bandpal

Bandpal - you are too true - with everything!! You're like our resident band guru! Ahh, gimme a break... About the family - it's still going to be hard to face them with my gain, but still I have lost a lot of weight, and I'm actually quite happy at the weight I am at now. I need to remind myself of that, and how proud of myself I actually am, rather than the few pounds that I have gained (which I know will come off again anyway!) You should be proud and happy - you have worked hard for the progress you have made, and we are all witnesses to it here. Don't give anyone the power to humiliate you, even the people you love (I'm not saying this is easy...) I'm hoping and praying that once my fill level is good, and it is good for a prolonged period of time so that I'm forced to eat properly, then I will get out of the bad habits I have always had. I know you can do it! Whatever works... believe me, I'm still grappling with my own food issues, and slowly am starting to see more good days than bad ones.

Thanks for your poem, Sades - it reminded me of how everything came down to food in the "old days", about how my whole life revolved around what I was or wasn't eating or something having to do with that. Poetry for me is one of the art forms which I can enjoy directly even in this remote part of the world. And it speaks to my soul like few prayers do. I'll share with you something that hasn't left me since I read it: You Are Me You are me and I am you. It is obvious that we inter-are. You cultivate the flower in yourself so that I will be beautiful. I transform the garbage in myself so that you do not have to suffer. I support you you support me. I am here to bring you peace you are here to bring me joy. -Thich Nhat Han For me, this is a reminder to avoid self centeredness. I work on myself so that those around me may benefit from my change. And my goal in interacting with other people is not to get what I want, but not to harm anyone, and to enjoy and appreciate the other people (the other parts of myself, if indeed "you are me and I am you") with whom I come into contact, no matter how hard that may be.

Poetry has been a way for me to take full advantage of my band by keeping myself focused and centered in the present moment, so that I am not overwhelmed by guilt and shame from the past or fear and worry of the future (which invariably leads me to overeat, abusing the incredible opportunity which the band has given me). I'd like to share one of the poems I've read with you. I invite you to share your thoughts and feelings (I've added mine below) , and contribute poems or readings which have helped you as well. If you keep seeking the jewel of understanding, then you are a mine of understanding in the making. If you live to reach the Essence one day, then your life itself is an expression of the Essence. Know that in the final analysis you are that which you search for. This poem hit me right between the eyes... "you are that which you search for". So what am I if I dig in the fridge at 12:30 am... if I jump on the slightest imperfection in my wife's behavior... if I hang on a gossip-filled discussion, drinking it all in or waiting to throw more wood on the fire? How can I search for ways which will make me feel secure, content, ways will let me feel peace and joy and share that peace and joy with others? Is my searching drawing me toward my next binge or leading me further away from it, step by step? What do you guys think? What are you searching for?

