CanyonBaby

So most of you know my husband's plight with colon cancer, and we had a major set back that landed him in the hospital for an additional 12 days. He's out now, thinner, weaker, and a major pain in the you-know-what right now. But he is alive and recovering, which is good. What I DIDN'T expect out of all of this was to find who I am, WHAT I am, and how I found all of that out. My surgery was on Dec. 3rd of last year. About the time my husband's cancer was diagnosed (May), I came to a standstill in my weight loss. Due mainly to loss of concentration of my program, and losing the focus of me. I had lost about 60lbs, but there is more to be lost. This last "adventure" at the hospital woke me up. I found losing my appetite due to the seriousness of my husband's condition really helped me re-start my program. I ate mostly Protein shakes and bars, for the mere sake of portability and need for speed. I brought cheese sticks and portions of meat for my meals, and virtually wiped carbs off the menu. What I discovered was I was able to control my nervous eating much better, wasn't nearly as hungry as before, I could go farther without a snack, and I didn't think about food during the interim periods. But I had all this negative energy that had to go somewhere. Crocheting just wasn't cutting it any more. So, I went back to my first and true love, drawing. I am an artist, and have works in several National Parks, National Forests, and even Hoover Dam! But I stopped drawing about 10 years ago due to major burn-out. I grabbed a small, portable tablet, some wonderful artist's pens, and went to it. I easily finished a drawing a day, and my new work is far better than any I have ever put out before. I attribute that to the forcing of the negative energy into a positive outcome. And I didn't even need to do preliminary line drawings to accomplish the work! The drawings flowed smoothly and professionally, as if I had never ceased drawing! My husband's surgeon even asked me TWICE if I would draw his portrait!!! Wow, what a compliment!!! He asked, when he saw my work, if THAT was who I was....what a profound question, and what a round of thoughts it provoked... Yes, it IS me. It is who I have been all this time, but never allowed out for some unknown reason. And how sad I let it go for so long. No more, though. Since I have been home from the hospital, my best work ever is now on my drawing table, ready to be finished. It is the portrait of Dave's surgeon. Not QUITE what he is expecting, I'm sure, but my interpretation. And I have to say it is GOOD. Awesome, in fact. And I can say that objectively, since I can recognize when my work is good and not. I'm sure he'll be surprised, hopefully in a good way. I hope so, I will be seeing him for decades to come, so he tells me! The moral of all of this is I found Jen again. Slim, talented, courageous, and strong. I have to be. Yesterday I had to have yet another "baby" put to sleep...an aged cat who had many health issues. So hard to do, and death has been my companion for over a year (due to the loss of many "babies", and my husband's health issues). We all fight this weight battle, but put it in perspective, people. Think of what is doing for you, what it is making you able to achieve for perhaps the first time ever. Don't give the enemy more power than it deserves. If you WANT it, FIGHT for it. And take control of your life, it is the only one you have. Be strong and of good courage; talk to us, let us help you on your journey. We are here for you.

Well, here we are again, back in the hospital (since Friday evening, actually), this time Dave has a bowel obstruction. And it has been quite a time. Friday brought immense pain, vomiting, and a quick ride to the hospital. No idea of when he will get out, but at least the obstruction is easing a bit. He has more tests today to find out the cause. His pain has eased, but he is so weak...could it be that he hasn't eaten since Friday morning????? Now THAT is a diet!!! He is now on liquid nutrition through an IV, and is slowly regaining some strength. His nose tube came out this morning (Hallelujah!!!), and hopefully his drain from the initial surgery will come out soon. It has really been bothering him. His surgeon is truly an angel, but you can't tell him that or he goes into his "surgeon-thing" again!!! Man, this is getting old. In hospital, out of hospital.... I get so tired just from running back and forth to the house to let the dogs out, and no, there isn't anyone to help with that, unfortunately. My big guy (Canyon) likes to bite, even though it is in play, no one else knows that. And my little guy (Cade) has developed a mischievious side....he now wants to pee on me????? WHAT IS THIS???? Rebellion or something far more sinister, I ask??? It isn't enough that Dave has thrown up all over our walls, the kitchen floor, AND me.... Now a little dog wants to join in on the fun???? AUGHHHHH! At what cost Sainthood???? It is just a day....but it IS a day!!! Be thankful, jen, it is still a DAY!!!

A bit of a break, a respite, if you will....back at the house to get ready for Dave's hospital release tomorrow. He has discovered pain. Poor guy. It hurts to heal, don't we all know it!!! But his pain is a little worse, considering what he has been through, it is not surprising. Now, how do I sleep through that?! Up to the guest bedroom for me, haha! And a baby monitor to keep me company!!! Somehow the two are inter-related........ You guys are just great, and pick me up off the floor. I have to say the exhaustion from the past several months are getting the better of me, not sure how to unwind from that. Doc reiterated what he said yesterday about cancer-free, so I KNOW I didn't dream it!!! Please forgive me for a bit of a break, I think I need to hibernate for a while!!!!! Love you all....Jen

@@mskami77 For YOU! "Hope is faith, holding out it's hand in the dark." (George Iles) I know your pain, I have lost many, as well. Love you...

