Twilight

I'm debating on whether I should weigh once a week or once in the morning. The once a day thing is getting very depressing because I don't see anything happening. What do you all do?

Janet!! I wish I could reach through this computer right now and give you a giant hug. I know how horrible those thoughts in your head can make you feel. Take a deep breath and when one of those thoughts comes up ask yourself, "Is that true?" "Do I know it for a fact?" If the answer is no, tell yourself something positive that you KNOW for a fact. 1. you take care of yourself everyday. 2. you are healthy 3. you can hold your head up in the mirror because you like what you see 4. you are beautiful 5. you have a PLAN 6. you are stronger now than you have every been 7. you are loved by an entire group of women 8. you are smarter now about your weight 9. you are special 10. you believe in yourself. Hugs Janet. I love you!

Looks like everyone had a pretty good day. Phyl, if Earl hadn't gained all that weight someone would have had to pay for the unfairness of it. I was reading what he was eating, thinking, DAMN!!! That boy can EAT! Serves him right! Janet, so sorry for your family. It's so hard to lose anyone, and so tragically. I'm so very sorry! Kari, I agree with the above advice. Don't wait until Monday. Every decision is a chance to choose better. Don't put it off. Make a good decision NEXT time. After that, it gets easier. You can do this! If you are going to indulge tomorrow, so be it, but start Friday off with good choices. Make a pact with yourself that for every BAD choice you make you will pedal 15 more minutes. Make yourself PAY for the choices. Karla, you're driving me CRAZY with the cake talk. Are you TRYING to kill me? Good luck with the new pics tomorrow. I'm so excited for you!!! Can't wait to see them. Candice, if you post that toothless picture you are so much better a woman than I. LOL. Glad it got fixed though. There was something else I wanted to tell you.....oh...toile. Is it blue or red? Blue with bright yellow and pale pink would be gorgeous! Or maybe that's just me and my whacky color sense....but I think it would be really pretty. Okay...now...I'm going to share TMI. All of you know the horrible sinus infection I had. Well, I was in so much pain and Rose kept telling me about using a neti pot. I've heard about them but have never done one. If you don't know what it is, it's a teapot looking thing that you put a saline solution in and rinse out your sinuses. It looks crazy and I just chalked it up to another gimick. Well, I was in so much pain on Sunday that I couldn't take it so I went to the store. They didn't have the pot but they had a neti bottle. ... bought one. OMG!!! It is amazing. GROSS.... but amazing. If any of you have sinus issues, even just once a year...I'm telling you. It's AMAZING. Could be a gimick...but I am keeping mine for the next cold/sniffle/ick I feel. All I can say is WOW. Okay....now I'm off to watch tv and I'll talk to you all tomorrow. Love you!

Phyl, just read about your abelskivers! I actually have my own pan! I LOVE them. My grandmother would make them for us every time we stayed at her house. But, we fill ours with jams and jellies. They aren't hallow and then you don't need syrup in them. They are a pain to make, but so special. I don't think I've made any in 3 years or so. Thanks for the memories. It made me smile!

Alright ladies. I was going to try to catch up on reading before I posted, but that just isn't going to happen. I just don't have time. So....hopefully I'll go back and read later and I'll get the gyst of what is happening in your lives. Sorry. That seems so selfish. Well...for those of you on FB, you know I've had a sinus infection. But it's getting better. PA called in antibiotics for me. I can't believe what they cost. I'm not wanting to start a feud here, but if WITH insurance, antibiotics cost over $100 there is a problem that needs addressed. People need to be able to afford their meds! Lucky for me, I can. That's all I have to say about that. On the other hand, my depression meds are much better covered and with the increase and the ritalin, I'm doing MUCH better. I have hardly sat in my chair in the last week. I guess I nap when the little one goes down, but that's all. I've put together 4 puzzles, visited with my mom, pittled around the house, and just done stuff. Nothing productive, but I'm moving. Because I'm not in my chair, I'm not on the internet as much as I was. Pop onto FB to check status updates and then I'm off again. I feel SO MUCH better!!!! Going to a card party tomorrow night next door. It will be fun and not a drunken escapade like downtown will be. I'm excited! I need to go find a hostess gift. Then on Friday we are heading to Billings to spend the weekend with Michael. We had a breakthrough therapy session last week and he seems to be making progress. I'm so happy to hear that. I think he may have crumbled some of the walls he has built up. We are going to have family pictures taken! Its been 2 years since we had the last ones done....before surgery. It will be nice to have a family photo up that I'm not ashamed to look at. I'm not at goal but at least not as bad as I was. Also planning on taking him to Avatar 3D. We are staying at a hotel with a waterpark attached so we will spend some time there too. My neice is coming home from the air force also. She'll be there. I'm sooooooo excited to see her. I miss her so badly! It is just going to be a great weekend. My PA said that I shouldn't worry about my food right now, that when my meds kick in and I feel better about me, the rest will come. You know...I think she's right. I'm making better choices. Not great ones, but better. I want to be healthy! Another interesting thing, the Ritalin is making me not want to eat. I'm still getting hungry, but just don't want to eat. WOOOOHOOOOO! Okay. I need to go do a few errands. Hope I can catch up soon. Love you. Oh...BTW, you will be getting New Years cards.....I didn't get the Christmas ones out. Sorry!

