kimmi5207

I really need some support right now. This is long, so I apologize in advance. This board was just the best place for me to turn to. I have 2 best friends - I've been friends with both of them for 26 years (since I was 5). One ® is obese, the other (K) has basically been a size 6 or 8 her whole life, and is just trying to lose the last 10 lbs from her pregnancy. My obese friend ® is the one who invited me to attend the lapband seminar with her. Afterwards, with the information, I was much at ease and begin considering it, especially since it was much less dangerous than gastric bypass, and I know at least 5 people who have successfully had gastric. It turned out R's insurance excluded the surgery, but I've been approved and am having it Dec 28th. So far, only my mom, dad, and my friend "R" who invited me to the seminar know that I'm having lapband surgery. Out of the blue today, my skinny friend "K" asked if I ever went to that seminar with "R" and what she thought of it. I told her it wasn't covered under her insurance, and she said "Good" and then started talking about how she didn't think people should have surgery just to lose weight, etc. So I'm sitting here, knowing I'm having it in 3 weeks listening to this (which reaffirmed my decision not to tell her because she obviously won't be supportive). I did make a comment to her that when people have 100-150 lbs to lose, its practically impossible to lose it on your own and keep it off. She said yeah, I've been trying to just lose 10 lbs. To make a long story short, now I am doubting myself. Wondering if I am putting myself at risk of dying "just to lose weight" when I could leave my 15 year old son without a mother. He will be out of town with my father when I have the surgery. He sees his dad, who doesn't even pay child support or attend his birthday parties or sports events, etc 2 days a month. His dad lives a totally different lifestyle - its always been just the two of us (me & my son). I couldn't forgive myself if I elected to do something that caused my son to lose me (even though I guess I would be dead I wouldn't even know). As you can see, my state of mind is not good right now...I don't know why I am letting my friend affect me like this. Now I'm thinking about death. Something that I hadn't really worried about after I saw the video of the actual surgery. I've always had a fear of dying and leaving my son to end up living with his father. It took a lot for me to be strong enough to undergo this surgery. Its not a decision I took lightly. I've had surgery before (cesearean when I had him) and that was much more invasive, and I was up taking care of him the next day, and obviously I lived. I don't know what I'm looking for in writing this post......maybe just letting my fears out, maybe asking if others had the same fear, or dealt with the same situation with a friend. I should be able to tell my best friend that I'm having surgery, but she has always been a very judgemental person. Thanks in advance for any wise words....

She has been very supportive. I did feel really bad that I am getting it done, when I went to the seminar to support her because I knew she wouldn't go along. So I credit her for bringing me there, where I got accurate information and was able to make this choice. At first, I felt very guilty any time I would brint it up. I did talk to her, and I asked her if it bothered her for me to talk about it - that I did not want to be insensitive to her. I asked her to be honest, that I wouldn't be offended and I would totally understand. But she is glad one of us can get it, and she says I am her "guinea pig" for the surgery. Both her and her husband plan to change jobs within the next year, so she's hoping that they will get new insurance coverage. She has been a great friend and has supported me so much in this. I think it may be harder once I lose a lot of weight, but I think we will make it through that. After 26 years, we've made it thru worst!

I told my son about the surgery last night - things went much better than I could have ever expected. :whoo::clap2:He knew a family friend that has had the band - he saw him after not seeing him for a while and my niece had told my son that the man had gotten "the band". So my son was already familiar with the results of it - he said that this guy has lost a lot of weight (I've only seen him before, haven't seen him since his surgery). My son did express concern that he would be out of town - he wants to be in the waiting room. I assured him that Nana was going to be there with me and woud take care of me. I did tell him it was very low risk, but just in case something did happen, that my father would take care of him. But I told him that I could be in accident, so its always best just to be prepared. That if I thought that it wasn't safe, I wouldn't take the risk of leaving him. He asked how many people had died of it - I told him only 1 that I had been able to find on the internet. I also discussed my reasons for it - let him know it wasn't just to lose weight, although I do want to lose weight and look better. That you can only get the surgery if there is a health problem, and that it would help prevent future problems such as diabetes. Anyway, I feel much better now that I've told him. He knows that I start my pre-op diet Friday and that for the month after surgery, I will eat much differently (i.e. not much) and that the band will help me to not feel as hungry and won't allow me to overeat or I'll get sick. I always worry so much - I worried a lot about telling my father, and he turned out to be very supportive. Thanks to everyone for your wise advice - especially for advising me to sit down and talk with my son.:clap2:

