OKCPirate

@@CowgirlJane - I'm glad for you. You sound like my girlfriend. When we met, she was only looking for an "adult companion" to do things with. We both have been very happy with the slow rise in intensity and merger. But she had to really work on changing her goals and expectations of a relationship. I had to work very hard at not trying to "sell her" on the idea that the relationship was great (I know I can be a little pushy and manipulative if I don't consciously watch it). But we have had some nice serious conversations about the relationship. I have been so in tune with her that I have never been fearful. After many years of searching, finding "the one" person who doesn't cause you to fear or worry is great. She wrote me a wonderful note where she explained that she finally had to acknowledge she is in love. She is an attorney and has been very guarded with her heart after all the stuff she has been through. So in order for her to give herself permission to be in love, she had to write out the attributes of the relationship and saw that it met every Biblical characteristic for love on an objective level. Once she could wrap her mind around it, her heart followed. So maybe this may be of help to you. Note: Every guy has an old emotional wound. Could be an abandonment issue. He could have dealt with parents with substance abuse, or perfectionist expectations. He could have been embarrassed or berated. And we often create defense mechanism in childhood to protect our wounds. So be sure to really understand his before you discuss this with him so you know how to discuss this with and avoid triggering his defenses. I think women (at least the smart ones) know and see these wounds more clearly in their men that the guys see them. The mean women use this knowledge as a weapon. The loving ones use the knowledge to protect the relationship by not re-injuring the wound and can help in healing. I found out more about my defense mechanisms when I took this inventory: http://www.seinstitute.com/jpaq/. When I was at a point in my life when I wanted to grow beyond where I was, I had some old girlfriends take the test too so I could learn what worked and what didn't by comparing the results. The results were interesting and helped me really understand why those relationships didn't work, but it also helped me understand what I was looking for. For $30, you could have some really interesting discussions.

For most of my adult life I had a 30" inseam, but I noticed last year that I was stepping on the back of my pants. I was sure my legs didn't shrink. I figured out my butt shrank so much, that I need to get my pants taken up. Who knew? So to get back to the original question, I have found that as you go along you really have to go back to the store and see what your size really is again.

@AvaFern:

Sorry, you have the first complaint I have heard of this pre-op. Here is a place to start looking: http://jamesnelsondentistry.com/dry-mouth-xerostomia/ It may have absolutely nothing to do with the diet, but a medication. Let us know.

Different hemisphere, but the same. Just because you are north of the equator and your seasons are different doesn't mean freak outs don't happen. And you should. But I would not have changed anything.

The positive wood comments are true. To make it more interesting is the likely hormone dump that many get during the the most rapid period of weightloss is akin to a second adolescence. So plan on taking your math text book with you everywhere for a couple of months.

@@bayougirlmrsc - so my girlfreind

@@VSGAnn2014 - I agree, and I'm not trying to stereotype all women as being fragile and scared all the time. It's just the difference is stark, and it's a difference guys need to know so they can be a hero to THEIR woman so they don't mindlessly destroy a relationship they value. And that is my bigger point. There are few books that I've found that can explain the needs of women to guys in a way that makes sense from our perspective. All we want is more sex, less complaining (and occasionally dinner). But figuring out "why opening the door for your lady" gets you points has always eluded me until I read this book. I've always done it, but now I'm doing it on purpose because I know why its important to her.

I wish I had really knew just how much the hormone dump was going to resemble adolescence (albeit in my 50's I could handle with more style). It created some interesting situations but also gave me tremendous energy and drive in the gym and bedroom, but would also get me watching chick flicks too. Once I saw some of the threads on this phenomenon it helped me handle it better

It happens, but sounds like you have a good plan to get back on track. You might want to poke around for some of the threads on resetting your sleeve by doing a pre-op diet.

Welcome to our little protein cult[emoji4]

Two to three times a week I mix in steel cut oatmeal and I also use quinoa about once a week. Especially helpful the day before heavy lift days

Men: please pay attention to these stories. This is why it is so vital for you to be trustworthy so the woman in your life has an area of safety. When you walk beside her on the street side to protect her you make her feel protected, but when you charge off in front of her and not pay attention, she does not. Start tapping into your inner hero. I almost got in a fight at Walgreens this morning. some idiot started berating some poor girl working the cash register. She was obviously young and flustered. After his rant I said "dude, at her age you help by teaching and encouraging not yelling, unless you are having to compensate for a micro penis". He left when a couple of people started clapping. So this can be fun too.

