Twilight

Hi ladies. I quickly looked at todays posts and really do have to go back and read on you all. Janet is a jailbird??? I missed something good. BTW, I went to court for my endangering children ticket. Got a $250 fine and as long as I keep my nose clean for 90 days it will show up on my record as a ticket that was dismissed! Couldn't have asked for more. Actually what I asked for was a $300 fine and 6 months deferred and the judge dropped that. How awesome was that??? I'm on my way to pick up Michael from the hospital. I found a counselor willing to take him on and in a month or so she will begin to do some family therapy. Also found a psych willing to see him. Will have to make the drive to williston once a week but it all work out. Hopefully next week will slow down and I'll have a chance to catch up with you all. Thank you all for the kind words and hugs and prayers. Keep them coming. They definitely helped a LOT! For now, goodnight!

Hi ladies. Just checking in quick. I see there are 6 pages I need to read before I'm caught up on your lives. I might find some quiet time to do that sometime in the next month. There are a million things happening in my world right now, none of them good. The Michael thing has escalated and I'm a babbling idiot when it comes to discussing it. I'm exhausted, confused, upset, and can do nothing but cry. He is in an acute residential facility and they are waiting on me to find him outpatient care before they will release him. Needless to say I'm beginning to think hell will freeze over before that will happen....but I'm on day one of the search so I shouldn't give up so easily. I'm a very negative Nelly these days and in tears most of the time. You know the saying, "life sucks and then you die"....welll I'm to the point that the second half of that sentence couldn't come fast enough. My food choices are horrific and I could care less right now. I eat only to get sick. I'm tighter now than I was before I had my unfill and if I thought I was too busy to get an unfill before....now I've got twice as much on my plate. I need some serious medication...I'm thinking something that will make me do nothing but sit in the corner and drool. I'm dying for an escape. Dying to pick up a pack of cigarettes. Screaming to get raging drunk and stay that way. Praying that someone will commit me so that I don't have any responsibilities anymore. I'll be checking in and out but don't expect a lot of response from me. This is the first 10 minutes I've had to sit at the computer in over 6 days. You can try email but I haven't even been checking that. I just don't have the time or the energy. Sorry to be such a downer. Just didn't want you all to think I've dismissed you. I need you all now more than ever and I love you all. I just don't have any energy to give to you all. I know that being here would be the best for me now, but I'm the least of my concerns. I'll check in when I can. Love you ladies. I really do.

Hi ladies. I feel so discombobulated. It's like living in a new house. I don't know how I'll function. Good thing you are all here with me though. I'd be lost without you all. There were things I was going to say...hmmmm.... Phyl, old people sex. LMAO!!! I wanted to die! With their clothes on...are you kidding me? That's way to freaking funny. Did you share that one with Earl? hehehe...tmi...tmi....sorry. Candice, when you head south you can drive west to Montana, spend some time in Glacier and Yellowstone....see Karla and me...and THEN go south. You know what I'm going to tell Jeff tonight during pillow talk....how unfair it is that we can't retire :wink2: You are such a bad influence :nanahump: Denise, I'm missing the idea of going back to school...but not. I love the first few weeks. I love shopping for classroom stuff. I love it when the kids are still afraid of me. I love torturing the 7th graders. By the time they are freshman they knew I was just a big softy...but good times up until then :Banane56: Here's wishing you smooth sailing. Janet, the walk is 3mph for 8-10 hours depending on the time you spend at rest stops. They have stops every 3ish miles. They are mixed....one will be a grab and go, the next a full service food stop, the next a grab and go...they say you should be eating at every stop and drinking one to two bottles of water/sports drink between each. I heard that it's very common to come back 5-10 pounds heavier after the walk...but that most of it is Water weight from being overhydrated. I'm really excited to do the walk. The videos make it look so moving. I tear up everytime I watch one. I might have to up my zoloft dose to make it through :biggrin: Maybe next year I'll sign up for San Diego and then you can join the team. Don't give me that, I could never. You're a machine!!! We all know you could. Karla, help me out. Teaching, nursery...what is job #3? What about taking in alterations? everyone needs jeans hemmed. Just a thought. There has got to be something....oh oh oh....driving bus!!! Bus drivers get paid good money and they have short hours. When our teachers sub bus driving they get to leave school early, or come late....and the guy across the hall said he got almost $200 a day. I think he might be exaggerating but maybe not. Might be something to look into. Lots of times he got paid to drive bus while he was teaching by doing field trips and stuff. Okay...Jeff is going to kill me if I don't go to bed. Went to the drive in tonight. He has to leave here at 430 tomorrow morning and then the kids and I leave here while hes gone. So....until I check in again....have a good one. Oh...going to be at Rose's and at the lake so it will be spotty me checking in. Don't panic. I should be home NEXT Sunday at the latest. Love you girls!!! Have a great week.

