Twilight

When you set it up what did you say your goal was? Mine says I want to lose 2 lbs per week with a lightly active lifestyle. When I was reading it seemed to be the most accurate lifestyle as far as calorie intake. So with that lifestyle and weight loss goal it gives me 960 cals per day. That is net so if I go walking I get a few more than that. When putting in the exercise I have found to use the middle number. There are 4 or 5 walking 3mph with different number. I use the middle one. It works for me. I have 450 cals left for the day. That's with oatmeal for breakfast, a couple proticcinos, and a fiber one bar. I'm having chili for dinner. That will give me a good protein intake for the day, enough water, and keep me under cals for the day.

Confession is good for the soul!!! At least that's what they tell me. I'm doing alright today so far. I am going to go next and log my food so far. Probably not enough for being almost 2 but we'll see where I'm sitting. This is why I really love dailyplate. It gives me a calorie limit and everytime I log something it subtracts it and tells me what I have left to spend. And if it's really bad, I can log my exercise and balance that in too. It really does help when I do it. And it gives me the % of my total protein goal that I've had so I can keep track of that. I'm not really an Atkins girl but know that the carbs cause the cravings so I try to steer clearer from them. I don't avoid them completely but try to limit them. The big numbers I keep track of on dailyplate are cals, protein, and fiber. The others are incidental. I'm going to go get a bottle of water because I've shot that today. Suggestion from me, ruby, would be to log what you've done so far and see where you are sitting. Don't kick yourself about the cheesecake, just budget it in. We can do this together. I'm with you!

Teach, My PA has said since 4 months to only come in on the months that I need something. Otherwise she will see me again in December. I've been back all but 2 months so far. I probably won't go back in Sept. We'll see about Oct. I'm a little tighter right now than I want to stay but I'm still learning. When I follow the rules it works and when I don't I get a great big God Smack!! I think it is all a matter of clinic choice. And I haven't seen my surgeon since surgery. They say I talked to him right before surgery but I don't remember it. The only time I remember talking to him was at my pre-op appointment 3 weeks before surgery. I'd call the clinic if you're satisfied with where you are and see if they really need to see you. Ask them when and why. Hope that helps

Oh Ruby!!!! I'm right there with you babe! Every one I see tells me how wonderful I look. People who are complete strangers to me come up and tell me I'm doing awesome and they are really impressed. EVERYONE is looking at me! You may think that sounds paranoid but in this small town where my husband does work for 50% of these families and knows at least another 25%, honestly everyone knows who I am....though I don't know them....and they all are talking about me. So the pressure is on. I HAVE to do this. I have to get it all done. I can't mess up. I have this image. People I don't know are telling me how I've inspired someone else I don't know to get in shape. WTF???? What if I screw this up? Why are all these people looking at me? Why do they care if I don't even know them? ARGHHH So I have put a ton of pressure on myself. My image is important to me. Probably more important than it should be. When Michael messes up at school one of my first thoughts is "I'm a teacher, what are they going to think of me." or "I want a job in this school and his messes are going to make them think I'm not good enough." When my kids act out in public I'm always thinking that people are talking about what an awful parent I am with these three little monsters. Whenever I had to give a presentation I was consumed by everything being perfect because if I screwed something up all these people would think I was some sort of fraud. How people are going to see me is so important to me. I don't want anyone talking bad about me. I guess it's vanity and paranoia. I shouldn't be so concerned about my image. But it's who I am...It's what drives me. Go figure. We need to get to the bottom of these head issues. Until we do nothing is ever going to be good enough for us. I know a lot is insecurity. We are used to failure. We are good at it when it comes to our weight. We sabotage our success. You and I are alike in a lot of ways Ruby. But we can beat this. We just have to keep talking about it. We have to admit to others that we are struggling (so so so hard for me) and that we have issues. Very hard when others on here have had such awesome success (like Janet and Karri) but we have to remember that their success was hard won. It didn't come without turmoil and they are here to SUPPORT us. They do love us and want us to succeed. Together let's work on this starting today. No more excuses. We will both log our food, here and somewhere else. We will log our fluids. We will log our successes and our failures. We will be brutally honest. and together the fear will be lessened. What do you say?

Super job Katiebug!!! That is amazing. You are doing such a great job. How awesome must you feel!