This thread asks a crucial question: now that we have been banded, how do we deal with the stressors which caused us to eat emotionally - especially when our band is working less than optimally. This question is very important to me because I don't want to gain back all of the weight I have lost since having been banded. My band, as I see it, is a temporary intervention. It will not (and does not, as we all have experienced) always operate at top performance, and one day, months or years from now, it will leak or or open or otherwise malfunction (as we have already seen in the cases of Shortgal and Sades). Will I be physically, mentally or financially ready and willing to undergo another procedure? Until then, I have to regard this period as a valuable "time-out", a pit-stop in which to reshape my life, unlearn bad habits and learn new ones which will sustain me for the rest of my life (and, after losing nearly 100 pounds in nine months, hopefully I'll have many, many more years to concern myself with than I ever thought possible). With this in mind, I'd like to address some of the issues raised here: 1. mariegabrieleee wrote: "I try anew everyday and fall back... It’s about getting you mind to stop turning to food when times are hard, or your sad. It’s about breaking old habits, but they are so hard to break. I can’t seem to end this love hate relationship I have with food." Thank you, mariegabrieleee. That is a painfully honest description of what my life used to be like before the band. I hope I never go back to it. It's so hard to break those habits, that love-hate relationship. For me, the band has made it easier: a) I am less hungry, so the emotional stress isn't accompanied my the hunger pangs which made binging so irresistable for me. Over time, as I eat less and my stomach shrinks, I hope this trend will increase. :thumbdown: When I binge with the band, I can eat nowhere near what I used to. Sades alluded to this when she said, "I know the band will help combat some of that [cycle] because it is impossible to pig out on a full pizza ...". This is another thing the band has done for me: redefine my food choices and my general sense of limits. Many of my binge foods are inedible for me now. Those which I can eat, I fill up on much quicker than I used to. Maybe, maybe this redefinition will become permanent, and (even when the band is not at its best) I will not remember the many times when I ate an entire pizza pie (I bet I would have left you in the dust, my dear Sades). For years I tried to confront my emotional eating unsuccessfully, I now believe that one of the reasons why I always, always failed was that I ignored the physical component that the band is now addressing. I'm just not as hungry as I used to be. For as long as the band lasts, even when it's only kicking in partially, there is a muffler around the engine inside of me that constantly roared, "FEEEEED MEEEEEE!!!". That opens the door for time, and reflection, and change. I wish this for you, mariegabrieleee. If I can do it sometimes, you can too. 2. Linda, I very much identified with your feelings about meeting your family after your difficult period with food. Still, I believe that this stressor is something that we have to use this time to come to grips with, because otherwise it's going to knock us right back on our a--es, and after we gain all our weight back, they'll have even more to talk about. Think of how ironic it is: these are the people who know us and love us best, and whom have seen us wrestle with our food demons for decades. Seeing you heavier despite your efforts should be no surprise at all for them, if you think about it, and the only decent response they should have is compassion, acceptance and encouragement. I hate to say it, but I think there is something in the dynamic of many families (mine as well) that makes people actually want to see our efforts fail, because it reasserts the status quo and means that others do not have to confront their own problems because they'll probably fail just like you, so lets just watch some more reruns on TV. But all of that is never going to change - only we can. We have to stop suffering from performance anxiety, as if every family event was a circus and we were the trained seals. Ultimately, my current weight is only important as it is to me, and if other people seem to care about it so much, then either they have problems (possible) or I am projecting my own concerns and insecurities on to theirs (more than likely). If it's not important to me, then however important it is to them, how important can it be? If I'm in the right place, then someone else obsessing about my weight is going to be as funny as a car owner in my garage going on about what he thinks the problem is while I know what the problem is. I hope you enjoy your time with your family, Linda. If you need me to keep them in line, just give me a call. 3. Finally, one more thing - Linda, I think that if "the one thing [you] will do until I get the right fill is WATCH what I eat and do some form of exercise every day", then you are trying, alot more than you or most of us did before we were banded. I share you feeling of having "knocked [your]self out for ten years and... only got[ten]... fatter." But I have to remember that the band makes me different than I was before, and I have been more successful at "diet (there, I said the dreaded word) techniques" like counting calories and weighing and measuring than ever before, including all the failed years in WW and OA. I have more good days than bad ones, which is exactly the opposite of the way things were before. Whatever you do, Sades was right on the money when she said, "hold you head up... because you have achieved so much". Guys, this emotional overeating leads millions of people into the jaws of depression, misery, ill health and death every day. It is a tyrant that only tightens its vise as we get older. We have had a miraculous escape, and all that's left for us is to do as much as we can to ensure it's not a temporary one. Lets try to find the solutions that work for us, and share them with each other. I apologise for a ridiculously long post.

Name............Lbs Lost........% of wgt lost.......BMI QatarPhil...........55......................19%................32.2 (39.6) Foofy................48....................17.7%...............36.4 Sades...............44.8..................19.5%..............33.7 Shalee04...........68.....................27.4.................30.0 Bandpal.............95 .................33.2%...............31.3 (47 ) Skinny_Jill..........59.5...................26.8%..............30.8 Stephanie..........60.....................26%.................27.1 Hollyberries........113.....................31%.................36.2 linda.................52......................23%.................29.9 5 Abbisgood..........53.....................23%.................?? want2lose..........91.8...................32%................31 kandiceb............63.....................26%................27.6 Momto1plus1......75.8...................28.1%..............30.3 MollyBrown.........36.....................12.5%..............36.5 TxArcher............103...................25.75%.........52.8 to 39.2 Cindyg...............58.....................23%.................35 Close.................50.....................20%.................33.1 Tmusicmaker123..73.....................19%.................60.1 to 48.7 plump_princess....57.....................22%.................36 Mariegabrieleee....73.....................24%.................51.3 to 39.1 gabeekeeper.......101.....................30% ..................40.2 strangeratx........53......................23%.................31.4 Shortgal..............44.5...................20.5%.................32. 9 Robin_Bird............103.....................33.8%................30. 7 Staysee..............70.....................20%................48.4 Hajohnson1..........49.8....................18.2%..............39.8 lindseyann2u........70......................?%.................? Cherlita...............44.......................20%...............65 to 57.5 BandChick64..........104.....................34.67%.............31.6 tyman311..............61.....................31%...............41 to 28 (so far) BarbBee................80......................26%.................37. 5 Huskerette............54..(i gained)..........22%...............30.5 Firebolt.................45.....................19%..................3 3.5 Rachel.................63........................?%................28 .3 Teresajo..............93........................36%................27. 3 Aubrie.................65........................?%................31 TOTAL..............2429.2 (Lets Keep this TOTAL on the list)