"They(men) don't get it". This is one of the things I learned from this book. Very few men are scared for their physical safety on a regular basis. As a result sexual harassment responses from a guy could range from annoyance to being flattered. If we felt our job was on the line our thoughts will turn toward revenge not a fear response. So yes, we don't get it because the fear response is not in our experience.

@@CowgirlJane - Strange thing with the science of attraction, pheromones. It's odd, but women like the way a guy smells there is very subtle "chemistry" that you can't put your finger on, but you ladies know what you like and what makes you relax. One of the points in his book was "if she isn't feeling it, move on." I have ignored that advice to my embarrassment.

I love the green tea flavor myself. Used them all the time for the first few weeks, which is why my energy level was so high. But not everyone likes them (ok, most hate them), but if you do, you have a great leg up.

Yep, and there is a freak out moment, and this calls from hug from bad ass hubby But keep in mind, guys don't get as concerned as your sex. For good or ill, we just don't. So while we may empathize and comfort (or at least we should), we just feel the fear you do. I wonder why they didn't teach this to me when I was an MP? Oh, yeah, that's when no one wanted to admit men and women are different (that does not mean unequal, just different). No wonder chivalry is NOT dead. It's important.

@@mngreeneyes - Pam, yes I have two sisters, but in all honesty, I was not aware of how much fear/concern/angst women felt on a near daily basis until Gotman wrote on it. It explains a great deal. On the other side of the coin, I hope you ladies will start to realize how little understanding guys have about where you are coming from. There isn't a class on this, and if I hadn't stumbled upon this book, I may have lived my entire life without grasping the concept. Thanks for sharing.

Wow ladies, I really had no idea, but I'm starting to get an idea. One interesting study was the effect having a man you trust hold you and the effect on pain. In the experiment, they monitored her pain response to a small electric charge on her ankle. Pain was worse when by herself, slight comfort from a stranger holding her hand, but almost no pain when holding the hand of their significant other. They believe it is from the release of oxicotine in the brain. And that is why it is so important for guys to hold their women when they are upset. It is an amazingly powerful medicine without negative side effects.

@@B-52 - Darn straight, glad I just pulled/hurt my ACL as opposed to popping it when I was 280. That little injury was three weeks of hellish pain (but only when I moved - not that I'm bitter).

I tend toward option #3 - but I still track 85% of the time, and I'm inspired to make a push right now to lose 20 more in the Memorial Challenge. The guys forum has some great before and after shots and the thought of have hardened abs before swim suit season is a compelling goal. But I like my barbaric diet. Most of my carbs are small amounts of veggies and fruit.

@@matt1912 - dang great job at getting a real six pack as opposed to Budweiser variety.

Thank you. I always get concerned I might have made a math error.

That sounds great. My favorite baked chicken recipe is putting hummus on it. What do you think of adding some Ruth Ann to that?

I'm glad everyone has been respectful too. Be careful with the claims in the popular press on health benefits of wine. It's actually much more complicated than "the flavonoids protects you from cancer." Here is an interesting presentation summarizing some of the major studies: http://kisefront02.ki.se/sites/default/files/alcohol_women.pdf The health benefit might be from one glass for women...but that ends with more than one. There is a very slight increase in morbidity as you drink more. But so little that British health officials said to effect "nothing alarming, just warn people to be careful." The most interesting question some researchers are asking is "wine drinkers seem to be more social, and having friends seems to be more important than the wine itself." Wine has been a medicine for 5000 years. Paul in the bible told his protege Timothy to take a little wine for his stomach. But I'm under no illusion that having a glass is going to make me healthier. Hanging around with friends and enjoying laughter might be great medicine, but that is not my motivation ...my motivation is I really enjoy it. Enjoy life, but don't fool yourself over this, I can look at my own family and see the dangers of abuse of alcohol and drugs, but I also enjoy the relaxing properties of drinking. Just be a responsible adult and keep your eyes and mind open.