mzknight3

Progress or lack thereof:
I'm tired and have been under a lot of stress lately between work and family... I suspect that this has contributed to the slowing of my weight-loss progress... so, today, I came across this article and I just got so annoyed, and its totally irrational, I know. But I'm still annoyed. http://www.pressroomvip.com/shocking-celebrity-weight-loss/ This is a slide show of celebs before/after pics of losing weight.
 
I know I'm impatient... I know that this is a process to work through... It is so annoying to see these things, though... the annoying part, they are dropping 40, 50, 60, 80, 100 lbs... and many of them look great... I've dropped over 90 lbs... and I still have SO MUCH FURTHER TO GO... I know, its only been 6 months... and over 90 lbs in 6 months is pretty fantastic... in fact... its better than what I have ever accomplished...
 
I wish I could get to the point where people stopped looking at me like a fat girl... I still see it in how people respond to me... Of course, I don't know if that will ever happen... I don't know if I will ever NOT be the fat girl. As I find my new body over the next year, I feel like going through this process will be a little hell-on-earth. My perceptions and where I'm going will continue to not match up with how others see me or how I am perceived.
Does anyone else struggle with stupid things like this?
Trying to keep up:
Last week, I think I overdid it a little. I went on a day-trip to Chicago with a group of friends and walked around the city all day. At the end of the day, my pedometer said I went some 7.5 miles. Of course, I was wearing nicer dress shoes and not walking shoes. My muscles hurt in my legs and lower abs for the next two days. It was difficult to get comfortable. All's I wanted to do was drink and eat, not that I could eat much...
Last night, I participated in a walking group at a nearby mall... we walked almost 5 miles and by the time we finished, I was dizzy and light headed. When I hit 5 miles in a day, its not typically all at once. I was really annoyed that I had to sit down to steady myself for a bit. I wasn't out of breath, just dizzy.
I know I'm pushing myself, but it helps be bring down my stress levels, which are up due to work... also, I am trying to change things up so that I can avoid stagnating over the holidays.
Confidence, on a positive note:
I do have to admit, that as my size is shrinking, my confidence is increasing, especially at work. It has been noticed and commented on by my supervisor and co-workers. I still hesitate or stay quiet in group/social situations, but I'm taking the bull by the horns with my project at work... and I'm feeling grounded enough that I've dusted off my application for my PhD program, which is related to my current job/project... and I will be submitting it in the next month.
My 2nd 5K Race post-op:
On Thanksgiving, I participated in the local 5k Turkey Trot, and I was blown away on how well I did. My 5k walk time for the Turkey Trot was 56:41.5...That is about 15 mins less than the 1:11:15 time I got for the 5k in September! My average pace was about 18 mins...Back when I started tracking my walks over the summer, my first mile walk was just under 30 mins. I'm close to cutting that initial time in half!
Oh, and I didn't come in dead last this time. I was number 3607 of 3745. I still want to lose another 25-30 lbs before I start jogging, because I don't want to put too much pressure on my knees, but with the new year, my goal is to complete 1-5k race each month and want to be jogging/running them by summer.
Dusting off the snowboard:
I've been talking about it all fall. My goal is get out on the slopes again this winter and really learn to snowboard. I've been working for the last 6 months get myself ready. I've pulled out all of my gear, which fits me all again! The pants are a little snug, but yeah, I'll get over that. I was going to go out over thanksgiving, but had a family emergency pop up that messed up those plans. I'm ready to head over to a ski area this weekend. I'd go on Saturday, but have a birthday party to attend in the afternoon and my niece and nephew to watch in the evening. It will have to wait until Sunday.

