Twilight

Phyl!!!! What awesome news. you've come a long ways baby! Another couple sizes and you'll be out of the "women's" section. That was such an amazing feeling when I could finally walk into a store and there were clothes on the rack that fit me. Okay....I DID IT!!! My MRI was great. Doc will see me 11 to discuss what he sees and treatment options. I'm going to bring up the fact that I have a serious commintment in Septemeber and I need to start training now. Maybe that will help him see surgery now rater than laater. We will see. Okay...going to go sleep on the valium. Love you ladies!

off to attempt the MRI today. I'm going to need everyone's positive energy. Think good thoughts!

Hi guys....going to cut and paste my day here. Then I'm going to log off cuz the drugs are kicking in. After a short nap I'll check back in..... Doc appointment was not great. I got what I wanted, which was someone to treat me like I knew what I was talking about. He did xrays and then ordered an MRI. Problem when I went to lay on the MRI table, I couldn't lay in that position. He gave me some steroids and some other pills along with some really strong pain meds. I have another MRI scheduled tomorrow morning. If we can't do it that way, we will have to do a mylogram(sp) and a ct scan. Those are quicker but 1. the mylo side effects are hellacious and 2. they don't show the details as well. What he says he saw from the xrays is that I have degeneration in my L3, L4, L5, and S1 vertebras. That's a lot more trouble than just 1 ruptured disc. He's not very optimistic that I'll ever be pain free. That's a little disconcerting, but I'm trying to stay optimistic. When I see him tomorrow after the test I'm going to advocate for surgery I think. I don't want to fiddle fart around with this for another month. It might kill me. So I'll let you know when I know. For now, it's just frustating. I'll try to spend more time here later. Thanks for all the well wishes. Oh...and Phyl, I got to ride a scooter around walmart and Sams. LOVED IT!!!

Good morning ladies. I slept pretty well last night in the recliner after I had dosed up pretty good. I'll check in tonight and let you all know what the doc says. Keep sending me good vibes. Love you all. Happy St. Pats!!!!

Hi ladies. I tried to get on earlier and couldn't. Now I have a chance to catch you up. Karri, 30 bucks is a small price to pay to give you some break from the real world. I got ahold of an orthopedic dr office this morning. After one said they would get me in NEXT Thursday I called a second. They were going to try to put me off until Thursday until I explained to the woman (with tears) that I was really scared to wait that long. Problem was of the 2 docs in that office, 1 needed a referal from my regular doc and the other insists on an MRI before he will see one. I just broke down. Then I explained how quickly my symptoms are progressing and she went to talk to her doc. He said I could come in tomorrow and we will do the MRI on Wed. as soon as there is an opening. Well today was a much worse pain day. Finally tonight my bro brought me som oxycodone and a walker. If I bend over at the waist so that I'm leaning my elbows on the walker, I can walk pretty comfortably. My mom and my brother are going to go to Great Falls tomorrow with me. Mom and the kids will stay with me while my bro comes back to Lincoln. Then, depending on when I have my follow up, he will come back down to go through that process with me. I'm actually really hoping that the guy realizes that an MRI is not needed before he can do something for the pain. Okay...drugs are kicking in and I really haven't slept well for 4 nights now so hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. don't worry about me ladies. I will be okay. I'm getting answers tomorrow. I will let you know what the doc says. Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers. I love you all.

Hi ladies. A quick check in. Thank you all for thinking of me and giving me advice. I know that I am doing the right thing staying here and waiting for an answer. Candice, the last straw was the fact that I cannot lay on my stomach at all. That in itself causes too much flex of my spine. Before I made this last trip I was doing that stretch. My chiro had suggested it and it felt very very good. I could do the whole arms locked head back a week ago. Now I can't even lay on my stomach with head flat on floor. I can sit in a reclined position on the bed. That is about the only position I can stay in for any amount of time without pain. I can lay like this for hours. I can also lay on the floor with my calves resting on a chair with my legs at a 90 degree angle, but getting INTO that position is very painful. I did a lot of research last night and from what I've read it seems like the disc that seems to be giving me the pain is the S1. Okay...gotta get to the bathroom and that takes some time to get up in a position to walk so I had better start now. I'll keep you posted. Love you all.