Thanks to all of you for your wonderful thoughts and comments. Sorry I have not responded sooner - I have not had access to a computer. All of you have excellent points. I am much better now. I remembered that this isn't just a whim. Part of the reason I'm doing it is for my health and for my son. When I got my old medical records last week (after posting this), I saw that back in 2000, I was having chest pressure and I was having trouble breathing and I was mentioning to my doctor that I was concerned about my weight. This isn't a new problem. It's not something I haven't tried to "fix" before. I have too many records of weight loss (and regain) that I can't even keep count. I do feel that this is meant to be, because the doors have just seemed to open and things flowed so smoothly (and quickly). Insurance approved on the first try. Surgery will be exact 2 months and 1 days since I attended the seminar. I feel like God has been opening the doors, and has made me open to it. Also, I will discuss the surgery with my 15 year old son. My pre-op diet will start this Friday, and I will how him the information. He is more than old enough to understand, and he does see that I'm always "too tired" after work, or that I don't feel well, etc. I will present him with the reasons I'm doing it and the facts about why it is low risk, in comparison to what I may face if I don't do anything. Also, even though he would never outright say it to my face, I know it is difficult for my son with me being overweight. Embarrassing. And he is so active - plays sports year round. So its hard for him to get me always being tired. So a good talk is in order. Thanks for all your wonderful advice.

Thanks for the website link. Makes me feel even better, as i have these "doubts" as the day approaches (alternating between being totally calm and confident to freaking out). I'm also in Houston. From what I understand, he does fly down for our post op appointments, and our fills will be done by a nurse. I do intend to ask him at my pre-op what do we do if an emergency arises, since he will be in Richardson...

I am looking at using Dr. Frank Felts thru True Results/Lap Band Solutions. He works out of Dallas and Houston. Does anyone have any experience with him in either office? If you have used him for the Houston office, how was your experience with the staff and aftercare? How did it seem to work with him having a practice in both cities? If you used him in Dallas, how was your experience with dealing with him personally as a doctor? I have been in for a seminar that he talked at, and I've had my medical evaluation, and am awaiting insurance approval. If everything goes as planned, I will be having surgery Dec 21st, so I can recuperate over my Christmas vacation before returning to work. Thanks for your help.

I think you just described exactly what I am going thru today. I haven't been handed yet. The whole "deciding" to have surgery instead of "having to" have surgery (like for my cesearean when there was no advance notice). I think that is what I am struggling with, even though I've been fighting my weight for 9 years and over the years I've had chest pains, back pain, etc not to mention a family history with everything you can imagine that obesity can contribute to. I know I need to do something about my weight and what I've done in the past hasn't lasted longer than a few months at a time. But still, I am having the cold feet thing today although I'm 3 weeks out - probably due to talking to an unsupportive friend just a few minutes ago!

First website didn't seem to take me to the right place.....2nd one worked fine. I just had to click on the 2nd tab - favorite recipes.

Thanks for sharing your great find! I will have to save those websites! I'm 23 days to banding too, and on the 14th, I start my shakes. I am a very picky eater, and I know I will need something to help improve the taste and help make it easier to stick to.

I also have the same fear. I have a son about to turn 15. I'm a single mom and I do not want him to end up with his father (long story). That's my main fear. I have made out my will (although I need to get it signed & notarized). Actually I made it months ago before seriously considering this surgery because as a single parent, I need to have one. You never know when you walk out the door in the morning whether or not you will be in a car accident. Nobody plans to die, in general. I have my parents down as guardian for my son, but still, I worry about him ending up with his father just because I wanted to lose weight. I've had a cesearean, not its not like I haven't had major surgery before, but that was 15 years ago! I'm not really scared of dying during surgery (One of reasons I didn't do gastric was because it does have more dangers and I was scared of that surgery). I think my fear is....I don't know. I go back and forth. Between completely content and excited and can't wait, to "what if something goes wrong and I lose my life for vanity?" But then I have to remember, its not for vanity. It's so that I can walk from my office to my car with out being in excrutiating back pain. It's so I can be healthy. So I can have more energy and do more things with my son. Yes, I want to look better and I think it will help with my self esteem, but I know I'm not doing it only for that reason. I wouldn't risk it just for the sake of looking good. I think the idea of writing a letter to your child explaining why you made this choice is a great idea. I think I will do that, just in case. The next 23 days are going to seem like forever!

Thanks. It seems like he has a good reputation. I'm glad to know that he is very thorough and likes patients who have a lot of questions because I definitely have my list ready! Congratulations on your surgery!

