Twilight

Hi ladies. I know it has been forever and reading here you may not get this since you are on a private FB page instead of here. I just thought I would let you all know what has been going on. Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers and phone calls when I was going through my hell. It was wonderful to hear from you and I want you to know how much I love all of you...even when I'm not here I'm thinking of you. So, if you remember a couple years ago I was having problems getting stuck all the time and my PA took out all my Fluid, let me sit for a couple weeks, then did an upper GI and then a scope. I was told then that everything was fine and it was just stress that was causing all my trouble. I took that as the truth and didn't look any further. God knows how stressful my life has been with Michael the last couple of years. Add that to all my everyday stress and it made sense. I just tried to adjust to only being able to eat mushies and get by. Since there was nothing to take out of my band, my only other option was removal and I didn't want that. So, in the last few months Jeff and I have been talking more and more about having a revision. We had put money aside for it and was planning on going to Mexico around the end of August. It had gotten to the point that anything more than Protein shakes were coming back up. I was doing alright losing weight again, hoping that would loosen things up also. I was still frustrated and counting days until I had more than 3 days in a row so I could plan my Mexico "vacation." Right before my trip to Oregon Jeff and I had decided that as soon as I got back, it was time to go...even if I had to cancel kettle corn days...it was too frustrating. After a really nasty migraine and the extreme vomitting that came with getting rid of it, I could no longer get anything down. I decided that it was swelling because of the migraine and needed to let it rest. After 3 days with no lessening I went to the ER in Lincoln City. There they did another barium swallow and nothing went through. He had me raise my arms, turn sideways, jump, twist, everything but stand on my head and there was nothing going through. So the ER doc called my surgeon in ND. All I wanted was hydrated enough to get home to go see him. The docs talked and didn't want me flying so had to find a surgeon in Oregon. They sent me to a hospital in Portland. The doc that was waiting to see me there said she would try to unfill me and see if that would help. Then I told her I had been unfilled for 2 years and she looked at me like I was nuts. She said she didn't understand that the ER wanted her to take it out and that she had no bariatric experience but would "try" if I wanted her to or she would call a different hospital and try to find me a bariatric surgeon. Finally by about midnight I was admitted to a hospital to be seen in the morning by a bariatric surgeon. Finally, blissful sleep after 4L of IV fluid. So this great looking guy comes in the morning to talk to me about my band and we discuss all the problems and my barium swallow and his discussion with my ND surgeon, ya da ya da ya da....and he says I can have surgery the next day probably. In the mean time his PA will see if they can get even a LITTLE bit of fluid out of my band so that the barium will pass and they won't have to go down and suck it out. Again, I explain that it is empty and he says they are hoping that there is a little left just enough to eek the barium through. So the PA comes back and he pulls out 1.2 cc's. I will tell you now that I went through the roof. How can you "lose" 1.2 cc's in a band? How can you pull everything out and still leave that much in? How can you tell me that my restriction is all in my head and still have 1.2cc's in there? How can the surgeon do a scope and see NOTHING wrong and still have 1.2 cc's in there? Had I known that there was fluid still in my band I would have been back there begging for it to be removed. I have been eating mushies for 2 years because I didn't think there was any other option! Yes, my blood still boils when I think about it. So, PA comes back and says "Great news!" The partner doc is doing surgery at her surgery center downtown and has a slot that she can fit me in. I won't have to pay the hospital fees and it will save me close to 5k. On top of that it can be that day instead of the next. So off I go to the surgery center. The doc there was so nice. I have to admit that I had been on so many meds at this point that I don't really remember much about her besides how nice she was. And her surgery center was awesome. Her nurses were great. Everyone was amazing. She really wanted me to reconsider letting her reposition my band. She was pretty sure she would be able to put it back in place. All I wanted was it GONE! Sorry ladies, but after the 2 years of hell, it had to come out! She did say that most people who reposition will maintain their weight but not lose any more. I didn't want to do the fill, unfill, fight, struggle anymore. I couldn't do it. So I opted to remove it. Surgery went fine. Jeff talked to her afterward and she said that she was pretty sure from what she saw that I had been slipped for those 2 years. She said that removing the 1.2 cc's didn't help the slip at all. She didn't want to speculate about having the 1.2 removed earlier and if it would have helped. I think she didn't want to say anything to get the other surgeon/PA in trouble. So, now I'm without band. I still get stuck. Funny thing. I guess, from what I understand, that the pouch shape is still possibly there. That I may get stuck forever or it might go back. I don't know. I know the worst pain was from where my port was removed. That is the biggest possible complication site. I guess there is a greater chance of hernia there from now on. So, I'm still on mushies but working my way back to solids. I'm dying to have a chicken breast or some steak, or some raw veggies! Life will be good when I can eat that sort of stuff again. I don't know about the sleeve. I have talked to Jeff about it and it is still an option. I am going to work very hard at eating like a bandster and trying to keep my weight down without. I am back in my size 12s. I would still like to get down another 10 pounds. If I stay here though, I'm happy. My double chin is gone again. My energy is back up. My depression is back under control. For now, life is good. So, that is my saga. Dec. '07 - July '11....I loved my band while it worked. Hated it when it failed. It did what it was supposed to do. I cannot fault the band. I fault my docs. They will not get any more of my time or money. I take some of the fault for the failure because I should have pushed them harder to find out what the problem was in '09. I should have forced someone to dig deeper. I shouldn't have blamed myself. And forever I will understand how much 1.2 cc's really is! Again, love you ladies. I hope you all are doing well. Janet, thank you for the wonderful phone call while I was recouping. It meant so much to me. Candice, I will make the trip next summer, I promise. Phyl, sorry I missed you in SD. Would have been great to see you and Earl again! Love and hugs and best wishes on your band and journey.

