Smye

Hello BariBrothers, BariSisters, BariFamilies, and general lovers of healthy, good food. My name is Smye and I live on a small farm in the Pacific Northwest. During both pre and post op appointments with my nutritionist, I was horrified by the suggested things I could eat once I was back to 'regular foods.' The suggestions I was given were flavorless, full of preservatives & junk, and/or otherwise reminiscent of the american 'instafoods' that are, in my opinion, a huge part of the original problems. That said, I wanted to share some of the real, whole foods I've been enjoying lately without hurting my sleeve or deviating from the dietary guidelines provided to me by my NUT. I'm down 86 lb since I started this journey on Jan 22, 2015, and loving every meal as much as, or more than, pre-op. I've spent the last 7 years accommodating good food to meet my partner's corn, dairy, and gluten allergies without losing any of the flavor or texture with 80% of all ingredients sourced from my own small farm, so it wasn't too big of a jump to make these recipes low carb, high Protein and delicious. Over the next few weeks I'll be posting recipes like: Bariatric BibimBop Pho Pastrami Sandwich Madras curry with fried tofu chicken tenders with sauce Sushi - Philadelphia rolls in particular Personal Pizzas Smoked cherry-glazed chicken Barbeque-smoked chicken Ham and cheese omlette Pickled duck eggs Quiche Ham, egg & cheese sandwiches Bari-bread Guacamole Cheeseburgers And many more There's no need for food to be tasteless, uninteresting, or questionable in it's contents. If there's something you'd like to see that's not here, please PM me and I'll do my best - I also make sure to try everything myself and feed it to my executive chef neighbor before I post it to ensure it's excellent!

Hi All, I know this is a little (or a lot) out of the ordinary for this site, but you all have been a huge support on my WLS journey so far and, well, I need an outlet and some support. I'm not looking for advice or condemnation of my wife, just support and listening ears, and maybe a bridge if anyone on here has gone through something similar. It's a bit of a long story, so thanks for reading. I met my wife in kindergarten - by the end of September, I'd already proposed. Curiously, she said no. I tried again in December, again, she said no. In all, I think I proposed to her 8 times before we had finished second grade, I asked her out throughout middle and high school, and then, during her senior year of college, after having been best friends for most of our lives, she finally said yes. My dreams came true. Our marriage has been wonderful, she always has been and always will be my best friend. But sex was never particularly satisfying - I loved it, but knew she wasn't getting much out of it and wasn't attracted to me sexually. It was hard, but our relationship was well worth it. She wasn't gay, we thought, she may not have been attracted to me, but she wasn't attracted physically to anyone. Maybe she was asexual. Two months ago, we decided together she should pursue counselling to help her work through her own sexuality, to help her know if she was asexual, or repressing her sexuality as the result of some childhood trauma that I won't get into, or something else altogether. We put all sex and physical intimacy on hold to give her the space to go through her process. It was hard, sex is very important to me, but worth it. I never really imagined that what happened last night would come. Last night she said she wanted to give me an update on her process. "Smye," she said. "I wanted to let you know that in the last few weeks I've felt some stirrings of sexual attraction for the first time and it's scared me really badly. But it's absolutely been happening." HELL YES, I thought. FINALLY! Then came the bomb. "And I want you to know, Smye, it's only been towards women. I'm not going to put a label on it yet, I'd give anything to have attraction to you, and maybe I still will. But so far I'm only attracted to women." S***, S***, S***. I love her, she's still my best friend. And I'm thankful as hell that there's no affair going on to deal with. I wouldn't trade the 7 years we've had as man and wife so far for anything. And I know she still loves me as much as ever. But it hurts like hell, I don't have a clue what's next, but the research I've (perhaps foolishly done) suggests that only 1/6 of mixed-orientation marriages survive more than 2 years after disclosure. I don't want to lose my wife, I don't want to lose my best friend. But, even if magically she wakes up tomorrow and is attracted to me as the one man she finds attractive, the marriage I thought I had is dead. No matter what happens, I know I need to grieve that. And I've reached out to the straight spouse network. But while I'm waiting to hear back, having no clue what's next or how I'll even survive the next 10 minutes, I know I need to tell someone and come out of my own closet, so to speak. Has anyone else here been through something similar? Or do you have words of support? I do NOT want "it's god's will" or "it'll be okay" or "it all happens for a reason" etc, nor condemnation of my wife, my marriage, etc. I trust her implicitly, know that this blindsided her as much as it did me, and know too that our marriage was/is based on an incredible friendship that still exists. So don't go hating. Neither do I want advice. I don't have a clue what it is I'm asking for exactly, but I hurt like hell, I'm terrified, and I know I ought to reach out to keep myself sane. Thanks! EDIT - PLEASE READ BEFORE REPLYING: To everyone, thank you again for your support! This is still very much a work in progress and I will be keeping everyone here up to date - for my own therapy if nothing else. A quick note though before lending me your love and support (unless you just want to say 'I hear you, I love you, here are some digital hugs, and take care/let us know if you need anything' - then go for it.) I HIGHLY recommend you read the entire thread before posting yourself, I know how therapeutic this has been for me. I've received several PM's from folks about how your responses have helped them and/or given them grace for a loved one they didn't previously understand and even one from a person who is considering whether or not to come out to his/her partner him/her-self. And there's also the selfish reason I'd like you to read it all first - the few responses I've gotten that have felt more hateful towards Mrs. Smye and, despite the authors' intentions, hateful towards me and my choices as a result could, I think, have been prevented had the author had the entire up-to-date picture.

@@lachellove, @@SassyNanny, thank you! Updates galore: http://gaywifeconfusinglife.blogspot.com/2016/06/the-set-up.html

Oh what the heck... let's Celebrate this new phase in my life with, what else, BACON!