@@Elode You know, I thought of that AFTER I posted it, HAHA! Hurts my eyes, too...or is that the unending weeping for joy and relief???? I may never know.....

Cancer-Free!!!!! It is official, and what I have been waiting for, for over 5 months. My husband Dave, is now cancer-free, out of the mouth of the surgeon, himself. The pathology came back with minimal lymphatic cancer cells, which means there will always be the possibility of return, but the surgeon is very optimistic about Dave beating this forever. From stage 4 colon cancer, intense chemotherapy, HIPEC surgery, and now surgical recovery, 6 more chemo treatments, onto a future bright with hope. HOPE. NEVER give up, people. NEVER!!!! Pray until you can't anymore, let the Lord hear your plight, your love, your hope, and BELIEVE! Miracles DO happen, and even though Dave has a long, hard road of recovery ahead of him, those 2 words "Cancer-Free" has given him what he (WE) needs to get through this. His epidural comes out today, and the real pain will begin. NO PROBLEM......we CAN deal with it! We WILL. The 6 remaining chemo treatments will be horrible, but we WILL sail through them. On God's wings, my friends. HOPE. FAITH. TRUST. I read in my little devotional a description of the word HOPE: "Hope is Faith, holding it's hand out in the dark." And we have lived that way, since hearing those horrible words (colon cancer, stage 4) over 5 months ago. Our hands, held out, to grasp the Lord's hand, with our eyes shut tight. He not only grabbed on, but yanked us out of that pit, hoisted us onto His shoulders, and gave us the PEACE of knowing we are fully enrobed in His Almighty, All-Powerful, and Most Merciful love. He has a plan for us, and I know one thing: Dave, now healed, can once again go back to doing what he loves, saving others, because of God's unyielding GRACE. So, once again, I (OUTLOUD, for the WHOLE world to hear) THANK YOU, MOST MERCIFUL AND HEAVENLY FATHER, FOR THIS BLESSED GIFT OF LIFE. FOR MY HUSBAND, FOR MYSELF, FOR ALL WHO WILL BE SAVED BECAUSE OF THE OPPORTUNITY TO SERVE YOU. Amen. And I thank all of my BP friends, who have SO LOVINGLY given of your hearts and prayers for Dave's healing. I am humbled by you. Love, Jenifer

Tired, but blissfully happy now that we know the extent of the cancer, and the removal of said cancer. Cried myself to sleep last night, as a release from months of worry, stress, and fear of the unknown - so much so I can't even verbalize it. There is hope, and when we find out the pathology of the lymph nodes, we, at least, will be able to form a game plan. I really expected the surgeon to come out of surgery saying Dave was full of the cancer, BUT HE ISN'T!!!! And he didn't com out saying that - but you get to the point that that is where you are at, you know? So, with that great weight off my shoulders, a bit of release was in order. Exhausted, and I don't even do much but sit and watch him sleep. He DID discover pain, today, and NOT in a good way! NOW he knows what pain REALLY is, as he has never had any physical issues (pain) before this. Even with the epidural, he has great pain where the drain is placed. A long road awaits him. As for me, last night, on the way home from the hospital, it was raining (first time in several months!), and a thought came to mind: Even rainy days ARE DAYS!!! Days we might not have under different circumstances, but DAYS, nevertheless, even if they aren't so pleasant and filled with unimaginable horrors. I thought "I must embrace the rainy days, as well as the sunny days, because they are given for a reason - maybe it is not for me to know the reason at this time, but they are important days, just the same.". And even though I am being incredibly philosophical right now, I have learned a great and invaluable lesson...to value ANY day that is given to me, especially if it is one spent with my loving husband, sick or healthy. So in my chair, as I sat next to him all day, I was AT PEACE, for the first time in many months. And I sat there, crocheting and reading magazines and watching the unending city traffic whiz by for HOURS on end, at peace. What a day. Thank you, Lord, for it. Good night, friends.

And so here I am, thanking ALL of you for your gracious support, prayers, and such caring hearts! Dave has successfully gone through his surgery, which lasted 6 hours (very short according to the surgeon). He actually had very little cancer, just where the tumor on the colon was, on two spots of the abdominal cavity wall, and POTENTIALLY on a couple of lymph nodes, which results of won't come back from pathology for a week or so. All in all, the doc said he did great, and he is, indeed, doing great! Thanks to an epidural, he has no pain, but has tubes coming out from all angles. He will be in hospital for at least 10 days, and of course, that depends on a lot of things. So I ask for continued prayer, for a speedy recovery, no complications or infections, and the surgeon telling us Dave is in remission (PERMANENETLY!!!). I cannot thank you enough, as usual, but I DO thank you. I wish I could hug each and every one of you, so instead, here's a virtual hug....HUG!!! I am so proud to know you all, and I hope we always keep in touch. Now, back to the hospital for me, and tomorrow, 2 crazed pups will come home from the kennels to harass me. Ah, LIFE. Ain't it GREAT!!!!! Love ya...Jenifer