I can bring you 20 bags of kettle corn. You can sell it and live on the proceeds. Or you can just come live with me and I'll feed you. Let's see....I'll come up with something original here soon. Oh....I'll give you a 14 year old with child support payments of $500 a month....in advance.

Just got off the phone with the lawyer. He talked to the city attorney. He suggested pleading no contest with a deferred imposition and if I keep my nose clean for 6 months I can go back and ask for the whole thing to be expunged from my record!!!! Do you have any idea how much weight that lifted off of my shoulders? I told him I would sleep on it but I'm pretty sure that is the best solution. It can all be done next week when I'm back in Helena. I hear angels singing...do you????

Good morning ladies. I hope you all slept well. Janet, I'm going to try to hold firm. I know it's a trap that I fall into way too easily. Just say no! I'm not sleeping well. I'm not sure what seems to be the problem. Once I do get to sleep I have these super bizarre dreams....and they flip from one subject to another in the oddest ways. I wish I had a clue what was bothering me so much that I could get rid of the dreams. I'm exhausted. I hope some of that will go away since I can eat now. not getting in the proper nutrition takes it's toll. I leave tomorrow with all the kids to go west. Dropping kids at moms and then spending 5 days at the lake. It sounds like perfection but it will be crazy mentally busy....working on math stuff. Only 5 weeks until my walk!!! Can you believe it! Absolutely amazing! I can't wait. I know I'm not ready. Haven't had time to be walking. I'm strong but probably not strong enough for the walk. I'll do what I can. I need to find time to do a back to back 18/18 in the next week. If I don't get that in I'll be a hurting unit I'm sure. Alright. A million things to do today to get ready. I'll talk to you all later. Love you.

Good evening ladies. Just a quick pop in. Jeff and I went riding tonight with another couple. Had a nice dinner about 30 miles south of here. The best part of that....I ATE!!!! I've been able to eat all day. Now I need to stop being so excited about it and concentrate on what I am eating. I am traveling all next week so we will see. I don't know if I mentioned it yesterday but according to their scales...I lost 11 pounds since my fill in June. wooohooo. I think that's why the lady who does the pre-fill work looked at me like I was nuts when I wanted an unfill. The PA knew I was serious though and didn't question that I knew what I was talking about. The bad part about the scale, their scale says 6 higher than my wii. I'm sticking with the wii number though. Okay...time for bed. Glad everything is good with the Hand's. Janet, I know you are so very very right. I am so bad at it. I want him to understand that I'm not crazy and unjust. That I do think about my answers and that there are reasons for what I say no about....but when I do that, it makes it worse because no should be no...period. Okay...bed. Night ladies.