So here goes nothing.. I'm two days away from my surgery date, full of nerves, but ready to start my new life. I'm 30yo and I've been struggling with my weight for over 10 years now. I'm currently 280lbs, 5'4" tall, and I wear a size 22. My BMI is 48. I am not married (yet) and I do not have any kids (yet)! I've been diagnosed with PCOS, Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, and Sleep Apnea. I do suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety. I feel as if everything in my life revolves around my weight. It controls my every move. I go to school worried about being bullied or not fitting into the standard small desks. I apply for a job and wonder if they will judge me because of my size. If I go to a restaurant, I fear not being able to sit at a booth with the rest of my family. If I'm invited to go to a theme park, I cringe thinking about all of the potential rides I will be turned away from because I don't fit. I have limited myself from enjoying life to its fullest potential, and it is time that I make a change. I don't want my weight to bind me anymore. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let another year go by feeling unhealthy, out of breath, and out of shape. I want to have energy! I want to have a family! I want to be healthy! I want to LIVE!
 
I decided that I would have to do something that would take a lot of courage and a lot of dedication to reach my goals, the Gastric Sleeve surgery. I had been researching this specific surgery for over 3 years, but never had the financial opportunity or insurance approval. My insurance company refused to approve my surgery because I didn't have any of their required co-morbidities (ex: Diabetes, Hypertension, etc.). I appealed that decision, and their medical director decided to create new approval parameters for patients like me! After the new changes were implemented, which took about a year, I got back on track with my other requirements and was approved October 2014.
 
My surgery is scheduled for December 30th, just a few days shy of the New Year. For me it’s the moment I've been dreaming about for over a decade. It’s my chance to feel like me, and to look into the mirror and see the REAL me in the reflection. I've been wearing this "fat suit" and lugging around it's baggage for way too long. I know that having this surgery is in no way "taking the easy way out". By reading everyone's blogs and knowing people who have had this surgery done, I know it's not a simple fix. But many have said it's the best thing they've done and wished they would have done it sooner. I'm glad to see that there are so many sites that offer support to those people who are pre & post op like myself. I hope to be a success story as well, and I want to inspire others to never give up. Don't settle for a "less than life". Lift your head up, dust yourself off, and go for what you know you deserve, and LIVE!
 
PS. I want to thank my family and friends, in advance, for their love and support during and I’m sure after my surgery, as well as throughout the years of my food addiction and weight issues. You all have stood by my side when I felt my worst, when I couldn't see the beauty of my soul, and when the light at the end of my tunnel was dim. Thank you for your loyalty, your encouragement, and your support! I love you!

First, let me apologize if this post is too graphic, I just think its a fabulous way to educate you on a sleeve surgery. When I was at OCC the first week of December I had the amazing opportunity to observe several surgeries. One of them was a gastric sleeve surgery. We know that the sleeve surgery has fabulous results. Our OCC Sleeve patients get results similar to a gastric bypass surgery without all the risks and complications. And this is why...look at what is removed during this surgery. This picture is the removed portion of a stomach from a gastric sleeve surgery. Look at it... look at what it stretches out to when inflated. That is all space you can't fill anymore. AMAZING!! And look... even the part we remove is still AIR TIGHT. Remember, on the remaining stomach our surgeons go back and over suture over the staple line to prevent leaks and prevent stretching - but even this part, the part that is removed is totally air tight. Now that is a safe sleeve.
 
I know sometimes its hard after weight loss surgery to think about what we might be missing... the foods we can't eat (or eat much of) but I am SO thankful for this... because if I could be eating more, chances are I would be eating more... and I wouldn't feel this healthy, I wouldn't be wearing a size 4 jeans, and this would be a stressful time for me, thinking of how much weight I would gain between Thanksgivng and New Years... and I'm under control, my sleeve keeps me under control. So goodbye excess, stretchy, haven't missed you for a minute stomach.... hello healthy, portion controlled life!
 
Again, if this is too graphic, I'm sorry, but I can't think of a better way to share this - it was a huge eye opener for me, hope it is for you too!
 
Here are more pictures for those of you that can "stomach" it
 
http://www.occforum.com/gallery/album/336-sleeve-surgery-educational-a-little-graphic/
 
As always, if you have any questions you can reach me at lori@obesitycontrolcenter.com or 1-866-376-7849 ext. 81