WLSResources/ClothingExch

@@Cervidae, my dear, sweet Cervidae, You've used one of the forbidden words. When I was a "kid," there were four, each of which made me gag. You'd think that, as we get older, those words will lose their puke quotient. Alas, my list has grown longer with time. P.S. I can't believe I used one of the forbidden words in my last note.

@@Cervidae -- I got that, but it's a linguistic cockroach. Accent on "linguistic." My mishegas.

Thanks for filling that in. I knew sleeve originally was part of a combination, but couldn't recall the companion procedure. Something I saw very recently mentioned that the last word on sleeve is not yet in. It looks good thus far.

"Cis," new to me as of today, set me to googling. My eyes are crossing. I tend to pooh-pooh retronyms and this one gets a double-dose sneer: Pooh-pooh-Pooh-pooh. Whew. Anyone who hasn't blocked out BP signatures knows what I think of the category the computer system assigned me. Same goes for this "cis" biz. If you're going to apply it to me, you better run like hell. The OED isn't imprimatur.enough. There's a reason there are no words to look up. There, I feel better now.

@@Shainadelphia "The time I lost weight, I was at a size 12/14 at 200 pounds." If you meant that you wore 12/14 the last time you lost weight, there are three possibilities; otherwise, two: a. You're misrecalling b. The item(s) were mislabeled as 12/14 c. The manufacturer of the 12/14('s) you bought were doing vanity sizing to the wildest degree Size tags mean little, Shainadelphia, and I hate to be the one to deliver this sad news. There's very little uniformity among manufacturers, but it does seem that 20 is common at 200 lbs. You'll probably be better off and never confused if you measure your progress in other ways.

@@CowgirlJane -- Inner Surfer Girl summed it up perfectly. It's fun and exciting to discover new, positive things about a person with each meeting. Mr. "S" is worth exploring further. The statements of "women don't go for me" can slice either way. Clearly his direction isn't the hasty retreat. Keep letting yourself enjoy this. Your public awaits the next installment.

I'd be more confused by posting with a Kindle than taken aback by the saleswoman in Home Depot. A woman selling building materials is wonderful. If this was your first in-person encounter with a transgender person, no wonder so much is going through your mind. Many years ago my first encounters were in clubs; it wasn't until some time later that I'd see transgender people during the day pursuing ordinary pursuits. Long ago I got past my discomfort with pronouns. I take my lead from the person. What matters most is whether he or she is a decent person. If she in some way makes it known that she wishes to be addressed or spoken of in the feminine, that's what I deliver. The clothing and hair are a good tip-off. Using someone's preferred pronoun to me is a sign of respect for her or her individuality, humanity and right to feel right in his or her skin and in the world. That the realization came easily to me may have surprised me a bit. I don't quite recall, but I do know that it was freeing: One less thing to ponder or fret over. Interesting stuff. Maybe some day it will cease to be interesting. That itself would be interesting.

Perhaps this will answer your question. [Dr. Schrope is at Columbia University Medical Center.] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nw3gQKtxuSc

I'm able to respond only to what's put before me. It's about language, not typing. Mind-reading is not one of my strong suits. That was my point. New York, yes, if that is what it takes to make you feel better. I really do wish you well.

Candi, you are wonderful. I send you a great, big hug.

Now you've come up with quite a different complaint: That the main issue is the lack of affection, not the absence of sex. Then you went back to sex as the bigger picture. I wish you the best and suggest that, toward that end, you communicate better with your husband than you have here. Changing directions won't get you far.

@@Good apple -- Very good about "changed my diet and increased activity." It's all true. Why not "vacation time" -- just loafing around and doing things close to home? It's partly true and, in this case, true enough. Let it be known beforehand that you'll be out. Disappearing without a word implies some sort of medical or emergency situation.

@@PayItForward -- I thought the same thing, but #3 was responding to #1's question, i.e., "Wonderful" refers to the surgeon who'd already done her kid's and husband's surgeries. @@slcmommy5 -- That's an interesting opening line. Is it meant to be part-humorous or do your teenager and husband have no say?

@@Ravend26 -- I don't sew, but know that stretchy fabrics are more tricky to work with than non-stretch. Here are two suggestions, the second maybe not so far-fetched as it sounds. 1) Talk with the people at the shop, including the one who will do alterations. They should know how full-cut or skimpily-cut the dress is and guide you on which to order. Keep in mind that clothes can be taken in just so much and then there's no point, e.g., the frill meant to be on the left shoulder would end up under the right arm. 2) Will they order 18 and 20 for you and take back the one that's less suited when it's time to do alterations? Nothing to lose by asking.

@@grandmaofone -- Just keep doing what you're doing. There's no point in fretting and fuming over two weeks out of a lifetime. Keep going and the rest will catch up in due time. You're working out to burn calories, but the exercise in and of itself is great for you.

@@bayougirlmrsc -- "anyone else experience this?" No, but that doesn't seem the point. Whether anyone has an experience similar to yours, the complete relationship history and the underlying issues aren't be the same. Have you asked him what's going on? You'll need to decide for yourself whether no sex is a deal-breaker. Not a decision to be made without thought. It's notable that you omit mention of sexual activity during the first five years of your marriage. The omission and what was or wasn't going on probably are important for you to consider along with the rest.