Hi ladies. Just a quick check in. I read every night but not much to report. Last week was craziness. My evenings are so full anymore. Here's last weeks evening events: Monday zumba, Tuesday car club meeting, Wednesday motorcycle club meeting, Thursday I did zumba and Jeff did snowmobile club, Friday Nick had therapy and then evening bump n run meeting, Saturday was supposed to go snowmobiling but that was a disaster. Jeff went without me. Sunday church and then farm. CRAZINESS! This week is a little less nuts. Last night I stayed home. Jeff went to the farm. His dad had a biopsy today and they had to leave at 4am. He has some cancer spots on his liver. We are holding off on worry until we get some answers. Tonight I have zumba. I don't think we have anything Wed. night. Thursday I have zumba. I'm pretty sure that is the end of it. Jeff actually asked if I wanted to go out to dinner last night and all I wanted was a night at home We are planning a big motor sports weekend up here and trying to get all the clubs to work together. That just means that I/Jeff need to keep all the other clubs informed. It will all work out, but a lot of work right now. It will settle down in March and April and then May will get crazy with it again. Talked to Mom yesterday and she wants me to come down to TX when she's done and drive home with her. I need to figure out how long I can be gone. I'm thinking it might be a 10 day trip. I'll take Jaimi with me. She sure sounds like she is having a great time on the beach. I wish it was me Yesterday I did indulge in chocolate. Today I'm back to normal and not craving it. I'll be alright. I'm zumbaing tonight so hopefully the scale won't show the cave. Scope....I sure hope you guys get better answers than I did. All they told me was "There's nothing wrong." Uh...no...there's something wrong....you just can't figure it out. There are so many days that I agree with Karri, I just want this band out! Dinner is always the time when I'm most frustrated. I make a good dinner and think I can finally eat some and 5 mins later it's back. So frustrating. Someday this is all going to be alright. We'll get something taken care of . Now I can live with it. Just not enjoy it. I know I can't do it without anything so that's why I'm holding strong. Okay...for a driveby this is really long. I gotta run. Love you ladies.

Karla, remember to use our OPI resources. If you are looking for studies and lit to review Jean and David are amazing. And remember....Maurice ROCKS. Use your resources.

Okay ladies. I don't have time to post more until later but the doc told me: fibrocystic breast disease. I'll look it up later but it doesn't sound so horrible. Maybe. I'll have to do a lot of research. Gotta run, just wanted to let you know what the doc said.