Hi ladies. I'm back from Bismarck. All was successful. PA wanted to take out 1cc. She put in .6 last time. I asked if we could just take that out and she was reluctant but agreed. She told me to come back if it wasn't enough. That I didn't need an appointment, to just come back. She is so nice. She told me to stay on liquids for 48 hours but I have to admit I went to mushies. After a month of mushies I couldn't go back to liquids. Everything seems fine. I'm being gentle. I'm very tired. Michael and I argued more today than yesterday. I told him that just because we had a good day doesn't mean he has to prove he's still a tough guy and pick fights. He just rolled his eyes but still keeps pushing buttons. I'm trying my damnedest not to snap. Some days I think he just wants me to prove I love him by not giving in. At least that's my arm chair psychology. Okay...waiting for Jeff to come home from the farm. Should be soon. Then I'm going straight to bed. Talk to you all later. One more full page and we'll be at 1000! Imagine that!

Hi ladies. In Bismarck with Michael. We did a bit of bonding today. At least I hope we bonded. I felt good about it. Did his school clothes shopping. Tomorrow I will be defilled!!! I'm dying to have a real meal. I just can't wait! Going to be awesome. Karla, remember that you are VERY VERY loved. In case you've missed the marital bliss discussions...it ain't all it's cracked up to be. Talked to the lady that sold me the kettle corn business and told her about the fair. She said we did much better than they had ever done. Makes me feel good. Especially when you consider the "recession" we are in. I'm very very proud of ourselves. Okay...time to go to bed. Talk to you tomorrow. Love you all.

Hi ladies. Didn't make it online yesterday. Wow...what a Saturday!!! Had so much fun doing kettle corn. It was terrific! Usually I spend an hour or so at the fair and then I'm tired of it and feel bad that I don't want to support it more. Anyways....I spent 3 days there and really had fun the entire time! My story about why I was on at 230am. At 1030 I realized that I didn't have enough supplies for Saturday. So...as you know we live in the middle of nowhere...I had to get in the car and drive to Williston to buy sugar and oil. I didn't think we were going to be as busy as we were. It was absolutely crazy! But got home at 2am, tried to sleep, was too keyed up and decided to check in with you guys for a second. How crazy, to drive an hour and a half to get supplies to do something as silly as kettle corn. Took my SIL with me to keep me awake and we yakked the entire way. It was hilarious! So...we sold about 2000 worth of kettle corn this weekend. That is a LOT of stirring. I thought I would have been dead at that point...but actually I'm not horribly sore....just very tired. Going to go take a nap. It's time to take a break for a day. Food, not so hot. I did make sure I stayed hydrated. Did as good as possible to get food in but it was very hard. Didn't buy any cotton candy. Being tight probably saved me from all the fair food. I'm really happy to be going to Bismarck tomorrow and getting an unfill on Tuesday. I'm tired of not eating well. Jeff says that might be why I'm so tired...since I couldn't get in any real nutrition. Anyways....looking forward to eating again. Taking Jeff and in-laws to dinner on Wednesday to celebrate. Okay...definitely time to nap. See you later. Hugs

Ladies, it is 230 in the morning. Can't sleep...long story. Nothing tramatic. Sillier than anything. I will tell you tomorrow when I have time. Just wanting to check in. Figured I had probably missed a million posts. Glad I hadn't. Busy day. Will talk to you all tomorrow. Hugs.

You ladies make me chuckle. Candice, I think you're going through a midlife crisis. Retirement, RV, now Botox??? You go!!!! I LOVE it! However, you make me want to do some of this fun stuff too, but...Jeff doesn't think he can afford me :crying: Thanks for all your words of wisdom with Michael. I'm still waiting for Family services to call me. grrrr. We will live through this. I know we will. Yesterday sold kettle corn at the fair. Was pretty quiet and was looking forward to today...but it's very cold, windy, and rainy. grrrr. Check out the ticker!!! I'm psyched. Actually my scale in the bathroom says I broke the 140 barrier...but I'll stick with the wii weight. According to it, I still have 3 to go. I got so excited that I decided to try on my pants that haven't been fitting. I got into my 6's!!!! My 4s button but they don't look good. wooohooo! And yes ladies, I am still getting in my protein and my cals even though I'm tight. I promise, I'm not starving myself. Okay...going to go take a nap for an hour and hope that the wind dies while I'm sleeping. Love you all!!!