Hi ladies. Just a quick check in before I head to bed. It's late and it's been a long day. My group worked all day on writing in my hotel room. By 9pm we had a document that we feel proud of. It was quite a process. Anyways, it was easiest on me because I could lay in my bed and work without getting up and down and sitting in a hard chair all day. However, I have a new symptom. I've become nausous every time I've been in a car the last 2 days. It does not matter front or back driving or riding, I'm car sick. My brother told me that it could be the new medication and I don't have much recourse for that because at least what I'm taking relieves the pain a bit. We have decided on a course of action for the following week but I'll have to explain everything later. Just wanted to let you know that I will not be driving back 500 miles with my little ones while my back is like this. I am going to stay in this half of the state and findd some answers about my back. I have admit though, after the research I did tonight about the suspected issue, I'm not feeling very optimistic. It sounds like a lot of pain management and not problem fixing. I don't know, we will see. If you are interested you can google treatment for herniated or ruptured disc. Okay. Meds have kicked in and I was going to turn out the like 15 mins ago but didn't want to go to bed without checking in. I'll try to talk to you all tomorrow. Love you.

good morning ladies. I'm just checking in because I don't know that I'll be able to later today. Phyl, I agree with Candice. When someone says something like "I probably shouldn't say this, but...." Stop them and say "You probably shouldn't even be thinking it, so please be kind enough not to share." And then if they continue turn around and ask them "would you mind if I pointed out the enormous hair growing out of your chin? Oh, probably something I shouldn't have said? Sorry, but you were so frank with me...." Stupid people. Janet, I forgot to tell you how beautiful your fur babies are. You are lucky to have such wonderful snuggle buddies every night. Karri, you are so strong. I'm sure it does feel good to be back in the saddle so to speak. When you give your body all those endorphines I'm ssure it is easier to be less stressed about all the craziness in your world. Okay...gotta get to work. Hugs to you all.

Hi guys. I'm back in my room for the night. It was a long day. The new pain meds the PA gave me yesterday did the trick for most of the day though. It was bearable and only had trouble as I was away from the room longer than the meds lasted. I love the idea of Canada. Depending on what happens with my back, I'm in. I still think we could do Vegas for Thanksgiving. Phyl, I meant to tell you when you posted the pics, but Janet's reminded me, you are looking AWESOME! I see a big difference in your face from the last pics you posted. My pain meds have kicked in and I think it's the day to have an early night. I'll talk to you tomorrow ladies. Hugs!!!

You are all the best! I love you all. I never think you are bossy, or mean, or anything else. You are loving family and care about me. It makes me feel very good that you do. I really want to get better. I need to because this pain is holding me back. I'm sure when I get back to P'wood the process will begin. I'm going to go see the urgent care guy there and tell him I want an MRI and a consult to the best person in the area. I won't leave until I have it. When I left the urgent care yesterday, even though I didn't really like the PA, I was feeling a little like this was all in my head. Now, I know it wasn't, but when docs tell you it's just inflamation and there isn't really anything they can do, and just take it easy and it will resolve....even though I KNEW in my head that she was wrong, I start to think that maybe I'm making this a bigger deal than it is. Then last night I went to stretch out on my bed to really stretch everything....and I can no longer lay on my stomach. I called my bro, who had his disc rupture and he told me that is because I'm making it bulge when I bend that way. It just validated me that I'm not going crazy...that this pain is real....I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill....and that I do need to force the isssue with my docs. On a good note, he asked me a couple of questions about going to the doc that DID make me feel better. He asked if she checked my reflexes and she had...and he said since I still had reflexes that my disc hadn't ruptured...that I wouldn't have any if it had. he then told me that if I started having problems peeing, that was a sure sign of iminent problems. So since I'm not having either of those issues, I'm feeling a little more at ease that it isn't dangerous for me to wait until Tuesday to see the doc. I promise that if either of those things occur I will go directly to the ER and not leave until it is taken care of. Okay ladies. I love you all and I'd rather sit here and type to you than go get my work done, but since I'm in Helena to work, I'd better go get to it. You're all the best. Phyl, your nursing experience means the world to many people, don't ever apologize for it, you're beautiful. Candice, thanks for the info, I also believe in chiropratic care and that is why I did that and the accupuncture route. If no one wants to listen to me, maybe I'll have to come up there and try those laser treatments. And I'm so proud of you for going to OEA. That took amazing courage. How strong you are!! Car, when I come to Denver it's going to be to spend some quality girl time with you, not see a doc. I've never been down there but to change airplanes and I want to come some day. I'll need a tour guide. Karri, I'm still planning on doing the 3day as soon as this back crap is resolved. I hope you are still in. The more I watch of it, the more amazing it becomes for me. My niece said it looked wonderful and would like to do it, but it would interfere with her college classes. I may see if we can figure out how to get her there. I'm sending out great thoughts for you and your classes. Everything will be amazing there because you are an amazing teacher. Tell the lady with the food to go eat rocks and die! It is against many school policies to give kids anything but healthy food during the school day. Tell her she is adding to the child obesity problem and she should be ashamed. Janet, maybe you'll find untold wealth in the box! Enough to come and do the 3day with Karri and I. Enough to finance that PS you've consulted about. Enough to fund another shopping trip! I'll be thinking about the millions you're going to find there. Okay...gotta get to work. Hugs ladies. you're the best!

