snickysnack78

Hello, 
 
My name is Nicole and I am in the process of working towards gastric sleeve surgery. I have already gone through the introductory course and have been approved for the referral to move forward. I go to another class on 3/24 and have to be weighed in.
 
Here is my story so far...
 
I have always been on the heavy side. I have seen pictures from when I was younger, very young, showing the skinny kid size, but I never remember it. I only remember now the constant teasing that I had all throughout my childhood and until my adulthood. I remember I was one of the ones that developed early, and got teased for it, along with my weight. I remember in high school that I was teased constantly by the other kids and they thought it was funny that one of them would try to hit on me, and everyone around me would laughed. I never let anyone see that it bothered me and would never cry in front of anyone, but deep down inside it would eat me alive.
 
I believe that is why I turned to food for comfort. It would never say anything back to me and you would get that feeling that everything is okay with the world. I was self conscious about my eating and didn't really like to eat in front of people. I hated what others thought of me and what I had on my plate. I didn't like the judgments that others gave or would ask " your eating that?". It lead me to sneaking food and eating it when nobody was around or everyone was asleep. I knew that my mom probably knew I was doing it, and only questioned me a few times, but I don't think that she understand what I was going through. In the beginning, I would tell her about the teasing, but I don't remember her doing anything about it. I don't blame her for how I turned out, but I don't think that she truly understands my struggle and what I went through that I feel has damaged me a bit..
 
Through the years, food has been my way of coping.. I had incidents happen when I was younger that made my eating worse, and I would just eat non stop and didn't care how full I got. If it was in my hand I would eat it.  
 
I had the realization that I needed to change in my senior year of college. I noticed that standing all day hurt my feet, couldn't find any clothes that would fit anymore, and the final realization that I needed to change was that my college gown could barely zip up and it was the biggest size.
 
After that I started making changes to my diet, and here I have been yo-yo with the eating right and exercising. I would be eating right and doing all the right things that I have read and been told, however I give up easily when I don't see results fast enough. I have gone through many difference changes with life: love, heartbreak, death, moving away to another city, meeting new people, losing old friends, more heartbreak, and my health declining.
 
I was officially diagnosed with being a type 2 diabetic in January 2010. I started on the medicine and did everything that I was supposed to get my sugar down right when I was diagnosed, and got everything under control. I didn't have support at home, and within a few months, I was back to what I was doing before and really didn't care what happened to me. I stopped taking medicine, going to the dr, and just didn't care anymore.
 
Through that time to now, I have went through a marriage and a horrible divorce. I spent time working on myself and am becoming again the woman I am supposed to be. My career is taking off and the possibilities are endless. I have huge supporters in my corner, who are there for me and are on my side. . I am still diabetic and have to take night insulin now, but it is now controlled.  I have been eating right, losing weight, and working out.
 
This surgery will be a good addition to my journey. This will only be helpful in me succeeding in my weight loss. I don't have a particular number that I want to get down to, but in the next few years I want to have children and not have to worry about problems with my being heavy.