Dear Sades, First, forgive yourself. Let yourself get better. Treat yourself as you would your best friend (I know this is not always easy). Being sick and getting motivated are strange bedfellows. Of course you feel burnt out and without emotional strength - look at what you've been through! Speaking for myself, if I can't accept and love myself for feeling the way I do, ain't no way I'm moving past those feelings. You can't "get back into it" because there is no "it" to get back into. You are in a new and different place - after a second operation, with a new band. The last eight months don't matter any more than you choose to let them. Write youself a blank check when you're ready to. September 3rd is just around the corner. I can already hear your future laughter about these tough couple of days. Please excuse my directness and take it as a sign of my affection for you.

Wendy, that was a moving, heartwarming story. Thanks so much for sharing the glow with us. I will carry it around inside of me all day. What an amazing feeling, to have so much love from your husband and from so many other people directed at you all at once. Happy Anniversary and best wishes for a speedy recovery to your Mom.

So that's it – I'm six cc's full. I had a beautiful ride up through the desert night in a 2008 Mazda with cruise control and a souped up sound system blasting Amy Winehouse, Terry Oldfield's Spirit of the World and an Israeli artist named MC Carolina who sings reggae tunes in heavily accented English. I drove up with a friend of mine from the kibbutz who was banded four months ago. There are at least seven of us in this little community of 500 whom have undergone some kind of WLS – pretty wild, huh? We were in and out of the clinic in half an hour, and back home shortly after midnight – two and a half hours there, half an hour in the office, two and a half hours back. Worth every minute. My friend is reading "When Love is Hunger" by Geneen Roth. Have any of you read it, or any other of her books? I slept last night without my CPAP. My doctor was surprised when I told him last night when I told him I was still using it. I'm waiting to get down to 80 kilo (176 lbs) before scheduling another night at the sleep clinic, but he told me to try sleeping without it now and to see how I feel. No objections here - maybe the world has seen the last of "Old Hose Nose", as my wife fondly nicknamed me. Anyway, it's nice to feel tight, to feel that delicious gurgle of water slowly percolating down inside my chest, and to feel nearly no hunger all day. I was in Eilat today and tried on a pair of size 34 jeans – I'm probably two week away from them. I also picked up a nice brown leather medium size belt. God, it's so good to be in this place – no more hiding from my reflection in mirror plated elevators, no more breaking out in a cold sweat of self hate in dressing rooms, no more feeling outrageously self conscious about dancing at our little pub or having people stand up and move out from behind the table so I can get by… it's so good just to feel a little closer, a little in sync with the rest of the world! That's it for now. I am working the late shift our Educational Tourism reception Center, I'll be here until 11:00pm, surrounded by ice cream, home-baked chocolate chip cookies, cheese cake and apple pie and completely indifferent to it all. Have a great day, everyone!

Ode to My Third Fill Tonight is my third fill. Insurance foots the bill, My bank account can chill. But hold it on the grill - 'Cause I wont eat until, There's frost upon the hill. Not one green sprig of dill, Shall pass though stomachville (perhaps i'll take a pill, that's been put through the mill). Who doesn't know the drill: At first I'll feel ill; Some spittle I will spill Upon the window-sill. I'll gasp and gag so shrill, You'd think I had a gill (it's not for every Jill, and not for every Phil). The Band's an act of will, Takes quite a bit of skill, But willing I am still, So through my port, Doc, drill - And my sweet dream fulfill!!!