Thanks Phyl. I'm sure my doc will know who to send me to. He has quite the reputation. In fact, a guy went to a specialist about his diabetes and when he was asked who his doc was, and he said Dr. Kirk, the guy said, why are you here? You have the best right there where you live. He's an ass sometimes, but he certainly knows his stuff. Our urgent care doc specialized in sports injuries before he moved to P'wood so I'll be in good hands once I get home I'm sure.

Hi ladies. Hope you all had a great day! I feel like I'm always complaining about my back, so if you feel that way too, skip this :thumbup: Though I know you won't because you are all so awesome:thumbup: I have not had an MRI yet. In January doc said if it got worse we would do one, but when it got worse and I called I've been put off for 3 weeks. He's out of town and I completely understand, but it's going to be a long couple of weeks. I'm sure when I see him again we will get to the bottom of it. It is bad enough that I won't let him just sluff me off. However, in the past, the pain has always resolved itself and I truly expected it to do that this time too. One question. Is a back specialist called an orthopedist? Is that the kind of doc I need to be looking for? I thought that was a joint doc, but maybe I'm crazy. You all are much more medically smart than I. As for food....life is going well in that department. My fill has brought me some relief from the hunger. I can eat my yogurt in the morning and be satisfied until lunch. Had a kashi bar for lunch, was fine until dinner. Had a bit of soup and good until....we'll see. So that is positive. I'm focussing on THAT success and trying to ignore the back. Well, I started this an hour ago and then got busy on the phone. I promise that after this weekend I will stay at home until my back problems have been resolved. Even turned down a free trip to TJ because of the back issues (so it must be bad!). Good night ladies. Have a great tomorrow. Hugs to you all.

Checking in ladies. Sorry for the long post last night. I had so much to share but I didn't need to be quite so wordy. You are wonderful to have read it and responded. I'm in Helena and working with OPI today. I came in this morning and Jean took one look at me and said "why are you here? We are going to take you to Urgent Care" so I spent a lot of time this morning waiting. I was hardly walking. It was pretty bad, I have to admit. But the urgent care PA (who looked like she was 12!) gave me no real answers and told me to follow up with my regular dr as soon as I could. She gave me a shot in my butt and 3 scripts and sent me on my way. I'm starting to think this is all in my head. It's nuts! These docs don't treat me like there is any real problem and I can hardly walk anymore. I can't stand up without assistance, I can't wipe my own butt (sorry TMI!), I can't reach for a coffee cup. And they just tell me to give it time. Anyways...I'm frustrated but not. I'll get through it. Okay...better get back to work.

Hello ladies!!! I hope you all had a wonderful day. Mine was fabulous. I just have to share. Before I do let me warn that this may be very LONG and RAMBLING and at times seem odd, but like any good story, I have to explain the whole thing.... My dad passed away almost 3 years ago. This threw me into a horrible depression. 1 week after he passed, I found out I was pregnant with Jai. I didn't want a baby that wouldn't know her grandfather, I didn't want to bring a baby into the world period, in 4 months I gained almost 40 pounds and just didn't give a rats patoot about anything. My world was falling apart. Jeff, bless his heart, tried to help and told me about this book "The Secret" and I was ready to try anything so I bought it. It was supposed to have THE answer. THE secret to life summed up in 200 pages. Well I got through the first 10 and said, "Like hell!!! How dare this woman say...." I was ANGRY. Well, I never picked the book back up and pushed it all out of my mind. Now while I was packing for this trip I came across my books on cd and was looking through to find something to listen to and here was "The Secret" that I must have bought at some time but never opened. Well, I'm in a much better frame of mind (not great but much better) and thought that I'd give it a go. If i hated it I could always turn it off. I have to say I've never had such an amazing journey as this trip across the state. It was below zero but my car ran wonderfully, the roads were perfect, someone pumped my gas when I went to fill up, the kids got along and were happy. (okay...aside....the kids can't have their happy meal toys until they eat their main "dish" and they know that. Well Nick ate his and was playing and Jai refused. I gave them to here a few times and she kept tossing them aside. Well nick says "Mom, I ate Jai's nuggets. Can she have her toy now?" That's how well they were getting along) It was epiphany after epiphany in the car today. I took a long hard look at my life as a whole and saw this "secret" played out over and over and over. I could see this "secret" in my spiritual faith. It wasn't contrary to it, it added to it. It was beautiful. Now the "secret" isn't this simple panacia to placate. It isn't wishful thinking. It's a way of living and I can see the work that it is going to take to bring about change in my life. But I'm worth it and I'm willing to work at it. So....what does this mean to you? I don't know. That depends on where you are in your world. I would recommend the book. I would urge you to give it a shot, but it's about ME, not you. EXCEPT....there was this part about how diets don't work....because we are focussing on the WEIGHT we want to lose, not on the outcome that we expect. We don't have our eye on the prize on a diet. We focus on the weight and that is what goes...but also what comes back...because it's our focus. If we change our focus to the healthy life we desire, and HEALTH is what we are striving for, the weight loss will follow naturally without the weight gain that accompanies a diet. It may seem like a very minute difference, but it makes so much sense...and I believe it. Okay...enough rambling. If you made it through that, bless your soul. If you want to know more about "The Secret" I highly recommend it. I've not felt this at peace with the world since I let go of my father over 15 months after he passed. Hugs ladies. I love you all. You are beautiful women and make such positive impacts on my life. Bless you.

