Fatdiva14

Tipping the scale has always been a huge fear factor for me...and yet I've managed to do it several times.
 
The smallest I've been ever in adult years was 120lbs, and I was only 21. I managed to ride the roller coaster of weight gain in small increments and eventually skimmed the edge of the 140lb mark until I was about 26...and pregnant. By the time I gave birth to my son, I was a whopping 227lbs. The weight didn't melt away in my post pregnany workouts. It took a lot of work, appetite suppresant pills, water aerobics and a bunch of whinning. But my body finally gave in, and allowed me to maintain a more curvaceous physique where I hovered over the realm of 160-165lbs. It took time to accept that I would probably never get to 120lbs again, but at least I was comfortable.
 
Fastforward 10 years later, and I am sick to my stomach every time I step on the scale at the doctor's office, or in my bathroom at home. I never imagined that I would weigh 200lbs or more. As of today, I weigh 236lbs, and my body is screaming at me. My once small frame is proportionately lopsided as my stomach bulges out of anything I wear. I refuse to wear pants, unless I absolutely have to wear them...and that is usually when all of my dresses are unavailable waiting to be dry cleaned or washed on the gentle cycle. This summer I found myself buying dresses as often as I could, because I was comfortable. Pants restrict me, and searching for a shirt or blouse to hide the muffin top and wide hips is not a convenience.
 
I remember the first time the scale bypassed the 190 mark and landed on 201. I was devasted. I kicked into high gear and tried every type of diet you can think of...including Weight Watchers. I joined several weightloss clinics and received B12 shots and more appetite suppressant pills. The journey was hard and depressing. I ordered every workout DVD you can think off, including the latest and greatest Shawn T's T25. 
 
In 2012, I found out that I had high blood pressure when my weightloss doctor refused to give me the B12 shot and recommended I head to the emergency room. My BP was 175/123. The light bulb popped on as I was seating in the doctor's office and realized the pain that I endured in my left shoulder and neck for six months prior was most likely the first sign that I was possibly going to stroke out and kill over. I kicked into a more vigilante mode because I had a son to take care of and didn't want to refuse him the right to grow up with a healthy mother. I really don't like taking medication, but I gave in to being medicated for high blood pressure. I vowed to turn my numbes around and work hard to eventually be taken off of the medication.
 
Two years later, here I am, getting over the fact that my blood tests continue to show a decline in my health. I decided this past May after visiting with my primary phyiscian that I should consider the gastric sleeve, based on his recommendation. My phyiscian revealed that every year it seems that I gain ten lbs, and its been a consistent climb for the past five years. I never paid attention to it, or even thought twice about it because I was always eating healthy and trying my best to keep a consistent work out regiment.
 
Once I decided to start the journey, I began making all the necessary pre-op appointments. Since July I've discovered I have sleep apnea and diabetes, which definitely tie into the lack of weight loss I've experienced over the past five years.
 
I have one more month before I will start the approval process.
 
I'm patiently waiting to become a new, healthier version of Me.