Well, doc wasn't a lot of help on treatment facilities. He didn't recommend either of the ones I am aware of in the state. He didn't say they were bad, just didn't have any experience with them. Still no word from Family Services. I'm beat from getting up every hour and checking to make sure he was still in his bed. Going to go take a nap. Jaimison's "up" was a false alarm...actually she had just been laying quietly in her room and hadn't napped yet. Now she is sleeping. Okay....update over :biggrin:

Thanks for the hugs ladies. Linda, Michael is 14. I pray that I make it to adulthood with him. One of my biggest concerns is the effect his attitude, mouth, and anger are having on my two little ones. Both of them tend to talk to me the same way as he does. Still no word from Family Services. Hopefully I will hear something soon. I have an appointment for Nick at the doctors in 15 mins and I'm going to try to talk to him about a residential treatment facility. I know he thinks I'm just not tough enough on him...but he really doesn't have a clue. I'm wondering, because of his mental health issues if a treatment facility may be partially covered by insurance. My luck the answer is no, but I might get lucky. Okay...little miss is up from her nap. I better go snuggle her. At least she still loves me. Thanks again ladies. You're the best.

Good morning ladies. Busy week this week. Planning a pink ribbon motorcycle rally, doing kettle corn at the fair this weekend, ran puppy to Williston to the vet for no reason at all....3 hours wasted....and troubles with Michael. I sound like a broken record with Michael, don't I? Well...I have a call into family services. I don't know what my options are but I've come to the conclusion that if he stays in my house there are only 3 possible outcomes, a. he ends up in jail, b. all my children get removed because of abuse, c. he ends up dead of his own stupidity. None of those options are ones I'm willing to live with. I am looking into residential facilities, but the private ones I've seen are like 6k a month. Who can afford that? Do people really go into that much debt to get their kids help? Don't get me wrong, my son's life is priceless, but that's over 70k a year! I don't know what to do. So, maybe the state will need to get involved. I'm afraid of that. If I send Michael away do they take the other two? I don't know, but I'm to the point that maybe they should. Maybe I'm just a horrible mother. Maybe I'll just damage all three of them....not just Michael. I don't know. I just know that Michael needs help and I can't give it to him. There are no counselors in the area....I hope I can find something for him. Keep us in your prayers. We need them. I got an unfill appointment in Bismarck on the 4th. I will drive down on the 3rd. It's a very long drive but I can't even eat mushies now. I know the stress has caused this latest tightening. I'm not sure I'll make it until the 4th if it continues. I can still get in liquids. That is my saving grace. I'm keeping my protein and cals up by drinking them. So next Tuesday. I have a million things to do. I'll talk to you all later. Love you ladies. You are all saving my sanity. I need the break from the "reality" of my life. You have no idea how important you all are to me. Thank you for being there for me to love, for me to talk to, for me to lean on.

Jealousy rears it's ugly head....tell me about the weekend...I want details!!!!

Oops....forgot the most important one.... Denise, I'm so sorry that you lost your Father In Law. If his battle with cancer was anything like my dad's, it is a blessing that he was released to the angels and is now in a pain free world. I hope you are able to grieve and then see the beauty of his life. I'll have you and your family in my prayers. Bless you all.

