Smye

This week's recipe: eggs Baridict Do you ever miss brunch? This is for you!

@@Joz31, thank you. Your support means more to me than you can know. And, on a completely different note - congratulations on your weight loss so far!

In general 'food funerals' and 'last suppers,' although they might make us feel better and/or help with the emotional build up to the pre-op diet, in the long run usually hurt far more than they help, setting us up cognitively and subconsciously (and biochemically) for a restrictive/uninhibition cycle. http://www.academia.edu/934287/cognitive_changes_to_preloading_in_restrianed_and_unrestrained_eaters_as_measured_by_the_Stroop_task To actually answer the question, I think I had a slice of GF pizza and a salad, with the last of my homemade rootbeer.

@@OutsideMatchInside, great question! @@jess9395, HA! If only you were between the ages of 25 and 35, willing to relocate to the PNW, single, and eager to wait from 1-90 months for me to get my stuff together? @@CowgirlJane Thank you, and agreed on all counts. Thanks so much for your support. And by the by, I'm absolutely going square dancing in the next few weeks, as soon as Mrs. Smye is free to watch the little one. Oh, and I've gotten a few PM requests to share the 'it's over' message. After thinking about it, I think it would indeed be therapeutic to post rather than PM back, so here it is: "Hi XXXX, Sorry this has taken me so long to get to you - I want to make sure I get it right and, if I'm totally honest, I don't want to send it. Please do me the favor of reading to the end. Remember my comments about always striving to be transparent and live with authenticity? This is one of those times when it sucks, a lot. Let me begin by saying that, if you can trust this, at no point was I false, did I lie, or attempt to conceal anything from you. I like you a lot and have come to care for you a great deal. I really want to date you, to give a relationship with you a try and see where it goes. But I realized this afternoon that I don't think I'm ready like I thought I was. I've meant every word I've said to you, and I still do, but when I imagined our date, for real, suddenly I felt wrong... Nothing about you, just about me. I feel awful, but I wanted to be entirely up front with you. And to top it off, there's that little voice screaming "you idiot! What are you doing? You've had huge gaps in your needs from the day you got married, they've only grown over the years, and now you don't even get a goodnight peck from your wife. Why are you throwing away the closest immediate chance you've got to getting to kiss, cuddle, love and be loved?" But I think if that's the reason I'm pursuing a relationship, because I'm terrified of continuing not to have those things, that's the wrong reason to enter a relationship. That isn't remotely the entirety of why I wanted to date you, like I said, you're funny, kind, intelligent, strong, beautiful, and someone I genuinely enjoy. But I'm not certain I'm in a place yet where I wouldn't be motivated, from time to time at least, more by simply the desire to be loved than by my future love for you, and that's not fair to either of us. I've clearly got quite a bit of work left to do before I start pursuing another partner. I'm so sorry XXXX, I'm letting you know as soon as I realized it (well, within a few hours anyway), but despite my best intentions, this is in no way fair to you. What a way to start your vacation. I'm glad you've got support people close at hand. Take care, Smye" And after rereading that - wow that reads melodramatic, but there it is.

@@gowalking - thank you for your frankness. And no longer heading in that direction. On the bright side, the woman I disappointed is interested in being pen-pal friends when/if I'm ready for even that. Phew. @@CowgirlJane - I'm so sorry that happened to you. And you're absolutely right - I would never, ever contact someone with romantic intentions without full disclosure. When contacting this gal, my first message was the following: " Hi XXXXXXX, I'm in a bit of a unusual situation, but you seem like we might be a good match. My wife and I have been best friends since we were 5, we married 7 years ago. However, she recently discovered she is gay. It explains a whole lot of the challenges we've had in our relationship, but I have to admit, it totally rocked my world. That said, we intend to stay good friends and to fully coparent our 2 year old son together, but are both beginning to explore other relationships. We do NOT have and are not interested in an open marriage, we are looking for our next 'forever partners.' Reading through your profile, you seem like we might be compatible. I don't have a profile photo at the moment out of respect for Mrs. Harra's privacy - she has yet to come out to family and friends but I'm happy to email you a photo or post for a minute and then remove if we happen to be online at the same time if you like. A little about myself, should you be willing to connect given my rather unusual baggage (though it's entirely amicable): I am a high school principal, I love my son with all my heart, in my free time I socialize with friends, raise 80% of my own food, and binge-watch the X-files. I LOVE a good book, hiking in the woods around my house or swimming in our lake. I am not looking for 'hookups' and have never actually dated anyone, I just married my best friend, so I'm certainly nervous to be starting down this road, but I'm excited about being in a relationship with someone who is as attracted to me as I am to her and willing to accept that my soon-to-be ex-wife is still a part of my family. If you're willing to explore whether or not we'd be a good match, please let me know. If not, no worries, but I'll admit that confirmation of that would be great. I'm willing to be vulnerable, but, as Brene Brown would say, that includes asking for a 'no' if I'm not an option for you at all. Take care, Smye" It was intended to be a 'try one just to have done it' which now feels admittedly crass @@OutsideMatchInside, Yep and yep