Rose is here much earlier than expected. Glad she made it safe. Talk to you later ladies.

Morning ladies. Going to pop in really quick. I took a long time to catch up on yesterdays posts so I only have a second. I had a really good therapy session with Michael today. It was hard and raw and emotional...but that's good. It means a lot to have progress right now. Janet, yes, Michael, Nick, and I are the three speed freaks. Jeff knows that it works opposite on ADHD but he thought he was being funny. It is kinda. Nick calls his "silly pills" because they take his sillies away. We'll see if they take my sillies away. Karla, if something happens, and you don't fulfill the 7 years, what is the repercussion? You need to look into it just in case something happens. For instance...what if your hanging problem makes it impossible? Or if you lose your job for some reason (NOT going to happen)? Or if you say bullpucky and quit. What are they going to do about it? Phyl, drive safe. Candice, my house is always open...since we are both retired :tongue: come on over! Maybe you can help me find the quilting bug I'd love to have. Okay. It's time to get the kids out of their jammies and start the cleanup. Rose will be here around 4. Love you all. Have a great day!

Karla, I had a parent like that. So I faxed a copy, gave the kid a packet, and mailed a copy of all assignments and worksheets every week. When I changed plans in the middle of the week I faxed and mailed new copies. After about 2 weeks, she said it was alright if I didn't do that anymore. Paper her to death! That's what I say. Oh...and leave voice mails for her every afternoon telling her what little Johnny has for an assignment... just to keep her in the loop.

Morning ladies. Just got home from my dr.'s appointment. I love my PA. I wish she would come back and that my dr wasn't such a putz. Oh well....she's awesome. she upped my zoloft and decided to try me on ritalin for my adhd/anxiety. She said that she thinks if I can concentrate more, my thoughts won't race out of control with worry and scenarios that are crazy. I guess I'm up for anything. Told Jeff and he laughed and said, "So we've got THREE speed freaks in the family now, huh?" I laughed and told him to shut up. I hope it works. I've known how ADHD I am for some time now and have never medicated for it...so if it helps great. If not, we tried. Alright. I have to go run some errands. Have a good day ladies.

Alright, I got the meatballs mixed, baked, and in the sauce. Mixed together the chicken salad. Bagged the pecan bars and went with lefse instead. That is dessert enough. I figured if I made the other I would eat 2 or 3 before I take them...so took away the temptation. Alright. I need to get something else done. Love you ladies.

Hi ladies. Sorry I didn't get back here yesterday. I was busy doing lazy stuff. I have a cold that is just kicking my butt! I'm exhausted and it feels like my head is going to explode! I'm putting off making stuff for the daycare tonight. They have training tonight and I volunteered to bring snacks for all the ladies as my Christmas gift to them. I'm making Sweet and Sour meatballs and chicken salad and pecan bars. I need to start mixing the meatball mixture and get them in the oven. Then I need to get some presents wrapped, some laundry done, and some housekeeping done. I'm really behind....and Rose will be here tomorrow. Yikes! I'd better get off my hiney. Have a good day ladies. I'll probably be back tonight. Love you!!

Drive by post to let you know I'm alive. Had a great day yesterday. Shopping with a very good friend for an entire day. It was so good to catch up! Today was church kids program. Then home to nap. I'll give details tonight. Hugs ladies. you've been busy!

