jesslove84

So here goes nothing.. I'm two days away from my surgery date, full of nerves, but ready to start my new life. I'm 30yo and I've been struggling with my weight for over 10 years now. I'm currently 280lbs, 5'4" tall, and I wear a size 22. My BMI is 48. I am not married (yet) and I do not have any kids (yet)! I've been diagnosed with PCOS, Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, and Sleep Apnea. I do suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety. I feel as if everything in my life revolves around my weight. It controls my every move. I go to school worried about being bullied or not fitting into the standard small desks. I apply for a job and wonder if they will judge me because of my size. If I go to a restaurant, I fear not being able to sit at a booth with the rest of my family. If I'm invited to go to a theme park, I cringe thinking about all of the potential rides I will be turned away from because I don't fit. I have limited myself from enjoying life to its fullest potential, and it is time that I make a change. I don't want my weight to bind me anymore. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let another year go by feeling unhealthy, out of breath, and out of shape. I want to have energy! I want to have a family! I want to be healthy! I want to LIVE! I decided that I would have to do something that would take a lot of courage and a lot of dedication to reach my goals, the Gastric Sleeve surgery. I had been researching this specific surgery for over 3 years, but never had the financial opportunity or insurance approval. My insurance company refused to approve my surgery because I didn't have any of their required co-morbidities (ex: Diabetes, Hypertension, etc.). I appealed that decision, and their medical director decided to create new approval parameters for patients like me! After the new changes were implemented, which took about a year, I got back on track with my other requirements and was approved October 2014. My surgery is scheduled for December 30th, just a few days shy of the New Year. For me it’s the moment I've been dreaming about for over a decade. It’s my chance to feel like me, and to look into the mirror and see the REAL me in the reflection. I've been wearing this "fat suit" and lugging around it's baggage for way too long. I know that having this surgery is in no way "taking the easy way out". By reading everyone's blogs and knowing people who have had this surgery done, I know it's not a simple fix. But many have said it's the best thing they've done and wished they would have done it sooner. I'm glad to see that there are so many sites that offer support to those people who are pre & post op like myself. I hope to be a success story as well, and I want to inspire others to never give up. Don't settle for a "less than life". Lift your head up, dust yourself off, and go for what you know you deserve, and LIVE! PS. I want to thank my family and friends, in advance, for their love and support during and I’m sure after my surgery, as well as throughout the years of my food addiction and weight issues. You all have stood by my side when I felt my worst, when I couldn't see the beauty of my soul, and when the light at the end of my tunnel was dim. Thank you for your loyalty, your encouragement, and your support! I love you!