Twilight

Good morning ladies. Hope you all had a good night. Last night we had our snowmobile meeting. While there we got news that a friend's husband had killed himself yesterday afternoon. Her little boy is one of Nick's best friends. She is the dearest woman. I'm heartbroke for her. I called and offered to take her little boy but things were dealt with at that point. She is lucky to have a really good network of friends, but I'm heartbroken for her. I didn't sleep last night because I couldn't turn my head off. I remember when I wasn't on my depression meds. I remember the feeling that suicide was the way out. Everyone last night was saying, "How could anything be that bad?" and "You would think we would have seen something." and "Why didn't he just come talk to me." I just wanted to scream that they didn't get it, but no one knows about my battle with depression and unless they go through it, they can't understand. But it took me back to a very ugly place. So hurting. I'm not there anymore but I do remember the feeling. So...sorry about bringing anyone down, but wanted to explain my heartache. Working today, will be in every now and again. Talk to you later ladies. Love you! I hpe you all know how special you are to me.

Hi ladies. I'm not going to get into my world tonight.....not in the mood. Will discuss it tomorrow. Anytime in July will be fine. I will make it happen. I will most likely drive and have my expedition so we might not have to rent a van. Just a thought. I WILL be there this year. Promise. Yes, Candice, I am completely unfilled. No slip, no erosion. Remember, I had the upper GI and the scope done and there is NOTHING wrong with my band. They can't tell me why I can't eat anything solid. Stress is all they can come up with. Some days it isn't a problem, others it is. It is very frustrating, let me tell you. There was something else I was going to share, but....who knows. My mind is running in other directions tonight. Love you ladies. Know that!

Karri, I forgot that I wanted to talk to you..... I know what you mean when you say "I am my job." I agree with Janet, though. You need to strike that middle ground. I understand that feeling because NOT teaching has been a big blow to my identity. It's like I don't know who I am when I'm not a teacher. It is so hard. I just hope that you don't disappear for too long. I know it is crazy busy for you right now and you need to focus on school. Please come back soon though.... And what you are saying isn't negative, it's life. We understand. I do. We are your sounding board. Share anything you want. I miss you so much when you aren't here, so please don't stay away like before. You mean so much to me.

Good morning ladies. Slept well last night. Headache started about 9pm, took some tylenol pm and went to bed. It worked. I feel much better today. I have a job teaching a PIR day on Monday at one of the schools in the area (okay....100 miles from here). I'm pretty excited about that. Then on Tuesday I go to a training so I can do school science training in the area. I'm pretty excited about both of those. Today I need to finalize all my plans for Monday's training. I have ideas for about 12 hours but only have 5 hours of time with the teachers so I need to decide what exactly I want to do. Janet, when I called Karla's doc in TJ earlier for a price, a sleeve was something like $6300. There are a bunch of reasons I am more comfortable with dr. A. I think he is THE sleeve doc in Mexico. A revision would be $12,500 with him so that's why I just don't see it happening. Jeff says he will do some figuring and see if we can find that money. He agrees that it would be best for me to revise, just don't know if we can swing it. Alright, I have a lot of stuff to do today getting ready for my training. I'll talk to you all later. Love you ladies!

Jeff is in Williston with his dad. Spending the night because his dad has a colonoscopy in the morning. If I don't sleep tonight at least I will get to toss and turn in my own bed. We called Dr Aceves in Mexicali. That's Wasa's dr. Everything I read on the sleeve done in Mexico was on him. He really is the sleeve doc in Mexico. His stats are great. His protocol seems to be the most comprehensive. Yes, I am seriously thinking of revising. I am still completely unfilled and still not able to eat solid food. Tonight I made ribs in my pressure cooker. The meat was fall apart. You barely could pick it up with the fork...Chew Chew Chew....and freaking STUCK! Just not right. We would have to come up with another $10k to revise though and it just isn't there. Jeff may figure out a way but I don't know. I just know I'm so tired of not being able to eat anything. Nothing solid. It SUCKS! Rose finished her quilt tonight...all but the quilting. It's beautiful. I'll show pics tomorrow. I've gotta go. Have another headache. Going to take some tylenol pm and hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. Have a good night ladies. Love you all!

Well...he made the call. He will fill out the paperwork and we will see how long it will take to get a date. He's serious. He's all over it. Talked a little bit about having a revision but the money just isn't there. Would be nice. I'm not going to push it though. Him doing it is good enough for me. Mexicalli is a lot more than TJ but I think the Dr. is better. Okay...off again. Talk to you later.