Just checked my email and a friend of mine who is working on getting the band is going to the bank for a loan. She says that if it all goes well she is planning on going to TJ to Dr. Ortiz the end of the month. 2 questions.... 1. He's good right? I don't have time to research right now but I want to tell her to run if he's iffy. 2. She has asked if I would travel with her. Do I need a passport to go to TJ? I don't have one and don't think it would get back that quickly. I'm so excited for her, but I really have to get to bed. Hugs ladies.

Hi ladies. Just a quick check in. Everyone yell!!!! STEPH GOTTA FILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bad news was the weight gain since November but PA wasn't too harsh since I've been unfilled since beginning of November. This winter has been super harsh. I'm going to get it off though. Not too stressed. It is going to happen. Liquids for 2 days. today and tomorrow I'm traveling cross state so it will be fine to be on liquids. Okay...very tired and back is very sore. Yes, Janet, I know you need to lecture me about the snowmobile incident...but I did ask doc if it was okay and he said it was alright. Okay...gotta get to bed. I will try to answer the other things tomorrow. Pills are getting me dopey! Hugs to everyone.

Okay. Backed up. Phyl, so sorry to hear about your uncle. I had an aunt and uncle that died within hours of each other, both naturally. His name was Ed and hers was Edna. I don't remember which went first but the authorities didn't even get there for one before the other passed. It really is amazing what true love can conquer. Hugs for you.

Okay...I missed something about Phyl's uncle? Janet, I used to try to cut my shitzus' hair myself. They always looked horrid. Then when my long hair Pickles was alive we had to clip her twice a year. I couldn't find anyone to do it so I HAD to do it myself. Poor thing looked like a lion on chemo. It grows out but it takes a long time. Denise, sorry about your guts. Are you taking it for cholesterol? It does take time to get used to new meds. I hope your body adapts in a couple of days...sooner if possible. Where's Karri? Where's Kari? How's our Momma to be? Check in everyone!!!

Hi ladies. Home from church. I've got to do something about my children. Holy thoughts are the furthest thing from my mind while I'm in church. It's dreadfully sinful for me to even be there with them Janet, I inherited some great stuff from my dad. He gave me his short legs, his horrible vision, his penchant for....lets call them lectures, and his weak back. After 3 years of drill team in high school doing splits and high kicks for an hour every day, 3 c-sections, and a decade and a half of obesity, my lower back has just about given out. When I went to the doc a couple of months ago I knew he was going to have bad news because he had always said my pain was caused by my obesity and if I would just lose weight, it would be better, and now he didn't have that to fall back on. So I KNEW it wasn't good. He said that by the symptoms I was describing he was sure that one of my lower discs was about to blow and if we did an MRI we would see a large bulge where it was weakened. My dad had a blown disk at about 45, my brother before he was 40. Every man in his family has had a blown disk and a few of the women. He said there wasn't really anything we could do until it ruptures. When I went to the chiro he said about the same thing, but that I may find some relief with accupuncture and so I tried that. Now I'm worried that if I start walking 10 miles a day I may do it more damage than good. I can't get in to see him until the 27th. If he says it's alright I'll start the 3day walk training, otherwise I'll see what he says. My brother says I will be so relieved when I finally have surgery. I hope he is right. So, probably more than you wanted to know, but that's the scoop. Okay...gotta go deal with the kids. They are going to kill each other today I think. Later ladies