I had a difficult morning at work today including a tense encounter with a co-worker. Thankfully, I didn't lose my temper or give into my propensity to feel sorry for myself or to continue to play the situation over again in my mind, deepening whatever feelings of anger or resentment I had developed. Instead I was able to express my frustration, apologize for my part and even see the humor in having had so many little obstacles put in my path early in the morning. Why am I sharing this with you? I can only speak for myself in six little words: this is what I ate over. Only by working on myself during this magical interval that the band has given me am I going to be able to make anything more than a temporary dent in the weight loss I am currently enjoying now. It's not easy for me. I have to fight my own denial and escapism for every drop of introspection, but I've obviously made some progress if I managed to sidestep what could've been a very upsetting morning. I'm thrilled with all the weight I've lost, and it's inspiring to read everyone else's posts about their progress. Soon I will hit the 100 pound mark, and that will surely be a happy day for me. But you know what guys? I got a little voice inside of me that says: "The only thing that really means is that you had 100 pounds to lose". Nearly all the weight I've lost is weight I've lost and gained before. Every number I delight in now as I step on the scale is a number I cursed before when I saw it years ago on the way up! My focus has to be on how to maintain this incredible change in my life, and for me, just for me, I know that this answer has to come from working on my emotions through some sort of a spiritual connection. What about you guys? Is any of this relevent for you? I truly don't mean to offend anyone or downplay anyone's accomplishments. I speak only for and of myself. I know my poetry thread didn't go over very big, but here's another poem which speaks (to me, at least) of some the issues I've mentioned above. I hope you enjoy it. Love to all of you, Bandpal Tired of Speaking Sweetly Love wants to reach out and manhandle us, Break all our teacup talk of God. If you had the courage and Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights, He would just drag you around the room By your hair, Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world That bring you no joy. Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly And wants to rip to shreds All your erroneous notions of truth That make you fight within yourself, dear one, And with others, Causing the world to weep On too many fine days. God wants to manhandle us, Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself And practice His dropkick. The Beloved sometimes wants To do us a great favor: Hold us upside down And shake all the nonsense out. But when we hear He is in such a "playful drunken mood" Most everyone I know Quickly packs their bags and hightails it Out of town. - Hafiz

I wish I knew how much my life would change for the better... I would've done this years before! Good luck!!!

Name............Lbs Lost........% of wgt lost.......BMI QatarPhil...........55......................19%................32.2 (39.6) Foofy................47....................17.5%...............36.4 Sades...............44.8..................19.5%..............33.7 Shalee04...........68.....................27.4.................30.0 Bandpal.............92.07..................32.1%...............31.8 (47 ) Skinny_Jill..........59.5...................26.8%..............30.8 Stephanie..........60.....................26%.................27.1 Hollyberries........113.....................31%.................36.2 linda.................52......................23%.................29.9 5 Abbisgood..........53.....................23%.................?? want2lose..........91.8...................32%................31 kandiceb............63.....................26%................27.6 Momto1plus1......75.8...................28.1%..............30.3 MollyBrown.........36.....................12.5%..............36.5 TxArcher............103...................25.75%.........52.8 to 39.2 Cindyg...............58.....................23%.................35 Close.................50.....................20%.................33.1 Tmusicmaker123..73.....................19%.................60.1 to 48.7 plump_princess....57.....................22%.................36 Mariegabrieleee....73.....................24%.................51.3 to 39.1 gabeekeeper.......101.....................30% ..................40.2 strangeratx........50......................21.7%.................31.9 Shortgal..............44.5...................20.5%.................32. 9 Robin_Bird............90.....................29.5%................32.7 Staysee..............70.....................20%................48.4 Hajohnson1..........49.8....................18.2%..............39.8 lindseyann2u........70......................?%.................? Cherlita...............44.......................20%...............65 to 57.5 BandChick64..........94.5.....................31.5%.............33.2 tyman311..............61.....................31%...............41 to 28 (so far) BarbBee................80......................26%.................37. 5 Huskerette............54..(i gained)..........22%...............30.5 Firebolt.................45.....................19%..................3 3.5 Rachel.................63........................72%................28 .3 Teresajo..............93........................36%................27. 3 TOTAL..............2334.47 (Lets Keep this TOTAL on the list)

Hey Cass - sounds like you gave yourself a great birthday present! Good luck with your first fill...