Hi everyone. Sorry I've been MIA... busy with baking and kettle corn....and my dear darling son is trying to drive me batty again. So here is his latest. Last week, around Tuesday, he asked if I would take him to Circle to meet this girl he has been texting. Well, circle is 2 1/2 hours away from here. He wanted me to take him there, come home, and in a few hours come pick him up. I'm sure you can imagine the look I gave him...and then told him he was insane. So then he asked his dad...because I was being unreasonable. This turned ugly and we were the worst parents on the planet. There was absolutely no reasoning with the child. So...we left it at, "your nuts, it's not happening, goodnight." Well...on Friday Jeff comes home and tells me that a friend said Michael was waiting on his porch for his daughter at 130am whichever night that was wondering if SHE would take him to circle. Then he asked some other adults....yet I was the unreasonable one. So....after he gets off work I tell him that I know what he did and he has 30 minutes to come clean with me. If he does so his honesty will be taken into consideration. He looks at me like I'm crazy. Tells me how good he has been. Says I must not know what I'm talking about. Again, I give him 30 minutes and walk away. Well...lets just say that evening ended with him leaving the house in a huff....well...I told him to get the hell out....and me getting a phone call from this woman telling me where he was and that she was talking to him trying to calm him down, that he was scared and upset. So....Saturday morning I get up and am getting ready to set up kettle corn. Realized that I hadn't gotten change for a change box and went to my stash....had about $400 put away for a rainy day...for my Canada trip or Mexico or something....and guess what? There are about 10 nickles and some pennies there. He has taken it ALL! And yet, when I get angry, I'M being unreasonable. So I grounded him for life....actually a month...and last night he throws another holy fit about how horrible a mother I am and how much he hates me and how he's LEAVING. Are you kidding me? Anyways...that's why I'm trying to get rid of Michael. Anyone wanting a challenge is more than welcome. Willing to pay child support. Just get him out of my world. After all, I AM the worst mother in the world. Okay....I'm beat. The kettle corn business was rather slow, but still made $700. Put 2 away for expenses and then split the rest between komen and the swim team. I'm thrilled. Also a little scared that the fair this week might kill me. It's a B&^$% stirring that stuff. Hot and heavy! But it was fun and I loved it. So...since I haven't slept Friday night or Saturday night and worked out in the sun the last 2 days...I'm too tired to think and am going to go to bed. Love you ladies. I hope the Canada crew had a tremendous time. So very jealous. Not sure what the story is with Phyl and green beans but sure we will find out. Karla, try to get your protein to 60. You'll find yourself staying fuller longer and having more energy. Some days it will be a stretch, but the more often you are that high the better you will feel. Okay...bed. Night ladies.

So that means that there are 4 of us to fill 9 pages in 3 days. Think we can do it? give them a bunch to read! Bake sale tomorrow. I have too much yummy food sitting around me. Obviously my disease is not in remission...I'm still an addict that one smell sends into a downward spiral. Dammit!!! I'll control myself but it is hard. Good thing I'm so tight. Not even these sweets would make it through. Karla, you can come be my Kettle Corn Queen whenever you wish. You just let me know when you want to be here and we will find somewhere to set up. You can still come next week to help me out at the fair....I'm tellin you! I'd love to have you. Just pop on over whenever you want. Okay...gonna go. Talk to you later. Hope the ladies are having fun.

good morning ladies! My computer is being a little obstinant this morning. I think it's because it knows I'm supposed to be doing other stuff and I should log off and get to it. I promise I will as soon as this post is done. Kari, don't apologize...we can have a healthy discussion. It just seems that this issue can be as volitile as the presedential election was a few months ago. I've been curious about Canda's system also. I looked into the Netherlands system also. Now the Netherlands is a socialist society so it is very different and we won't go there....but it is nationalized healthcare and I knew someone who had personal experience...so I asked. Karla, congrats on the skipping your snack. Sometimes just saying no to yourself can be a giant step. Your weight loss tells you that you are learning good habits. You are making big changes and you are treating your body so much better. Be very proud of yourself and when you get down because you dont' seem to be dropping...look at how much you have done in such a short period of time. Be proud. Sorry your quilting weekend seems to have folded. You can always come out here. you are ALWAYS welcome! Everyone else traveling, be careful and have a great time!

I didn't notice it either! How horrible of us. You are doing an AMAZING job Linda! You should be so very very proud of yourself! Ladies, celebrate her greatness up there!

