WLSResources/ClothingExch

@@songsmith Uh-oh, of course I knew you were joking. So was I, but the worst thing to do is explain a misconnect.* One of us was on the uptown bus while the other was on the crosstown. * But I will anyway. You meant that you'd be the bitchy one, right? I put it on him to be the bitchy one banished to a motel until he gets over it. See? Nothing so sad as a failed jest.

@@kdelrosso -- Having a plan to overcome counterproductive behavior is imperative. You're smart to be thinking ahead. I've been in therapy a few different times in life, but not specifically for food issues. If you're concerned primarily with the behavioral issue, you may want to look into cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Another option is to look at some of the books and online materials and see if they suit you. A few possibilities to explore: "The Beck Diet Solution," Judith S. Beck, Ph.D. The book is best used by starting at page 1 rather than hopping around. Do the exercises as you go along. Not to be confused with her later book with a similar title and which includes a diet plan not suited to WLS. Beck is a CBT'er and, as the daughter of Dr. Aaron Beck (considered "father" of CBT), is very much http://www.beckinstitute.org/ The Institute provides training to therapists and/or psychologists and provides treatment (located in Bala Cynwyd). The website also has an option for seeking therapists in other areas (under "contact us"). shrinkyourself.com/public/welcome Website of psychologist Roger Gould deals with emotional eating and related matters. Sign up for the free, emailed newsletters which many people find serves their purpose. There is a pay version and, of course, Dr. Gould's book for those who choose. "The Weight Loss Surgery Coping Companion: A Practical Guide for Coping with Post-Surgery Emotions," Tanie Miller Kabala, Ph.D. Approx 66 pages, a guided workbook with a chapter on emotional eating. The other chapters deal with other aspects of surgery that most people seem to encounter. If you opt for this one, use a separate notebook for the exercises -- You'll very likely want to repeat the exercises as you go along and experience changes. The notebook will also serve as a journal of your "journey." Dr. Kabala (located in West Chester) works with WLS people and, the last I knew, does pre-surgery psych evals for people not in treatment with her. Nb: These are only suggestions for exploring. I've been in treatment with none of the people named nor others who've trained with them, so am unable to recommend or vouch. Disclaimer: I requested a review copy from Dr. Kabala so that people attending the clothing exchange I organize could check it a few years ago. I have no financial interest in the book. Best wishes.

That's a favorite over here, as is "dietician." It frightens me to think that someone might hurl all his loosed pounds at me.

@@cjd2010 -- If you have anti-anxiety meds, see the prescriber about increasing your dose. If you have no meds, see about getting them. Extreme anxiety is a crippler, as you've discovered, and probably can be treated so that you can function and enjoy yourself. If the panic attacks are new, you really do want to see someone.

Someone told me about Duluth Trading years ago when I was grousing and fuming about workmen's and other men's slovenliness. The shirts are great for them, but, I don't recall Duluth having women's sizes that serve the purpose. The catalogue has lots of fun stuff otherwise. An entertaining browse.

@@songsmith -- Grow up! You can say "bitchiness." And if he wants to be bitchy, he should go off by himself. @@chilepeppr4 -- Also ask at your surgery practice if they have samples that the manufacturers send them.

Do you really want to ask other people's observations and experiences? If so, fine, but wouldn't you like to discover for yourself, like a surprise party? P.S. It's got much to do with new or renewed confidence and greater mobility, flexibility, friskiness and all.

@@atontor -- You can google each med center, e.g., Mount Sinai hospital bariatric. The support group schedules are in the practices' section of the websites. website NYU (212-263-3166) has three groups. One is for band people; I don't know how the other groups are divided up. It may be that sleeve also has its own group, given how it seems the most commonly-performed procedure now. The other medical centers combine the procedures. Depending on where you live and what locations are convenient for you, check other hospitals, too.

@@songsmith -- Thanks. Yes, some drugs and Vitamins are rank, as is durian when not handled properly. Partly because I'm banded and partly because I've had no trouble planning meals that meet my proteen objective, I haven't had to use supplements. Just before and for a few weeks after surgery, I used powdered Muscle Milk Light (the ready-to-drink has your "during" odor/taste, I thought), but I suppose it provides less proteen than the products that are usually discussed.

@@dlappjr, dear, sweet, naive, sheltered dlappjr. I'll wager that you'll find many, many women (not that I speak for all women) who've done it habitually through their lives. Where shall I begin to speak for myself? Somewhere I have two pairs of super-nice pants for summer, one a tropical wool, that I bought at Arnold Constable, a department store. To give you an idea of how long ago I bought them, the Constable building has been home to the Mid-Manhattan Library, a facility of NYPL and diagonally across the avenue from the lions, since 1970. Can it be? Shoot me now. Where shall I end? A few weeks ago I ordered online a few clearance sweaters to put aside until such time. We won't even touch the intervening years. It's not as though I still have everything I ever bought too small. Much has gone to clothing exchange. The classic pieces, that is, nothing outdated. The just-purchased sweaters are the first such items in a very long time. Along the way it hit me that there will always be clothes that make my heart sing in the stores; leave them there until such time... I want to know when you wear your henley.

@@songsmith -- "I find there to be a super strong during taste. If there's an aftertaste, the during completely blocks it" What is a "during?" The closest thing I know is durian. Please 'splain what you mean.