Good morning ladies. Nothing new here. I didn't sleep well last night. AGAIN. It's drivng me crazy. I guess I'm going to have to look into sleeping meds. I just don't understand what's happening. I'm exhausted all day....until about 8pm and then I'm wide awake. Nothing is really working it seems. Family therapy with Michael today went pretty well. We talked about being socially awkward and how it is really hard when you are an adult. Came up with some ideas on how to practice "small talk." I'm horrible at small talk. I tend to sit back and just nod. So I'm no help. I don't know what I'm going to do today. Just not motivated. headache seems to be coming back and tired since I didn't sleep. Don't want to nap because then I won't sleep AGAIN tonight. I'm just really frustrated. I know how Karri felt. So Glad you aren't dealing with that anymore. Okay. I'd better get going to do something. Jeff and I have a date to call Mexico today when he comes home from lunch. HIS idea. So we will see where it goes from there. I'll let you know how it turns out. Hugs sladies. Love you all!

Oh mty Gosh!!! I can't believe the unproductive day I've had. Mom called me down to look at her quilt at about 10....neither of us liked the backing that we picked out so went to the barber shop to look for another. didn't like any. Mentioned that I hadn't picked anything for Michael's quilt. Decided to go to williston! Left at noon, returned at 4pm. Washed fabric and just ironed it. good lord I'm bad! but it was fun. I picked out a bunch of red, black, and white, for Michael's. It's going to be psychadelic if anything ever is....but I'm excited about it. It could be ugly, but oh welll....we will see. Okay. Better get something accomplished. Should go cut out squares or something, but don't know. Why ruin a perfectly worthless day by doing something. Later taters. Love you all!

Good morning ladies! Phyl, I want to parrot everyone else about your pics. They are AMAZING! You look like you lost so much more! Your face is so gorgeous! You're positively beautiful! You look so very happy! Glad the earthquake wasn't too big. Never been in one, so I'm sure even a 4 would freak me out! Gave me shivers just thinking about it. Karla, you might think seriously about the refi. I'm sure in 7 years the economy will have recovered and the housing market will be back up. You'll get a much better price then. If it will reduce your payment for that long, you'll be in a much better place. Besides the fact that you will have your masters, be over a lane or 2, and down 7....if your district is like most that gives you 9 steps at an average of $500 each, you'll be makeing $4500 more a year. That will cover the payment when it goes up if you still want your house. Just a thought. AND if you can do more than just interest you'll be even further ahead. Keep it in mind. Another positive would be that you won't have to stress about showings while you're doing your masters. Don't make any decisions on a snap. Put it out to the universe and see what happens. Thanks everyone about my quilts. I fought yesterday with the fact that i didn't buy enough to expand Nick's. Trying to find a 3rd fabric at the barber shop was a nightmare and once I finally did, trying to figure out how to rearrange it with the limited number of squares I have, I about drove myself crazy. I might put it off until I can get back to Billings and pick more of the other up. Haven't decided. Candice, before I do a log cabin I'm going to do a square one for Michael. Didn't find a good fabric for him. I'll look again in Billings. Yesterday was not a good food day. Dinner with the family because of Jai's birthday. Then cupcakes. I only had one, but those are HORRIBLE cal wise. Just not good all day. grrr. Back to focus today but will have to sugar detox again. grrr. Okay. I'd better get something done. See you later ladies. Love you all!

Hi there ladies. Not much to report today. Jai's birthday. I can't believe she is 3. Absolutely crazy. I want to be sewing but am cleaning instead. Birthday party tonight. Almost done so I can go finish piecing Nick's. Found a material to add to Jai's so could get her front finished this evening. Found 2 different materials that I like to add to Nick's so washing and will cut the squares and see which I like better. Needed to take a break and check in. Need to go do something for lunch. Not sure what I'm going to have. Try to find something yummy. Talk to you tonight. Love you!

Whew! Whatta day. Jeff is home. He rode 120miles. YIKES Glad I didn't go. the quilt squares for Nick's don't make it big enough so I went through my closet and found some scraps that I had. Washed, dried, ironed, and cut a bunch of 6 inch squares. I worked for about an hour to see if I could make it better. I'm pretty sure I have the patter like I want it but now I need one more fabric...so tomorrow will go to the barber shop and see what she has. Hopefully will find something that coordinates. Mom is still working on hers. I'll post pics of hers when she gets the top done. It's going to be GORGEOUS. Her eye is amazing. I don't have that eye for colors. But...I love what I did today and I'm not complaining. Pics to follow soon. So I'm going to sit and do not much. Have a great night. Love you all!