Hi ladies. Nick woke up with a horrid headache so I kept him home. Poor little guy. He has a doc appt. at 345 anyways for a med check so I will have doc see if maybe he has a sinus infection. He can hardly breath and it's icky green. I've always thought he had nose issues anyways so maybe this is the time when it can be checked. While I am there I will ask him about my chest. I really do think my doc is a good doc he just sometimes makes me feel like I'm worrying about nothing. I know that if it's nothing, it's no big deal but that doesn't mean I'm not going to continue to worry. He is highly respected across the state as being very thorough. I shouldn't be so harsh about him. He's good, his bedside manner just sucks. I will ask him. As for going somewhere else, I think there might be an OB/GYN taking clients in Sidney which is 100 miles away. Williston stopped taking new patients. If not in Sidney it would be Glasgow which is 150 miles. It just isn't a hop and a jump. I actually was thinking that I'd email my uncle who was an OB for years and see what he says. He's in WA so it isn't like he could see me, but he could at least tell me if it is normal. Okay...onto other matters. Phyl, I so understand your frustration with Earl and his smoking. Rose is the same way with me. She will tell me she quit and then sneak around. Drives me crazy. Not that she is still smoking but 1. that she lied, 2. that she thinks she NEEDS to lie to me, and 3. that she acts so infantile. She is a grown/independent woman. If she wants to smoke then do it, but don't act like a child sneaking and lying to me. Have at least enough respect for yourself to say, "I want to smoke and I know the risks and therefore, it's my decision." I also completely understand that it isn't worth staying upset over. Phyl, I also remember how mom would go through the same sort of panic over incedental things after dad died. It was so hard to watch. Thankfully dad had most things in order but mom would go right into a panic when she had to find a tool or do something that dad always took care of. Your friend has so much more on her plate. Poor lady. She is really going to need your support. If she is that active in her Red Hat world, aren't there other hatters that can support her down there? Hopefully she can sell her home up in WA quickly so that she can take that load off. You're such a good friend to run right over there. Bless your heart! Candice and Karla, your UFO dedication is amazing. I'm so excited for you. I wish I could do the same thing. Oh well...I could but I don't. My problem. Karri, you've been quiet. What's up? How are you feeling? Has that flu taken a ride? I hope you enjoyed your snow days. I was going to ask you about your body bugg. Are you using it anymore? When you have a chance, let's talk about it. I'm curious. Oh....my weekly weigh in. I told Jeff that he was going to have to carry the team this week. He called this morning and said he dropped us. He gained 2. I don't think he truly gained 2 but with the Super Bowl yesterday and strange intakes the last couple of days, he probably took in a lot more salt then normal. I told him we would really focus this week and get back on track. I'm going to make meat loaf tonight. Portions are going to have to be key I think. Especially for him. For me, I think it's liquids again for a few days. I'm still getting stuck and I really have to give my stomach that rest. I just so badly want to chew! Dumb! Focus focus focus! I am starting Zumba tonight with a group. Then on Thursdays we are starting a different group at our church. So twice a week I will be doing that out of the house and the rest of the days I should be doing something here in the house. I hope I don't break a leg trying to move my hips like that I think it could be entirely possible. We will see. Alright ladies. There was more, but, as usual, I forget. Love you. Talk to you later.

Okay ladies. Just one quick comment on that "other stuff". A lot of what you guys were talking about was the down below problems. My big problem right now is my chest. The down below stuff works just fine for now. It's the can't remove my bra without tears that is driving me crazy. Phyl you mentioned endometriosis....that's only a down below problem isn't it? I'm going to take the advice of going to see my PCP. I just hate doing that because he's a he and he always makes me feel stupid with girl problems. I'm going to call tomorrow to see when my last annual exam was. I'm pretty sure I'm due because Jai just had birthday and I think I've timed it that way...I just can't remember. Do you think I should wait to do it until after TOM comes to see me or before when I'm still hurting? If it doesn't hurt then maybe he won't be able to figure it out, but if they do he won't be able to touch me to figure anything out. AHHHHH! I hate this!!! Okay. For now, that is all. There is stuff I want to say about your friend, Phyl as well as the smoking stuff. I just don't want to go into this right now because I'm in the middle of a movie with Jeff. So....I'll do that tomorrow. Night ladies. Love you!!