Good morning ladies. Crazy night last night. Last meeting of the sno-travelers dealing with the snowmobile raffle. Thank goodness. Every week KILLS me. Anyways, there was a big row over one of the decisions from last week...that was voted on and passed....and it just drives me crazy. Anyways, so we stayed longer than usual and I drank a few more drinks than I should have. sheesh. Today I'm taking Nick to therapy. I've thought about taking his appointment but he really does need it. So instead I will wait. Hopefully I will get some help from my PA on Tuesday. The snowmobile club did decide to give some money to buying presents for the foster kids of the area. I get to do that shopping today. I'm going to go pick up the list in a couple of hours and take it with us to Williston. Hopefully Nick enjoys that shopping. I'm excited about it. I LOVE shopping for disadvantaged kids. It just makes me feel good. I'm going to go with a dear friend from my last school shopping tomorrow. As long as I can find a sitter for the little ones while Jeff goes to a funeral. Okay...gotta run. Love you ladies.

Karla, I make up for my anxiety by worrying all the crazy worrying and over planning. You should see me before a conference. I go over every question, every possible faux pas, every whatever that could happen. I check everything a million times and then after, I worry everything that didn't go right a million times. I spend the night before any big thing thinking about all the horrible things that could go wrong. When I was going to have Nick I spent a 1/2 hour sobbing in the shower worrying that my doc would have a heart attack when I was open for my c-section. I spent the night before my Glendive BITL convinced I was going to have to go to the hospital for a ruptured spleen and no one would know and all my students would never forgive me. I'm telling you...I'm crazy when it comes to that kind of stuff. I worry myself sick. No wonder I am completely stuck the last 3 months. Okay....gotta go. I've had a few too many drinks. Night ladies!

Janet, Glad to hear it was nothing serious. And who doesn't need a power nap! I don't run either, remember. ISH! That's your other daughter. She's the crazy one If that is the facebook post, I meant a girlfriend road trip. Running meaning it's going to be a quick one. The social anxiety has always been there. It seems to be a lot more powerful when I'm struggling at home. I worry a lot about a lot of things. In July 08 I was feeling good about me. I was feeling good about my family. I was loved by you all. Now...not feeling good about me. not feeling good about my family....however I do know you all still love me. It's just that the other stuff has me more anxious. I'll talk to my PA about that on Tuesday. Later taters.

good afternoon ladies! Janet, I'll be waiting on pins and needles until I hear how your MRI goes. I'd never had one before my back problems. Everyone told me how awful they were, but I was probably on too many drugs for it to bother me. I actually kinda enjoyed it. The bang bang bang with the tweeting sound in the background was kinda soothing for some reason. Anyways....let us know! My grey's leg got scratched on something. She has 5 little pea size scrapes. I took her to the vet tech to make sure they were okay and get advice on whether they were worry marks or scratches. She said to keep em clean and if she starts to bother them to put a sock over them. Glad it wasn't more serious than that. Did find out that Chi does not like to be left alone. He howled from the time we walked out the door until we got back. They are called hounds for a reason....sheesh! Well Nick's "field trip" was just a walk across the campus to the ag building to see the rodents. It was fun though. Very unstressful. They had guinea pigs, rabbits, a hampster/rat (not sure which one because it didn't have a tail), and a couple of chinchillas. The kids LOVED it. It was kinda stinky to me. But it was fun. Now my next dilemna.....I haven't gotten my Chrismas shopping done. I wasn't going to buy anything for anyone. I was going to make donations to charities in their names. But then I found the "perfect" thing for Rose. And then for Jeff's dad. then a couple of things for my sister. Now I'm stuck. I have to go shopping for the rest....and the only day I can is Tomorrow afternoon-Saturday night. But jJeff can't go because he has a funeral to go to on Saturday. sheesh!!! So anyways....this goes to my social anxiety. I put it out there on facebook if anyone wants to take a girls run with me. How crazy is THAT! that is a big step for me. Now, the hard part comes when no one can go and I feel completely rejected. That's why I never do things like that. But my counselor says I have to put it out there even if it's a no go. So I did. Please let someone want to go! Well...better run. I have a few things to get done before 4. Hugs all. Love you.

good morning ladies! I made the call to the doc. He's out of town until after new years, but have an appointment on the 5th to ask him to adjust my depression meds. Thinking about calling my pa, even though she doesn't work there anymore to see what she suggests until then. Update....called the PA...she's going to be filling in on the 22nd and she will see me then. I think she's awesome!!! Okay...so I'm going on Nick's first field trip with him today. I'm so excited. But I've been very short tempered the last week or so, so I'm hoping I can hold it together. I'm sure it will be fun, but I do worry. I need to get a box in the mail for Michael today. A bunch of people have given me Christmas cards for him. I hope he likes them. Actually I just hope he thinks anything about them...let alone like. Gotta run. Jeff just called and said one of the greys was limping this morning. I didn't notice but I'll go check on her. Have a great day ladies. Love you!

