know these things or ignores them....Well, he's not the one I'm talking to. You are.

As you wrote your note, you're actually asking two questions: Does the band work? and Does the band work and remain viable for the long haul. You're going to hear the good, the bad and the neutral in response to both questions. In answer to the first, the band works if the owner works it, as "they" say in the street. It will not work for losing weight f not considered and used as an aid, a partner, so to speak. It usually takes a few adjustments to get it set as an optimal aid. Because it's fickle, adjustments to loosen or tighten may be needed from time to time; there's no way to predict. Then there are the band owners whose bands are just right for them out of the gate. Second question: The band isn't perfect and many have revised to other surgeries. They include those who had legitimate cause and I have no doubt that others just didn't work their bands or abused them. With a band, as with any of the bariatric procedures, regain is always a possibility. Maintenance for the long term is the individual's responsibility and demands vigilance. One downside with the band is that it requires pretty much life-long attention, e.g., annual esophagrams (a.k.a. barium swallows) to be sure it's in place and that liquids and food continue to move from mouth to stomach as they should. Slips are always a possibility; some can be avoided (by not gorging and/or eating too quickly and the like) and some not (perhaps a wrenching movement, which doesn't mean, by the way, giving up ice-climbing or whatever dare-devilry is your passion, which reminds me: No need to give up sex, either). One band star is @@Alex Brecher who founded BP. He had surgery about 14 years ago and has maintained his boyish figure since reaching his goal as far as I know. He's not your deciding factor, of course, but, if he stops in, may be able to give you perspective that I can't. I'm one of those who was doing wonderfully, with goal in sight, but was thrown by a life event and regained most the the weight I'd lost. I'm back on track now. For a while I thought my band might have breathed it's last, but my July esophagram was good and the band is doing its thing. I must take care to pay attention to the signals it sends -- again, that personal responsibility thing. To make a long spiel longer, I'll end by suggesting that you read your replies and compose a list of specific questions to pose to people at the surgery practice you're considering. Also attend its support group to ask and listing to people face to face. This last is not to advise you to abandon BP. All the best.

@@brennafaith -- "I didn't blend, no. Wouldnt that just make it chunkier?" Brenna, I think it would be in your best interest to speak with the RD or NP or similar at your surgery practice. Pronto. You're working in the dark with such confusions that to continue on your own or wade through responses here in BP probably won't help that much. I say this only because I know first-hand and from speaking with people in the seven years since my surgery that, in the early days, so much info and so many instructions are thrown at us that confusion (even about things a person has always known) is common. That you're thrown at the mention of blender is a clue. Please make the call and let the RD know exactly what you've been doing and what you've done and stopped doing. You'll get clarity and peace of mind. Take a deep breath, too. Please. You'll be fine. That's a promise.

P.S. to my note above (5). Greek and similar drained yogurts are very high in protein. I didn't mention them before because I don't think of them. IMNHO, they, unlike Meryl Streep, are highly over-rated. (A 5-6 oz cup of "regular" yogurt contains about 5-6 g protein, less than cottage and other cheeses.)

If you stopped eating Beans and you feel nothing out of the ordinary, good, you've probably done no damage. The language of your message, however, indicates that you're still eating them. Your gut is in your hands.

@@chewbug26 -- You need more Protein. Focus on it before vegetables. Cottage cheese is highest in protein on your list, then cheese, including string cheese (if that's what you mean by "cheese sticks"). This is per serving. I can't say anything about quantities for sleevers. You can check with your practice to be sure. @@WitchySar -- Did you mean 2 oz? I'm mentioning the typo only because some people may take it as gospel or be confused.

@@liza1180, somehow I think that you're asking whether people reveal that they've had bariatric surgery as opposed to, say, heart transplant or tonsillectomy. Is that correct? Or are you asking, as some have interpreted, which of the bariatric procedures people have had? The only people who knew up front that I had surgery at all knew that it was bariatric (lapband, specifically). I did tell some who weren't privy from the start when they asked about my weight loss. Others only heard that I'd been eating differently to lose weight.