@@winklie -- There may be some back-to-work training programs in your area. Men who participate in them need appropriate interview clothes, suits and other presentable things, depending on the types of jobs they're interviewing for. It's usually state/county agencies and non-profits that provide the programs. If they don't also have a clothing component, they may know of one in your area. I took the liberty of googling for something in NH. Not that you're obligated. It's just that I have the soul of a librarian. Research Lite is fun for me. (If you follow through and find a good organization near you, one of their volunteers may even be able to stop by to pick up what you decide to donate.) http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/new_hampshire_community_action.html

I remember those moments. They'd sneak up on me. I've undone much of my good work, but will get there again. Thanks for the reminder of one branch of the thrill tree.

I've never heard of a cough as a "had enough" signal, but that doesn't mean it can't be. Common signals of satiety are hiccups, a sigh, a runny nose. Since you mention coughing and the post-op soreness: When you feel a cough, sneeze or laugh coming on, press a bed pillow firmly against your midriff. It'll diminish the pain well enough by bracing you.

C'mon, folks. This person has too much time on her/her hands and came here to kill some of it. This isn't the first to seek free entertainment in BP. Another one disappeared about a week ago; this may be the same one with a charming, new screen name. Anyone who begins with "I don't wanna lose weight or anything" and then enters repeated, "rude...rude...rude" notes has told you more than you need to know. Put your energy to good use.

Smart to look for a buddy/mentor. Take advantage of all opportunities to connect with the WLS world so that you have maximum accountability and support. - Participate here in BP. - Attend your surgery practice's support group. If it doesn't have one, check other hospitals; they usually welcome people who had surgery elsewhere. - Take a look at shrinkyourself.com. Sign up for the free emailed newsletters; read them and do the exercises. You then have the option of registering for the paid version and/or buying Dr. Gould's book. I'm not recommending either of the latter, as I'm unfamiliar with them. It would be your choice. - If you're rusty on making good food choices, see the RD at your surgery practice. You should be able to get the info you need in one appt. - There are lots of books and other resources available.

Nina, it's clear that you're dealing with some stressful situations now and they may be clouding your view things. Because you haven't been back to see the surgeon, it's important to keep the appointment for this Friday. I think he's being responsible by not wanting to prescribe anything without seeing you. It's more than a matter of Vitamins. If the appointment time conflicts with the time your daughter gets out of school, can you arrange with another mother to take her until you can get back? The kids can play for a while and have a good time. Or do you have a neighbor who can help out for an hour or two? Driving two hours each way for an appointment isn't my idea of fun, either. Would it seem less a turn-off if you consider that there are people who make the commute every day for work? Please try not to focus so much on the travel time. It's a necessary evil and stressing over it will just make the really important things more difficult to deal with. I send you best wishes. That's a beautiful, little face up there.

I don't know how the initial appointment may differ from the usual format in the U.S. In any case, I think the questions you ask of the staff member(s) you'll be seeing tomorrow are more to the point. You want to gather as much information as you can so that you understand the nature of surgery, how each procedure differs from the others, and what you'll have to do going forward. You also want to know what to expect before and after. My own feeling is that I won't mind certain things if I know ahead of time that they will or may occur -- when it comes to surgery, surprises are undesirable. My guess is that they'll take your medical history and draw blood for routine analyses, maybe some not so routine. Whatever they ask is likely to relate to National Health's criteria for coverage of bariatric surgery. In the U.S. a psych evaluation is pretty standard as part of the approval process. It's primary purpose is to determine whether the person has realistic expectations of surgery and is capable of understanding and following doctor's orders and willingness to follow orders along the way. Common-garden depression (and I say it as it is I) is no obstacle; you sound as though you function at least well enough to meet the psych criteria as I understand them. "...healthily nervous and a bit excited..." is good. Just write out your questions to present at your appointment and question anything you're told that isn't clear. If you miss something, it can be filled in during subsequent appointments and by asking here and doing a little research. You'll be fine.

I'm wishing you good news.

*@ZombieQueen, I just reread your note and spotted these lines especially: "Though its only been 3days, I'm starting to remember why we were so close and I'm scared of getting caught up.......but I feel kind of bad. Like I'm doing something wrong? even though its really just innocent conversation. I guess its the joke flirting that makes me feel guilty? We're all in our early 20's but I don't feel like hes matured like I thought he has. I just don't even know!........ It made me feel good but unsure of rekindling this friendship at the same time because of like..all the comments that just made me feel, unsure?. Sooo anyway I have nooo idea what to do at this point. Yes I would love to stay friends with him but I feel like its already going to a place that it shouldn't and it hasn't even been a week! I guess I'm just looking for advice at this point.. " Like Dorothy of "The Wizard of Oz," you know the answer to your question. You've written it yourself. You've grown up a lot since you and your friend lost contact. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Friendships and romances are supposed to make us feel happier, not cause stomach aches. Let him slide. Someone better will come along. As a general guide for life, never do or say anything or go anywhere that will keep you from holding your head high.