Congratulations, Harp - Let's see... I was in the hospital at 12:00pm and out on the street in a driving rain at 06:30 the next morning, so sometimes a delay can be a blessing in disguise. Good luck with the next few weeks, you are starting on a great adventure.

Congratulations, Jewels! It's important for all of us to remember how much we wanted this thing and how much we waited for it. Wishing you smooth sailing until the big day!

Hi Nicole, You might want to check out http://www.nutritiondata.com/ . When you look up the nutritional data of a food, they also present a "Nutritional Target Map" which displays how filling that food is as opposed to its' nutritional value. Some filling and nutritious mushy examples: Food qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqFullness Factor qCalories pumpkin, canned, without salt qqqqq4.4/5qqqqq 83/cup Beets, cooked, boiled, drained qqqqq3.7/5 qqqqq37/ 1/2 cup CREAM OF WHEAT, instant, prepared with Water, without salt qqqqqqqqqq3/5 qqqqqqq149/cup Oat Branqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq3.95/5qqqqq 88/cup zucchini, includes skin, cooked, boiled, drained, with salt qq4/5 qqqqqqq31/cup Good luck... having just enjoyed an hour of root canal, I'm back to mushies myself for a few days...

Good Luck Spealex, We're all rooting for you!!!

Good Luck, Beth! In some ways, what you're doing now sounds harder than the post op diet because you're doing it on an unbanded stomach. But believe me - if it all goes okay and you're ready to give the process suopport, there are miracles waiting for you ahead (check out the details in my signature if you want an example). Best of luck, keep in touch!

Hi Shortgal, For me the band is a tool, something I was fortunate enough to find at a time when I felt completely hopeless. I was 130 pounds overweight. I had gained fifty pounds since I had started to see a dietician. I was picking up comorbidities like sh-t gathers flies, and I hated myself. Into my life came this tool that made me feel full after eating almost nothing; that made binging much more difficult than it had been before, and that produced immediate and dramatic weight loss. I will always be grateful. I will never know whether the band saved my life, but as far as my quality of life is concerned - no question there. However, the band is a temporary tool - an intervention, a leveling of the playing field. Now that the field is nearly level (60 or so pounds away) I have to think about how to maintain my loss, a maintanaince which may very well take place without the band. This is a time for me to internalize the things which the band has helped me to feel. I know I will not die if I don't have my nightly inhaling session with the fridge. I know one bad day doesn't have to lead to another. I know that I lived for a week on liquids and that nothing happened to me. I know what feeling full and not stuffed feels like. And I know a lot more about the empty places inside of me which lead to my binging, and how to approach them. We all have to prepare for life without the band. You just got there sooner than we did. I'm so sorry for the way it happened, but I hope you'll keep sharing with us because we are all going to be where you are at some point in our lives, and this is just another way in which our shared experience can help each other. Your experiences have a lot of value to us. Amd, whatever benefits you did or didn't get from the band, you got our friendship and support - hang on to that!

Poetry has been a way for me to take full advantage of my band by keeping myself focused and centered in the present moment, so that I am not overwhelmed by guilt and shame from the past or fear and worry of the future (which invariably leads me to overeat, abusing the incredible opportunity which the band has given me). I'd like to share one of the poems I've read with you. I invite you to share your thoughts and feelings (I've added mine below) , and contribute poems or readings which have helped you along the way as well. If you keep seeking the jewel of understanding, then you are a mine of understanding in the making. If you live to reach the Essence one day, then your life itself is an expression of the Essence. Know that in the final analysis you are that which you search for. - Abu-Said Abil-Kheir (967 - 1049) This poem hit me right between the eyes... "you are that which you search for". So what am I if I dig in the fridge at 12:30 am... if I jump on the slightest imperfection in my wife's behavior... if I hang on a gossip-filled discussion, drinking it all in or waiting to throw more wood on the fire? How can I search for ways which will make me feel secure, content, ways will let me feel peace and joy and share that peace and joy with others? Is my searching drawing me toward my next binge or leading me further away from it, step by step? What do you guys think? What are you searching for?

Thanks Froggi - I'll be stopping by.

Dear Judy, I was sad to read that your band had to be removed. I know that you can make the best of your situation. It's true that you did make great strides forward with apparently no restriction and that is an accomplishment which I hope you can appreciate and build on. Take things day by day. I truly feel for you and wish you all the best. Love, Bandpal