Good morning ladies. I hope you are all having a wonderful Saturday. I'm on the uphill swing with being sick. I feel great except for my back. Can't blame that on the bug though. Not much to report since I slept most of the last 2 days. At least when I'm sleeping I'm not thinking of food. I don't seem to have done my band any damage. I ate some cereal for bfast this morning and it was good. DH and I are going out for dinner tonight with the snowmobile club. I'll be having a tuna steak and salad, no potato. No cocktails because of my pain meds. It should be a good food day. There was something else I was thinking I needed to tell you all but can't remember right now. If I think of it I'll pop back in. If my back feels up to it I might take the puppies for a walk. Maybe one at a time though so I don't get pulled quite so much. Later taters

Thanks Phyl, I talked to my PA in the beginning about the stomach flu and she said the real worry is days and days because you are too tight and not because you have stomach bug. I'm just glad I'm not tight right now because it would have made things increasingly worse. I have many Aunts and friends who have had breast cancer. It makes my heart hurt when I think of all the lovely women who this ugly disease hits. I want to walk so that my daughter will not have to deal with the pain of her loved ones going through it. I also think if we can find a cure for breast cancer, it brings us one step closer to a cure for all kinds of cancer. The pain of losing my dad is still very tough. I believe our best bet for a cure is thorough breast cancer cure. For whatever reason, it is the one we are supporting. Not prostate, not lung....breast cancer. Whatever it takes, we should be able to find a cure. Okay....back to watching ds play wii

Hi there ladies. Checking in. Got a stomach bug about 4pm yesterday and have been down and out since then. Still feel not so great but will live....didn't think I would before 4 today. Throwing up all night but am still able to get water down so Im sticking to liquids as much as possible. Trying to stay hydrated. Supposed to have a fill on Monday so I don't want to ruin that. It's been since November when she took almost all of it out. As for the 3day Car, you can find the schedule of events at Welcome to the Breast Cancer 3-Day: Schedule . The one in the twin cities works better for my schedule, but Seattle would get me out to meet Karri which I have wanted to do since she introduced me to this wonderful thread right after my surgery. There is one in Denver you know. I'm going to have to get the go ahead from my doc before I say I will do it. I'm probably going to need an MRI on my lower back to rule out any forthcoming surgery...or rule it in. After my crud last night I can hardly walk. I'm afraid it is going to blow out any time now. I don't know how long it will be after surgery until I can be back to myself. I hope not long. Or maybe training for the 3day will make it better. I don't know. When do you go to France? Okay....too much thinking. Getting foggy again. Will check in later tonight. Love you ladies. Tell Linda hi for me. I'm so jealous.

Hi everyone. Just a quick check in. I've been gaining and losing the same 5 pounds for quite a while now. I am going in on Monday for a fill. If you remember I had all but 2 cc's taken out, which left less than what I had in it at placement. I can't blame it all on restriction. I haven't had my head in the right place and that puts my hands in lots of wrong places (like the cookie jar). I have been battling back issues for a few months now and I think alot of it is the pounds I have put back on. I've been doctoring, chiropracting, and accupunturing, without a lot of success. Both doctor and chiro think the final solution will come when I actually blow out a disk in my back but it's just a waiting game for now. I have been looking into Seattle's 3 day walk for the cure in September. I just need to okay it with the doc before I committ. That will give me a goal to shoot for and a reason to ramp up my exercise. Once I sign up I am committed to raising over 2k and will not have a way out, so it will be do it or else, which is something I need. I am really excited about it and want so much to give back to the world that I really hope doc won't tell me I shouldn't do it. I can't get in to see him for three weeks though so it's a waiting game now. So that's my life in a nutshell right now. Just thought I would pop in and tell you what I'm up to. Good to hear about your progress SgHatl and Chris I'm so glad your head is in a better place. Welcome Linda. I hope you find some support on the boards.

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Linda is coming down there? I am SOOOOO jealous. You all keep getting together and I'm not involved. And yes, Janet had better get better quick. She doesn't need any more stress. I tried to call my doc and get in about my back but can't get in to see him until the 27th. I wanted to make sure that I won't hurt myself if I sign up for the 3day. I hope he gives me the go ahead but I want to be safe. His and my schedules just don't mesh. He's here this next week but I'm not, then I'm here but he's not. Very frustrating. I did ask for him to refill my scripts but I don't know if he's going to do it. We'll see. I am going to go back to the chiro tomorrow or the next day. Another accupuncture treatment to hopefully stave off anything too bad until then. Okay...gotta get and do something. Spent too much of the day doing a bunch of nothing. Will talk to you later ladies. happy hump day!