Karla, Just had an idea...don't know if it will work with your situation, but it's an idea. ... Could you give your quilter friends and girls the ideas, and ask for them to do it for you for Christmas? You could go to town for the day and with 5 or 6 people working it would probably only take an afternoon. Sort of like that show that used to be on...where they would send the person away for the day and they would come home to a whole new house. If it's just moving stuff....it might work. Something to think about. I'd come help but have been spending all the time away from home in Billings instead of in Lincoln. Just an idea....

Karla, The staging sounds like a good idea, but some of their suggestions sound over the top. I agree with Janet, I wouldn't do anything until after Christmas. You have 9 days until Christmas. If people are looking at houses right now, they will understand the tree and other things. Blah Blah Blah. However, with Dad having been a realtor and Bill being one, I have a little different perspective at staging. It really does help. However, you don't have to take ALL the advice. Bits and pieces will be fine. I'm guessing the idea of the quilting room is that people are looking for second family rooms. Is there a way that you could combine the quilting room with the family room idea. For example, could you do some of the parts that take the bigger machines to stock up and then make it an old fashioned quilters room with displays of your quilts and a "stitching station" with your comfy chair and a nice light? I'm sure the idea of getting rid of the big cabinet is to make the room look bigger. If you don't have a better place to put it, ignore it. Spend the next 10 days designing and thinking about the ideas, and then, after Christmas, spend a few of your days off putting it in action. It's hard to do it, especially when we have so many things we love, but when selling, less IS more. how crazy. But if you take from now until Christmas thinking about the ideas, you might feel better about it. Remember, when we are told to change, our first instinct is resistance. Usually, after a few days of thought, we are al ittle more open. Love you hon. Remember, you have made this your home and it's hard to take advice on selling it. One, selling it isn't what you really want to do. Two, your personal feelings are in every piece of furniture and knick knack. Just take a deep breath and remember why you are doing this. And love yourself. You're wonderful!

Hi ladies. A new morning, a new day....hopefully a new attitude. Janet, you are right. I can't control what is going on, but I can control what is going IN!!! I changed my "regular" order at the coffee house to a skinny, SF. Step one. It is almost to 0 outside this morning. I told Jaimi that if it warmed up today we could try going outside to play in the snow this afternoon. Keeping fingers crossed. She really wants to go play...and the fresh air will do me good. A far cry from the -30 that it's been for the last 10 days. Thank goodness. It's supposed to be almost 20 tomorrow! How AWESOME is that. Here's the problem with my depression meds. My PA who perscribed them quit the clinic here. She did give me enough refills to last me quite awhile. The doc here doesn't believe in "all that depression crap." In his words, "there is no magic pill to make you feel better, you have to do it yourself." So I am sort of stuck. But, yes, I think they need adjusted. And no, I can't just go to someone else....remember....middle of nowhere. My therapist is not licensed to prescribe meds so she can't help. Michael's psych wants me to come to 2 appointments before she will do anything...and I just don't have that kind of time or money at this point. Between Michael's stuff and my weekly therapy....it's getting tight. Okay...so I'm working really hard on lots of things. Mostly my social anxiety. I have made big strides in that matter, I think. I had 20 people here for thanksgiving. I invited another kid and his parents to the movies with Nick and I. I went to a Christmas exchange party by myself. Those are HUGE things for me. .... so that is a positive. We've also been working on being less "my way" with the kids when it comes to doing things with the kids, like making beds and cookies and playing games. Just going with the flow with the kids is really hard for me. So we are doing better that way. But in all that, I lost the focus on my weight. That and still not being able to eat anything solid. I'm so frustrated at getting stuck. There is nothing wrong with the band. Just stress. I just can't seem to destress and stay that way. Each time I get myself to a point that I can eat, another disaster crops up. Mostly with Michael. But....I've gotta stop getting so stressed out about him, because it's really causing too much pain. Okay...going to go for a big. Time for Jai and I to snuggle in and watch a bit of tv together. Man she's a doll!!! If it wasn't for her, I'd be a super mess! Love you ladies. You're the best!