Janet, I have these proticinno drinks...thinner than shakes that have 15 g protein and only 80 cals. I am going to make sure I get one of those each morning. I'm going to see what they are like mixed with coffee instead of water in a little bit....might work. I am tight to some things. The problem is that I don't seem to be able to figure that out until after I eat it....even if I was tight to it yesterday I try to eat it today. Go figure. Today is just me and little girl though so I have time to get some good planning done. I don't know why I thought I was finished planning because I was home. I don't know. I think I am actually at a good fill level. Full after just a few bites. I just have to get my head in the right spot. I've also been trying to eat what is in the cupboards instead of shopping for new stuff but a lot is pre band stuff. Okay....I'm off to get something acccomplished. Thanks for the advice Janet. I'm going to concentrate on protein and water today. I'll update as the day goes by

GRRRR cyber space just ate my reply!!! Let's try this again. I know you are both right. I need way more protein and way less carbs. I need to focus on good food and can't seem to stomach it. I'm getting panicky on my logging. Okay....first things first. I have not been logging lately. Today I told myself that I was going to log and get back on track. But as my calories went down I started panicking. When it came to 500 and it was only noon I suddenly didn't know what I was going to do. That was way too high with the amount of food that I ate. I didn't have anywhere near the protein I needed, I was wanting to eat but didn't want to spend the calories because I had dinner left and then the evening when I am always weak. It wasn't a Karri panic attack but it was sitting there in the back of my mind all afternoon. Then we were invited out to in laws for dinner and she said she was making waffles and sausages and bacon. I didn't know what to do. I was hungry. I had cals to spend so I ate. I knew it wasn't good for me to eat that crap and that I needed better budget food. Then I don't know what to log for dinner. I know it didn't all come up so I need to log something but how much and I can't eat anything more because I don't know how many cals I have left because I can't count dinners. Finally I gave in and ate a 100 cal popcorn bag. Now I'm miserable again. I know...carbs...but I needed substance and I couldn't handle hard protein. Should have had a shake but that wasn't a thought until after the pain started and now I don't dare. Tomorrow I'm cleaning out the fridge. All the shit food is going away. I'm going to the store and stocking up on lunch meat and cheeses. I'm going to sit down with cookbooks and try to figure out something that I can eat that my family will eat too. I tried to feed them good stuff but they don't eat it and then I feel like crap because they don't like my cooking. But tomorrow I'm going to start fresh. Since MofA I've been out of that loop. Time to crawl back into the saddle. I wish I didn't live in the middle of nowhere. I wish I was a better cook. I wish I hadn't conditioned my family to eat crap food. grrrrr. It's late and I hurt and that's probably why this sounds so harsh. Really I don't hate myself as this sounds. I just need to buckle back down. Thanks to the food cops. You guys are the best. I will work on it. When I look at my world through your eyes I see how skewed my food has become. I promise. I'll start fresh tomorrow. Now...off to bed and pray that the rest of this popcorn flows through soon. Don't worry ladies. I'm still a dedicated bandster! But maybe a little crazy. But just a LITTLE!!! I was thinking it was lost with those 75 pounds but I guess now I have to admit that the crazy stuck to my thighs. Night.

Hi all. Focussed really hard on getting my liquid in today. I have been craving food. Nothing in particular. Just eating. I want to eat all the time. I want to crunch and chew and taste. Gum hasn't helped. I think it was a little better today since I kept a full water bottle by my side all day. I just can't seem to tell that little sucker on my shoulder to take a hike! Very frustrating. And now dh brings chips in. grrrr. My willpower is nil. So here is my food for today. tried some kashi this morning. Got about 1/4 cup down. Then tried to take my meds....bad order but everything stayed down. Lunch I had about 1/2 cup of salad and 1/4 cup of Wisconsin cheese soup. Had a fiber one bar as snack and a couple nibbles of baby doll's muffin. Dinner I tried half a waffle and a couple pieces of bacon. Most of dinner came back though. Working on my last bottle of water now. More than I need but I am trying to get rehydrated. Tomorrow is a day with just me and my little girl. Eldest's first day of school and middle quack is out at his grandparent's for a couple of nights. I'm so excited to have some one on one time with her. I don't know what we'll do. If she was another couple years older we could do something girly...but I'll figure something out. Maybe I can interest her in cooking something with me or something. Well....I'm off for a bit. See you later ladies.

Oh Fanny! I'm sure it was horrible painful. I didn't mean to imply that it wasn't. Just wanted to say that you are so much better. Take is as awesome that you are now thought of as too good for someone instead of not good enough. That is amazing!!!! A third NSV in 2 days!!!! Chin up....you're a MERRY LOSER!!!

