butterfly23

@@salmon77 thanks for sharing. Having that kind of negativity when you are making such huge changes is challenging, glad you reached out for support. I have had similar experiences and have two things to share from my perspective: WLS and the subsequent weight loss has a huge emotional component (hormone dump) so please be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to be angry if it comes up (which I think anyone would with your mom's harsh words). This is a time to really focus on you and nurture yourself - especially as it seems you will not get it from your mom. Feeling the anger and then letting go (through writing, talking with friends, posting here, etc) will serve you much better than pushing it down. Second, weight loss is just one part of this process - the rest is us figuring out how to heal and deal with the issues that contributed to our needing WLS in the first place. By doing this, I have found I am stronger and more resilient to what others say/do/think. Is your family history and mom's judgment any part of what you need to work on? If so, the work you do will either encourage you to talk with her, get more space from her or find a way to let her stuff slide off you. No matter what - you will be stronger and healthier because of your work despite what she does and doesn't do or say. Sorry for the long post - I was really feeling you this morning and wish you the best in dealing with her and any other challenges you have as you discover what you need to thrive. This work is hard enough without those close to us making it harder!

@@BobbyD aren't unexpected blessings like this the best? Congratulations!

@@Pandora Williams thank you for sharing your story and pictures. You inspire me!!

@@JennWeb congratulations! In my experience the time just flew by - and totally normal to be freaking out a bit! Best of luck to you, you are in the right place for support and to help you get prepared for your surgery. Best of luck!

@@Inner Surfer Girl thank you for posting this! Just what I needed to read today, letting go is central to my WLS process.

Like many people, I take extra Vitamin D in addition to my multi-vitamin as while I am blessed and spend time a lot of time in the sun, I still struggle with low levels. I found this article really interesting so thought I would share. Vitamin D Levels Linked to Weight-loss Surgery Outcomes Published: December 22, 2015. Released by Johns Hopkins Medicine Low levels of vitamin D have long been identified as an unwanted hallmark of weight loss surgery, but now findings of a new Johns Hopkins study of more than 930,000 patient records add to evidence that seasonal sun exposure -- a key factor in the body's natural ability to make the "sunshine vitamin" -- plays a substantial role in how well people do after such operations. Results of the study, published online Dec. 14 in the journal Obesity Science & Practice, reveal interplay among vitamin D status, seasons, geography and surgery outcomes, according to Leigh Peterson, Ph.D., M.H.S., a nutritionist and postdoctoral research fellow at the Johns Hopkins Center for Bariatric Surgery, who led the research. Here is a link to the rest of the article http://www.sciencenewsline.com/news/2015122223190030.html

Congratulations on the success of your hard work! You look wonderful!

I was a packed meeting where the chairs are tight next to each other...not only did I not spill over into the other chairs like I used to, I was able to squeeze out from the rows without people having to move. Both of these were huge for me, I used to feel I had to get there super early to get a end of the row seat, or stay seated when I wanted or needed to move until everyone else left. Not anymore!

This is the thread to come back to on one of my tough days! You all are so inspiring. I have lost 150 pounds (115 post op) and I'm 10 months from my sleeve surgery and I'm not stopping until goal.

@@sharkgirl yay for you and your size 14 pants, yes the ones without the "w" next to the size, you go girl!

@@nprcowboy Thank you for posting about your success, congratulations and I wish you well in maintenance! I am so sad to hear about your wife's cancer, and you both are in my thoughts and prayers. You are so much healthier to be able to support her and yourself through this difficult process. Please keep us posted.

@@jembell01 I experienced some of what you are going through. Like others have mentioned, there are biological and emotional challenges from WLS because of the changes in hormones, the feelings coming up because we no longer use food to soothe or cope and the transformation in our bodies not to mention others' reactions to our new bodies and the WLS process as a whole. Yikes we go through a lot!! I was overly sensitive to my husbands moods after WLS and when I was needy, got triggered a lot when he took care of himself or did not take initiative or respond to my needs - and that pushed him farther away and yet because of WLS I needed him more than ever! Then I switched gears, focused on self-compassion (Dr. Kristin Neff, http://self-compassion.org/) It changed my life. I started some of her practices and committed to giving myself what I kept seeking from my husband. Not saying he wasn't a jerk sometimes, but over time the most amazing thing happened. As I took better care of myself (which was always my issue and why I got so big to begin with) he stopped pulling away and distancing himself from me and gave me more of what I needed. I am not sure if this resonates at all with you, but if it does I encourage you to find your own path to your specific healing, and by focusing on yourself and taking care of yourself either it will become clear it's worth it to stay and work on your relationship, or you need to end it. You had the strength to have WLS, you have the strength to get through this. I am so sorry you are so sick and throwing up, that really sucks and makes me super emotional too. I hope you find relief soon. Please keep us updated! edited to add link to Dr. Neff's site above

@@Inner Surfer Girl glad you are getting that massage for all your hard work. Not only are you healing yourself but you are supporting so many of us as well. Thank you for taking the time to support so many. I have no doubt that before you know it, you will literally be surfing!