Okay ladies....I am HERE. I have too much to catch up on to even try. .... I guess that's the whole attitude that has me where I'm at. There's too much to even try. I am very overwhelmed with life and so I sit in my chair and don't do anything....except eat crap. I'm overgrowing my size 10's when a year ago I was wearing size 4. I'm hating life. I know I am in the middle of a horrible pity party and just DON"T care. How horrible is that? I guess that's why I've been MIA. Life is just over my head right now. Therapy on Tuesdays with Michael. Therapy with either Jeff or Nick on Fridays. It's tearing me up and I just can't cope. I need to go back to just me for awhile, but Nick really needs it and we as a couple/parents need it....and three days a week is just beyond me. I'm spending a lot of time sitting doing nothing because doing something seems to be too much. So that is me. That's where I've been. I love you all and know that you will all be picking me up, but know that everything you say I'll have said myself...it just isn't doing any good. Hugs ladies. i know I'm a downer. Sorry.

Alright Janet! I'm here, I'm here!!! I have not been avoiding you all. Absolutely not. But I can facebook because it is non-brain activity and when I come here I really tune in to each of you. I just haven't had the brain power to do that lately. Very busy around here. On Wed. I took the greys to the vet for their annual visit. Chi was having a problem a couple of weeks ago bleeding from his penis. It would drip for about 30 seconds and then stop. Happen about 4 times. The vet here said he had probably passed a stone and tore something. First the vet asked if I was sure it was coming from his penis and I looked at him like he was nuts...I guess there is more than just a penis there??? I don't know. I felt pretty silly. I said, "all I can tell you is THAT (pointing to it) was where the blood was dripping." Well, they didn't find anything after ultrasound and xrays, so he is fine. I have to take them both back in a few weeks for a dental visit. Other than that, they are great. Thursday I spent the whole day cleaning. I, unlike the rest of you, am NOT a cleaning lady. I absolutely hate it. I keep it alright, but not clean. I guess it's more cluttered than dirty. However, since my mom was coming up, I decided I needed to get rid of the clutter. So I stayed busy all day yesterday. Now Rose is here. Don't know what we are doing today. Hopefully something fun. Tomorrow we are popping kettle corn for a craft sale. We might freeze to death but it will be fun. I'm looking forward to it. Okay. Now, it's time to snuggle my girly and watch some cartoons before I hop in the shower and get ready for the day. Have a nice day ladies. I'll pop in a little later to chime in with all my comments back to you. Phyl and Janet, don't buy too many purses!!! love you ladies!

Hi ladies. I've been MIA but not lost. Just very busy. Thursday is always therapy day. Finished that with a very positive vibe. I really did feel like I've made big progress as far as family goes. She is a little worried about my social anxiety and said if I try some of the things that we talked about and am still struggling I may need to add an anti-anxiety med. I'm going to work really hard at not doing that. Karla, good for you taking the bull by the horns. Whether you like the answer or not, you did something about it. Taking charge make us feel very powerful. You are going to be just great! You're very strong, loving, and capable. You're going to get through this just right!!! Yesterday Jeff and I got busy and worked in the garages. Cleaned out his, really cleaned the dog's garage, and then did a bit in mine. At least found enough room to park the van. Now I'm defrosting the popcorn freezer. It's been 2 years and it's really got a lot of frost on its shelves. Jai and I sat int he chair this morning and watched a movie and I realized that it's nothing to feel guilty about, like I've been doing for the last couple of months. We are snuggling, talking, and sharing life. We are building a relationship we can live with for the rest of our lives. I LOVED it. and NO GUILT! Okay. I'd better run and check the freezer. I'll pop in tonight. Love you ladies!

Phyl!!! You ROCK!!!! I know you think it has been a super long time coming, but you have been slow and steady and you are winning the race!!!! Way to go lady! You are the best!

We are alright darling. Now that Michael isn't here for me to focus on and really take my energy, my marriage is more in the limelight. We'll be good.