Let's see if these post. 1st 2 are of Jai's, 2nd 2 of Nick's. I think it worked...let's see.

Quick check in. Jeff's still gone but I hope he's in town, just sittin somewhere. It's dark and I hate it when he rides after dark. Got Jaimison's quilt front done. Or rather, mostly done. I think it's too small so I'm going to the fabric store tomorrow to see if I can find anything to coordinate with it to border it. I bought the fabric in Billings so I'm a little screwed if I can't. Cut Nick's out and will stitch it tonight. Mom has hers cut and will sew next. Then I can pin and stitch. His is going to be the same problem, but I think I can find another batik to make an outside border work. We will see. I may buy two more and do more of a random type like on this page: 90 Minute Quilts - Introduction My camera is frozen so I'll post pics when it thaws out. I'm so excited. Jai's turned out better than I thought and Nick's is going to be really cool. okay...now I have to put the tenderloin in the pressure cooker. Will check in later with pics...but probably post on FB because I can't seem to post them here for some reason. Later ladies.

Hi ladies. No church this morning. Nick through a hissy fit again so he is in his room for the time being. At least until this afternoon. Jeff is snowmobiling. It was a 100 mile trip and I thought that might be too much for me for the first ride of the season. Maybe in a month, but shorter for now would be better. Maybe one afternoon this week we will go. So today Rose and I are going to attempt our 90-minute quilt projects. Read the directions and they just sound funked up! Not sure we're going to follow it to the letter. We will see. It might be a good idea. Just don't know. Here's the link to the one I am attempting: 90 Minute Quilts - Introduction That's for Jai. I bought a rainbow type fabric with black stripes in between...really cute...with polka dots in the rainbow stripes. Nick's is going to just be a checkerboard of 2 fabrics. He loves jungle stuff so I bought a jungle looking pattern and then a batik. We'll have to see how they turn out. Wish me luck. I'm sure they won't take 90 minutes, but maybe we can get them done by next Sunday. Food is better so far today. Kashi for breakfast, not sure what I'll do for lunch but bought some good stuff at the store on Friday so it should be better. Bought some turkey tenderloins so think I'll put one in the pressure cooker for dinner. Jeff probably won't be home so don't have to worry about him. Kids never eat what I cook so I don't have to cater to them....I get to pick!!! Candice, I'll go to Mexico with you. Just let me know... Karla, your day from hell has to be better today. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Good luck on the food today. Keep an eye on it. I find if I nibble, I can nibble for hours, but if I sit and eat solid, I'm full for awhile. Bad habits. I haven't thought about Car in awhile! I hope she is doing good. Candice, will you email her and tell her we miss her? She was such a hoot. I remember thinking I could do the Denver 3-day and meet her. Maybe next time. No news on Jeff's surgery. We'll see if he follows through. Not holding my breath but he did bring it up on Thursday without me saying anything....so maybe he is serious. Okay...that was a seriously random post so it must be time to get down to work. Hugs ladies. Have a great day!! Love you all!

Hi ladies. Quick late night check in. i agree....I like the twitter updates Keep it up Janet. Long day. Went to Williston with Jeff but he had a ton of stuff to do before we went so sat and waited for him forEVER! grrr. i so hate that. Then tonight went to dinner at the neighbors. Managed to eat about 4-6 oz of prime and a dinner salad. Had kashi for breakfast, but in between was not good. GRRRR okay...off to bed. Talk to you tomorrow. Love you ladies.

Quck check in. food yesterday.... 1/2 cup life cereal 1/2 cup milk Applebees french onion soup and 1 of their new chicken wontons Dinner mcd's cheeseburger, sm fry Out with mom and Jeff....4 drinks, but no cocoa! Malibu rum/diet coke No idea on cals. Today, Jeff and I are going to Williston to pick up his truck and Jai's birthday cake. Will not have the McD's since it's just me and Jeff. ..... will be a much better day. Tonight having dinner with friends, prime rib dinner. Don't know what i'll be able to eat since me and steak don't do well anymore, but we'll see. Okay. A million things to do. I'll check back in later tonight hopefully. Have a great Saturday. Love you!