@@Mandala27, Thank you, thank you, thank you. It sucks, it hurts like hell, but stories like yours help me make some semblance of sense of it all. Update: So I made the OKCupid profile, I even messaged someone on the advice of my therapist, essentially detailing the whole story and linking her here - just to test the waters. She wrote back, was entirely supportive and over the last week have struck up a conversation. I like her, she seems to like me. This afternoon she asked to set up a date next Saturday evening. Hooray! Or not. At that moment, it clicked - what the hell am I doing? I'm not ready yet. I've got a hell of a lot of work to do on myself before I go trying to form a committed partnership with someone else - not to mention the fact that I'm not remotely comfortable with casual dating. I feel awful, but I'm going to be emailing her after I post this to call it off and ask "may I contact you again in a few months? I'm so so sorry." And to top it off, there's that little voice screaming "you idiot! What are you doing? You've had huge gaps in your needs from the day you got married, they've only grown over the years, and now you don't even get a goodnight peck from your wife. Why are you throwing away the closest chance you've got to getting to kiss, cuddle, love and be loved?" But I think if that's the reason I'm pursuing a relationship, because I'm terrified of continuing not to have those things, that's the wrong reason to enter a relationship. And so on it goes. And oh yeah, Mrs. Smye already pulled back emotionally when I created the OKCupid account - still my best friend, but I'm no longer her primary emotional support. Dammit. But I believe waiting (for now, we'll see how I feel in the morning) is the best choice [totally joking about the 'in the morning' part].

@@bellabill, thank you so much for sharing your experience. You're right, I'm incredibly fortunate to find people like you to help me through this. You're a huge support! @@gowalking, I'm so sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing, I'm honored you would share your process after the loss of your first husband with me, I am wrestling with a deep desire to fully love and be loved and the need to make sure I'm making healthy choices - your reply is hugely supportive. @@fairee, Thank you for your compliments - they carry a lot of weight for me right now. I'm sorry for your loss also, congratulations to you for doing what was right for yourself. It's incredibly hard. And yeah, having been one and only since 5 is amazing, it's part of what's so scary about looking elsewhere - there's nobody else from my kindergarten classroom that's remotely interesting. Curiously, my therapist and I created my OKCupid account recently. In response Mrs. Smye made one of her own. It's weirdly terrifying and exciting! I've got a date lined up for the first weekend in October. On the flip side, once I had that set up, Mrs. Smye asked for more emotional distance between us - we're still best friends and coparents, but she'll no longer be processing externally with me through the deep stuff. Something else to mourn, but I think that stopping my own process to 'keep' her wouldn't be healthy for either of us. Thanks all for reading.

Your experience sounds nearly identical to mine

Phew, it's been a while, but the blog (and it's author) are back up. My apologies to all for the long hiatus. Recently, my personal life went sideways (thank you again for all of your support!) but things are mostly back on track and, at the very least, life feels stable/safe again, even if I have no idea what the future holds. More here if you really want to know. But now the reason you're really here - the food. Today's weekly recipe features pizza Bagels. It's been a great long while since I've had a chewy, slightly tough bagel, and this hits the mark almost perfectly! Eat them, love them, and let me know what you think.

@@Elode, every time I see your posts in the 'trending topics,' I'm filled with dread - the titles always read like one of those internet pop-up ads or the subject line of a spam email. Then I read them and sigh with relief. Congratulations!

@@OKCPirate, absolutely agree - though I use jerky as a convenience food also, it helps when you make your own.