Now don't you DARE!!!! You have a whole new world opening to you. You are hot, sexy, passionate, intelligent??? You ARE the whole package and you shouldn't be hurt at all by someone too insecure with themselves telling you that you are too good for them. You are through with settling and you will be finding that PERFECT man soon. Enjoy the new you and let the new look drive you higher and higher until you are truly happy. Don't let him burst your bubble. You are doing great for you and you deserve someone who feels about themselves as great as you do about yourself. You are never going to have to settle again!! Smile. You are WONDERFUL!!!

Good morning ladies! Hope all is going well. Janet, I see you're up early on your first vacation day! Sleep in silly! That's what I dream of anymore. My darlings are up at 6 every morning and I just dream of sleeping in without being woke up. Some days my eldest gets up with them, but they are still screaming. One day I will sleep in. So Janet, sleep in one day for me. Kari, Why do I always forget about that "God Smack". I LOVE IT! I've gotta get it in my every day conversation. Glad you had a great time at the birthday party and the boardwalk. As far as what I was going to say yesterday, I was saying that I am NOT crazy! I am on meds for that! I am normal now. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. The young ones are gone to daycare today....my eldest is off to spend his last day of freedom. I worked really really hard yesterday to get everything cleaned so that today I can curl up with a nice book. I'm going to enjoy it so much. I'll check in later. Have a great day ladies!!!

Some of those things are "sugar free" but have sugar alcohol in them which give my stomach the what for. The cals are about equal, sugar or no so I say have the real stuff in moderation. I wish sweets didn't like me. They've been calling to me all day long....actually all weekend long. I gave in to temptation a bit yesterday and had a bit too much berry cobbler, but it was better than the chocolates that I was really wanting. At least I had made the cobbler with kashi and whole oats so it was a little good for me. Today I threw out all the rest of it. Now if that didn't kill me!!! I made it for church potluck and was glad I did because it was one of only 2 desserts but still had some left over. I tried to post earlier but then connection went down. I'll have to go re read and repost after I recall what else I said. I'll cbl, have a nice night ladies.

I wanted to share this awesome news with all my month mates! I posted these pics elsewhere but wanted to share them here for you all. The changes have been amazing and I can't say I've made any better decision ever besides to marry my husband. This is awfully comparable though.

Thanks you guys. You're all so inspirational to me. I can't even explain how much you all mean to me. Thanks for everything.

Good morning ladies!! Checking in a little late for me this Saturday. How has everyone been doing this week with their liquids? Yesterday was good but only because we had cocktails. And yes, I had a few too many. I think it was the first day in a while that I came anywhere close to my liquid quota. But so far today I'm up to 48 oz. Just a tad dehydrated. I hope Phyl is having a great time on her family trip. Janet, how's Andrew doing? I'm suspecting a little worse for wear. Still keeping my fingers crossed for the consults. Karri, how was the run? I'm sure it was wonderful to have clearance to go out and run to your heart's content. I was awake....wide awake....at 4am this morning. Should have gotten up and did something but instead tossed and turned until 6 and then slept a bit until 7. Now I'm really tired. I may need a nap today. Well, I'm going to go do something....even if it's wrong. I'll talk to all later.

Oh gosh! Janet!! My prayers are with you and your dear Andrew. I'm so glad it wasn't worse. I will keep you in my thoughts all day today. Karri, I can't wait to hear how your appointment goes. I hope you don't have to go through too much turmoil with withdrawls. I can only imagine the frustration. Dionna, this is an amazing group and I can tell you that I would not be anywhere near as successful without them. They keep me accountable. They keep me sane. They are part of my family. I am closer to these wonderful ladies than any woman here in my town. We share amazing hurts and troubles as well as super highs and successes. I think the fact that we have all been so successful since banding has come from the fact we have such a strong support network. All of us have such different stories but have all found great support here. As 1 year approached for the ladies here they all fought very hard to get to their one year goal. For some that was being at goal weight, for others it was to get to some other significant milestone. For one amazing July bandster it was running a half marathon. They all fought hard and I think they all felt amazing success on their bandiversary. I think one year is a great time to really look at what you wanted to begin with, what you still want to accomplish and to celebrate all the successes you have had in the last year. I see it more of a New Year's celebration. The new year, the new me. I won't celebrate mine for another 3 months but I can't wait to see the butterfly that emerges. The butterfly in my ticker represents all that to me. Good luck to you and welcome to our thread. It's an amazing place to be. Okay....off to play with the kids. It's cold and rainy today and I really just want to cuddle up with a good book. I wish my baby andd 4 year old felt the same. <sigh> I'll check in again ladies. Have a great day!!!