Dr. Schrope did my band surgery in 2009 and gallbladder a couple of months later. Dr. Bagloo was a Fellow at Columbia at the time of my band op and was involved in my case. All I can tell you is that I liked her manner and the way she took time to answer questions when she stopped by on rounds (I was inpatient for a few days, but that's not worth discussing here). I ran into her once a few years later when I was there for a follow-up appt. When I stopped her to say "Hello," she remembered me because of what had kept me in for a while. We laughed that, between our encounters, she'd become a "grown-up" surgeon. Eileen, Nancy and Josie are terrific. Hm, I'm way past needing an appt. Thanks for the nudge. Best wishes to each of you as you go in. Does anyone there inform patients of the clothing exchange I organize twice a year? Eileen, Nancy and the practice administrator are on my email list, but I don't know if they actually print the fliers or mention it when someone talks about needing clothes? @@atontor -- They're offering support groups now? Not when I had surgery. Please let me know the schedule. Eileen did start an early-morning group, but I don't know if it lasted. I've gone/go to meetings at NYU, Cornell, Mt. Sinai and Lenox Hill, all more convenient for me and they all welcome patients from other practices.

Love, shmove, it just happens. An emotion that lands in the lap takes no work and no thought. It's what we try to build on top of it that's the challenge. It seems to me that you are your own issue. Why not examine what it means to you for her to have surgery, what it means to you that she won't start the process, and your own what's and why's for having wanted and now wanting the mutual agreement? You'll have to be brutally honest with yourself. (Or not. It's up to you.) Repeated hammering at someone who says "No" is counterproductive and, in a grown-up world, there's no point in telling someone over and over what they already know (in this case, 'Your weight is unhealthy for you,' perhaps?). @@gowalking is right on. Couples therapy can be valuable, especially when tackling the subject has gotten the parties nowhere or, worse, feeling worse. Some individual therapy for you wouldn't be a bad idea, either. I say "you" not because I think you're more troubled, for lack of a better word at the moment, than is your wife, but because you're the one I'm talking with/to/at.

@@LoseItKacy -- All right, you can't get to a beach right now, but how about an indoor pool? You should be seen!

Three things for the men and women who share these fears: 1. Does it make sense to be worrying about something when your partners' behavior hasn't changed? It's easier to say "Stop it" than it is to turn of the anxiety and insecurity, so to you I say: "Stop it." Don't do this to yourselves. 2. Has it occurred to you that, if you receive increased affection at some point, that it may be in response to your feeling better about yourselves? That your partners are showing greater affection and attention because they are happy for you? 3. What if you're correct? So what if your partners are more loving because you look better? You think you look better, right? Yet you hold them to a higher standard? You're putting them to a secret test; if they notice the change, they fail? If they weren't attracted in the first place, they either wouldn't have married you or wouldn't have stuck around for long.

@@Steve Puckett -- Have you asked her what's going on? Try a quiet place for Sunday brunch or a walk in the park. Having the talk in a neutral setting will prevent either of you from feeling pinned down on your own territory if the discussion is difficult at first. Forget a place with food; it probably has a connection to whatever is on your wife's mind. Is she by some chance particularly overweight? Read all of that as suggestion. To write to you in terms like, "Have you considered x-y-z?" and "Do you think you can say....?" will give you more to read through and be unproductive.

@@bugsy72 -- Teamwork for the big things and the small, through thick or thin, feast and famine, on the road with Crosby and Hope... I was doing a quick scroll up the previous page when my eye barely spotted this: "...I had heard that dumping is not guaranteed but I so hope I have it!" A second look told me that you weren't talking about dumplings.

@@newmein2015 -- You'll be fine. Just don't put it off any longer. Let me know how you come along with it. If you click the little, blue "mention" that's under my info (screen left) once you've begun typing in a blank message box, I'll get a notification. Otherwise I may not see your new note (I don't quite get how the "follow" feature works and miss much). .

@@bugsy72 -- Good for not being hungry and for being down four pounds. By "tag," do you mean get the name of the person you're addressing into your message? If so, start by clicking your cursor into a blank message box; then scroll up to the post by the person. See that little, blue "mention" at screen left, beneath the person's info? Click it and you'll see it in your new-message box. You can insert it wherever you want by clicking "mention" when you're ready for it to be slotted in. Or is it something else you want?

I can tell you all is well, but I know as much as you do. Less, in fact, as it's your incision and I can't see it. Do call the surgeon first thing in the morning.. Since he expected you'd be comfortable enough to work the next day, it may be that you have a little infection at the incision. To my knowledge, an oral antibiotic and the simple topical care which you'd be told will take care of it. After hearing your description, he may tell you to see your primary or other doctor close to home just to be sure and especially if he can't prescribe in your state. Of course, I'm rooting that the pain is just par for the course and will pass on its own in another day or so.

@@intstudy -- Are you still seeking subjects? I had lapband surgery in 2009 and live in Manhattan. If we have more to discuss, please give me a link to the study website with the prelim info, etc. Thanks.

Yes, sometimes it is the more subtle changes that are most eye-opening. This NSV is the figurative and literal measure of how far you've come. L'chaim.

@@Cunninglinguist -- Good story. What does the yoga instructor think of your screen name? What might it have been before you became "the more confident man" you are now? What does it mean to "stop dead in [one's] tracks?" Is it different from stopping?

I'm late to the party, but will still remind you that the cobbler's children have no shoes. And the shrink is crazy as a bedbug. And.... Some things are universal. Glad your appt. went well.