@@theantichick My makeup routine never was complicated or time-consuming. Now that I'm older (as in old), I've been thinking of going to a counter for pointers on what to use and how. Its a good idea for anyone now and then because it's so easy to get in a rut and just lose steam and ideas. I didn't know that Sephora sells various brands, having been under the impression that it's a private-label chain store. I just remembered that department stores (above Penny & Sears level) have people called personal shoppers or something else. They have their own offices/dressing space and, once they have an idea of what you need and want and what sizes you should try, will actually do the footwork and have things ready in their own areas when you've arranged an appointment in advance. At any rate, I think the service still exists. If not, most of the "better" stores should have some service that cuts down on the confusion and all for those who hate to shop and especially those whose bodies have changed drastically. There never was an extra charge for the service. Keep in mind that such staff in any stores that pay commission will pressure you to buy more than you plan. Do any stores pay on commission any more? Anyway, call the stores in your area to see what they offer.

@@Coachthex32, you call yourself "Coach?" Do the people you coach know that they'd best take cover? Just teasing. Your sweet, wide-eyed questions remind me that lots of people, meaning me, feel dumb as can be in the early days. It must be natural to take things so literally or feel unsure about almost anything. You're good. You'll be a champ. P.S. Unlike @@mylighthouse, I laughed (thanks, I really did need it), but certainly agree: Not stoopid at all.

You seem to have invented a new sport or dance, "Put Yourself through the Wringer, Cha-Cha-Cha." It's a good thing you've lost oodles of weight, otherwise the wringer would be painful in the extreme. I'm barely aware that that "seasonal palette" analysis is still done. It was all the rage about 30-35 years ago and either never went away or has been resurrected more recently. I didn't to it, but it's not at all a bad guide -- for starters. You're still free to wear colors that you like but that the 'expert' hasn't included on your palette. The only colors to avoid are the ones that are obviously unflattering. You'll best make your own determinations as you go along if you have a friend take pics of you in colors you're unsure of (selfies are too close up and usually at awkward angles; the ones taken in mirrors are just as useless). Put the garment on, take the pic, put the pic aside for a couple of days, then look at it while trying to see it as someone other than you. Not easy, but doable with some practice. Use the too-large things in your closet for the photo purpose to minimize running around to stores or doing mail order with no intention of buying just yet. As important as choosing your best colors is not to make the process completely hateful. If you go ahead with one of these "seasonal" people, you'll be given a color chart that you can take along when you shop in-store. "Dressing Your Truth" sounds dumb to me. While your personality is solid gold, the colors that express it may clash with your complexion. Colors that you love that don't "work" can be sneaked in via accessories. Put your personality into your public presentation with accessories,* up to and including eyeglass frames (that is not a comment either way on the ones in your photo). I say work with the hair color (it's gorgeous, exactly what I want but would look ludicrous on me) that shows, not the one its hiding. The Zyla recommendation of basing color choices on your skin/eye/hair colors isn't so far off from the older plan that uses the names of the seasons. For makeup, consider the Bobbi Brown counter at a dept. store. Classic Bobbi Brown approach has been good for women who are no longer Sweet 16. I've always thought of their ads and promos as showing very much the French view of makeup -- tones that work with the complexion, enhance features, play up the best parts (whether cheekbones or anything else), with a basically neutral palette and subtle color. In more recent years, I think Brown has jazzed up, which can be mixed with her classic look (which is to say, timeless, elegant and ready for anything -- maybe think Catherine Deneuve), if you prefer. Next time you're in a waiting room, thumb through French Vogue or a magazine with a layout of some fashion shows in Paris. I'm suggesting Bobbi Brown for your moving more into the mgmt/exec area at work. No matter what, be free to incorporate some of the personal/personality touches. Take care of the makeup thing first so that your clothing choices go with the public face. I hope I addressed your concerns and, despite the length, helped simplify things.

Uh-oh, a principal? You still don't have to tell and she still has no right to ask, but do prepare to stand in the corner wearing a dunce cap.