Here are the instructions on how I do pictures. I open my picture using any editing program and crop it to whatever size I want it. If it is a high resolution pic I then have to "shrink" it by resizing it to a size that will post here. It has to be under 1 mb to post here. Don't resize it too small though because it's easy to go down and hard to go back up. Once it is the size I want it I save it to my desktop so it is easy to find. I open a new message or reply, not a quick reply, and use the paper clip to attach each one. Sometimes I have to do a little more fiddling because I have made them too big still. I don't use an online program to post my pics to. I just upload from my computer. Once they are uploaded I can do whatever I want with MY pics on MY machine. If they are on photobucket or something then if you move them the link doesn't work any longer. I hope that makes sense. I also like the thumbnails because I don't have to shrink them a really tiny size.

15 pounds will give me a 5 pound buffer between me and overweight. I think I will be happy there. I'm happy with my size right now. If I were to stop here I would be okay with it. Not happy but okay. I want to be "healthy" weight though. That means a lot to me. I want to say I'm healthy. I want to go to the doc and have them not say "You could use to lose a few pounds." 25 will be the most I lose. I couldn't lose more than that and feel good about myself. At least that's what I say now. I still want to have a bit of my chest left....and it's going left and right. But thanks for the complements. I do appreciate them.

I reached 75 pounds lost today! Beyond amazing. I really didn't think I was going to get here last December. I KNEW this would be just one more failure. Now I have no doubt that the last 15 will be gone before my year is up.

Today I officially made it to 75 pounds lost! I'm so excited. I can't tell you all what the last 9 months have meant to me. I have changed so much. This has been an amazing journey. Here are my before and after pics....but after 15 more pounds I'll post the REAL afters.

Oh Karri!!!! That just is awful! I wish I could just wrap you up and make you feel all better. You make my heart hurt. Why you should have to go through all of that after all you've already gone through. GRRRRRRR Sometimes life is just way too unfair. I'm sure it was relieving to hear that it isn't all in your head. That there is a physical reason why this is happening. When you said, next would be alcohol I thought, of course it would be....it's the sugars! I hadn't even thought of it. I have no doubt that it is true hunger that you are feeling and that the only thing feeding it is sugars. I knew it wasn't cravings, I just thought that maybe those two things might be workable with your intake. As for the spoonfuls of sugar, I actually chuckled a bit. When I was a kid we had a tupperware sugar dish with this little spout on it. I would pour my mouth full of it and let it dissolve. It was my little "sneak". I still remember the feeling. I'm sure you didn't feel the high that I did then and instead felt like a junkie who had just had a fix. I hate that you are feeling that way. As far as admitting your transgressions, we are not your preachers. You don't have to be absolved of your "sins". You do what you have to do to survive and there is no shame in that. You can only fight those intense urges for so long. And I have no idea that you do fight them with a vengeance. Don't apologize for them but also don't feel like you have to hide them from us either. We love you and sometimes just saying you did it makes it seem not so huge as when you keep it all locked inside hidden. You can share without being judged and we can SUPPORT you. I think you're one of the strongest among us so how any of us could judge you is questionable. You have willpower and strength that I am just in awe of. When YOU need support, you have all of ours. Did your doc have any suggestions on how to feed the hunger while weaning off the meds? Maybe running to counteract the sugar intake? At least balance out the cals. I don't know. I wish I had answers for you. I'll be praying you get the answers you need today. Until then, I'll be checking in and watching for updates.

Good morning ladies. It's a beautiful day here. Overcast and just a hint of a breeze. Absolutely gorgeous. Today is better. I got some really good sleep last night. Woke up this morning not being tired. Weighed in at 144! so down 3 pounds in 2 weeks which I consider a HUGE victory since one of those weeks was junk food driven. I'm thinking of ordering some fruit from the fruit truck but don't know how long it will last and the order quantity is HUGE. I don't know how to can so that isn't an option. I just don't know. Maybe my MIL will share with me. She is wanting some too. Thank you all for your kind thoughts about my Pickles. She was a sweet loyal friend. She was my first friend when I moved to this side of the state. She was just beginning to want more affection. She was 9 years old and I suppose this was better than watching her lose function....but so shocking to the heart. She always had this air of haughtiness about her. As if there was no way any of us were good enough for her, but then she'd come snuggle up and purr with me. She will be sorely missed. So thank you for your condolences. Salad....I LOVE salad. Normally not a problem for me. I do cut it up in much smaller pieces than it is chopped normally. I always add some sort of protein....chicken, taco meat, boiled egg white, and/or cheese. I am not a fan of vinegary dressings so I have to cop to eating the higher cal ones. However, I limit the amount I put on and with veggies being so low cal I don't stress over the difference. I know that I wouldn't be able to eat those dressings forever and I don't want to feel deprived. I just keep it all in my calorie budget. Last night was a fluke with the salad because of the stress. Today my kashi crunch is going down wonderfully so I'm not worried about not getting salad down. Candace, remember when I was having such issues with my pcp a couple of weeks ago? One of the things he said to me was that he doubted I could get back with it after things like vacations, family illnesses, changes in routine. He said that THAT was the real test of whether this method was going to work. I think he's right, this is when the rebound occurs, but I'm not going to let something "out there" effect me "in here". It's just not worth it. Kashi and bananas did well for breakfast. I'll try to keep it light and get in lots of fluids today and see if that helps my intake. Don't forget to drink, drink, drink. Ruby and I have been very lax on our water patrol. I will call for a liquid check this evening and hold you all accountable :smile2:

Good evening ladies. I've gotta get over these head issues. I've said over and over the last week how tight I am and then tonight I actually think to myself "I didn't eat much all day, I'm going to try to get some of this taco salad down. I must be able to eat THIS since I couldn't eat anything else." Now why would I think that? I know better. And so I spend all evening pb'ing. Now I'm trying to get tea down because pineapple juice didn't go so well. I just don't know how I can let myself think this crap. Tomorrow is actual weigh in but today's was promising. I just don't know what to think. I am wearing my size 0.5's from the MoA trip. I haven't been on top of watching my sizes but I'm comfortable in my 8's. That is amazing to me. But I'm hating my head right now. Driving me nuts. Feeling better about my cat I think. My other animals are having a tough time. Poor babies. Alright, time for bed. I'll talk to you all tomorrow.

Wow ladies....now you're all back! I had 2 pages to catch up on almost. Glad you all are talking again. It makes it so much more exciting. Yesterday started horribly. I went out to call my cat because she hadn't come home the night before. That wasn't unusual. It's normal summer behavior. But she wasn't home in the morning so I went out to call her again. I found her dead on the lawn. We couldn't tell what had happened. There was no blood. There was some slobber. Other than that she was just lying there. It was like losing a child. Maybe, hopefully, not as extreme as it would be if I TRULY lost a child, but I was crushed. The only thing I've been able to eat since then has been a couple cups of coffee and tea. I did finally get a fiber one bar down. Took a while but I did it. I was going crazy because I KNEW I had to feed myself. I know I wouldn't starve to death but I knew I needed calories. I thought I was going crazy. Feeling a little better today but still very tight. I'm sure it is stress and I will get over it. On a brighter note, we got all Michael's school gear yesterday. He's got clothes, supplies, and football stuff. He'll be heading back next Wed. He's been better this last few days with the new meds. I think there is a difference but I may just be saying that. He seems to be more compliant and not as sneaky. I hope that my staying home this school year causes this year to be so much better than the past ones. I'm keeping my heart crossed for it. The full moon and TOM's visits have intersected a lot lately. I'm sure the two together cause a LOT more chaos on our cravings than we care to admit sometimes. I wish I had some advice to give Karri. I can tell you what helps me is two things, take them for whatever they mean to you. One, toosie roll midgies. I can eat 6 for 150 cals. I can chew the hell out of them. They get stuck in my teeth and I get the chocolate taste for a LONG time. I can make 6 last 2 hours. Sometimes 2 is enough...and that's only 50 cals. The second is fiber one oats and peanut butter bars or oats and caramel. 1 bar is 160 cals 9 grams of fiber and 3 grams of protein. It is just sweet enough for me and there is NO WAY I could eat more than one. That's nice because it does fill me up for at least 2 hours. My NUT said something about fiber swelling in the pouch and that's why she thinks they work when nothing else does. Honestly those two things have been my savior the last two months. The only thing that have kept me under budget and sizes continuing to drop. For some reason when I can't even get yogurt down, I can get a fiber one bar to stay. Today was the first day of school for my former students. It killed me not to go down there today. But to keep myself busy I cleaned my house. That helped a lot. I cleaned and organized my junk drawer and my tupperware. I filled two black bags with Michael's outgrown clothes. I'm in process of finding someone the right size to give them to. I got rid of one bag to the neighbor but the bigger stuff won't fit her son. I'm looking for a recipient for the next one. I wish the second hand here didn't have so many clothes. A lot of them would be great for school clothes for someone. grrrr. Okay. I'm off to do some more cleaning. Have a great night ladies.