I think so....doing google searches, I found references to facial/skin care.

Thanks! As long as they work with skim milk, that's fine for me. Mixing it is a great idea. I like chocolate, but I was thinking that it would get old after a while but I'm not a big fan of vanilla. So I may try mixing them together also. Does your husband just have the shake with milk, or does he add fruit/ice, etc to make it into a smoothie? The lady associated with the doctors office is a representative, so she can give me the 35% discount off the online price and the shipping isn't bad. Thanks again for your help.

All of you helped tremendously! I think I started to have a little panic attack, but its better now! Yes, I am in accounting! Month end close are can't miss days unless you are in a hospital.... I'm glad to hear that some of you had the surgery Friday and were back at work Monday. Due to the new year being on Tuesday, I already took that Monday off. So I won't have to be back until Wednesday. It's also nice to hear Dr. Felts called to check on you. That makes me feel better. At least with my work, I'm dealing mostly with paper, and not people, and I can close my office door to keep others from bothering me too much if I'm still not completely up to speed when I return. Thanks so much! Thanks to all of you.

Thanks everyone! Looks like I should pick up knitting! I remember trying that as a teen - I never could get the hang of it. I definitely can't afford to start shopping! I did cross stitch a lot when I was younger and I was really good at it and even used to frame some items. I still have a lot of stuff in the attic (although its probably too old). I think I may get some new patterns and supplies and relearn it. Cleaning is a good idea too - I always have stuff around the house to clean with a teenager! Thanks everyone!

I did call back and talk to the office, and they said that I do not have to sign the consent form in advance. I can bring it to my pre-op appointment, and sign it after I talk to him. She said it had never been a problem before, but if I felt more comfortable waiting, I could. She also assured me that he had no deaths or stomach perforations. So I guess I feel a little better. Still would like opinions on everything else though!

How you do make it thru the wait, while you are waiting to hear whether or not your insurance approved or denied the surgery? The "not knowing" is horrible. And the more I read various posts, the more scared I get that I am getting my hopes up for nothing. :phanvan The anxiety is driving me crazy....I don't want to be optimistic, and then be disappointed. But at the same time, I'm doing all this research and talking with people who have had WL surgery to see how they liked it, etc. I've even gotten the support of my mom and dad (and I thought my dad would be completely against the lap band-he shocked me with his support). And I've tried so many diets, and lost 40 or 50 lbs, but I always gain it back with additional weight. I can't seem to do this long term on my own, so I really need insurance to cover part of it (because I can't pay $13K for surgery). The office said I should know in 1 to 2 weeks (it's been 1 week), but from what I've seen on here, United Healthcare can take forever sometimes, and then deny you. And of couse, right now we have the Thanksgiving holidays, so nobody is going to be looking at it then. The doctors office actually asked if I wanted to schedule surgery for November 30th, so they seemed pretty confident of a quick approval from United Healthcare, but I can't take off the beginning of the month, so if I'm approved, I'm going to have it during my Christmas vacation time. I've heard that some people call their insurance company to check the status of their request, but I'm scared that if I call the insurance company directly, I may mess something up and cause myself to be denied. Just wondering how others made it thru this. If you did call to check on the status of your request for preapproval, exactly what did you ask when you called in? Thanks!

How do you adjust the ticker as you lose weight? Thanks

Congratulations on your fast approval!!! :clap2: I think it really has something to do with it being the end of the year. It seems everyone is being approved so quickly! I completely understand the shock that comes with being approved fast and knowing that the surgery is actually really coming - its scary! I keep thinking - 3 weeks from today, and I'll be sucking on an ice cube after surgery! I'm trying to make out my lists of what to buy and what I'll need. If you look under one of the presurgery threads, at the very top there is a thread that has some lists that people posted their lap band shopping lists, or things they wish they would have had before or after surgery and didn't. It's very helpful. Congratulations again! Do you have any idea of when your surgery will be?

No, you helped a lot. I didn't know that the surgical center would take payments - I've heard of people being told to show up with thousands of dollars right before surgery, so if they will work something out with me, that will work out perfectly. I'm definitely not going to let the cost stand in my way. I'm set on having this surgery on December 21st, no matter what! I spent over $4000 this year trying to lose weight with personal trainers and a weight loss center, so my possible $2300 out of pocket will be nothing compared to that, except that this weight loss try will be long term and I won't have to repeat the same cycle over and over. You have been very helpful. I really appreciate all your answers, and letting me know how everything works with the center. It has helped put my mind at ease. The "unknown" causes a lot of anxiety for me, so it helps to have answers. Officially 3 weeks to surgery day! I am so excited and ready to begin preparing. It's so hard not to tell everyone! But I'm only told my mom, dad, best friend, and I will tell my teenage son before surgery.