Hi ladies. Glad to see you all had a good day. Food for today, bf, oatmeal (1/2 a serving of sf instant), lunch, 1 fried egg, 1/2 piece of toast, 2 link sausage, dinner tuna fillet, about 4 bites of hashbrowns. dinner out and -25 so had 2 alpines...yes, horrible, but freezing so it was sooooo good. But....I DID drink over 48 ounces of water today. That's not happened in a LONG time. I'm getting there. I have a long ways to go to get on track but Im stepping in that direction. Going to town tomorrow so will pick up some sf puddings, sf jello, and yogurt. Crazy here, it's $1 a cup. I just can't do it. Plus some veggies and fruit. I'm ready to get back on track.I'm on it! Didn't sleep well last night. I'm going to take something tonight because I'm miserable when I'm not sleeping. I don't know how you do it Karri. I'd have gone bonkers by now. I feel for you. Talk to you later ladies. have a great night.

Now THAT sounds like a positive step for you! You are so good at being proactive when you're in crisis. Wooohooo for you! Happy dancing for you. Hope you get some sleep today. Docs know better than all of us armchair diagnosticians. Love you!

Good morning ladies. Hugs to each of you! Karri, I hurt for you! I know how much you hate where you are and how trapped you feel and that's got to add stress to your already stressed out body and mind. I wish I had good advise to give that would take you to a better place, but I know you've tried it all. I have taken to listening to guided imagery to help me relax, feel better, and sleep. You can look it up on youtube, but I ordered a bunch of cd's. If you try it and like it, I'd burn you a copy of all my cds so you could have them. Even Nick listens to the kiddo ones before bed. Let me know if you want some. In the meantime, know that I'm thinking of you. I'd exercise for you, but it wouldn't do you any good...so....won't! Love you! Come here and rant all you want! We are here for you! Phyl, I hope your dinner went better Candice, are you in the deep freeze? Karla, how's the ice over there? Be careful out there. We don't want you falling down and hurting anything. Janet, it was 30 below here this morning...I was willing my body to your spare room. This is the weather I absolutely HATE!! Other than that I love winter out here, but when I can't even breath out there, I HATE HATE HATE it. Kids were much better this morning. Both are gone. Epiphany was yesterday so I have no good reason to put off taking down Christmas. It will give me a good reason to get out of my chair today. My SIL left for Minneapolis today and I have to go pick up her dog to dog sit for the next week. I'm a little worried how the greys are going to take to him, but by tomorrow it will all be fine I'm sure. Okay...I'm off. Talk to you later ladies. Have a great day and when you start hating your weather, think of me up here in the frozen tundra. Love you!

Can someone remind me who the really GREAT doc in Mexico is? I need to research for Jeff.

Do you ever wonder where the gremlins in cyber space came from? They just ate my post. GRRRR Okay. Today has been crazy so far. I just don't know what's happening. It isn't a full moon! Nick got up this morning on the WRONG side of the bed. He didn't want to get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, NOTHING. I had to dress him like a baby. I put his coat on him and took him to school. I had to push him through the doors and down the hall. It was crazy. I told the teacher if his attitude didn't change to call but that I thought it was just a "mad at mom" attitude. An hour later the principal called and said he had been in his office and it wasn't getting better. I went and got him and brought him home. Straight to the bedroom. Listened to a couple of relaxation exercises and then left him to his own devices. He was going to spend the whole day down there. He called me down after about 20 minutes and asked me why I wanted him to be bored. I told him that I WANTED him at school but HE was choosing to be bored instead. After about 30 mins he came up and said he was ready for school. I took him back. We'll see. I told teacher if his attitude melted again to call. So,that's been my morning. I did add pics to my family album. You can all see my darling hubby! I look at me in those pics and I REALLY have to get back on program! Wow...that woman is HOT! Okay. Off for a bit. Talk to you all later. Love you ladies!