Candice, thanks for you advice. I'm 39 and really don't think I'm ready to go through all this crap but then again, will I ever be? Oh well. If the flashes and sweats are worse than this pain I could lose my mind. I can hardly hold Jaimi anymore because of her elbows. As for the TMI issue, you didn't gross me out, but I also know that Jeff will not even consider it. He's funny that way Love him, but some things that gross him out are so weird. I keep telling him that THAT is when it would be the best but he won't hear of it. Oh well. There's more than one way to skin a cat...LOL I'm with you though, I hope no one else reads this thread I had a good enough dinner. Stuck on it though. I guess it's time to go back to liquids for a few days. Let everything settle again. I did break and lunch liquids hoping that would be enough but no go. I'd better run for now. I need to make the tortilla roll ups for tomorrow's game. I'm glad they will be there and not here because I have a feeling I could eat a whole plate. Later ladies. Have a great evening.

Another good question....where did the last 3 days of posts go?

Hi ladies. Glad to see that the site is back. Stepped on the scale this morning. Doesn't look like I'm going to be losing this week. Not gaining, but not losing either. I guess I've earned it though. I haven't been nearly as diligent as I was the last month. If I lost while being negligent then I wouldn't learn, right? There are some other reasons..... Now ladies, I need some helpful advice. The last 3 months or so the weeks before my period have become almost unbearable. First are the horrific cramps when I'm ovulating. They double me over and make me miserable for about 2 days. Then they are gone and the truly unbearable starts. My chest gets absolutely horribly painful. It has been getting worse the last few months. It's gotten so bad now that I only take my bra off to shower and that is getting iffy. That lasts for about 2 weeks. So, it's 2 weeks of pain, 1 week of TOM, and then I can have about a week where my body doesn't feel like it's trying to kill me. In my reading online, I guess this is completely normal in the years leading up to menopause. While I am not sure how I feel about THAT, I am positive that I can't take this getting worse for YEARS. The only real advice is anti-inflammatory and wearing your bra. The only thing this pain seems to be a symptom of is menopause. I did start worrying that it was something more horrible, but I guess not. Have any of you gone through this? Is it really going to be years before this stops? Is there anything else I can do. The last thing I need to do is irritate my band by taking anti-inflammatories. God knows, it's irritated enough most of the time. Any advice would be helpful. On another not-so-positive note, Nick seems to be sick now. Jaimi last weekend, now Nick. He seems to have it worse than Jaimi did. He started with a cough/sniff/phlem yesterday then last night about midnight when I checked on he had a fever. About 103 and he was complaining that his head hurt. Tylenol last night and he came up about 4am saying his stomach hurt too. This morning, fever, chills, headache, his body hurts and stomach pains. He looks horrible. No food for him today. Poor kiddo. I feel so bad for him. He is so miserable. I need to fix things for Jeff's superbowl party tomorrow. I think I'm going to make some popcorn that was in the Eat what you Love cookbook. It sounds really good. We will see. Other than that, I'm going to take some sliced ham, spread some cream cheese on it, and then wrap them around pickles. Really yummy. They are so good. I will try to control myself while making them and hope that he doesn't bring any home. I will have to have serious control. I'll let you know about the popcorn. If it's yummy I will post the recipe. I'll talk to you guys later. Have a great Saturday, ladies!!!

I have a tube around here somewhere. I will look for it and get you the name. I'm not sure about the shot but I can find that info too. It will just have to be tomorrow. After the shot and a week of cream life is usually much better.

When I break out with my sun rash they give me a rash cream and also some sort of allergy shot to bring down the rash. The shot is a once a season thing. I don't know if they can do the same with your skin but since it's a rash, it might be a thought.

Drive by. Just thought I would whine here. -30 before the wind chill! Not cool! Freaking COLD!!!!

Maybe he figured it out! Email him back!!! You already know he's a dog guy. And a education guy. A funny guy. Dang!!! Take it slow, but see if it goes somewhere!