That's great news! I got a call yesterday from the doctors office, with the amount to pay him & the anestiologist (sorry, mispelled). I was surprised by how low it was! Much less than I was expecting. Then I discovered later that the real cost is the facilty charge. They bill separately, so I had to call them. They can't tell me how much because they haven't gotten my file yet, but from my calculations, it will basically be the remainder of my out of pocket expenses allowed by my insurance company - I have about $2,250 left to reach my max out of pocket. The facility cost is $14,500 (before insurance). I was shocked because the doctor was so low. The facility originally said I would get a call about 3 days before my surgery with the cost. I thought that was kind of crazy and told her I needed to know before then, so I can make sure that I have the money. I hope they will take payments also. I get my bonus in February, and could pay it off completely. It really would be better if I did the surgery in 2008, when my FSA benefits reset, but Christmas vacation is the only extended time I have off work until March, and I'll have gained another 20 lbs at the rate I'm going right now! And I definitely don't want to wait until next summer. By then, I hope to have lost a lot ofweight so I can finally enjoy the pictures we take on summer vacation!

Called my insurance company today and got the great news - Approved! On the very first try! I called last Wednesday before Thanksgiving and they didn't even show they had received anything. But it was approved yesterday, the Monday after Thanksgiving. Took a little over 2 weeks from my first visit for my medical evaluation, to my final approval, and that includes the thanksgiving holidays! The doctors office did say I was lucky...approved on the first go around and they only required a letter of medical neccessity. I had typed up a list of my weight loss history and had it when I went to my initial appointment (i.e. different tries at Weight Watchers & Quick Weight Loss centers, and included my starting and ending weights and the amount lost). Of course each time I started a new one my weight was always higher than it was when I began the one before it! I guess they accepted that, since it was pretty detailed and dated back to 1999. SO HAPPY!!!!!! Now I just have wait to hear from the financial person at the doctors offie to tell me what my portion of the costs will be.

Wow. I just looked at your results between surgery day, and current, and it's great! Thank you for your great response. It is very reassuring! I just received a call about my costs from Dr. Felts office, and I have a billing question for you. Did you use insurance? If so, how did the facility charge work out? Dr. Felts office called and gave me the fee for the doctor, and the max that I would have to pay for the anestesiologist (sorry for the mispelling). All together, that was $360. I was amazed (expected it to be much more). She said the facility bills separately and that I would have to call them to get their cost. She gave me their number. I called them, but since I'm not in their system yet, they haven't called my insurance and can't tell me how much I will have to pay. She just assured me it would not be more than my out of pocket maximum, which i know is $2400. Then she said I would receive a call 3 days before my scheduled surgery with the amount! I told her I needed to know earlier than that, so I can make sure I have the money and plan for it. So I asked if they have a set charge for the facility, and then I could figure out the amount based on my 15% copay. She didn't seem to want to answer, but I told her there has to be a set facility fee-that can't vary depending on the patient-only the amount they have to pay depending on their insurance. So finally she told me it was $14,500. 15% of that is $2,175. I was shocked that the facility was that much - so much more than than the $360 that I would have to pay the doctor & Anest. Does that sound right to you? Also, I had based what I would have to pay on 15% of the $12,900 price they advertised which covers the total package including the doctor and facility. I asked her how the facility charge could be more than that, but she said that's only the price for cash customers because insurance pays differently. Which I understand-insurance normally discounts the amount billed before they pay out. Anyway, just wanted to know how the financial part with the surgical facility worked for you (I don't have to have exact #'s). Did it run smoothly? The tone of the lady I was talking to was a bit rude (the doctors office was quite friendly and helpful). Thanks again!

I've been staring at the phone the last 2 days, waiting for them to call and give me my exact amount to pay after insurance, as well as schedule my surgery as definitely being on the 21st. No call so far! During the other 2 weeks, I contacted them 2 or 3 times, so I don't want every department knowing my name, so I'll give them until Monday, and then I will call, because it will be less than 3 weeks away and I will need to be thinking about a preop diet!

Thanks everyone! Heather, I'm glad you got approved so quickly also! Especially before you insurance changed! No telling what the hassle may have been then! Good luck with your surgery!