For those who have been following my husband's epic "adventure" with colon cancer, our "moment" has arrived.... Tomorrow is Dave's surgery, starting at 8am Pacific Time. I have successfully put 12lbs on that guy, and not gained any myself...now how did I do that???!!!! But the surgeon was very impressed! This surgery should last anywhere from 5 to 12 hours, including the liquid radiation/swish phase. It will be a very long and challenging day for both of us, so I am asking for prayers - all are heard, all are answered, by our Almighty Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!!!! We pray for a successful surgery, with no complications or infections, complete eradication of all cancers, a speedy recovery, and a cancer-free future for this man who puts his life on the line everyday to save others. I cannot thank you enough for your caring support through all of this, and tomorrow will be the end of a very long, scary road. After his surgery, the journey will take a different direction, and full remission is our goal!!! Even though Dave has many trials still ahead (recovery, followed by 6 more chemo treatments, and, of course, the unknown); the surgeon, oncologist, and Dave and I, have faith good results will come tomorrow. We take each day as it comes, and TRY not to borrow tomorrow's troubles, as God only equips us for THIS day. And I have to say, with all of our dear friends (bariatric pals included!!!), tomorrow at 8am the heavens will be filled with awesome prayers for a dedicated soul, who has met this challenge with a smile on his face, compassion for our fellow cancer patient-friends, and a strong desire to go back to work and fulfill his dream of retiring (ALIVE and WELL) as a law enforcement officer. Thank you. Thank you. I cannot say it enough. God bless you all for helping ME through this. My world would be MUCH harder without your support. I will fill you in on his recovery as we progress. Love you all.....Jenifer

I think it's best to have her explain - and if she can't do that, find someone who can. Someone you will be able to trust, and hang tight with. Don't be afraid to ask questions, and lots of them - that's what you pay them for. Ask what that assumption is based on, what research has been done to verify that re-gain theory. And, when you are satisfied with the answers, please let us know, as well!!!! Thanks, in advance!

My closet seems to be dwindling in size, so SOMETHING must go. Shoes? No. Dave's clothes? No. Clothes that fit NOW? No. The 3/4-taking-up-space-fat-clothes? Absolutely! I am paying attention (but not obsessively, anymore) to what I am doing, so I should NOT return to that size range. I agree with the above-mentioned: stick within the size or so above/below what you are, and ditch the rest (unless there are fond memories attached). All they can do is bring you down, and you don't need that. And someone could certainly use them. Oh. And if you have EXTRA room after that, either let me know so I can use your space, or GO SHOPPING!!!!!!

I'm thinking they are just not used to seeing you at your current weight, and it is a hard adjustment for them. Your profile says 189lbs, so I'm assuming you are at that weight right now, and I don't think that is too thin - what do your doctors say about it? What do YOU feel about it? I'm at 175, and am content...if I lose more, great. If not, that's ok, too. Right now I don't have a lot of time to think about it, so I am content. The most important thing is to be happy with YOU. 165lbs seems real reasonable, so go for it!!

So where are you on your journey? Are you doing a pre-op diet, then? How long until your surgery? One of the best ways to get trough this phase is to plan. Plan for what your long-term goals are, short term... Plan for activities you want to do once the surgery is done. Start figuring out what styles of clothes you'll be wanting to try, go through your closet and figure out what shoes will go with what. Sort through the clothes you have and decide which will work for your "after-surgery" shrinking phase. Loose and flowy work well while dropping sizes. Go to your local goodwill and other second-hand shops for interim clothing. You can case these places out now, so you know who has what, and get an idea of prices. There are so many things to plan for, so get busy and KEEP busy, it will get you through the rougher times. Start a new hobby that will keep your hands AND mind busy, keeps your mind off food. Munch on LOTS of sugar-free popsicles. LOTS. The thing is to plan for the future...ALWAYS look forward. You are not alone on this journey. Participate in the forums on this site, someone is bound to answer or want to chat. ALWAYS look forward!!!!!!! Good luck to you, sweetie, and keep your chin up!!!!!

I understand your point is in pursuing a lawsuit. So, get all you can IN WRITTEN FORM, before you begin. Documentation is everything, and you will need it. Without it, there's not much hope, so search everywhere you can to get all that has transpired IN WRITING. You may need witness statements, get them in writing. Especially focus on dates of when things occurred/transpired. Without this ammunition, you won't get far. However, you MAY wake up the insurance company enough so they don't continue making these "mistakes", if that will satisfy you. Also, google this, to see if there are other complaints similar in nature, for possible class-action lawsuits against this company. Ask your local BBB (Better Business Bureau) if there are any current actions against this company. These are all starting points, but at least a place to begin. Good luck to you, and I hope you receive satisfaction on this.

Not a lawyer here, either, but a visit to you Attorney General's office might be due. Also, check out your hospital's policy, and ask, ask, ask....anyone who will listen. There might be a specific office/person who deals with this type of stuff professionally. It's definitely worth asking about....good luck and let us know what you find out!