@@Djmohr thank you for sharing your story - really resonated with me!! @, thank you so much for saying "I see you". This is exactly what was triggered for me....I did not expect a weight comment, but I did expect a "you look good" or something, and when I didn't I felt invisible. You nailed it, thank you for helping me identify what I needed to work on in this experience!

Like many on this site, traveling on an airplane when I was super big was very challenging. I am now down 150 pounds, and had my first plane trip. I could not believe how amazingly I fit in the seat, no seatbelt extender, and room to spare all around. Yay! On the ouch side, I am visiting my in-laws for the first time since I've lost this weight and nobody said anything. 150 pounds down, and no one said a thing. I know I have much more to lose but OUCH. They even know I had the surgery (in all fairness, they didn't ask a single thing about me or my husband because they're self-involved but really???) Thanks for letting me rave and rant about this! I've decided by posting this to let go of the ouch and focus on the NSV. Thank you to everyone on this site.

Thank you everyone for your support!! I am home now, and with your awesome response have been able to turn this into a healing experience. I am so grateful for you all and having this site to vent, laugh, cry and process so we can let go of our excess weight (and so much more!)

Thank you for the support and reminder to not let them detract from my success and that I don't know what was behind the lack of comments. I definitely don't want to hear criticism, so I should be thankful as saying nothing is better than saying something hurtful. I am so thankful for my family here, because you all really get it even though they do not!

@@byebyefat you are so NOT a failure! It sounds like you are doing the hard work and while the loss doesn't necessarily reflect your dedication and commitment, your behaviors do. I've used WLS as a chance to focus on the process more than the outcome, and as far as I'm concerned you are incredibly successful in your process. I know this probably doesn't help because obviously you did this to lose weight but just thought I'd share that I think you're very successful!!

My high weight was 421, and I'm now at 271… 150 pounds down and I'm not stopping here! WLS taught me to take care of myself and that is why I know I'm not done losing. I'm doing the hard healing work to take advantage of this amazing blessing (my sleeve). Best of luck to you!

I don't usually like to tell someone what to do or not do, but please take this very seriously! Eight months after my WLS, I had massive pain and ignored it, and ended up in the ER with a bad gallbladder infection. It turned into pancreatitis and was so infected they couldn't take it out right away, so I suffered for awhile until they could operate. I was stubborn and thought I didn't have the time (graduate school and work full-time) but my gallbladder decided for me. Please discuss options with your doctor and take the pain seriously. Good luck!

@@OKCPirate thank you for the Portugal article - amazing how well they are doing (lower drug use, lower crime etc).

Great NSV and adorable puppy...have you picked a name yet?

@@VDB thank you for posting your story, you are taking care of yourself by doing so and you are not alone. Sounds like you are using your skills: being grateful, trying to come from a strength perspective, focusing on your own self-care plans when possible. I hope you acknowledge how well you are doing within this context - you've made major changes in your life while also giving unconditional love to your wife and being a caregiver. My husband is not bipolar yet is depressed and has PTSD which is really triggered right now because of his brother dying suddenly and tragically last month. Couple this with my VSG in April, gallbladder out in October and during this time I have been running my non-profit full time and am in a full-time masters program. I really related to your post as it has been a struggle to take care of myself during all of this - and you named the main ways I have been able to do so. I just wanted to highlight two things - mindfulness and self compassion have really supported this process for me. Mindfulness practice helps me identify feelings more quickly as with so much going on I need to process and let things go quickly or I get overwhelmed. Self-compassion practice gives me the support and nurturance I need to keep moving forward and nurturing my husband, my family, my staff and those we serve. You inspire me and again appreciate you sharing, may 2016 be more balanced for you and your wife.

@@Margie122 congrats on your success and letting go of the clothes you no longer need. I have found that letting go, for me, is a major part of this process whether it is letting go of the clothes, the weight or the habits or thoughts that do not serve me now. Yay for you and your new wardrobe in 2016!!

277 thanks!