Oh, and while I'm here. pizza Pinwheels everybody!

Selling the farm - a SERIOUS mix of dread and hope... Anyway, the full update is here: http://bit.do/sellthefarm

Selling the farm, but don't worry, I'll keep writing delicious bariatric friendly foods. Also... I keep hearing rumors of a cookbook coming soon... Anyway, the full update is here: http://bit.do/farmsale

And a-one: http://gaywifeconfusinglife.blogspot.com/2016/04/a-change-is-gonna-come.html And a-two: http://gaywifeconfusinglife.blogspot.com/2016/04/maps-20.html

@@SassyNanny, nope: https://genesight.com/

@@SassyNanny - I'm so thankful you weren't seriously hurt, that's terrifying. Mine appears to be less about a subconscious need to be mad or anything, and more an (apparently) typical PTSD symptom as someone who experienced significant childhood trauma and is now experiencing re-abandonment. According to my psych it 'happens all the time.' Not exactly comforting. We also just sent a genetic sample to an org that will run a screen for my compatibility with various psycho-tropic meds, grouping them into 'red, yellow, and green' categories so I can get something onboard to help with the anxiety/depression.

@@lachellove - thanks. It's a bit of a headtrip, to be sure, but I agree, I think it's in everyone's best interest. @@SassyNanny - I thought it had stopped, then I asked Mrs. Smye and nope, every night, roughly at 2 am, she hears me mumbling and pacing in my room, there's a loud crash every few nights. I woke up this morning with my jeans on. But I've absolutely zero recollection of any of it. Bizarre.

@@lachellove, thanks Lachelle. Quick update: Budget submitted, so I should have a more thorough update sometime tomorrow. In short: The Cartographer and I are still getting on as friends, so far so good? The Actress ROCKS, is currently committed to at least 2 years without a romance and it's lovely to have another friend in my life. On Sunday my friend The Gourmand and I will be making hundreds of sushi (maki, nigiri, gunkan, and sashimi) in a dry run of our work for AllRecipes. Should be a great time! Okay, nevermind, this is the longform update: This last week we had a real estate agent friend out to advise us on how to go about converting the house to a duplex by adding a central interior wall (cost estimate, impact on resale, etc etc). Long story short, her advice was DO NOT DO IT! We've got (apparently) somewhere between $200k and $250k in equity in the house (hooray for buying in late 2011 and it being an election year approaching summer) and, in her work over the last 30 years, she's helped a number of clients (which we are not) through similar divorces (one spouse realizes they are gay and it's amicable) and only once has living on the same property survived beyond the acquisition of a new partner. Additionally, the preschools and elementary schools that provide appropriate services for Little Smye are all out of the district we live in now. Her advice is: Sell the house this summer, use the profits to 1) give Mrs. Smye a large chunk of $ to survive on while she sets up her practice/downpayment on a small house for her/Little Smye 2) give myself a smaller chunk (only $80k) to completely zero out all student loans 3) reduce myself spousal support by way of the larger share of profits going to Mrs. Smye at the outset 4) Provide myself a larger portion of his income to be able to rent for a short while near to work and build a stockpile to buy again when the market next drops 5) provide Little Smye a stable, single move, landing in a near-forever home. It's utterly heartbreaking, but admittedly seems to be the most reasonable solution. I don't want to give up my home, but I can't afford to support my own mortgage, a household for Mrs. Smye once she moves out, AND make my student loan payments. And if Mrs. Smye is going to move westward towards better schools for Little Smye , I want to be near to them. My biggest anxiety (other than losing my wife [oh wait, that's already done] and not living with my son most of the time [in his best interest based on the careers of his parents]) is the financial aspect of all of this. Mrs. Smye took a low paying job and I acquired $80k in student loans in order to maximize our family's long-term earning potential, but with the divorce it leaves us both effectively screwed... except that we've got such equity in the house that we can effectively solve both problems (giving her enough of a cushion to live off of until she finishes her licensure and eliminating all of my student debt). We've not made any decisions at this point, but it's looking like we'll likely aim for a deal to be reached mid-end of spring with closing in early July (I have July off, which would allow for crashing on Mrs. Smye's couch while I hunt for a new home once we have her securely placed). We'll also likely stay married until after the house is sold as there are no capital gains taxes on up to $500k if we're married, but $250k if we're divorced. We'll then see about doing one of those 'self-guided divorce' deals for $800 rather than the $8-20k attorney-guided divorces.

@@woo woo - makes it amazing. To be more precise: The interior paste under the rind is creamy, clean and soft with tangy taste. The rind itself is the mildest sweetness of blue with the piquant flavor of a gorgonzola, but without the bitter ammonia oft associated with the ammonia. It's got that immediate blue tang, but without the blue-aftertaste, yielding to the grassy YUM of a chevre aftertaste. It's really quite delightful. Even folks who HATE the blue in my life tend to like it.

Welcome and congratulations!

I make a lot of my own cheese and sample just about anything I can get ahold of... Hands down my favorites are tallegio, as well as a blue-ripened chevre. If you don't want to order the blue log from a specialty dealer, find a log of standard chevre (goat cheese) and let me know and I can send you a 'how-to'... it's actually a piece of cake to make.

@@lachellove, thank you for checking in. That small gesture of support means the world. In brief - yes I am well. The Cartographer and I continue to be in contact with strict parameters, the Actress and I are spending time together as friends and I am on something of a dating hiatus. I'll be posting a more thorough update once I get this budget submitted to the board - yay for having a real job alongside everything else

@@Valentina - you have no idea how nice that would be. If you'd like to drive cross country and hit me over the head - i mean, if that actually works and everything reset - please feel free! And thank you.

Breakup Broken - here.