Karla darling. Don't disregard Mark yet. Remember, men are slow. I dated Jeff for .... at least 2 months before he even held my hand. It wasn't until I was leaving for the summer that he even bothered to kiss me. they just don't get it. I went in and visited the social worker. She still needs to see the kids, but she said after the meeting with her supervisor. I'm not worried. It's just a pain in my ass! For all of you going to Canada. I'm there in spirit....and take a ton of pictures!!!!

Now ladies, you have to keep us updated. No excuses. Either here or on facebook! I can't believe I am missing it. Kettle corn will be paying for my trip next year. Have we said no go for Thanksgiving in Vegas? I forgot. None of you will melt and it will give you all more of an excuse to just sit and chat. That was what was missing last year at MOA. Have so much fun!!!

Hi ladies. I hope you all had a great night. I'm getting more and more jealous that you all are getting ready to get moving towards Canada. Have a fabulous time! I slept for a long time. Didn't get up until after 9. I had very odd dreams and my body hurt when I got up. I guess I must have had more stress on my mind than I had thought. I have upset tummy this morning. Cramps up high. I hope i'm not getting sick. I think they will go away. Or at least I hope so. I have a million things to do today and since I didn't do any of them yesterday I can't put it off today. It was nice to take a day off yesterday. I guess I can only go go go for so many days and then I crash. I don't know why I can get so much done when I'm away from home but when I'm here I don't seem to have any ambition. it's very frustrating. The county sanitarian is coming on Friday to look at my kettle corn business and get me licensed so that I can sell this weekend. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for the fair. I want to do kettle corn but I already have my pink ribbon booth. I just don't know. I have to figure it out. Karla, I told you that you would drop a bunch at one time and not to stress about it, didn't I? Don't worry about it when you stay at a weight for a couple of weeks. Your body is just adjusting. I have read reports that people who lose, level, lose, level, tend to have more staying loss. Your body is resetting itself. Don't let it get to you. And your losses for the month are amazing. I too have concerns about the health care bill but I also have excitement. There are pros and cons for every bill that is out there. It is a scary but exciting time. I hope we can all respect each other during the debates. We all have different perspectives because of how we live and where we are in the world. Just to add my situation. I pay $600 a month for coverage for my family. That does not include dental or vision. We have a $3000 deductible. My back surgery cost us a total of $6000 between the emergency room, doctors, anestesia, hospital...all that stuff. I don't know exactly how that works, but it's what I paid. Then we pay 50% of scrips until we covered our scrip deductible and now we pay $25 each for the more expensive ones. When I was teaching my school paid about $600 of my over $1000 family policy. The deductible was less and it covered more than my current policy. So that the school could pay so much of our insurance, we took less in pay raises each year. Insurance premiums went from $650 a month 8 years ago to over $1000 a month this year. Actually I think this year the premiums for a family are almost $1200. Okay...off to get something done. Have a great day ladies.

Hi ladies. Just checking in quickly. I wrote a long post earlier and then clicked the back button and lost it. Politics suck and I'd rather talk about death, but understand that it's on everyone's mind these days. As long as there is no person bashing, the topics can get interesting. I just hate it when it becomes an attack on a person. I think we are all big enough not to do that. I ate today. I had taco salad for lunch, halibut for dinner, some chx stuff from schwans for snack. A couple pieces of cheese. All that an no ick! That's a good thing. My sun rash is back. Don't remember if I told you all that. I did use sunscreen but obviously I didn't reapply it as regularly as I should have. In return I take benedryl at night and I'm zoning out as I'm writing this. Oh...last thing that was in my post. I talked to family services today. Lady was very nice. There are two ways it can go. One way it stays active for 3 years. The other it stays active until Jaimison is 23 years old. That is even IF it is dropped at the law enforcement level. It will show up in any background checks for at least 3 years. That is just freaking wrong, but I understand. Furstrating! Okay...I need to go to bed. There is a ton more I was going to say, but for now, I'll just say goodnight. Love you ladies!