julsofthenile

<p>I needed WLS. I wasn't comfortable and knew i needed some help. I was heavy most of my adult life and started to get nowhere because i was in the vicious circle of exercising,getting injuries and getting nowhere...I never would make time for myself as i felt guilty and there were just too many other things to do- kids, work, etc.... I also sought food to comfort me. So, I made the scary decision. it was the best decision of my life. I do not regret one moment of it. I am becoming the person i always felt was "me"...at 48! My husband is proud of me and he sees how hard i am working to get to my goal. My hubby and daughter have lost 15lbs each since i cook and we all are eating differently.</p><p>Currently, i am about 3 mos post surgery. I am pleased with my journey so far. I had a tough time in the beginning, which i attribute to not having any food or nutrients, but once i was able to eat anything, i started to feel 100% better. I guess my body just likes food. lol</p><p> </p><p>I have learned that it still takes hard work and determination to achieve goals and i have had to work hard to get the weight off this month. So, i guess my honeymoon phase is over. I have had a few days where i felt a little out of control, but i still didnt go over my 1200 calories for the day. I just "felt" like i used to before surgery and am trying to work through it. I imagine food will always be an issue at one time or another, but it seems much more mangeable now. i really like that i am not hungry all the time, but i do get hungry. I know this will forever be something i will deal with for the rest of my life and that is ok. There's no end here and thats the difference between dieting and a way of life. recognize yourself and work towards being a better person in all facets of your life. Don't ever give up. You cant fail if you dont give up/</p><p>I eat pretty much anything i want...nothing really bothers me. i've never thrown up. I did feel sick to my stomach once, but that's it. With that said, What i want is different now. I focus on protein and vegs mainly. Since i am a cook and that's not going to change, i am finding i am cooking new things. I limit carbs and do not have them at every meal anymore. But when i want a plate of pasta, i will have it; just not a plate! I have gone out to eat and we just order some appetizers and share them. There really is no sense in me buying my own meal. unless i can take it home.  What i eat now is different- my focus is different and i am gladly eating things i would never order before. i do not drink any calories except if i have an occasional alcoholic beverage. i do not drink carbonated beverages. I do not drink caffeine- didn't before my surgery. I track everything i eat and drink,  in a little notebook. I find its easy to forget what i eat if i don't record it right away....i record my weight in this book, too and all my vitamins. it keeps me accountable. I exercise on most days and twice on wednesdays since i do not exercise on thursdays. I probably average 5-6 days a week. i go all out and burn about 700 cals a day in 40 mins. I eat about 1200 cal/day. But this month I have only lost about 10 lbs. So, i dont know why. lol but i am very satisfied with the amounts i eat and what i have. It is a good way of life. if i really want a particular food, i have it. But if i do, i only have a serving.  i stay away from some foods i know will be triggers and are easy to overeat, like ice cream. i've been eating popsicles and they suit me fine. I eat snacks like sunflower or pumpkin seeds, beek jerky, cottage cheese, lf cheese, shrimp cocktail, chicken wings, or whatever i can find high in protein and low in carbs or calories.  i dont mind. i search out new foods i would never buy before. it makes it fun,  i make one homemade treat once a month, like cookies for my family, I will have a cookie, but only one and most of the time i throw some out since we don't gorge on them anymore. I weigh and measure most of my food....most of the time. I do not like to guesstimate unless its vegetables.</p><p>I added a kickboxing class to my schedule each week, and have added some walks to my exercise regimen so that i can continue to lose weight at about 10 lbs a month. </p><p>I have been scared that this process will just stop working for me. Even though i do what i am supposed to, i just feel like the jokes on me sometimes and that one day it will just stop and i wont get to my goal. If the scale doesn't budge, i start to say "well, this is it!!" and i get nervous. then, the scale will drop.  i started out at about 245 lbs for my 5'5" frame.  So, i have about 100 lbs to lose. I am half way to my goal. I have every intention of meeting my goal and doing whatever i have to get there. in the sense that nothing has worked for me in the past, since I have PCOS which makes you hold on to every single pound you have, i get freaked out when the scale doesnt budge. i know about plateaus. So, I am upping my exercise to keep on track of reaching my goal by July 2016 to be  at my goal weight- 1 yr and 100 lbs. I may lax off on that and may only reach 90lbs lost..  I'm not gonna sweat over 10 lbs. Depends on how i feel. I just want to be able to wear what i want and have energy and be healthy. personally,  I have no #. I'm just going by what i should weigh,  to not be categorized as overweight.</p><p> </p><p>i felt i was always a thin person in a fat person's body. Always told i was pretty,for a heavy girl...or that i really looked great for a larger woman. i never had any problem getting attention from the opposite sex. And if i was thin? well, then, i could get just about anyone i wanted and when i was younger, heads would turn. No i am not conceited. I'm outgoing and that makes a big difference. i've always had confidence in myself and carried myself as such. But, i wasn't feeling that anymore - i had passed my own "fat threshhold". i couldn't stand myself anymore. I am sure i never thought of myself as fat as i really was. i would always think i was smaller than some others i would look at...i would think they were fatter than me....but they werent. I guess its a warped sense of self. So, now i cannot trust myself in how i look. I need help with this, so it doesn't sabotage my results.</p><p>I've been married for a long time now so i am not in the market, but my hubby has stood by me, no matter thin or not. of course, i feel sexier and i am sure that my personality radiates that.</p><p> </p><p>I want to be the best i can be. that is all i really want.  I have things i want to do- i want to travel. I finally feel like a "normal" person. I feel like if i put effort in, i will get results.it takes determination and dedication and constant assessment of where you are. </p>