Good morning ladies. I trust that everyone is having a wonderful day!!! Fake it til you make it! That's my thought of the day! Phyl, I'm sure your beading is wonderful. I wish I had the patience to do something like that. It really sounds fun and looks so nice. I just wouldn't have the concentration. Candice, your puppy sounds so sweet...NOT! My shitzus have been driving me nuts leaving me presents in the house lately too. I know it's because of the snow, but having a reason doesn't help my temper. I told them last night if they didn't shape up I was shipping em to Asia! Never would, but frustrated! It will get better. I know it will. Denise, I agree with Janet. Beautiful family and I LOVE the avatar. Karla, I really worry about you and this masters program. I know it is something you want, but is this the time in your life to do it? Just another stressor that you really don't need right now. Love you though. I know you know that. I'm pulling for you. Karri, sounds like a HORRIBLE night. I'm sure you are BEYOND exhausted. Even when you were sleeping, obviously your brain was in overdrive. Call your doc and get something better. You need the rest to heal. And take the 1/2 days as rest time....not kill yourself time. Janet, I'll try to attach a pic of Jeff here. A full body shot. If you watched the Biggest Loser last night, Jeff looks a LOT like the twins. He is built almost exactly like them. When they walked to the scale it could have been Jeff from the back. He holds all his weight in his belly and legs. If I can't attach here (the last couple of times I couldn't) I will put it on facebook. Okay...gotta run for a bit. I will tell you about my world in my next post. It's been a crazy morning. No pic. Find it on facebook.

New family pics on facebook...but don't tell Rose I put her on there...she'll hack me and take it off :thumbup:

Good morning ladies. Jeff at work, Nick at school, Jai at daycare, and Rose at the library. I have the house to myself and decided it would be a really good time to catch up with you all. You all are so amazing! So determined. Long post coming up....you don't have to read all the gory details if you don't want :smile2: But...I want to share. Friday night we picked up Michael and went to dinner. He was like a completely different kid. Full of life and laughter, playing with the kids, smiling. Took him back to the ranch and picked him up in the morning both Saturday and Sunday. Saturday Jeff took him and Nick to Avatar and then we spent the afternoon getting family pics taken. Will have them on facebook sometime today. Sat night we all went out to the ranch and played games at the rec center for an hour or so. Sunday we went to chapel with him and then spent the day just hanging out. By Sunday night the old Michael was starting to shine through. I think the stress of the little kids was getting to him. By the time we took him back to the ranch he was really irratated with Nick and couldn't wait to be rid of him again. All in all it was good, but ywe could tell that he wasn't ready to come home. He has a long ways to go. Therapy yesterday Jeff and I talked to his therapist alone for awhile and shared our observations of the weekend. We also talked about what the plans were for Michael when he left the ranch. We talked about options besides coming home. She's going to look into one of the challenge programs in the state and try to get Michael on board for one of those. She said that if we have a plan like that in place, the insurance may give us a little leaway on how quickly they insist he be released. She is guessing that in a month or so they are going to be pushing for him to be released. So....we'll see. I'm turning it to the Secret and leaving my desire to the universe. Its snowing here today. We got home just in time I guess. I'm not sure what the accumulation is going to be, but probably 3-5 inches, looking to how it's coming down. Nice day to kick back and do nothing, but I have laundry and cleaning to do. Mom wants to take down the Christmas decorations but I told her not before Epiphany so probably stay up until Thursday when Jai is at daycare again. When we were in Billings Mom decided that she wanted to try a quilt so we bought a book called 90 minute quilt projects. Figured we could get one of those done in 2 weeks if we work really hard. We each bought some material. I bought enough to do one for Nick and one for Jai. She bought enough to do 5 I think...but they would all be the same :thumbdown: We'll see how ambitious we get :glare: I guess that's all my news. I'm going to get some kashi for breakfast and then get a move on. Have a nice day ladies! Love you all!!

Hi ladies. I'm back from Billings. Got to spend 2 days and 3 evenings with Michael. Oh the wonder of it! I see you all have been busy chatting while I was gone, so I'm probably not going to get caught up again. I didn't even take a computer with me. Didn't even check email at the hotel. I was completely screenless for 4 days! Wow! I had a fantastic time and will give details tomorrow. I just wanted you all to know that I was back.... And on the way home Jeff asked when we are going to Mexico! I told him to make the call and make the appointment. Mom said she would come watch the kids. Jeff said, "Yeah, but you have to do the 2 week thing, right?" I think he wanted to leave TOMORROW! How exciting is that. He's still waffling between Sleeve and Band...but I think he is ready. Something happened this weekend that put it in his mind. I don't know what it was, but I'm glad it happened. I'll let you know if he continues on that line or if he changes his mind again. Okay...now....bed. Night ladies. Love you all!